ADURHURHUR.
Okay, so it's almost 4 in the morning, and I COULD NOT SLEEP. So I whipped out the laptop and started typing away blindly for a good hour. It was so funny I thought I might as well post it. X'D
I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. AT ALL.
And I warn you, it's late and there's probably a crapload of errors that I haven't even noticed because I'm so tired...
There were many things the Akatsuki did religiously. No, not the creepy kind of religious stuff you're used to seeing with Hidan, but perhaps more 'normal' things.
One such example I can give you is what the Akatsuki refer to as 'Sacred Night'. Sacred Night is when everyone seats themselves in the lounge, and they watch either a new episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Big Bang Theory, or Family Guy. Those 3 shows are what bring the S-Rank criminals together. Tears of sorrow, joy, and comedic pain have been shed on these nights.
Another example would be the once a month Brocest meeting. The Brocest meeting is a boys-only thing. Konan, once a month, turns into a 'Bitchasaurus'. Hidan had lovingly doted her that nickname after she smashed him through 3 walls and beat him with a sock soaked in beaver pee. But that's a story for another day.
Oh, I was talking about the Brocest meeting…
The Brocest meeting is where the male Akatsuki members can choreograph a plan to keep them alive until the week of PMSing is over. Pein has several times contemplated making the PMSing go away for 9 months, but Kakuzu was able to talk him out of it. They didn't have the funds nor the tolerance for a child.
But there was something the Akatsuki did with great religious religiousness.
The Moving of the Rock ceremony.
It was something that occurred every 2 to 3 months. You see, the Akatsuki owned a pet rock. This rock was named Amatarasu, which meant 'Shining Heavens'.
Amatarasu was a special piece of earth. You see, Amatarasu was about 4 feet tall, and 2 to 3 feet around. It was blood red in color, and had a kind of glow around its smooth surface. The Akatsuki, however loathing of this rock, felt the need to keep it. The color matched the red cloud on their cloaks perfectly, and they had to admit, it was a pretty damn awesome rock.
So naturally, it needed to be guarded.
The Akatsuki would take turns watching over Amatarasu, and they also made sure to keep the rock clean.
However, a job as monumental as caring for Amatarasu must be shared equally, and so every 2 to 3 months, the Akatsuki would move the rock from someone's room, to someone else's.
It would only take about 20 minutes, depending on the next guardian's room location, but there was a time when Amatarasu took quite a tumble, which leads us to the actual story.
"Who's moving it this time, un?"
"Perhaps you should do it this time, you lazy terrorist," Itachi said, casting his somewhat uninterested gaze at the young blonde. Deidara cast a look of annoyance right back at the raven-haired Uchiha before looking to Leader-Sama with begging blue eyes.
"You haven't done it in a while, Deidara," Leader-Sama said. That was the final nail in Deidara's coffin.
"Fine… Un…"
He moseyed over Amatarasu and placed his hands under the immense pebble, getting a feel for how heavy it would be.
"Better step out of the way," Kakuzu said, stepping out into the hall. Most of the Akatsuki followed.
Deidara, having adjusted to the rock's surface, lifted.
He didn't collapse with the weight, unbelievably. Leader-Sama waited a moment for Deidara to get settled.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Is he okay?"
"He's okay, Kakuzu."
"Okay."
"Deidara, are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"GET A MOVE ON ALREADY," Konan yelled from the corridor. She was going to miss Oprah if these idiots didn't hurry up.
"Alright, walk forward," Leader-Sama directed. Deidara did as he said. Amatarasu made things difficult to see, so there must always be someone guiding the person carrying it.
"Turn… Turn… TURN!"
"I'm turning, calm down!"
The two were now in the hallway with the rest of the Akatsuki.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Now turn to me."
Deidara turned.
"Other way."
He turned again.
"Good. Now walk straight forward."
He walked straight forward. Leader-Sama walked backwards to make sure the boy was doing the job right.
"Keep walking… Keep walking…"
The two came to the end of the corridor. There was a narrow hall to their left that would lead them into the lounge. Leader-Sama decided it would be to the benefit everyone if they just put Amatarasu into the room everyone was in the most often.
"Okay… Turn left… Left… That's not left that's right!"
"Well what left; yours or mine?"
"Mine."
"… This way?"
"No the other way! Yes, yes, that way! Alright… Now, walk straight."
Deidara took a few steps forward.
"Watch out for the monkey. The monkey. THE MONKEY, DEIDARA."
"Alright, alright…"
There on a side-table in the narrow hall stood a green monkey statue. Deidara narrowly avoided it and stopped for a moment.
"Monkey?"
"Monkey."
"Did I make it?"
"Yeah, you're good."
"Okay…"
"Okay?"
"Okay."
There was a pause.
"Look out for the other monkey."
"Okay."
"Okay. Okay. Okay, you're almost there…"
"Monkey… Gotcha… Whoa whoa… WHOA!"
There was the sound of glass breaking. A pause.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
A pause.
"MONKEY!"
The red rock had escaped Deidara's grasp and began rolling down the hall. It almost knocked Itachi over, but the Uchiha had been prepared. He jumped to avoid it, and it instead struck Tobi.
"Adurhurhur…" Konan said with a smirk on her pretty face.
"Oh Konan; you troll," Hidan said. Although he had to admit Tobi had it coming.
"Great idea to stop Amatarasu with your body, Tobi," Leader-Sama said, leaning over Tobi's crippled form. Amatarasu had rolled on his special parts… Ow…
"Thank you, Sir…" Tobi squeaked.
Deidara lifted the red rock off of Tobi, and they went back down the hall, careful not to hit any monkey statues.
When at last Deidara had the rock placed the lounge room, the Akatsuki let out a group sigh of relief.
"Well at least that's over…" Sasori said.
The Akatsuki sighed again. On to the next religious activity... Feeding Zetsu his cow manure! Now if they could just find a cow… and Zetsu, for that matter…
Did you guys see the Invader Zim reference? DIDJA DIDJA DIDJA? 8D?
And about the lack of description... I think it adds to the humor... X'D Maybe that's just me...
Yeah, I saw that one episode of Invader Zim recently, and n my half asleep state I saw this happening to the Akatsuki... And yeah... XD I actually planned on writing a Hetalia fic, but this was already typed up before I could even begin plotting a Hetalia fic, so... X'D
Review? Pwease? PWEASE?