Say It First
Disclaimer: JKR is queen. Sam Smith is yaasqueen. Books & music fuel my life and my writing, but I [sadly] do not own any rights to these characters or music.
Draco looked down at the mess of brown hair belonging to none other than his former childhood enemy Hermione Granger. She was still sleeping peacefully against his bare chest and he found that concentrating on the simplicity of her breathing in and out was the most effective therapy for the decade's worth of trauma he carried.
As he stroked her cheek in absent thought, he felt her reach up to grab his hand. His worry at waking her dissipated quickly as he felt her interlace her fingers with his own.
"It's early, love, go back to sleep," he whispered gently.
Hermione, seemingly pleased by this, simply squeezed Draco's hand and readjusted her own body against his.
It had been two months now that they'd been doing this – whatever this was. Draco thought back to that day in May when he ran into her at Hogwarts.
In an effort to perform penance, the Malfoy family had been donating many of their own manor's books on the dark arts to the Hogwarts library. Narcissa had been sending them by parcel up until this point, but didn't seem to mind when Draco offered to drop them off himself.
It had been a strange time for the Malfoys after the Battle of Hogwarts. While society had not outright shunned them, whispers still followed wherever they went. And while a childhood of stoicism had groomed him into an expert at ignoring the judgment of others, the guilt of what he had been coerced to do under Voldemort kept Draco inside most days. When he saw his mother packing more books for Hogwarts, he felt his heart pang in longing for the place he had spent the majority of his formative years. It had been just over a year now since the Battle of Hogwarts and he suspected, or maybe hoped more than anything, that the place he had once called home would be more welcoming than the rest of the wizarding world.
After dropping off the books that day, he made his way down toward the Great Lake. He sat at its edge and stared off, breathing in the fresh air and nostalgia of an easier time. Had it really been so long ago that he was just a child, eager to please his father by being the best at everything Hogwarts had to offer? He shook his head – of course it had been that long. All it took was a mental list of those dead to bring him back to his reality.
"Malfoy?" he heard called out from behind him. He let his lids close slowly as he processed whose voice it was. "No. No. NO," he thought, now wishing he hadn't been so greedy to come and visit his alma mater. What was she doing here anyways? Shouldn't she be off signing autographs or kissing babies? She was a war heroine after all.
"Oh, bloody hell. It's just me, Malfoy. I need to talk to you," Hermione said dismissively.
"I couldn't imagine what about," he tried to say arrogantly, though it came off as solemn more than anything.
By this point, Hermione had come to sit next to him. Though she kept a small distance between them, he could feel the heat radiating from her body.
"I just need to know why," she said.
"Why what?"
"You know why. Why you didn't give us up to your family," she pushed.
Draco took a slow and controlled breath. He debated about lying, but ultimately decided against it. The war was over after all, and there were no appearances left to keep up.
"I guess when it came down to it, I couldn't let myself be the one responsible for –"
"For what? Years of torture to Harry, Ron and I and all of a sudden you couldn't be responsible for our deaths? Malfoy, you've used the Cruciatus curse against Harry! Why care all of a sudden?" she asked, now enraged.
"Damn it, Granger. I never said I cared about what happened to them! I just couldn't be responsible for letting him kill – you!" he nearly spat out.
"All the things I did over the years, trying to convince myself of your inferiority... when the moment came and I knew Voldemort wouldn't just kill you, but would do it as painfully as possible to torture Potter...I just, I couldn't live in a world without you in it. Saving Potter and Weasley just came along with it I suppose."
Hermione sat speechless, daring only to look at Draco from the corner of her eyes.
After a prolonged silence, Draco stood up. "Well, nice chat. Looks like you've bested me again, Granger. I'll let you celebrate the victory alone then," he said as began to walk back towards the castle.
"Wait," she started as she reached out to grab his arm. "I don't...I don't know what to say still. But just, please, wait."
A/N: Wrote this in my car during my break between student teaching and my office job. It's a first for me but your reviews will let me know if it's worth doing again. Either way, feels good to be back here and writing again. xo