Okay guys...this fanfic is little bit angsty...
Spoilers: all seasons
Disclaimer: I own nothing…….I wish I would though, I also don't own the lyrics I used in that fic, well normally I only use my own ones, but this time it needed to be that song.
I can't live if living is without you
She felt the tears running down her cheek, she hadn't realized that she was crying before. She hadn't realized anything at all…anything but that demand to end it all. What was life still for? She had lost everything.
Everything.
The man she loved.
The job that had been her life.
Her reputation was destroyed.
Nothing left to live for.
She glanced at the knife that lay on the desk in front of her. She wondered if she was able to do that…committing suicide. Was she strong enough to do this? To do what is a sign for weakness?
He had told her, that he was interested in beauty since he met her once.
He had told her that the lab needed her. Funny, she thought. That lab that needs me simply fired me after five years of hard work I did for these idiots.
He had told her that he needed her. But he didn't try to hold them back, he did anything to change their minds about firing me!
He had told that stranger, A STRANGER, that he could care for her,….if it wouldn't mean putting everything he had ever worked for on jeopardy.
He had told that FBI guy that he wouldn't let her be the decoy in the 'strip straggler' case. Had he done that because he cared for her? Did he ever care for her?
He sat on that couch, he had listened to me when I told him about my past. He held my hand. He pretended to care!
She had seen that look in his eyes when they had reacted the crime on that case with the invisible evidence. The expression in his face when she had spoken out these three little words… 'pin me down'.
He had told her to get a life. Now he's the one that destroys it.
No, he never cared for me! He never did! Because if he would have done so, he would have never asked her out for dinner! He said no when I asked him to have dinner with me. Ice cold. And now he invites her for dinner. I was paid to follow the evidence…this evidence is clear. The man I love doesn't care a damn bit about me. The man I would give my life for prefers someone else. I can't punish him for that. But I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him.
She wondered if he might ever understand the letter she had sent him.
She wondered if there might be other ways, but honestly, she was to tired of searching for others ways out. She wanted this pain in her heart to end, she wanted to stop loving him, but she couldn't. There was no way she could survive without him.
She knew this would be painful. Maybe a couple of sleeping pills and a lot of alcohol would do a better job. But what if someone found her before it was over?…No I don't want to spend the rest of my live in a hospital with a damaged brain and with no option to get away.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Three more files to work on. Oh how I hate that paperwork!
He sighed. Then a letter, trice folded, caught his attention. He opened it. He didn't understand what the lines might want to tell him.He wondered what this was. He wondered who had written this. It was a clear, female handwriting, but a few letters were blurred.
In that moment Sophia entered the room.
"Hey Gris."
"Hey.", he looked up from the letter for a second.
"What's that?"
"I don't know."
"May I?"
He handed her the letter.
She read it. "Mariah Carey."
"Why should Mariah Carey send me a note?"
She rolled with her eyes. "That's a Mariah Carey song. But I honestly doubt she send you this."
"I know that these are lyrics…I wonder what's their meaning."
"Well…that's a sad song, somehow…maybe a suicide note."
Grissom jumped up, took the note out of her hands and stared on it.
"Which case is it from?"
He didn't hear her, he had stormed out of his office. He had to find out who had sent him that note.
Sophia followed him.
"Grissom? That note isn't case related is it?", she asked concerned when she had caught up with him.
"I have to find out who wrote that."
"Let's think about possible …Oh my God!"
"What?"
"Don't say you don't get that!"
"Sophia I don't have the time for puzzles! Tell me if you have an idea!"
"Sara."
Grissom swallowed hard. "Why?"
"She lost her job…she lost you."
"She didn't loose me!"
"Sure she didn't we both know what you feel for her…but she doesn't. And…although the two of us don't give a damn about those rumors about us, maybe she did."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
There was blood everywhere. Her wrists hurt like fire. But the final feeling of relieve, the final feeling of being free soon, paralyzed her thoughts. Never would she have to feel pain again. Never he could hurt her again.
She glanced around the room while she let herself sink down to the ground. Gladly I'm not the one who has to clean up that mess.
"SARA! SARA!" Someone knocked furiously on her door.
NO! NOT NOW! What the hell is he doing here, NOW!
There was no way she would open the door for him. She couldn't stand up anyway, she was already too weak to move.
Suddenly the door broke open. He stormed into the room, finding her lying in a pool of blood, unconscious.
NO! Sara no! NO! Don't dare to leave me!
He was glad he had called 911 in the moment he had left his car. Only a few seconds after he had entered her apartment two paramedics entered.
He had tried to stop the bleeding with pressing his cell on the one wrist…ridiculous in his eyes, but it was the first thing he had found in his hands. He had laced his belt around her other wrist, so there was nothing else he could use.
It was as if time went by in slow motion. These seconds were like they'd never went by.
And so were the hours he waited at the hospital for new about Sara. Her blood was everywhere on his clothes, his hands, even his hair. What had he done to make her do this?
If he had known how much he meant to her, that he meant so much to her that she wanted to take her life because of those stupid rumors…he would have never asked Sophia out for dinner.
And now Sara would probably never know that he loved her more than everything else.
TBC
just to let you know why I changed this chap again. Actually Grissom was reading out the note loud, but due to the new rules that fics in that song lyrics are quoted have to be changed/deleted I had to change it. The letter was the chorus and th efirst verse of the Mariah Carey song 'Without you'
thanks for reading!