Author's notes: This, my friends, is an interlude, between my season on series "Sight Unseen" and my summer series which currently has no title (although I am taking suggestions...beta boos? Any ideas?). It's a total and shameless shipper lovin' fic, set after the season finale "And Jesus Brought A Casserole." The song is by Stevie Nicks, called "Love Is." I thought it fit pretty well with the theme and plot of this story. Thanks to my amazing beta girls, Lady Callie and Evil Twin. Thanks to Aurora for the music videos that helped me keep Max and Logan in mind as I wrote this story. A special shout out to Jessica Alba and Michael Weatherly for bringing life and believability to their characters, and for proving that love knows no age limits. As always, I don't own the characters; they ain't mine, they're Jim and Chick's. Hope you all enjoy the fic!
______________________________________________________________________________________________
~~Foggle Towers~~
Logan stood in the living room looking out the large windows and watching the rainfall. He touched the glass lightly and remembered standing there with Max not long ago, wanting to kiss her, telling her he knew who she was, falling, laughing, kissing her. He remembered other times they'd spent in the living room, playing chess or sharing wine by candlelight, talking about poetry and sharing good-natured barbs. He remembered when Tinga, Charlie and Case had been here, and Max had fought back tears as she watched Manticore tear apart her sister's family. Oh God, Charlie. He still didn't know about Tinga, or Max. Logan knew he should go and tell the man about his dead wife, but he was in too much pain over his own loss.
He had loved Max. She was the kind of woman he could envision himself spending the rest of his life with. She made him feel things he had never felt with Val, things he had been too afraid to feel with Val. He should have told Max how he felt. He had told her they had all the time in the world, that he wasn't going to let her out of his sight. But they hadn't had all the time in the world and he had let her out of his sight. And now she was gone.
God, how he loved her. He loved everything about her. Her smile, her eyes, her hair, her skin, her attitude, her unnerving way of coming on strong and not apologizing for herself, the way she made you an unwitting member of a staring contest. He loved the good and the bad. He remembered once during a brownout she had come for dinner and stayed for a seizure. He remembered watching her collapse onto the couch and shake violently. He never forgot the look in her eyes or the way her voice sounded when she begged him not to leave her. That was the first time he had realized he was falling for her. And how he had fought it.
They both had, even after everything that happened. Even after the kiss. After she had transfused him. After she had been arrested trying to save him. After everything. Why had they wasted so much time denying to everyone and themselves how much was between them? He would give up everything, even his newfound ability to walk, just to be able to go back and tell her he loved her, just to go back and warn her before the gun went off, save her, something. She was either dead or back at Manticore. Either way, he had failed her.
"Logan," Bling said, coming up behind him. He had a steaming mug of tea in his hand. He wanted Logan to get some sleep. His friend had barely eaten or slept in days. "Have some tea."
Logan didn't turn around, "No thanks Bling."
Bling sighed, "Come on man, it's just tea." He stepped to Logan's side and offered it to him. "Original Cindy made me promise I'd get you to drink it. If you don't, she's threatened to put the smack down on both of our asses."
Logan half chuckled and turned to Bling, "Okay, okay, you two win, I'll drink the tea."
Smiling self satisfactorily, Bling handed Logan the cup and suggested he sit down to drink it, "You haven't eaten a hell of a lot, my friend. You're weak and you might drop the cup."
Logan sat down begrudgingly and raised a brow, "You two gonna force feed me now?"
"Only if we have to," Bling replied and left Logan to his own devices. The man had been brooding and grieving for days, and nothing could shake him out of it. Max's brother and sister had tried, but had eventually given up and gone on their way. Lydecker had vanished not long after returning to Seattle. Bling half suspected Logan set him up in a safe house as his last Eyes Only act before he shut down, mentally and emotionally. Logan had been virtually catatonic for a week. It had scared the hell out of Cindy.
Original Cindy had been crashing at Logan's in the guestroom since Max's death. She said she couldn't stay at their place. It held too many memories. She had barely seen Max and Logan together in his apartment, so she had asked if she could stay. Bling had given her permission while Logan was incapacitated.
He had come out of the catatonia for some reason, but he still grieved. He went to the Space Needle virtually every night. Eyes Only sat neglected and dormant in the computer room. Logan was truly grieving. He had truly loved Max. Bling had never seen a man so broken by such a loss. He felt for his friend.
Entering the kitchen, Bling saw Cindy washing dishes. "Did he take the tea?"
"Yeah," Bling said with a half smile as he sat at the counter and began munching on an apple.
"How is he?" Original Cindy asked, joining Bling.
"Still brooding," Bling said. "He probably won't eat anytime soon."
Just then, they heard a crash come form the living room. Cindy took a bite out of Bling's apple and grinned, "At least he'll sleep," she said, taking the bottle of sleeping pills from her pocket.
Bling nodded, "Remind me to thank Sebastian after we're far enough away from Logan. He's gonna kill us for drugging him."
Cindy scoffed, "Tough shit. He needed to sleep." She looked down, "Max wouldn't have wanted him destroying himself like this."
Bling reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, "Come on, help me get him to bed."
* * *
"How you feeling, baby sister?" Brin asked, walking into Max's hospital room at Manticore.
Max did not speak to her sister. It wasn't Brin. It was X-5 734. Lydecker was right. Her sister was dead. She was nothing more than Renfro's bitch, her lapdog, her go to girl. She was not the sister Max loved. Now Max was grieving the death of three siblings: Tinga, Zack, and Brin.
Brin stood over Max, who was still in restraints, and looked down at her, "Don't fight it, Maxie. Let them welcome you home."
"This isn't my home," Max said listlessly. "This isn't my home." She turned her head away from X-5 734 and closed her eyes. Seattle was her home. Jam Pony and Original Cindy and Kendra was her home. Logan was her home.
Brin bent down and kissed Max's temple, "You'll see, Maxie. This *is* your home. You'll see." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe. "Madame told me to give this to you if I thought you needed rest." She began injecting the sedative into Max's IV. "You need your rest, Maxie. When you're stronger, your head will be clearer and you'll see that this is the best place for you."
Max did not respond. Nor did she try to fight off the effects of the drug.
Brin waited until she saw Max's eyes close before she left the room. Renfro was waiting outside.
"How's our girl?"
Brin stood at attention, "Still depressed, ma'am."
Renfro smiled sympathetically, "Don't worry, X-5 734. Once X-5 452 undergoes the reprogramming, she'll be just like the sister you remember. Maybe better."
"Thank you ma'am," Brin said stoically.
"Dismissed," Renfro said, turning to look in on the sleeping Max. "Why are you fighting us?" she whispered. "This is you're home."
* * *
Max found herself standing on top of the Space Needle. The wind was cool and the air was damp, as though it had just rained. She smiled as she felt the wind whip back her hair. She was home. She knew she was dreaming, but she didn't care. At least in her dreams, she was free of Manticore. In her dreams she could pretend everything was still all good all the time, that she didn't have Zack's heart in her chest, and that she and Logan were together.
Every time she dreamed, she looked for Logan. But he never showed. She wondered, briefly, if she was looking for him in the wrong place. But then she resolved that she was where she was supposed to be, and he would find her. He loved her. She knew he did.
She just wondered where he was.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps clang on the metal behind her. Max smiled as she felt a pair of strong arms encircle her waist. Warm breath tickled her ear and a five o'clock shadow lightly scratched her skin. She rested her head against the man's chest and reached up with one arm, running her fingers through his spiky hair.
"I've been waiting for you," she murmured, her eyes closed as she inhaled his familiar and intoxicating scent.
"I know," he replied, his voice soft and gruff. "I'm sorry. I was... detained."
Max turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Kiss me. Please. I miss you so much."
Logan smiled, joy welling inside him, and he obeyed, bending down slightly to kiss her. His lips met hers lightly, tentatively. She pulled him closer to her and kissed him gently. His hands fumbled slightly until they found purchase, one on the small of her back, the other in her thick, dark hair. He felt her kissing him with greater intensity, and he took the chance to explore her mouth. She opened it to him eagerly and he began his exploration. Soon, they were dueling, their tongues searching and exploring, tasting and enjoying. Their kiss was now full of passion and longing.
Suddenly, a sob escaped Logan's lips and he pulled away, shocked, embarrassed, and grieved. He backed away from her, ashamed. Curiously, she walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He wouldn't look at her. Max stepped in front of him and was shocked to find tears streaming down his face. "Logan?" she asked, reaching up to wipe the tears from his face. "What's wrong?"
He took her in his arms and wept into her hair, "I'm so sorry Max. I said I had you. I should have warned you. I should have tried harder to save you. I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry. God, I miss you so much." Logan held her tightly, their bodies shaking with the force of his sobs. "I didn't want to let you go. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to save you. I'm so sorry Max."
Startled, Max held him tightly, rubbing his back and murmuring soothingly to him. They sank to the surface of the Space Needle and she rocked him, trying to comfort him. "Logan," she said gently. "Logan listen to me." His weeping subsided slightly and he looked up. Max took his face in her hands, tears streaming down her own face. "Logan, listen to me. Don't apologize. It isn't your fault. It just happened. You couldn't have seen it coming."
"But, now you're dead," he whispered brokenly. "You're gone."
She smiled, "I'm gonna tell you a secret, okay?" Like a little boy, Logan nodded his head. Max leaned forward and whispered in his ear, her soft lips tickling his sensitive skin, her breath warm and sweet. He heard her inhale before she spoke. "Logan, I'm not dead."
Startled, Logan pulled away. "What?" He reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek. She turned her face into his palm and nuzzled it softly. "Oh my god," he breathed. "It is you. You're alive."
"I guess we're sharing a dream again," she said wryly.
"But," Logan began, astonished. "How? I watched you die."
A cold breeze blew across the Space Needle and she shivered. "Tell you what," she said standing. "I'll tell you, but first, let's get out of here." Max extended her hand to him and he took it firmly. They walked to the edge of the Needle.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Home," she whispered. Without further discussion, they jumped off the Space Needle. Despite the fact that they were falling through the void, Logan was not afraid. He was with Max. All was well. He was more than a little surprised, however, when they landed on his couch.
"Max, why are we here?" he asked.
Silently, Max crawled into his lap and buried her face in his shoulder. "You're more than just my family, Logan," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're my home."
Logan held her powerful, petite form close to his and tried and to warm her. They sat in silence for a long time, holding each other, comforted by each other's presence. As if on cue, music began to play softly I the background. Logan kissed her head and neck every so often, reassuringly, loving. He couldn't believe he was holding her. "Max," he asked gently. "How are you alive? Where are you? I watched you die." He gulped. "You died in my arms."
She pulled away slightly and rested her forehead against his, "I was dead. They brought me into Manticore anyway. They brought Zack too." A pained statement crossed her face. "They tried to revive me, but once of my ventricles had collapsed. I was gone. Zack wouldn't accept it. He killed a guard and held a gun on Renfro. They told him they needed a transplant, but her heart wouldn't be a match. I needed an X-5 heart." Max stopped, tears welling in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat.
"Oh god, Max," Logan said, understanding.
Max continued, "He said, Zack told me to fight them. He made me promise." She began to weep. "When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. Renfro told me what he'd done. She said he must have loved me very much. She called him a martyr. She said we had both come home." Max wept openly, her tiny body wracked with sobs.
"Shh," Logan said, wiping the tears from her face. He kissed her gently on the lips.
"That's not my home Logan," Max said sadly. "You are. I can't stay there."
"You won't," he promised. "I'm going to do everything I can to get you out." He kissed her crown of hair, "Zack did love you, very much. I know he did, because-" Logan stopped.
"Because what?" Max pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. "Because what, Logan?"
He stared into her large, dark eyes, "Because I would have done the same thing, if it meant saving you. I love you too much to let you die."
"Oh God," Max said, throwing her arms around him. "Please don't say that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you sacrificed yourself like that for me. It's hell enough living with Zack's sacrifice. I don't know how I'd handle it if I had your heart in me." She kissed his cheek, his eyes, his nose, and then his lips, lightly.
"You do," he whispered. "You have my heart."
"I love you Logan," she confessed. "That's what I wanted to tell you, out there in the woods when I knew I was dying."
"I know," he said, remembering each horrible moment of the night she had died. He rested his forehead against hers and rested his hands on her slender waist. She draped her arms over his shoulders and they stared at each other, gazing into each other's eyes, as if trying to memorize their souls.
"We're such a mess," Max remarked after a while, causing Logan to chuckle. It felt good to laugh. He listened to the music in the air. "Hey," he said. "Listen."
Max perked up slightly and listened to the music floating through the dreamscape replica of Logan's apartment. "Sibelius," she said finally.
"Valise Triste," he finished, remembering when they had listened to it in his car, and in their first shared dream.
"Too sad," she said, frowning.
Logan thought for a moment and smiled. "Dance with me," he requested, holding out a hand to her. "I can walk now."
"I always said it was mind over matter," she replied, taking hold of his hand and letting him pull her to her feet. She found safety in the circle of his arms and they began to waltz, as they had in their first dream. Max felt as though she was floating, flying. In Logan's arms, Manticore was a million miles away. In Logan's arms, she was home, safe, and free of worry and pain.
They danced for a long time, until the song finally played out. "Don't let go," she pleaded when the song ended. "I want more."
He swooped down and kissed the corner of her mouth, "I won't let go, I promise. We'll dance some more, if that's what you want."
*Do you know what this is
No, I don't
But whatever it is
It's very powerful *
"Max," Logan murmured in her ear as they swayed in time to the music. "Max I don't know how much longer this is going to last, and I have so much I want to tell you."
"Okay," Max replied, resting her head against his chest.
*Have you felt this way before
Oh, I thought I knew
Do you know that I love you now
Oh yes, I do
Love is...
You've got the softest lips*
"I just wanted you to know that I love you so much. You're the only one for me. You make me feel things I never thought I could. You make me feel things I was too afraid to feel with Valerie. I could never have loved her the way I love you." It was a confession Logan had wanted to make for the longest time, since even before Max had been shot.
*You know that I cannot stay
Yes, I know
It has nothing to do
With you or with love
Oh, yes it does*
Max bowed her head and would not look at him. "Max," he tipped her chin with her forefinger, forcing her to look at him. "What is it?" Logan hoped he hadn't scared her with his profession of love. It was just that he'd felt so urgently that he needed to tell her. It couldn't have waited.
She sighed, "Do you know how hard it is going to be to leave you after that?" Max leaned forward and rested her head on his chest. Logan sighed and placed his hands on her back, lightly running his fingers in circles. "I don't know what I hate more," Max continued. "The thought that this might be the last time I see you, or the thought that it's not." She looked up at him and slowly reach up to touch his face, "Logan, the part at the end of the night where we say goodbye is only going to get harder if this keeps up."
"I know," Logan replied. "But don't think about that now. We have each other, right now. That's all that matters." He pulled her to him, "Let's dance."
*Love is...
You've got the softest lips
Love is...
The touch of your fingertips
Love is...
Knowing you won't let go*
Max and Logan continued to dance to the song that was on continuous playback in the dreamscape. Even thought it was on continuous repeat, they did not get sick of. They were too content to move in the small circles, to run their fingers over each other's skin, the get their fingers caught in each other's hair, to feel each other breathe against them. They were too caught up in enjoying the moment, precious and fleeting, that they were being given in the dreamscape.
Max kissed Logan's chest and asked, "Are you ever sorry we met?"
"No," he said, grinning sexily. "Not once have I ever been sorry."
"I'm sorry," she began. Logan started slightly and she chuckled. "Let me finish." Max settled herself back comfortably in his arms and they continued to dance. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you better, back when we met." Her eyes, instead of darting away, surprisingly looked straight into Logan's. "I've always felt responsible for what happened to you."
Logan's eyes widened, "I didn't see you firing a gun at me." He nuzzled her face a little, "Max, it wasn't your fault. If you had been there, Lydecker would have found you a long time ago and you would have ended up back at Manticore way before this."
"I'm still sorry though," she said somewhat indignantly.
"Don't be," he admonished good-naturedly. "I wouldn't change a thing if it meant getting to know you as well as I have." He could see the doubt in her eyes. "Honest. On my honor and my Eyes Only secret decoder ring."
Max chuckled.
*She awakens things
That he said he thought were dead
He says, are you happy now
Oh yes, I am
But when it's over
How then will you feel
Will you miss those arms that used to go
Around you*
"I don't want to leave," she murmured.
"I know," he replied, kissing her. "But I gotta figure, if we can do it once, we can do it again." He grinned. "Especially if Bling and Cindy keep drugging me to sleep."
Max laughed, "They didn't."
"Oh yeah," Logan replied. "Put a Mickey in my tea." His eyes grew cloudy, "And since you don't sleep, I gotta figure they've got you sedated."
Max nodded and took his hand, pulling him over to the couch. "Just hold me," she pleaded. "I don't want to leave."
"I'll never let go," Logan promised, taking her securely into his arms. "Max," he said in her ear. "You need to be strong. You need to fight them. I'm going to find you. I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said tiredly, lazily running her fingers over his arms.
"I will," Logan said, squeezing her for emphasis.
"I might hold you to that," she replied.
"I expect you to."
*So she stood there in the hallway frozen
In the dark
And her heart broke down
She cried
She fell to the floor*
Max stiffened in his arms. "It's almost time," she whispered. "Can't you feel it?"
Logan paused. He could. He felt the pull of consciousness. "Yes."
She began to pull away from his arms, "Maybe I should just walk away now. I've never been any good at drawn out good-byes." Max rose and began retreating.
"Wait!" Logan cried, going after her. He grabbed Max by the arm and held her fast. She refused to look at him. "Max, please, don't do this," he begged. He heard her sniffle and he embraced her from behind. "Don't run away while we still have time."
"No time," she said sadly. "There's never enough time."
"No," he admitted.
"You said we would have all the time in the world."
"We still will," Logan promised whole-heartedly.
*One tear slid across her lips
To the corner of her mouth
Love is...
And dropped to the floor*
"Logan, please," Max begged, turning to face him, placing her hands on his chest over his heart. "Please don't make this harder than it's going to be. I don't want to have to say goodbye to you."
"Then don't," he whispered, pulling her to him. "I swear to you I'm going to get you out of there so fast you're head will spin." He smiled, "And even if it takes a little longer I'll always be here, waiting for you."
She pointed a finger at him playfully, "The more you say that the more likely I'm going to hold you to it."
But Logan could hear the sadness in her voice, underneath the playfulness. "Max," he said gently. "You need to fight them. You need to stay strong."
"*You* helped me be strong," she told him honestly. "You got me through everything last year. I owe you so much."
*Love is...
You've got the softest lips
Love is...
The touch of your fingertips
Ooh, she says love is
Knowing you wont let go*
"You don't owe me anything," he replied, kissing her tenderly. "I love you." He could feel consciousness tearing them apart.
"I love you too," Max said, desperately trying to hang on to him. She looked at Logan and found him suddenly miles away, dragged, pulled and stretched. "I love you!"
*Love is...
Watching you go
You're so very powerful
Love is... *
"Don't forget where your home is!" he called.
It was the last thing Max heard before she woke.
* * *
"Good morning, X-5 452," Renfro said, smiling down at Max. "Sleep well?"
Max held her tongue.
Madame Bitch shrugged, "Keep silent if you wish. I truly hope you got some rest though." A smile bigger than Max had ever seen crossed the woman's features. "This morning you start your reprogramming."
* * *
"Uh oh, he's awake," Bling said to Cindy as they sat in the kitchen sipping coffee. Bling had stayed the night to help Original Cindy deal with Logan in case he woke up. Which he hadn't. Not until now.
Logan trudged out into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. As Bling and Original Cindy watched, he downed the whole mug. Pouring himself another cup, he looked at them. "That was one hell of sleeping pill you gave me."
"Actually Boo," Cindy said slowly. "It was three."
Logan considered this, "That would explain it."
"You needed your sleep man," Bling said rationally.
"I know," Logan replied.
*Am I happy
Yes I am
Do I know you love me now
Yes I do
Do I know you cannot stay
I know
All about love
All about love*
He smiled at them, "Who wants breakfast?"
"You cooking?" Bling asked.
Logan nodded.
Original Cindy raised a brow, "Dayum boy, you musta had a phat dream."
Logan pursed his lips, "You could say that. I'll tell you over breakfast." In half an hour, Logan had made chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry topping and whipped cream, sausages and bacon, a citrus fruit salad, fresh squeezed orange juice, and another pot of coffee. He set the table for a surprised Bling and Original Cindy and waited to tell them his tale until they were eating. The three adults helped themselves to the large meal. Logan, not surprisingly, ate the most. Cindy and Bling watched with amusement. Eventually, Logan looked up sheepishly, "Guess I was a little hungry, huh?"
"Guess so," Bling replied.
"Uh huh," Original Cindy added. She locked her fingers together and rested her chin on them. "So, are you gonna tell Original Cindy and her brothah about your dream or what?"
Logan smiled, "Well, I just can't shake this feeling that Max is alive..."
*You're so very powerful*
~~End~~
______________________________________________________________________________
Well? What did you think? Did you like it? Hate it? Leave me a review. It's the nice thing to do. ? Look for the Summer Series soon. I was serious about taking title submissions, especially from my beta boos, who already know the plotline for the first chapter.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
~~Foggle Towers~~
Logan stood in the living room looking out the large windows and watching the rainfall. He touched the glass lightly and remembered standing there with Max not long ago, wanting to kiss her, telling her he knew who she was, falling, laughing, kissing her. He remembered other times they'd spent in the living room, playing chess or sharing wine by candlelight, talking about poetry and sharing good-natured barbs. He remembered when Tinga, Charlie and Case had been here, and Max had fought back tears as she watched Manticore tear apart her sister's family. Oh God, Charlie. He still didn't know about Tinga, or Max. Logan knew he should go and tell the man about his dead wife, but he was in too much pain over his own loss.
He had loved Max. She was the kind of woman he could envision himself spending the rest of his life with. She made him feel things he had never felt with Val, things he had been too afraid to feel with Val. He should have told Max how he felt. He had told her they had all the time in the world, that he wasn't going to let her out of his sight. But they hadn't had all the time in the world and he had let her out of his sight. And now she was gone.
God, how he loved her. He loved everything about her. Her smile, her eyes, her hair, her skin, her attitude, her unnerving way of coming on strong and not apologizing for herself, the way she made you an unwitting member of a staring contest. He loved the good and the bad. He remembered once during a brownout she had come for dinner and stayed for a seizure. He remembered watching her collapse onto the couch and shake violently. He never forgot the look in her eyes or the way her voice sounded when she begged him not to leave her. That was the first time he had realized he was falling for her. And how he had fought it.
They both had, even after everything that happened. Even after the kiss. After she had transfused him. After she had been arrested trying to save him. After everything. Why had they wasted so much time denying to everyone and themselves how much was between them? He would give up everything, even his newfound ability to walk, just to be able to go back and tell her he loved her, just to go back and warn her before the gun went off, save her, something. She was either dead or back at Manticore. Either way, he had failed her.
"Logan," Bling said, coming up behind him. He had a steaming mug of tea in his hand. He wanted Logan to get some sleep. His friend had barely eaten or slept in days. "Have some tea."
Logan didn't turn around, "No thanks Bling."
Bling sighed, "Come on man, it's just tea." He stepped to Logan's side and offered it to him. "Original Cindy made me promise I'd get you to drink it. If you don't, she's threatened to put the smack down on both of our asses."
Logan half chuckled and turned to Bling, "Okay, okay, you two win, I'll drink the tea."
Smiling self satisfactorily, Bling handed Logan the cup and suggested he sit down to drink it, "You haven't eaten a hell of a lot, my friend. You're weak and you might drop the cup."
Logan sat down begrudgingly and raised a brow, "You two gonna force feed me now?"
"Only if we have to," Bling replied and left Logan to his own devices. The man had been brooding and grieving for days, and nothing could shake him out of it. Max's brother and sister had tried, but had eventually given up and gone on their way. Lydecker had vanished not long after returning to Seattle. Bling half suspected Logan set him up in a safe house as his last Eyes Only act before he shut down, mentally and emotionally. Logan had been virtually catatonic for a week. It had scared the hell out of Cindy.
Original Cindy had been crashing at Logan's in the guestroom since Max's death. She said she couldn't stay at their place. It held too many memories. She had barely seen Max and Logan together in his apartment, so she had asked if she could stay. Bling had given her permission while Logan was incapacitated.
He had come out of the catatonia for some reason, but he still grieved. He went to the Space Needle virtually every night. Eyes Only sat neglected and dormant in the computer room. Logan was truly grieving. He had truly loved Max. Bling had never seen a man so broken by such a loss. He felt for his friend.
Entering the kitchen, Bling saw Cindy washing dishes. "Did he take the tea?"
"Yeah," Bling said with a half smile as he sat at the counter and began munching on an apple.
"How is he?" Original Cindy asked, joining Bling.
"Still brooding," Bling said. "He probably won't eat anytime soon."
Just then, they heard a crash come form the living room. Cindy took a bite out of Bling's apple and grinned, "At least he'll sleep," she said, taking the bottle of sleeping pills from her pocket.
Bling nodded, "Remind me to thank Sebastian after we're far enough away from Logan. He's gonna kill us for drugging him."
Cindy scoffed, "Tough shit. He needed to sleep." She looked down, "Max wouldn't have wanted him destroying himself like this."
Bling reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, "Come on, help me get him to bed."
* * *
"How you feeling, baby sister?" Brin asked, walking into Max's hospital room at Manticore.
Max did not speak to her sister. It wasn't Brin. It was X-5 734. Lydecker was right. Her sister was dead. She was nothing more than Renfro's bitch, her lapdog, her go to girl. She was not the sister Max loved. Now Max was grieving the death of three siblings: Tinga, Zack, and Brin.
Brin stood over Max, who was still in restraints, and looked down at her, "Don't fight it, Maxie. Let them welcome you home."
"This isn't my home," Max said listlessly. "This isn't my home." She turned her head away from X-5 734 and closed her eyes. Seattle was her home. Jam Pony and Original Cindy and Kendra was her home. Logan was her home.
Brin bent down and kissed Max's temple, "You'll see, Maxie. This *is* your home. You'll see." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe. "Madame told me to give this to you if I thought you needed rest." She began injecting the sedative into Max's IV. "You need your rest, Maxie. When you're stronger, your head will be clearer and you'll see that this is the best place for you."
Max did not respond. Nor did she try to fight off the effects of the drug.
Brin waited until she saw Max's eyes close before she left the room. Renfro was waiting outside.
"How's our girl?"
Brin stood at attention, "Still depressed, ma'am."
Renfro smiled sympathetically, "Don't worry, X-5 734. Once X-5 452 undergoes the reprogramming, she'll be just like the sister you remember. Maybe better."
"Thank you ma'am," Brin said stoically.
"Dismissed," Renfro said, turning to look in on the sleeping Max. "Why are you fighting us?" she whispered. "This is you're home."
* * *
Max found herself standing on top of the Space Needle. The wind was cool and the air was damp, as though it had just rained. She smiled as she felt the wind whip back her hair. She was home. She knew she was dreaming, but she didn't care. At least in her dreams, she was free of Manticore. In her dreams she could pretend everything was still all good all the time, that she didn't have Zack's heart in her chest, and that she and Logan were together.
Every time she dreamed, she looked for Logan. But he never showed. She wondered, briefly, if she was looking for him in the wrong place. But then she resolved that she was where she was supposed to be, and he would find her. He loved her. She knew he did.
She just wondered where he was.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps clang on the metal behind her. Max smiled as she felt a pair of strong arms encircle her waist. Warm breath tickled her ear and a five o'clock shadow lightly scratched her skin. She rested her head against the man's chest and reached up with one arm, running her fingers through his spiky hair.
"I've been waiting for you," she murmured, her eyes closed as she inhaled his familiar and intoxicating scent.
"I know," he replied, his voice soft and gruff. "I'm sorry. I was... detained."
Max turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Kiss me. Please. I miss you so much."
Logan smiled, joy welling inside him, and he obeyed, bending down slightly to kiss her. His lips met hers lightly, tentatively. She pulled him closer to her and kissed him gently. His hands fumbled slightly until they found purchase, one on the small of her back, the other in her thick, dark hair. He felt her kissing him with greater intensity, and he took the chance to explore her mouth. She opened it to him eagerly and he began his exploration. Soon, they were dueling, their tongues searching and exploring, tasting and enjoying. Their kiss was now full of passion and longing.
Suddenly, a sob escaped Logan's lips and he pulled away, shocked, embarrassed, and grieved. He backed away from her, ashamed. Curiously, she walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He wouldn't look at her. Max stepped in front of him and was shocked to find tears streaming down his face. "Logan?" she asked, reaching up to wipe the tears from his face. "What's wrong?"
He took her in his arms and wept into her hair, "I'm so sorry Max. I said I had you. I should have warned you. I should have tried harder to save you. I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry. God, I miss you so much." Logan held her tightly, their bodies shaking with the force of his sobs. "I didn't want to let you go. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to save you. I'm so sorry Max."
Startled, Max held him tightly, rubbing his back and murmuring soothingly to him. They sank to the surface of the Space Needle and she rocked him, trying to comfort him. "Logan," she said gently. "Logan listen to me." His weeping subsided slightly and he looked up. Max took his face in her hands, tears streaming down her own face. "Logan, listen to me. Don't apologize. It isn't your fault. It just happened. You couldn't have seen it coming."
"But, now you're dead," he whispered brokenly. "You're gone."
She smiled, "I'm gonna tell you a secret, okay?" Like a little boy, Logan nodded his head. Max leaned forward and whispered in his ear, her soft lips tickling his sensitive skin, her breath warm and sweet. He heard her inhale before she spoke. "Logan, I'm not dead."
Startled, Logan pulled away. "What?" He reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek. She turned her face into his palm and nuzzled it softly. "Oh my god," he breathed. "It is you. You're alive."
"I guess we're sharing a dream again," she said wryly.
"But," Logan began, astonished. "How? I watched you die."
A cold breeze blew across the Space Needle and she shivered. "Tell you what," she said standing. "I'll tell you, but first, let's get out of here." Max extended her hand to him and he took it firmly. They walked to the edge of the Needle.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Home," she whispered. Without further discussion, they jumped off the Space Needle. Despite the fact that they were falling through the void, Logan was not afraid. He was with Max. All was well. He was more than a little surprised, however, when they landed on his couch.
"Max, why are we here?" he asked.
Silently, Max crawled into his lap and buried her face in his shoulder. "You're more than just my family, Logan," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're my home."
Logan held her powerful, petite form close to his and tried and to warm her. They sat in silence for a long time, holding each other, comforted by each other's presence. As if on cue, music began to play softly I the background. Logan kissed her head and neck every so often, reassuringly, loving. He couldn't believe he was holding her. "Max," he asked gently. "How are you alive? Where are you? I watched you die." He gulped. "You died in my arms."
She pulled away slightly and rested her forehead against his, "I was dead. They brought me into Manticore anyway. They brought Zack too." A pained statement crossed her face. "They tried to revive me, but once of my ventricles had collapsed. I was gone. Zack wouldn't accept it. He killed a guard and held a gun on Renfro. They told him they needed a transplant, but her heart wouldn't be a match. I needed an X-5 heart." Max stopped, tears welling in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat.
"Oh god, Max," Logan said, understanding.
Max continued, "He said, Zack told me to fight them. He made me promise." She began to weep. "When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. Renfro told me what he'd done. She said he must have loved me very much. She called him a martyr. She said we had both come home." Max wept openly, her tiny body wracked with sobs.
"Shh," Logan said, wiping the tears from her face. He kissed her gently on the lips.
"That's not my home Logan," Max said sadly. "You are. I can't stay there."
"You won't," he promised. "I'm going to do everything I can to get you out." He kissed her crown of hair, "Zack did love you, very much. I know he did, because-" Logan stopped.
"Because what?" Max pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. "Because what, Logan?"
He stared into her large, dark eyes, "Because I would have done the same thing, if it meant saving you. I love you too much to let you die."
"Oh God," Max said, throwing her arms around him. "Please don't say that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you sacrificed yourself like that for me. It's hell enough living with Zack's sacrifice. I don't know how I'd handle it if I had your heart in me." She kissed his cheek, his eyes, his nose, and then his lips, lightly.
"You do," he whispered. "You have my heart."
"I love you Logan," she confessed. "That's what I wanted to tell you, out there in the woods when I knew I was dying."
"I know," he said, remembering each horrible moment of the night she had died. He rested his forehead against hers and rested his hands on her slender waist. She draped her arms over his shoulders and they stared at each other, gazing into each other's eyes, as if trying to memorize their souls.
"We're such a mess," Max remarked after a while, causing Logan to chuckle. It felt good to laugh. He listened to the music in the air. "Hey," he said. "Listen."
Max perked up slightly and listened to the music floating through the dreamscape replica of Logan's apartment. "Sibelius," she said finally.
"Valise Triste," he finished, remembering when they had listened to it in his car, and in their first shared dream.
"Too sad," she said, frowning.
Logan thought for a moment and smiled. "Dance with me," he requested, holding out a hand to her. "I can walk now."
"I always said it was mind over matter," she replied, taking hold of his hand and letting him pull her to her feet. She found safety in the circle of his arms and they began to waltz, as they had in their first dream. Max felt as though she was floating, flying. In Logan's arms, Manticore was a million miles away. In Logan's arms, she was home, safe, and free of worry and pain.
They danced for a long time, until the song finally played out. "Don't let go," she pleaded when the song ended. "I want more."
He swooped down and kissed the corner of her mouth, "I won't let go, I promise. We'll dance some more, if that's what you want."
*Do you know what this is
No, I don't
But whatever it is
It's very powerful *
"Max," Logan murmured in her ear as they swayed in time to the music. "Max I don't know how much longer this is going to last, and I have so much I want to tell you."
"Okay," Max replied, resting her head against his chest.
*Have you felt this way before
Oh, I thought I knew
Do you know that I love you now
Oh yes, I do
Love is...
You've got the softest lips*
"I just wanted you to know that I love you so much. You're the only one for me. You make me feel things I never thought I could. You make me feel things I was too afraid to feel with Valerie. I could never have loved her the way I love you." It was a confession Logan had wanted to make for the longest time, since even before Max had been shot.
*You know that I cannot stay
Yes, I know
It has nothing to do
With you or with love
Oh, yes it does*
Max bowed her head and would not look at him. "Max," he tipped her chin with her forefinger, forcing her to look at him. "What is it?" Logan hoped he hadn't scared her with his profession of love. It was just that he'd felt so urgently that he needed to tell her. It couldn't have waited.
She sighed, "Do you know how hard it is going to be to leave you after that?" Max leaned forward and rested her head on his chest. Logan sighed and placed his hands on her back, lightly running his fingers in circles. "I don't know what I hate more," Max continued. "The thought that this might be the last time I see you, or the thought that it's not." She looked up at him and slowly reach up to touch his face, "Logan, the part at the end of the night where we say goodbye is only going to get harder if this keeps up."
"I know," Logan replied. "But don't think about that now. We have each other, right now. That's all that matters." He pulled her to him, "Let's dance."
*Love is...
You've got the softest lips
Love is...
The touch of your fingertips
Love is...
Knowing you won't let go*
Max and Logan continued to dance to the song that was on continuous playback in the dreamscape. Even thought it was on continuous repeat, they did not get sick of. They were too content to move in the small circles, to run their fingers over each other's skin, the get their fingers caught in each other's hair, to feel each other breathe against them. They were too caught up in enjoying the moment, precious and fleeting, that they were being given in the dreamscape.
Max kissed Logan's chest and asked, "Are you ever sorry we met?"
"No," he said, grinning sexily. "Not once have I ever been sorry."
"I'm sorry," she began. Logan started slightly and she chuckled. "Let me finish." Max settled herself back comfortably in his arms and they continued to dance. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you better, back when we met." Her eyes, instead of darting away, surprisingly looked straight into Logan's. "I've always felt responsible for what happened to you."
Logan's eyes widened, "I didn't see you firing a gun at me." He nuzzled her face a little, "Max, it wasn't your fault. If you had been there, Lydecker would have found you a long time ago and you would have ended up back at Manticore way before this."
"I'm still sorry though," she said somewhat indignantly.
"Don't be," he admonished good-naturedly. "I wouldn't change a thing if it meant getting to know you as well as I have." He could see the doubt in her eyes. "Honest. On my honor and my Eyes Only secret decoder ring."
Max chuckled.
*She awakens things
That he said he thought were dead
He says, are you happy now
Oh yes, I am
But when it's over
How then will you feel
Will you miss those arms that used to go
Around you*
"I don't want to leave," she murmured.
"I know," he replied, kissing her. "But I gotta figure, if we can do it once, we can do it again." He grinned. "Especially if Bling and Cindy keep drugging me to sleep."
Max laughed, "They didn't."
"Oh yeah," Logan replied. "Put a Mickey in my tea." His eyes grew cloudy, "And since you don't sleep, I gotta figure they've got you sedated."
Max nodded and took his hand, pulling him over to the couch. "Just hold me," she pleaded. "I don't want to leave."
"I'll never let go," Logan promised, taking her securely into his arms. "Max," he said in her ear. "You need to be strong. You need to fight them. I'm going to find you. I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said tiredly, lazily running her fingers over his arms.
"I will," Logan said, squeezing her for emphasis.
"I might hold you to that," she replied.
"I expect you to."
*So she stood there in the hallway frozen
In the dark
And her heart broke down
She cried
She fell to the floor*
Max stiffened in his arms. "It's almost time," she whispered. "Can't you feel it?"
Logan paused. He could. He felt the pull of consciousness. "Yes."
She began to pull away from his arms, "Maybe I should just walk away now. I've never been any good at drawn out good-byes." Max rose and began retreating.
"Wait!" Logan cried, going after her. He grabbed Max by the arm and held her fast. She refused to look at him. "Max, please, don't do this," he begged. He heard her sniffle and he embraced her from behind. "Don't run away while we still have time."
"No time," she said sadly. "There's never enough time."
"No," he admitted.
"You said we would have all the time in the world."
"We still will," Logan promised whole-heartedly.
*One tear slid across her lips
To the corner of her mouth
Love is...
And dropped to the floor*
"Logan, please," Max begged, turning to face him, placing her hands on his chest over his heart. "Please don't make this harder than it's going to be. I don't want to have to say goodbye to you."
"Then don't," he whispered, pulling her to him. "I swear to you I'm going to get you out of there so fast you're head will spin." He smiled, "And even if it takes a little longer I'll always be here, waiting for you."
She pointed a finger at him playfully, "The more you say that the more likely I'm going to hold you to it."
But Logan could hear the sadness in her voice, underneath the playfulness. "Max," he said gently. "You need to fight them. You need to stay strong."
"*You* helped me be strong," she told him honestly. "You got me through everything last year. I owe you so much."
*Love is...
You've got the softest lips
Love is...
The touch of your fingertips
Ooh, she says love is
Knowing you wont let go*
"You don't owe me anything," he replied, kissing her tenderly. "I love you." He could feel consciousness tearing them apart.
"I love you too," Max said, desperately trying to hang on to him. She looked at Logan and found him suddenly miles away, dragged, pulled and stretched. "I love you!"
*Love is...
Watching you go
You're so very powerful
Love is... *
"Don't forget where your home is!" he called.
It was the last thing Max heard before she woke.
* * *
"Good morning, X-5 452," Renfro said, smiling down at Max. "Sleep well?"
Max held her tongue.
Madame Bitch shrugged, "Keep silent if you wish. I truly hope you got some rest though." A smile bigger than Max had ever seen crossed the woman's features. "This morning you start your reprogramming."
* * *
"Uh oh, he's awake," Bling said to Cindy as they sat in the kitchen sipping coffee. Bling had stayed the night to help Original Cindy deal with Logan in case he woke up. Which he hadn't. Not until now.
Logan trudged out into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. As Bling and Original Cindy watched, he downed the whole mug. Pouring himself another cup, he looked at them. "That was one hell of sleeping pill you gave me."
"Actually Boo," Cindy said slowly. "It was three."
Logan considered this, "That would explain it."
"You needed your sleep man," Bling said rationally.
"I know," Logan replied.
*Am I happy
Yes I am
Do I know you love me now
Yes I do
Do I know you cannot stay
I know
All about love
All about love*
He smiled at them, "Who wants breakfast?"
"You cooking?" Bling asked.
Logan nodded.
Original Cindy raised a brow, "Dayum boy, you musta had a phat dream."
Logan pursed his lips, "You could say that. I'll tell you over breakfast." In half an hour, Logan had made chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry topping and whipped cream, sausages and bacon, a citrus fruit salad, fresh squeezed orange juice, and another pot of coffee. He set the table for a surprised Bling and Original Cindy and waited to tell them his tale until they were eating. The three adults helped themselves to the large meal. Logan, not surprisingly, ate the most. Cindy and Bling watched with amusement. Eventually, Logan looked up sheepishly, "Guess I was a little hungry, huh?"
"Guess so," Bling replied.
"Uh huh," Original Cindy added. She locked her fingers together and rested her chin on them. "So, are you gonna tell Original Cindy and her brothah about your dream or what?"
Logan smiled, "Well, I just can't shake this feeling that Max is alive..."
*You're so very powerful*
~~End~~
______________________________________________________________________________
Well? What did you think? Did you like it? Hate it? Leave me a review. It's the nice thing to do. ? Look for the Summer Series soon. I was serious about taking title submissions, especially from my beta boos, who already know the plotline for the first chapter.