Disclaimer: This is a fic about how Pretending came to be written. Finn has some help from Santana. My friend gave me the idea. Nothing that is someone else's is mine. I'm just borrowing them.
The Brittana Behind Pretending
By Julia
Finn Hudson was sitting in the boys' hotel room, a notebook sitting in front of him. It was blank. He was supposed to be writing a song for Nationals. He knew he wanted to express how he felt for Rachel, but he couldn't find the words. He was surprised when Santana came into the room. The girls' room was adjoining. She was holding a notebook too. She sat down on the bed next to him. She gave him a smile. Finn half-smiled back, Santana was kind of scary most of the time. He said, "What's up, Santana?" He wasn't so sure that he wanted to know what she wanted. Best to tread cautiously.
Santana nodded towards his notebook. "Written anything yet?" She wanted to write a song to show how much she loved Brittany, but she was too scared to do it. She had been thinking that she should try and get Finn to write it, she had talked to Puckerman, and she knew Finnocence was trying to get Berry back. She wanted to use him as a tool to say what she felt for Brittany. She just didn't want anybody to know. That's another good thing about using Finnocence as a tool. Everyone would just think it was how Finn felt about Rachel. She didn't know yet how she was going to bring it up, but bring it up she was.
Finn shook his head. "Nope. I know what I want to say, but I'm not sure how I want to say it. What about you? You gotten anything written?" He relaxed a little when he realized that Santana wasn't going to do anything to him. He looked at the notebook again and picked up his pen. He just stared at the paper in front of him, marvelling at the blankness of it.
Santana folded her legs up. She shook her head at him. "No, and I wish that I have. I really want to win. It would give us a chance to feel great about ourselves." She glanced at her notebook, too. She was now pondering about how to ask him. She finally asked, "So what do you want to say, Finnocence?"
He looked at her, not sure if he wanted to tell her. The work date with Rachel hadn't gone so well. He wasn't sure how she was going to respond to what he had planned next. He said, "I want to tell Rachel how much I love her. I don't know how to make the words come out right." He asked, "What were you wanting to write? Anything in particular?"
Santana couldn't help smiling. She had her opening. She had decided that she was going to tell him not to say anything. She could be pretty scary when she wanted to be. and she was sure she could scare Finn into keeping her secret. "Well, yeah. I have some words I want to say to Brittany. But I don't want anyone else to know. Maybe we could write the song together. You could take credit for it. You tell anyone and I will kick your ass." She gave him a narrow glance.
Finn shuddered. He had no desire to incur Santana's wrath. He said, "Don't worry. I won't. But Brittany? You're a lesbian? I thought that you were dating Karofsky." Finn gave a little shudder. They had all thought that was gross.
Santana nodded. "I'm a lesbian. Karofsky is my gay beard, that's why I don't want you to tell anybody." She nodded towards his notebook. "The song will be called Pretending." She watched as Finn hurried to pick up his pen. She said, "I've got the first line, so you need to write it down." She waited until his pen was poised over the paper. "It's face to face, heart to heart." She repeated it again, in care she'd recited it too quickly for him.
Finn wrote it down. He wondered how long Santana had been thinking about this. "Maybe the next line could be 'we're so close yet so far apart'." He didn't know where that had come from, other than that it was how he felt about Rachel. He was always around her, and he wasn't as close to her as he wanted to be. He looked to Santana, to see what she thought of the line.
Santana gave him a surprised glance. She thought that it was good. "Yeah, I like it." Silence fell for a minute or two, as they both thought about what the next line should be. They both looked up as Quinn, Rachel, and Brittany stuck their heads into the room. Santana was surprised, she didn't think that Quinn spent all that much time with Rachel. Santana asked, "What do you guys want?" She wanted them to leave quickly so they could get back to writing the song. Finn gave Rachel a bright smile, and Santana had to work not to roll her eyes.
Rachel gave them both a smile. She had a momentary pang, at seeing Finn and Santana sitting together on the hotel bed, but she shook herself. She knew that Finn loved her, and she had told him that she didn't want anyone to keep her from achieving her goals. She had no right to try and keep him from being happy if he wanted to be with Santana. She said, "What are you guys doing? Do you guys want to go and get something to eat downstairs?"
Finn really wanted to finish the song. He wanted to win Nationals almost as much as he wanted Rachel back. He shook his head. He hated turning her down, but since Quinn and Brittany would be there, it wasn't so bad that he said no. "No, sorry, Rach. I really want to finish this song so that we can win Nationals. I'm sorry. I wish that I could." He wished that the work date he'd taken her on had gone better.
Rachel looked at him in surprise. "Well, OK, I guess. Do you want to come, Santana?" She asked, trying to be diplomatic. Most of the time she was pretty scared of Santana. Most of the time, Santana was very unpredictable. Rachel didn't know what Noah had ever seen in her, despite the fact that she was smokin' hot.
Santana cast her gaze on Rachel. She grudgingly put up with Berry most of the time. She guessed she thought Finn and Rachel were cute together. Even if Rachel was more annoying when she was with Finn. She shook her head. "No thanks, Berry. You guys have fun." She still didn't know what Quinn was doing with Brittany and Rachel. Especially since Finn had just dumped Quinn because he was still in love with Berry. Quinn had been pretty pissed. Santana wasn't so sure that she blamed her. Santana would have been pissed, too. She turned her gaze back to Frankenteen as the others left. "I've got the next line of the song, Finnocence. It should be, 'I close my eyes, I look away, and that's just because I'm not OK'." She watched as he wrote it down.
There was silence for a moment as they both thought. Finn said, "What about 'but I hold on, I stay strong, wonderin' if we still belong'." He totally was thinking about Rachel as he said the words. He loved her so much. He wasn't even sure that he'd ever loved Quinn. They'd only been dating for four months last year when he'd joined glee and started spending all that time with Rachel.
Santana thought that was pretty good. "Hey, Finnocence, that's actually pretty good. This song is going to win us Nationals." She couldn't keep the grin off her face.
They spent the rest of the day writing it, and Santana just wished that she could say all of that to Brittany. She was just going to have to let everyone think it was Finn's words to Rachel. It wasn't untrue. He did feel that way about Rachel. She sighed, as they got ready to rehearse the other song the group had written, Light Up the World. Santana cast a glance at Brittany, who was dancing with Chang and Wheezy. She was so close, and so far apart.
It was time to perform. Finn and Rachel were standing backstage, getting ready to go on. Finn went up to her. "Rachel, I love you. I know you love me. Why can't we be together?" He asked. He thought she was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen. He didn't ever want to be without her ever again. She just had to say she loved him too.
Rachel thought the song that Finn had written was really great. She said, "I love your song, Finn. I did want you back. But I can't let anything get between me and my dreams. I am totally coming back here after graduation. I love you but my career has got to be more important." She was not staying in Lima, no matter what she had to do.
Finn didn't know why everyone was assuming that he would stay in Lima. He wanted to get out as much as the next person. "Rachel, I could come with you. You know I want you to be whatever you want to be. I love you and I believe in you." He just knew that Rachel would be completely amazing when she came to New York after graduation.
Rachel was momentarily stunned. Kurt had said the same thing to her, that she should bring Finn along. Rachel had told Kurt that Finn was too much of a country boy to ever leave Lima. Maybe Kurt had been right. She wasn't sure that she could let herself believe that she could have it all. She said, "Really, Finn? You'd come to New York, too?"
Finn took her hands in his. "Rachel, I would do anything for you." He put his arms around her. He loved holding her, she was so tiny and she smelled amazing. Her personality made up for her small stature. He kissed her forehead. "I want to be with you. Just relax. Everything will work out as long as we're together."
Before Rachel could say anything, they heard their song start. Finn reluctantly let go of her, and they went to their places. Finn walked out, singing the words he and Santana had written. He caught Santana's eye as he walked towards Rachel. Santana had tears in her eyes. Finn felt bad for her. Things seemed like they'd work out for him and Rachel. If only things could work out for Brittany and Santana.
Will we ever say the words we're feelin'
reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending or will we forever
only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be
pretending
How long do I fantasize?
Make believe that it's still alive imagine that I am
good enough that we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on, I stay strong, wonderin' if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feelin'
reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending or will we forever
only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be
pretending?
Keepin' secrets safe every move we make
Seems like no one's letting go and it's such a shame
'cause if you feel the same how am I supposed to know
Finn had a plan. He was going to kiss Rachel at the end of the song. Especially since that Jesse St. James kid was out there. Finn hated that guy, and he was trying to get Rachel back. Finn didn't want him to succeed. The song came to an end, and Finn put his arms around Rachel and pressed his lips to hers. There was a pounding in Finn's ears. It was his heart, from the nervousness. Rachel was kissing him back. It felt like it was only them in the world. He kissed her until he ran out of breath and then they broke apart.
Santana watched as Finn let go of Rachel, and she sighed. She was very jealous. She doubted that she'd get the same response if she had kissed Brittany in front of all those people. She was jealous of them both. She got ready to start singing the other song, her heart heavy. Would she ever be able to have her happy ending with Britt Britt? Or would she always be pretending?
Author's note: Hope you liked! My friend says this was her head canon, that Santana helped Finn write the song. This is what came out of my head. Long live Brittana and Finchel!