"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."
This story is a one shot that mainly deals with the pain and remorse that goes on through Oliver after the death of Laurel Lance.
I had just gone through a fan fiction by the author – Phillipe363, the story named "A Eleven-Fifty-Nine fix it fic" and thought that I would write a story regarding this too.
And as usual, I don't own Arrow or any DC comics.
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Oliver stood there.
Like a rotten taste in his head. He could feel the heat rising up to his cheeks, invading his thoughts like he had the need to do something extraordinary to save himself.
He felt like his head would explode. There were things right there, facts for which there was nothing for him to do except revelling on the startling facts that were laid before him, like his heart had been torn open, spilling as his notions and iron clad thoughts that he held so dear.
He felt himself become so vulnerable, that he never thought to become so exposed, like a short wire that would short circuit any moment.
That was Laurel Lance. And the confession that she just made… just made him grow goose bumps all over his toned muscular body.
Just before the unimaginable happened, he just could hardly believe that happened before him.
Laurel went into a seizure and Oliver just backed away.
Just as her heart stopped, he felt his heart stop.
He couldn't breathe.
Only if she had said this sooner.
He would have been there for her.
He would have dated her in a heartbeat, not that he didn't like Felicity, he loved her but that was Laurel.
How much ever he would have suppressed those feelings for Laurel, a part of his heart would always have been reserved for her.
And specially the bond that they shared. The child hood friends that they were, through thick and thin, both of them were always for each other and especially when Oliver dated her, Oliver had been the happiest, but he was young and made mistakes, seeing the prospects that were always before him.
Well, who wouldn't?
He was rich and spoiled. He had everything that a kid could possibly dream of. And when he made the mistake of running with Sara Lance, her sister but sometimes, he was glad that he did it.
Laurel was safe and Sara on the other hand had to go through hellish times.
Oliver knew that won't be anyone like her ever.
She was his childhood best friend.
If only Darhk would have claimed someone else…
Oliver shook his head, baffled.
What was he thinking?
He was losing his mind, thinking of killing someone else in place of Laurel. He would never let anything ever happen to anyone else.
Oliver balled up his fist and started to hit his head.
A self-inflicting pain, he found to prove much safer and much more effective against such trauma, whenever he was subjected to.
But the more he beat himself up, it felt like to him that he was letting himself loose, opening up fresh wounds. Freeing the blocked veins and arteries that held torturous thoughts within him.
Those five years on the island had truly gotten him.
But those initial years had so desperately made him cling to one woman, one woman on who he had so much hopes on.
In spite of all that he did.
She was his home.
Laurel was his home, his everything.
Only that kept him sane for so long that he never thought about it for so very long.
Something he thought would always be locked away in his heart and now snatched right away from him.
This was so sudden. This was so wrong. This was just plain evil. He just couldn't handle it.
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Oliver somehow found his way out of the room which held the wide eyed lifeless body of the yet to be district attorney Laurel Lance.
He just couldn't help himself.
He could barely walk.
His legs felt like lead. It felt like he was walking across thick dark murky waters, that was threatening to pull him down below and he ever let himself be drowned by the pain that he was in and he believe that a part of him wanted to.
He wanted to drown, drown within his sorrows and never resurface from all of that again.
Tears were stinging in his eyes like acid.
Tears were always there to protect his heart.
When tears finally run dry, his heart would be calm and quite once again.
Feeling the clarity inside, he would be left with nothing but the transpicuous sense of being blessed with life once again.
Reborn again.
And then look for beautiful things around him.
And he would find hope, a hope to move on.
But no, Oliver didn't need hope.
He wanted to drown deep within his sorrows.
He didn't want his heart to mend.
He felt like he just lost his home.
A crucial part of himself just lost and nowhere near mending.
He pulled himself up to the wall and allowed the wall to support him.
He waited. Oliver fell down on his knees, his back taking support of the wall.
Now that she mentioned about it, he realised something dark that had been so well hidden inside him like it was a moment of a very harsh truth.
He loved her.
Somewhere deep within, that love was strong and filled with strength but now without her it would always remain a mystery to him.
What if the two of them really had something rather than Felicity and him?
That would never happen. He knew that because the first option was just lost now.
There was absolutely nothing he could do, just like the death of his beloved best friend Tommy Merlyn left him but only this time it was so much worse.
Oliver buried himself between his knees and contemplated.
Can it be really helped that the wound of losing someone so greatly hurts someone so greatly?
Are those tears streaming from wounds instead of blood?
This unrelenting pain is probably eating him inside, leaving him further hollowed out, the hollowed out person that he already was.
The cry of the pain had probably became a wail by now.
As long as he was himself, he would have this unbearable pain in his heart.
However, in time when he would get accustomed to this pain,
The pain will be a proof that he was himself,
The pain would be a proof that he was human the pain was proof that he loved Laurel,
He would have to accept the pain and live through it.
Of course, Oliver new that he did not have to follow after his loved ones to prove the depth if his love.
The proof will always remain in his heart.
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I myself loved the character that Katie Cassidy portrayed of Laurel Lance and I was so sad that the arrow writers thought of removing her, the way they did from the Arrow tv series.
That wasn't the way they should have done, because don't you really think that the character had actually began to grow on all of us and also the epic romance that Oliver and Laurel might have just developed. And also their romance is said to be one of the best power couples of all DC comics.
Just for the sake of keeping Olicity fans alive and flipping happy, they seem to be doing this thing which almost feels like being forced upon and I don't appreciate this at all.
The way they brought Felicity and from then on wards, everything revolved around and with Felicity.
They even made her fight goons by just flinging a Microsoft surface tablet across one of the members of League of Assassin's that was proving to be so difficult for Sara and Oliver, together combined to fend them off. (Somewhere in season 2, I think) .
So is this even possible?
They even gave her a separate episode about her past and bringing Donna Smoak which was again absolutely unnecessary and the arrow writers catering specially, only to the needs of the Felicity fans only.
This isn't the way the show should run.
Anyway please feel free to leave reviews….