The Great Misadventures of The Honorable Pirate Captain from Syrup Village in the East Blue Named Usopp

By Aniperve

Summary: All the collected works of Usopp's adventures as told by Usopp to Kaya. These will be based on the actual adventures of the Straw Hat crew! I'll try to keep up the funny! UsoKaya will come up later! Lots of OOCness

A/N: I do not own One Piece now and nor will I ever own it! Plus, during the story if it goes to italics, it's Usopp and Kaya talking to each other.

Chapter One: Usopp Fights the Terrible Armada at the Sea-Going Restaurant Baratie

The mistress Kaya sat in her bed expectantly. It was just about time for Usopp to come to tell her a story of valour, romance and adventure from his experiences out on the sea. She had always enjoyed Usopp's tall tales, but now that he had come back from his long time out on the sea, they were true…

Or so she thought…

The fact is, the stories and tales are all loosely based on the true adventures of the Straw Hat Crew… Except with Usopp's little twist…

A pebble hit the glass of Kaya's bedside window and Kaya's heart jumped. "He's here!" she said like an excited child waiting up for Santa Claus. She opened the window to see Usopp up in his usual spot on a tree branch in the tree in the yard.

"Hiya Miss Kaya!" he said with a grin.

Kaya smiled happily and giggled. "Usopp! What kind of story will it be today?" She asked almost out of breath.

Usopp laughed. "I don't know where to start!" He said. "After all, since I am a brave warrior of the sea, I have so many experiences to share…"

"No no no!" Kaya said. "Don't do this to me Usopp! I've been waiting for forever to hear one of your stories!" Kaya started panting with anticipation.

Usopp laughed again. "Alright, alright. Howsabout we start at the very beginning? Right after I left the village?"

Kaya nodded. "That'd be great!"

Usopp smiled. "Well… I don't really remember it well, but I'll see what I can do!" There was a pause for when Usopp was "remembering" the story. "Ah yes! I know now! You see, after I had earned the right to be called captain in a duel with Luffy, we headed off into the ocean…"

---

The wind blew into the sails of the Going Merry as Usopp stood on the head of the stem post of the ship. "The sea is kind to us today!" he said to himself. He turned back and shouted, "First Mate Luffy, come here!"

Luffy then walked onto the deck with a piece of meat in his mouth. "Yeth capan?" Luffy asked.

"Ack! Luffy, what do you think you're doing? That's the last of our rations?" Usopp asked.

Luffy blinked and swallowed the meat. "But captain, I was really hungry! And all there was in the galley was this meat, so I ate it!"

Usopp shook his head. "Luffy… See, this is why I'm the captain and you're just the first mate! Now unless we run into a sea going restaurant, we won't come into contact with food for another week!"

"Ah! I'm so sorry captain!" Luffy bowed low on the deck. "I should have known better than to ruin the perfect harmony that you have created on this ship!"

"He really said that?" Kaya asked sounding amazed.

Usopp nodded. "Uh-huh! I can't remember exactly but it was kind of like that."

As if on cue, Nami rushed onto the deck. "Fearless Captain Usopp, I have a solution for our food problem!" She then pulled out a map and point to two different points on the map. "Here is where we are…" she said talking about one of the points. "And over here is were a sea going restaurant is supposed to be…" she said talking about the other point.

Usopp smiled. "Why, that seems to be no less than a night's sailing. Good work Nami!"

Nami smirked and stroked Usopp's cheek as she blushed. "I'd only do it for you, Handsome Captain Usopp…"

"WHAT!" Kaya said angrily.

Usopp panicked. "Uh… Wait, you didn't let me finish!"

Usopp pushed her away and turned back to the ocean. "I'm sorry Nami, but there is only two women for me. One is the ocean… She is a brutal lover, but I always find myself coming back to her!"

"And the other?" asked Nami.

Usopp grinned and turned back to her. "That…"

Usopp took a long pause then. Through this silence you can hear Kaya's heart beating, faster and faster. Usopp continued.

"That… Is for me to know and you to find out!" Usopp laughed full heartedly.

Nami pouted. "Fine! But I'm not giving up on you Heroic Captain Usopp!"

Usopp nodded. "Luffy, tell Zoro to set us a new course for the ocean going restaurant Baratie!"

"Aye aye!" Luffy went back into the cabin and almost immediately, there direction had changed. All was then quiet on the ship, other than Usopp's combat practice. And before he knew it, it was morning. Usopp was tired so he headed to the cabin to sleep.

Hours later he head woken up and he headed onto the deck where his crew had been injured. "What? What could have done this?" Suddenly, Usopp heard a laugh. He looked in it's direction to see two men with sabres.

"So you must be the Pirate Captain Usopp." Said one of them. He was wearing strange headgear and a green jacket.

"You don't look so powerful to us!" said the other. He had a tattoo on his face and he was wearing a blue jacket instead of a green one.

"Who were they?" Kaya asked excitedly.

"Bounty hunters by the name of Johnny and Yosaku!" Usopp said smirking. "They were after my head and the bounty that came with it! I could tell they were ruthless because they took out Zoro, their old partner!"

"So what did you do?" Kaya inquired.

"I pulled out my slingshot and laid down a fierce beating! All the while I had my awesome battle cry!"

Kaya giggled. "And what would that be?"

Usopp cleared his throat and yelled, "No one hurts my nakama and gets away with it!"

Kaya smiled. "Ooo! So cool!"

Usopp nodded. "Anyways, after I beat them…"

Johnny, the one with the tattoo, started to run back to the ship. "Rats! The Dread Captain Usopp is too much for us!"

Yosaku, the one with the headgear, ran too. "It's horrible, brother! Just horrible."

"Where to you think you're going?" Usopp asked as he fired a shuriken star to cut the rope that connected their boat with the Going Merry. "You have hurt my nakama! I'm not letting you get away!"

That is when the ship hit something. "Rats! I wasn't paying attention to where we were sailing! What we hit?"

The stem post had rammed into the side of the Baratie. "Oops…"

"Oh no!" Kaya exclaimed.

"You bet! And not only that, the owner of the place wanted me to work there for a whole year to pay for the damages."

"Well? What'd you do Usopp?"

"Well…" said the owner, Chef Zeff. "I guess there is one thing you could do…"

"What is that?" asked a cautious Usopp.

"Well… There is a little problem we have… A pirate crew wants to take this restaurant from us and use it as there new ship. If you can't stop them from taking it… I'll let you off without any charges."

Usopp lit up. "That's great! I'll take it!" It then dawned on Usopp. "Wait… Which pirate crew?"

Zeff chuckled. "Oh, it's not that bad…" He then murmured, "It's just Don Krieg's Pirate Armada…"

"K-Krieg's Pirate Armada?" Kaya asked with a gasp.

"I don't care who it is! I'll beat them because I'm a brave warrior of the sea!" Usopp laughed and went outside to wait for the pirates to show up.

Later, the rest of the crew joined him after filling up on food. "You're actually gonna take on the pirate armada by yourself?" asked Zoro. Usopp nodded.

"Oh Sexy Captain Usopp, please don't do anything careless… I don't know what I would do without you!"

Luffy then cut in. "I hope I can help at some point!" Luffy said happily.

"No need!" Usopp said. "I have a plan!"

And that's when a giant flagship sailed in. You could see the captain Don Krieg in his large metal suit all the way from the dock.

"Oh boy!" Kaya said, practically jumping.

"Yeah, but then a man named Mihawk came in a cut the ship in half, Nami had stolen our ship and sailed off with it, Mihawk had a duel with Zoro and I made Zoro, Johnny and Luffy go after Nami to get her back.. But those part's are not important! After that all happened, me and Krieg got to fight!"

"What was he like?" Kaya inquired.

"He was an ok fighter." Usopp replied. "But in a match of wits, I was the victor! And that's saying something! Don Krieg was a ruthless fighter without scruples! He pulled every trick in the book! I couldn't find an opening for my finishing blow. That is, until…"

Krieg's shield opened up and Krieg put on a weird mask. "You fight well, Captain Master Usopp. But I'm afraid it's time for me to end this! From this shield I shall shoot the deadliest of all my weapons, the MH5 Poison Gas Bomb!"

Then it hit Usopp. "Poison gas… That's it!"

"Say goodbye Marvellous Captain Usopp!" Krieg said laughing evilly.

"Not so fast! Sure-Kill Flame Star!" Usopp shot a flaming ball at the shield at the same time Krieg fired the MH5. The impact was enough to activate the bomb and the gas was released near Don Krieg instead of Usopp.

"Pah! So what? I've got my gas mask! I'll just fire another!" Krieg said.

The gas then caught fire and exploded. Flames engulfed the flotsam and Don Krieg was sent flying into the ocean.

Usopp chuckled. "With the combination of that heavy metal armor and the injuries from the expolsion, I doubt he'll be coming back!"

The restaurant filled with an uproar of cheers. Usopp smiled as the crowd chanted his name.

"Usopp! Usopp!"

Then, the peg-legged owner of the came out to thank Usopp. "Thank you Wonderful Captain Usopp for saving my restaurant. I just wish there was someway I could repay you…"

Usopp thought. "Well… My crew needs a cook! Can you provide me with one of yours?"

Zeff nodded. "Of course! Anything for the Magnificent Captain Usopp!" Zeff turned back to the restaurant and shouted, "Sanji! Get over here!"

A blonde man with a cigarette in his mouth walked over. "Yes you old fart?" he asked.

Zeff pointed to Usopp. "You are part of this man's pirate crew whether you like it or not!"

Sanji shrugged. "Eh, whatever. I'm Sanji, nice to meet you!"

---

"… So then Yosaku, Sanji and I took a boat from Baratie and sailed off to Arlong Park to search for Nami! But I'll never forget that restaurant where even to this day, they still call me captain!" Usopp smiled. "That's it for today! I'll come by tomorrow to tell you another!"

Kaya smiled. "Alright!" Usopp got down from the tree and started to walk off. "Um… Usopp?" Kaya said quietly.

Usopp looked back and walked over to the window. "Yes Miss Kaya?"

Kaya looked away and blushed. "I'm glad you're back…"

Usopp blinked and then grinned. "So am I Miss Kaya… So am I!"

--

A/N: Just a little note, the reason the story seems so rushed is because that's how I imagine Usopp would tell it! Next chapter will have more UsoKaya in it!