Disclaimer : Invader Zim comes from the brilliantly disturbed mind of Jhonen Vasquez. I don't own it in any way, shape or form.

Ok, my first BIG story! Well, it should be about eight chapters, not including this one. Big for me, ok? The next one is out tommorrow, then hopefully a new chapter every week. Enjoy, internet people.

Paranoia and Resolve

Prologue

"Well he wasn't supposed to actually conquer the place!"

Purple stuffed a few dozen more chips in his mouth and Red wished for a moment that he hadn't snapped at him. But when he was under this kind of stress, he got tetchy. When Purple was under stress, copious amounts of snacks disappeared with an alarming speed.

This was not how it was supposed to happen. Zim was supposed to be dead, or exiled, or amusingly inept but overall very far away. But in just two days the big spaceship ga- ugh Armada would be rendezvousing at the Earth planet with the carriers ready to harvest anything worth taking and the main cannon primed for the organic sweep. To be fired by the courageous invader who had conquered the planet.

Zim.

This was not how it was supposed to happen.

Why did they have to do it? Actually acknowledge Zim as an invader? Validate the short little beast, scourge to all life in the galaxy and his beloved Tallest in particular? Well he knew why, of course. Old, old rules and rights and morale which the military needed far more than the Tallest would ever let the media know. Zim's victory transmission (complete with an almost certainly exaggerated inventory of captured goods) coming during a very well attended rally didn't help. They couldn't keep this quiet. Too many had heard, too many uncomfortable questions would be asked, and there weren't enough airlocks.

Purple finished the bag and tore into the next one unceremoniously. Empty packets were piled around him like the Ghosts of Snacks Past. With the empty desperation of one covering his eyes before the oncoming train, Red made the obvious suggestion.

"We could Skooge him...?"

Purple looked up from the chips with a slightly unhinged glare.

"Yeah, 'cause that's worked soo well before! Besides, can you see anyone, anyone, volunteering to be Zim?"

Red flinched. It was true. Short, irritating Irkens seemed to be nigh on indestructible. Considering the abuse they suffered at the hands of their taller compatriots, this was probably an evolutionary necessity. And what kind of degenerate Irken would spend the rest of their life under the name of the most abhorrent little monster his species had ever produced (and not in a good way)?

"We... we could just, just ignore him! Make some excuse, wait him out!"

"You think he'd let us?"

"He's gotta die of old age sometime!"

"He could wipe us all out before that happens!"

"Well you make a suggestion then! What kind of Tallest are you?!"

"Me?! This is all your fault! You had the idea of sending him to that stupid stupid rock! I just wanted to leave him with the sandwich!"

Purple was shaking now, could have been rage, but was probably fear. Another bag of chips suddenly found itself being brutally eviscerated.

"You said we'd never see him again! You said he was gonna die out in space, far far away! You said that this would never ever happen! You promised!"

Red grabbed Purples arms before he could chew off a finger with his aggressive stress-eating. "Well ok, maybe we screwed that one up, but hey we're still great, right? We'll get through this, we'll think of something! We've got through worse- remember Operation Impending Doom One?"

Purple shook his head, "this is worse".

Red was determined not to let this become a crisis. Well, ok, it already was the crisis to end all.. um.. crisisises (?) but he was determined not to admit it.

"Do you..."

Purple sounded almost calm for the first time since Zim's transmission. Red looked at him encouragingly.

"Do you think... if we gave him what he wanted... maybe he'd leave us alone...?"

The optimism was hesitant at best, but Red wanted desperately to rekindle some of that old "we're the Tallest and we're totally awesome" feeling that had fled in terror from Zim's triumphant smirk.

"Uh.. yeah! I mean, maybe..."

Hey, was that the glimmer of a totally awesome idea?

"Wait- yeah- no wait.. yeah!" Red grabbed the chips from Purple's limp hands and devoured a handful. "He conquered the stupid planet, right? So, like, he's probably deserving" (ugh, that word did not want to be associated with Zim) "of some kind of promotion, right?"

Purple gave him a look with emergency medical treatment in it, "promotion? You want him around us?"

"Nu-uh no, not that. A special promotion. For really special Irkens! Something absolutely vital and necessary and, and..."

"Not involving us at any point?" Purple was unslouching a little. The crumbs around his mouth shifted to make room for the grin of a Tallest who is Catching On to the Totally Awesome Plan.

"Exactly! He can't complain can he? We can put him somewhere in the administration ships, tell him he's in charge of his little planet, bury him in all the jobs nobody else would be stupid enough to take seriously, and leave him there to rot! Forever!"

Purple hesitated "the administration ships? Isn't that a little... close?"

But Red was on a roll. And who could say? Maybe that oncoming train would be made out of foam. That would be nice.

"No, that's were we went wrong before! When he's far away we can't see what he's doing! It's all about balance! Far away enough so's he can't bother us, close enough that one wrong move and"- Red mimed centring something in the sites of an imaginary canon - "BANG!"

Purple still looked a less than sure. Would Zim be content to be bombarded with paperwork under the guise of a real 'mission'? Zim was stupid, but not patient. For that matter, Purple was not one hundred per cent sure that Zim could be destroyed by anything as lacklustre as a volley of canon fire followed by ship wide explosions and lethal decompression. But oh, how he wanted to believe. He managed a weak grin.

"Yeah, ok. I guess, I mean, how could things get any worse?"

"Don't ever ever say that!"