So this is, yet again, an angsty, onesided Emily/JJ, Emily-centric oneshot. I hope y'all enjoy. (:
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, own nothing.
Never Meant To Be.
Hope has been a large part of her life for the past few years. Through everything, she has managed to keep that hope alive. When she first realized her feelings, Emily knew she was just a few words away from finding an answer. When JJ first started dating Will, Emily convinced herself that it wouldn't last. When JJ got pregnant, Emily convinced herself that living with a hormonal JJ would send Will running for the hills. When Henry was born, Emily convinced herself that Will would turn out to be an awful father and JJ wouldn't put up with it for long. When that ring finally made its way onto JJ's finger, Emily convinced herself there would be some last-minute change of heart that would make everything end up like it was always supposed to be. When the plans started coming together, Emily merely convinced herself that there was still time.
But what about now, as they stand at the altar? As JJ grins through her tears and Will stares back at her with nothing but pride and love (so much love) in his eyes? As a church full of people, of friends, of family, looks on with happiness and excitement? What is there to tell herself now? What is there to convince herself of? That the love she can feel radiating between the two will just fade away? That this is all just for show, that JJ is only going through with this because she's afraid to let everyone down? That she is doing this all for Henry? (That hope is ripped away from her and suddenly, she feels more alone than she has in years.)
She may have been acting like a naive child for the past few years, but that stops now. Emily plasters a smile on her face and lets herself finally see the truth. (And she ignores the pangs she feels as her heart breaks like glass.)
It's JJ and Will up there, holding hands, saying vows, exchanging rings, and sharing a kiss. It's not her. It will never be her. (It was never meant to be her.) She and JJ will never be the ones standing there, side-by-side, hand-in-hand.
To her, JJ is everything. But to JJ, she is simply a friend. A co-worker. A bridesmaid. Nothing more. (Not enough.) That's the way it will always be. (Always was.)
She remembers telling JJ to go for Will. She remembers encouraging the blond to get back together with him. She remembers telling herself that there was still time, that she could still figure things out, and that Will would merely be a distraction. (If she thought it was a good idea then, well, she certainly doesn't think so now.)
And just as the realization finally sets in, as the facts finally seem to absorb in her brain, she tucks them neatly away into one of her nice little compartments. She'll deal with the pain, the heartbreak, the self-loathing, the self-destruction, and the questions later. Later, she'll let herself fall back into old habits. She'll let go, if only for a few hours, and do something stupid. Something to make herself feel. But today is supposed to be special, happy, joyous, exciting, and uplifting. So for now she'll let herself feel nothing but the emptiness (and the continuous stabbing feeling against her chest) and put on her best mask of happy.
Today may easily be the worst day of her life, but it's one of the best of JJ's. Who is she to ruin that?