SO what happens when you put two crazy minds together in fanfiction and these two great minds starts exchanging PMs and twitter-ing, this. A beybe borne from our insanity. J, I'm so proud of our beybe. *sniffle.
PS:The reason why this story turned really really sad is J!blame her!wahahahaha!
Chuck was nervous. Of course he was- it was his last go at telling Sarah how he felt before giving up. There was only so much heartbreak he could take. He had cooked spaghetti like his mother cooked for him when he was little. He had made everything look perfect and as he took a sip of wine he wandered what she was going to say. He bit his lip. He wasn't sure he could cope with more rejection from the beautiful Spy.
She arrived on time as usual- looking stunning in her small black dress and her hair in a plat. Why did he always have to fall in love with those so out of his reach? Sarah was amazing so why would she ever want him?
He made fairly good small talk and ignored the urge to kiss her when sh let out a laugh at what he said. Was it too much to ask for her to feel the same?
The food was lovely - he was shocked to find he remembered how to cook that dish which held the happy parts of his memories. Sarah looked happy as he nibbled her food and he could feel his heart leaping as he turned the music on and asked her to dance. He wanted everything to be perfect.
He had started talking when he saw the red dot of the center of her back. His heart paused as he acted in impulse- spinning them around so he stood where she had been.
That was when IT happened.
The bullet shot through the air and smashed through the window. It cut through his clothes and flesh like butter and paused in his body. Sarah gasped as the second bullet shot just as Chuck pushed her back. His blood splattered over her dress and her face.
"Your dress." two words left his lips as he fell to his knees. The three which followed broke her heart and as she clinged to his body and Casey smashed through the door she whispered words he would never hear. "I love you."
Chuck was then rushed to the hospital shortly followed by a frazzled Sarah Walker who was being held down by Casey because she was starting to scare the MedVac Team. He was rushed to the ER who had a team of doctors and nurses hired by the CIA and NSA inside ready to save the Intersect. Meanwhile, Sarah was despondently sitting on the floor clutching her stomach and muttering the words," I love you too, Chuck. Please don't leave me. I need you. I love you. anyone but you." She was crying silently and rocking back and forth.
*•*
Chuck died alone on the medical table. He died cold- the voices of those trying to save him not registering. Chuck died with a silent name on his lips- even in death he cried for Her. A tear had rolled down the side of his face and nobody but one nurse saw it.
That one tear represented everything that could and should have been- it was the smiled and kisses he and Sarah would never share. It was the courage he would never feel and the anger Sarah would not get to show when he was late picking their son and daughter from school.
It was the hope he would never feel as his son Elliot Shane Walker ran to the finish line. It wad the pride Sarah would never feel as their daughter Lauren Diane Walker sang on the stage for the first time. The tear was what was taken away from them.
The tear was Lauren's first boyfriend's sister- a strong girl called Shannon Casey. The tear was the moment Chuck should have pushed Casey's future love out of the way of the speeding car.
The tear was the moment Chuck should have stood next to Sarah as she fought Cancer and won. The tear was when their grandchildren should have buried them.
When Chuck died everything changed.
Sarah had no reason to fight the cancer- she gave up.
Casey's funeral only had four people seeing he did not want a government funeral.
The tear was the moment what could have been wasn't.
Chuck died alone and cold because of his love for Sarah.
It wasn't fair.
*•*
Sarah didn't acknowledge two words. She downright refused them and what it meant.
"He's gone."
Despite the fact that she kept trying to refuse the fact, the words kept on echoing in her mind.
Her Chuck. Her sweet, innocent Chuck is gone. Then she had an out of the body experience...She ran towards the ER fighting against Casey and other agents who were there. She fought them with all she knew. After defeating all of them, she almost popped the sockets of the door with the violent way she opened it and ran desperately towards Chuck.
Her Chuck.
Hugging his body desperately, she was muttering,"Don't leave me. I love you. Don't leave.." and her voice was getting louder till she was screaming.. "you can't leave me Chuck! I need you! Why do you do this to me? Is this your revenge after everything I did to you?"
Casey was just looking at the scene from the door. Unknowingly, silent tears streaked down his face for what he has lost. A friend. And right now, what he can do to repay the kindness shown to him was to give Sarah the time she needed with Chuck and so he ushered people outside in the veil of "national security".
*•*
The funeral was one of the most heart breaking moments of Casey's life and he held a trembling Sarah in his arms.
What could he do?
The coffin which was gently lowered into the ground was so very small... How did Chuck fit in it? He shivered in the cold wind. Chuck was gone and with him all forms if joy had been sucked out of the world. Everything was dull.
When Casey though back at all the times he had wished and told Chuck to shut up his heart broke. It was true- he should have been careful what he wished for. Every time he wished for Chuck to shut up or simply for silence he was putting a nail in the wooden prison he was looking at. Sarah trembled against his chest and he made small soothing sounds. He has never hated silence more.
It was too silent.
"We... We can't..."
Sarah's mumbled words broke Casey out of his thoughts. It was the first time she had spoken since she had clinged to Chuck's body. "Shhh..." he pulled her into an even tighter hug.
What could he say to fill the silence?
Everything was not going to be okay. There was no sun or music. There was no hope.
"No..." she was getting louder as she tried to pull away.
"Chuck doesn't like closed spaces!"
She was nearly yelling as she tried to pull away with all her force but her lack of sleep and lack of food made her too weak to break free.
"Let me go! He's not dead! Let him out!"
Casey tensed his grip as he did not even try to look at the other people who stared at them. Ellie rushed over but nobody else moved. Morgan remained where he had been staring at the grave like a statue.
"Get her inside."
Ellie whispered the words to Casey as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Sarah crumbled like a broken toy to the ground and Casey did the sensible thing- he carried her into Chuck's home.
"We can't leave him!", she no longer yelled as Casey placed her on the sofa.
She lay like he had placed her as the first few tears started rolling down her face.
"He'll be scared! We can't leave him... He's alone..." her head lay on the side like it had rolled when Casey put her down.
"He's..." more tears rolled down her face.
"Sarah." Casey tried to catch her attention yet her gazed eyes never looked away from the floor. Casey had carried her to the car and driven her to Chucks home.
It felt more like a graveyard than the real cemetery did.
"My fault." her whisper was nearly lost as she gripped his hand. "After me." she never looked away from the floor. "Saved me. My fault."
There was nothing Casey could say to that.
Ellie didn't know what to do. She saw Sarah breaking down in front of her. The once strong woman whose walls were impenetrable was losing everything...including her sanity. Ellie knew there was something wrong with their relationship but she knew that Sarah loved her brother. Looking at Sarah, she didn't even feel heartbroken for herself because she knew that what she was feeling was nothing compared to what Sarah was feeling.
After swallowing a sigh, she opened the door and was rushed to Sarah's side and hugged her fiercely.
"Sarah, sweetie, wherever Chuck is, he'll be happy because he would gladly die for you. You know that."
Her heart sank when she heard her broken voice reply:
"I don't know how to go on living anymore Ellie. HE was my everything. My life. Tell me, how am I supposed to live when the reason for my existence is gone?"
For once in my life, Ellie was speechless. She knew there was nothing more she could do so they both held each other crying. Crying for a sweet soul that didn't deserve his fate.
*•*
When a soul dies they have to wait in a White room. That was where Chuck was.
There were no decorations on the walls. There was no furniture. The White floor did not seem to be made from anything.
Chuck had no idea how long he had been sat there alone. How had he gotten there anyway? The last thing he remembered was the pain and telling Sarah how he felt. He remembered pain and the urge to sleep. He remembered being cold and the feeling of someone clinging to him. He remembered feeling lost and then he remembered feeling as if he was falling. He remembered Sarah calling his name.
The first time he had fallen asleep in the White room he had seen his sister hugging Sarah as they both wept. Why were they crying? They both wore black but the only fact which registered was how weak Sarah looked in Ellie's arms. She had list far too much weight and the bags under her eyes were incredible. Ellie looked bad but not as bad.
The second time he had fallen asleep Sarah had been curled up in bed, not sleeping but not awake. When Casey brought her a hot chocolate she did not even stir. She was lying there as numb as a toy. It broke Chuck's heart.
The third time Chuck slept he saw a blonde woman placing a rose ona grave. The name on the grave was his and the date was two years old. He did not know how he knew it but he knew it was two years old- strange because Chuck was sure he had not been in the White room that long.
The blond woman remained on her knees next to the grave. Her fingers traced his name. She did not say a word for all the time she remained there but when she left he saw the note on the rose. It simply read:
"I'll always miss you forever. Love you my darling and I will see you soon. Sarah."
The moment he read the note he spun around, screaming her name out.
"Sarah!"
His heart skipped a beat when she paused and turned around as if she heard him but she shrugged it off before walking away. Chuck simply stood there, next to his own grave.
*•*
Every soul gets a choice when they leave the White room. To go back or to move onto Heaven.
The woman who told Chuck his options was a kind looking woman. When she told him things he felt drawn to her, yet in the back of his mind he still wanted Sarah. His love.
He could go back as a baby (Ellie's baby) and try to remind them they had reasons to live but forget who he once was or go to Heaven and wait for them to join him as himself. The woman said something about time being fluid and he'd only have to wait a single second to be with Sarah again.
So Chuck had the choice- go back as a new person, his sisters son, or move on and wait as him. The choice was his- what did he want? To start all over? Have a normal life and only see pictures of who he had been or wait for his family to die?
Did he want to live and die all over again?
The woman told him stories- about his friend Bryce who had chosen to go back as who would be Chuck's childhood friend if he went back and she said that when Morgan died (she said the Buy More sign fell on him) he had gone back and was also going to be one of his friends. She said when Sarah died she would choose to stay dead saying one lifetime was enough.
He had the choice- live or die.
Go back or go forwards.
Both Chuck and The Woman knew what he was going to choose and that time when he slept there were no dreams, instead there was the steady pounding of a small heart. If he went back he would forget who he had been but would give others reason to live. If he went forwards when his family joined him they would finally be together again. He'd be able to love Sarah again.
So when he slept he made his choice and when he awoke there was a whole new world waiting for him as he saw the bright light above him and the woman's voice cry.
There was no choice.
*•*
Chuck abruptly woke up in a hospital room. Or what he assumed as a hospital room because everything was white. He did know, however, that the bundle of blonde hair belonged to the beautiful woman who was now holding onto his hand dearly. In a hoarse voice he started.
"Sa..*cough* Sarah..She must be so tired." He thought to himself.
Taking time to look at her face, he used his other hand to caress her face-memorizing every contour of her pretty face. Sarah must've liked the feeling because she snuggled towards his hand.
Finally realizing that someone was caressing her face, she woke up abruptly and awakened to the most beautiful sight ever...Chuck smiling down on her. Particularly, her Chuck now.
Holding a hand over her mouth, she sobbed and collapsed on his chest.
"Chuck. Oh God. You're okay. You're okay."
Then she looked at him and held his face in her hands and laughed out loud.
"You're awake! You didn't leave me!"
Then she smiled brightly.
"You love me!" By that time, she smiled even brighter. "And I love you! I love you!"
Pulling his neck towards her she kissed him with a passion so strong that it can make special agent crumble in front of a nerd.
"I don't have long."Chuck pulled back from the kiss. "I'm just in your mind."
Sarah swallowed. She had thought as much but she had been trying not to admit it.
"If you are why aren't you just kissing me?"
Chuck laughed gently, "Sarah. I was given a choice and I need you to help me choose. I am dead and Chuck is dead but I can come back. Ellie is going to become pregnant at three am tomorrow- if I choose the first option I'll be reborn as that child."
Chuck kept her hand in his as he sat up. "My other option is to stay dead and wait for you in Heaven if you still want me I will be there." He took her face between his shacking hands. "What do you want Sarah?
Sarah was frozen- this dream was not like any of the other dreams she had since the funeral. Why was this dream so different?
"We don't have long Sarah." He planted a small kiss on her lips. "What do you want me to do? I need to know."
His eyes met hers and her heart stopped. "Tell me what to do Sarah."
Sarah snuggled further into his embrace, not noticing how they were suddenly on their beach.
They were standing where she had once asked him to trust her. Maybe if she hadn't he would still be alive.
Fresh tears rolled down her face.
"I'm so sorry Chuck... It's my fault..." each word was seperated with a sob. "I... They were after me... I... Why did you swap our places?"
"Because I love you." Sarah cried even harder as he used the present tense. "I loved you the moment I first saw you and I'm glad I died for you. Why? Because I love you in life and death." he kissed her again. "Tell me what to do Samantha."
Sarah looked up at the use of her real name. There were so many things she wanted to tell him but it was too late. She had lost her chance because she was scared. What did she want?
"We don't have long sweetie." He planted a final kiss on her lips. "What do I do?"
"I...I...Chuck, take me with you. please.."
Sarah was pleading to him.
Chuck couldn't take it anymore, he kissed him till their lasts breathe.
"Okay honey. Okay"
Few hours after, orderlies went inside the room of a certain Chuck Bartowski and found two bodies snuggled close together with identical smiles on their faces.
*•*
Nine months late Ellie gave birth to a small baby boy who she named 'Chuck' after her brother. She was a different person after she buried Sarah.
Casey had said he had been told that Sarah had illusions near the end of her life hence why she had been place under 24/7 suicide watch. She had often told of how Chuck had visited her. Casey had seen her the night he had last seen Sarah (the night she had died) she had smiled for the first time as she reach out into the empty room and called Chuck's name. She had died in one of her illusions the moment Casey had left- unable to stand seeing the illusion which he was living in.
Chuck had been her last whisper as she had been his. Casey knew they were together again but it did not stop it from hurting. When he tried to consider it he couldn't do anything but wonder why it was always him left behind.
On the third anniversary since Chuck's death Ellie gave birth to a boy and two days later in another area of America a little girl called Lisa was born.
The two would not meet until they were both sixteen but together they would be what Chuck and Sarah never were. Amazing spies and they loved each other.