a/n I don't know why I wrote this. The idea intrigued me. I listened to "Camp Granada" one too many times, I guess. Playlist and texts are at the end.
Shameless plug time: Go to my profile and read "Life and Death with the Original Succubus." Interesting pairing you may enjoy. Canon. Later, really hot smexing. That sexiness needs an audience, so go read and review.
Disclaimer: Really? If you think I'm Stephanie Meyer or the "Camp Granada" dude, you are oh so wrong, my friend. Oh so wrong…
Enjoy!
Hello muddah, hello faddah
Here I am at Camp Granada
Camp is very entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
-opening of "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Allan Sherman
"Oh, my God."
Those three words said a lot. There was a mix of fear, disgust, disbelief, and general hysteria in those words, when said in that slightly freaked out tone. There was a definite feeling that she wanted to book it back to the car and give the whole idea the finger. There was also, somewhere, a little love.
Maybe.
"Seriously, we're going to sleep here?" Okay, maybe more disgust than love.
"Yeah, babe, people do it all the time." He turned off the pump on the air mattress, the only thing that had convinced her to come out here at all. "It's normally done in sleeping bags, but this works."
"Sleeping bags?" Her little nose scrunched up. "Those things they have on TV? People actually use those things?" You couldn't tell she'd been raised by rich people or anything…
"Yeah." He stepped out of the way so that she could step inside the tent that was bigger than anything he'd used before. "But since I love you so much, I'm using an air mattress and designer bedding that has apparently seen better days, all while sleeping in a tent big enough for fifteen people."
"Well," she said, climbing in and putting her hands on her hips, "what did you use?"
"We used sleeping bags and slept in pup tents in the freezing cold without heaters."
She cocked an eyebrow. "'Pup tents?'"
"Yes, dear," he said, rolling his eyes. "Pup tents."
She reached into her back pocked for her Blackberry and grinned when she touched the screen. "Hell, yeah! I actually have service here!" Her fingers flew across the keys.
"Oh, my God." Yeah, there was a lot in those three words, too. "Who the hell are you texting?"
"My parents," she said, not looking up. "Telling them we made it." And that this is horrible, for sure. No way she would forget to mention the lack of accommodations. She put her phone away and smiled brightly, her most convincing fake smile. If he didn't know her so well, know all her expressions, nervous tics, and everything else, he'd have fallen for it. "So what are we doing?"
"We're gonna build a fire and eat man food." He grinned. Anything that wasn't one of the few things that were the "only things" she liked was considered man food.
She did the little nose thing again. He knew it meant she was annoyed or grossed out or any other number of things, but it was so damn cute. "Like what?" Bless her, trying to sound excited.
"Hot dogs, chips, and beer." He picked up the bundle of firewood he'd brought. You couldn't count on finding dry wood out here. "You know, man food. The shit that makes you belch."
"Rock on!" she said, excitedly. Or so it seemed…
Her phone buzzed and she nearly tore her jeans off when she went for them. Actually, that would have been kind of cool. She frowned down at the screen and shot back another text.
"Parents?"
"Yeah." She scoffed and put her phone back.
He was in the middle of building their fire when she got another text. He shook his head in sadness that was only half mocking. He should have gone deeper into the woods.
"Oh, come on!" she screeched. He swore to Christ that half the animals around them bolted from the sound. He winced.
"What's wrong?"
She looked up, a little startled. "Sorry," she said, typing away again. "My parents just suck is all." She didn't even get to put it away before it buzzed again, and this time she looked confused. "Huh?"
It was almost pitiful to see her so out of her element. He had to throw her a bone, and while she replied, he turned his back to her and pulled out what the other things in the cooler.
"Come on, honey," he said, turning around, "did you really think I was going to make you eat a hot dog?"
Her brown eyes grew wide when she saw what he had, and she squealed with delight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She hopped up and carefully set down the bottle of wine and the strawberry cheesecake so she could hop up into his arms and cover his face in kisses. "Oh, you wonderful man," she said, half pretending to swoon backward. He laughed as he held her safe in his arms. "I knew you loved me."
They ate their dinner, and as the sounds of the forest, lacking the usual white noise of the fast paced, technology driven world they were used to, set in, she squirmed a little. "Is it supposed to be this bad?"
"Huh?" He was halfway through his seventh and final hot dog.
"The quiet." She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. "It's kind of creepy."
"It's kind of nice," he replied, popping in the rest of the hot dog and swallowing. "No people talking, TV in the background."
She nodded, clearly trying to figure that out. Her phone buzzed and she reached for it again, and smiled a little when she read the text.
"Is that still your parents?" He'd seen them get protective, but geeze.
"Yeah," she said, smiling as she typed.
"Well, stop texting and start drinking, because you are going to want to be drunk for this." He held out the wine bottle. "Have some liquid courage."
Buzzzzz. Buzzzzz. Buzzzzz. She was sheepish, and she took the bottle and a big swig before she looked. She rolled her eyes and typed back a quick response before doing something really sexy.
She put the bottle to her lips and threw her head back and proceeded to down the entire thing in one long drawn out chug. Damn, his girl could swallow. Maybe it was a little sick to think it, but it was still true. Anything. In her mouth, down her throat. And she fucking loved it. He grinned at the thought.
When she finished, she gasped for air for a moment before wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. "Now what?"
"We're going cliff diving to the greatest song known to mankind, on repeat, using your uncles' speakers. Nobody's out here, and the closest house is five miles away." He grinned. "Time to get naked, baby."
Maybe it wasn't what most people liked to listen to with their lovers, but there wasn't a whole lot better than the rapid-body reload he'd rigged to get them back to the top in ten seconds if you pulled and ran up the side. That she had no problem with.
"Iron Man" roared from the speakers in a style that many people would reference alongside the time Marty McFly hooked up those bad ass speakers that sent him flying backward in Back to the Future. Buzzed and happy, they screamed along with the song while they jumped, naked, into the chilly water over and over. She was finally having fun.
Maybe a little too much fun. She snatched up their clothes and ran into the forest, giggling and grinning like the cat that had eaten the canary. And naked as a jay bird.
So fucking sexy.
She made it back to the tent first. She was faster than him, for sure. There was plenty of time for her to put on the sexiest, skimpiest bra and panty set he'd ever seen. In fact, he wouldn't even call it a bra. More like something a classy stripper would wear. It covered zero of her tits.
"Where the hell did you get that?"
"Fredericks of Hollywood," she said, beaming. "Like it?"
"Never, ever wear anything else."
One of her eyebrows shot up in amusement. "I could do that," she said thoughtfully, "but I'm not so sure my family would go for it."
"We'll move," he groaned, burying his face in her chest as she giggled, then sighed. "Anything if I just get to see you naked whenever I want."
"You can already see me naked any time you want." She moaned as his lips started to travel slowly over her skin.
He took his time. He already knew every inch, and he wanted to revisit each one. Every freckle, every finger, her ankles, which held some strange obsession for him—everything. He kissed the little dimples at the small of her back, where her butt curved out. He made friends once again with the three freckles on her shoulder while his hands removed the little bit of clothing she wore. It wasn't long before she was shaking, quivering like a leaf in a breeze, but he took his time.
She was so beautiful when she was like this. Her head was tossed back onto the pile of pillows she was leaning against, and she moaned and her head rolled a little when his hands started at her shoulders and slowly dragged down her sides, past her stomach, down her thighs, all the way to her feet. Her musical giggle filled the air as he gently kissed each of her ten toes before slowly making his way back up.
"Please," she whispered, and in that moment, she looked so helpless, nestled in pillows and blankets, her warm little body squirming and writhing under him. She locked her fingers in his hair and pulled. He let her pull him in, and his lips met hers, finally.
He barely registered her hands on him, so focused was he on her pleasure. He toyed with her breasts, tweaking and tugging at them, the way she liked. Her little hands went to work on him, and he groaned into her mouth. Her hands, so skilled on any musical instrument she touched, sent bolts of pleasure shooting through his body, from his groin to his toes and back up again. Her little hands moved to his shoulders and pushed. A little confused, he let her move him, and grinned when she rolled him onto his back. With a devilish smile and a glint in her eye, she slid down his body, running her hands over his thick thighs.
"You gonna watch?" she purred, positioning herself on her knees between his legs.
"Hell, yeah," he said, chuckling as he sat up a little. He moved the pillows, and she cocked her head.
"Comfey?"
"Yep."
"Good." Without any more warning, she took him into her mouth—no teasing, no toying with his bits and pieces, just took the whole damn thing. She was so fucking hot.
A moan escaped from him, and he let his hands wind into her curls, not guiding her so much as just following. The feel of her head bobbing under his hands was almost as appealing as her mouth and hands, but not quite.
Gently, so as not to hurt him, she ran her teeth down the length of him, and the groan that came from him was not quiet. It reverberated through the tent, and through her. She hummed in pleasure, and the vibrations shot through him like lightning. She was speeding up, now, purring around him, and he could feel the end getting closer.
Then she gave the boys downstairs a little tug, and he was a goner. Seriously, watching her swallow like that was fucking hot. He shot into her mouth over and over, her moans keeping him going, and she took everything he gave her. When he'd finished, she gave him that wicked smile again as she licked her lips.
Damn. Was it normal to be this hard again so fast? Probably not, but who cared?
Grasping her arms, he yanked her up and attacked her mouth with his. She was still moaning, and it still felt amazing. "God, you're so hot when you do that," he grunted, and he pushed her, maneuvering her so that she was on her hands and knees before him. She arched her back, pressing her butt closer to him, and he brought his hand back, only to bring it forward again. It landed with a sharp smack on her ass, and she whimpered in pleasure. He did it again and again and again, each time earning a louder moan until she was screaming, begging.
Slowly, teasingly, he moved himself to her entrance, not entering all the way, but just pushing in a little before pulling back out. He laughed when she growled at him, not giving her what she wanted just yet.
"Jesus, would you just—"
He didn't let her finish her sentence before he slammed into her. He moaned, his head falling back, and he repeated the motion, watching as her ass moved back and forth against him, trying to get him deeper. He reached down and moved her knees a little bit further apart to give him more room, and he felt himself slide in a little bit more, hitting that little piece of flesh deep inside her that made her make the most amazing, indescribable noises. He thought he heard her phone beep again, but he paid it no attention. He was too busy fucking the living daylights out of his chick.
"Nobody can hear you," he grunted as he slammed into her again and again. "There's nobody out here—no people downstairs. I want you to scream." He reached up and wrapped her hair around his hand, tugging gently. "Let me hear you, baby girl."
She screamed at the top of her voice when his hand snaked around the front of her and found her clit.
She moaned when he hoisted her so that she was upright on her knees, her back against his chest and his hands wreaking havoc on her front.
She snarled at him when, after one particularly sharp thrust, he stopped moving all together.
She purred with pleasure when he ground himself against her, moving himself slowly.
And when she came, she positively shrieked. Her whole body shook, her insides clenching around him. Her head turned off to the side, and he shot into her when her teeth broke his skin and his blood flooded her mouth, making both of their orgasms more intense.
They came down slowly, and she relaxed in his arms as he pulled her toward him. For a long time, they didn't speak, he just let his hands trace her skin. She was so soft…
"Hey, Jake?"
"What?"
"I feel like the kid in 'Camp Granada,'" she said, and it was so random, he burst out laughing. "Seriously," she said, grinning. "The entire time he's like, 'Oh, camping sucks, I wanna go home.' Then it stops raining and the fun times start."
"Except it's not raining, and instead of playing baseball, you're getting laid." He grinned. "I get the idea, though."
Her phone buzzed again, and this time, she rolled over to pick it up. She laughed, grinned wickedly, and shot out a text.
"Who is that?" he asked, a little annoyed.
"My dad, I think," she said. "I was bitching earlier and I didn't respond to either of his texts so now he's all paranoid."
Her phone buzzed, and she lifted it only to burst into peals of laughter.
And after flipping through the message history, Jacob couldn't help but join her.
Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
Playing baseball, gee that's better
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.
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Message strand:
"OMG SO BAD! we're sleeping here?" SENT 7:15 p.m.
"It's camping, darling. What did you expect, a 4 poster bed?" RECEIVED 7:19 p.m.
"ur so mean. he's gonna make me eat pig guts" SENT 7:20 p.m.
"They're called hot dogs, dear, and most Americans enjoy them." RECEIVED 7:27 p.m.
"pig guts and fermented rice. ew bet no merlot. THAT would be camping mmmmm…" SENT 7:30 p.m.
"I wouldn't underestimate him. He knows you hate that stuff." RECEIVED 7:32 p.m.
"?"SENT 7:33 p.m.
"Have your expensive merlot yet?" RECEIVED 8:01 p.m.
"ya but 2 quiet now. sux" SENT 8:02 p.m.
"Glad you're far enough away I can't hear you now. I hate Black Sabbath." RECEIVED 8:04 p.m.
"random much? i maintain that camping sucks" SENT 8:05 p.m.
"Really, you should give it a chance." RECEIVED 8:09 p.m.
"Having any fun yet?" RECEIVED 8:40 p.m.
"Everything okay?" RECEIVED 9:01 p.m.
"Muddah, faddah, kindly disregard this leddah :-)" SENT 9:02 p.m.
"Ew." RECEIVED 9:03 p.m.
End Strand.
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a/n Hope you enjoyed!
Playlist:
"Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Public Parking (cover from Fired Up)
"In the Sun" by She & Him
"I Thought I Saw Your Face Today" by She & Him
"Iron Man" by Black Sabbath
"Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones
"El Farol" by Santana