Gone
Title: "Gone"
Author: Stephjag aka Steph or AbbyGibbs (You'll understand why later)
Email: or pierre.oeyenpandora.be
Website: http: I do not own the JAG characters; if they were mine some things would have never happened, and some others would never have been said. They are the propriety of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario. No copyright infringement intended.
Classification: JAG story.
Rating+12 (just to be on the safe side)
Spoilers: none
Summary: you'll fine it out while reading the story.
Author's note: I'm not sure there's a really need for a note this time – just thing about the news of DJE's departure. And I guess that writing is the only thing that's left to have some kind of shipper ending. I must admit that I've being thinking about quitting writing, but I can't because writing is the way for me to deal with my emotions and feelings, so… the text that Mac writes down in this story is entirely my creation.
Many thanks to AeroGirl for beta-reading!
Feedback: Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment. If my work does not appeal to you for any reason, I have no problem with that, but please, no need to share that with me.
0156 ZULU
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Washington, D.C.
Mac was sitting up straight in her bed. She was unable to sleep; a lot of things were spinning through her head. She'd been having that dream again: Harm was leaving her – not only her, but JAG. He'd gone out of her life forever.
She'd had this dream for two weeks. It was always the same and it always ended the same way too. She was standing in the rain in front of his building and all she could do was stare at nothing – his empty parking place. Harm was gone… Gone forever, and there was nothing she could do about it.
All she could do was wake up sweating and scared. Something was bothering her about this dream – no, this was not a dream. This was a nightmare, one that she was certain would become a reality sooner or later.
Harm hadn't said anything to give her any indication that her suspicion was right, but he wasn't the same anymore. He had changed somehow. She couldn't say exactly when it had happened, there was no doubt in her mind that it was true.
It had all started two weeks ago in Harm's office. She'd come in and caught him staring through the window, his arms folded on his chest. Seconds later she was paralyzed by a vision, the first time she'd had a vision that way – during the day, coming out of nowhere. Mac had stood there in shock for a few instants more before silently heading out of Harm's office.
There was she then, standing in the cold rain – helpless, desperate, and feeling abandoned, empty and cold. It was over. It was all over – nine years of friendship thrown away into some old trash can. Harm had left without a word. There was nothing let of him anywhere except maybe in her office at JAG. Why would he do such a thing? Why would he want to make a complete break with his life at JAG, with his past? No, this couldn't be. Harm would never go away like a thief in the night.
Mac couldn't concentrate on anything for the rest of the day. The vision had been playing in her head all day long, along with a thousand questions. "Mac, you're starting to get a little senile. Harm would never do that, and you know it!" she tried to tell herself. But her heart was whispering her to be careful and prepared. And she couldn't stop a single tear from rolling down her cheek.
Mac got out of her bed. She felt like she was suddenly doing everything in slow motion. She had never done such a thing before, but she felt the urge to write her feelings down. She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil out of the drawer of the desk that was settled in her bedroom… Mac sat down at the desk and began to write:
Dear Harm,
You're about to leave
Leave; leave my life, my house, my world
But there's one sure thing: you're never
Going to leave my heart.
I won't let that happen, no
Because if I let that become reality
I would be empty and be in the dark once more
Like I was before you entered my life
You gave me comfort and warmth
I don't want to lose that feeling ever again
It would break my heart, but what would break my
Heart even more would be to know that you are
Unhappy.
By the time Mac had finished writing her emotions down, more tears were rolling down her cheeks; she couldn't held them back anymore. She'd been holding them for too long now.
She was not only crying because of how she felt – she was crying over all the missed chances, the unsaid words… her lack of confidence. She should have gone for it so long ago, so many times. She wanted Harm. She'd always wanted him, and when he finally came to her, she'd backed away.
And now what was left of those nine years of friendship and dancing around? Nothing but regrets. He'd be gone soon and she would be left alone.
The End
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