She could feel the heat surround her but she couldn't see beyond his shoulder. She didn't dare move. Not because she wanted to but because she knew she couldn't it. It was the calm after the storm. There was no doubt that this was it, after the hell she had been through God knew she had suffered enough.
"I have to go get help," He said looking down at her. She could see the fear in his eyes but she knew there was nothing that he could do to save her.
"No… Don't go, don't go," She pleaded. But all she could feel was the heat and the asphalt below her. She could not feel his body, she didn't know how she was being held up. She did not fight it and infact she was embracing her fate. She was waiting for it to just be done with. She knew she couldn't endure anymore pain this cruel world had to offer. She hadn't felt like a whole person for along time. She looked into his eyes and there was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to thank him for all the times he saved her and she wanted to tell him she loved him but she couldn't. The look in his eyes said enough.
It had been described in books and she had met people that had survived it. She had heard what it felt like but you could never experience it until it was your turn. Her body had this inner peace she had never felt. As soon as he had lifted her out of the car this wave of relaxation passed through her body. She had no pain. She just waited. She was waiting and she just wanted it to happen. Her life was not passing before her eyes and she was not having memories. It just felt like she was frozen in time. She wasn't sure whether she was happy about it or not. She missed being able to just lay and stare at Ryan. They had been apart for far too long. She felt not upset for herself but for him. She wished she could do something so he would suffer once she left him. She felt like she was cheating him out, she was also afraid that he would blame himself for this. It wasn't but she was gratefull it was almost over. She was no longer innocent and pure. She had been through to much and her skin was too rough for a seventeen year old. She knew this had been a blessing in disgusize. If only he knew how many times she had tried to accomplish this herself. The pills she took, the binge drinking, the cutting. But she didn't want to admit it to him. She didn't want to make him feel worse then he already did.
The two of them have never been much talkers, so the silence was perfect. She just loved looking into his beautiful blue eyes. She had been counting the seconds in her head. Why must her body fight to continue to save her when her soul and her heart were ready to move on. She could feel the cold ruby red blood run down her forehead. She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. She felt like she would cough up that same blood. She inhaled again. She couldn't even try to keep her eyes open any longer. It was too much for her body.
She could feel him call her name out a few times but it seem to get further and further away. She didn't see the white light everyone had promised her and she didn't feel like anyone was trying to lead her anywhere. She could just feel her body become heavy. And she could feel her heart take slower and slower beats until she couldn't think anymore. She tried not to concentrate and then she couldn't hear anything. She couldn't even open her eyes or try to breathe. She couldn't move and her sense of touch was gone completely. Everything was just black. And she was no longer a person. Just someone people used to know.