A/N: A WIP meant for my lil sister's Christmas pressie. Since I'm known to procrastinate, I'm starting early (again) this year! Irresistable, Dirty and Silver, as per the brat's demands. Don't like, don't read :P It's basically Hyotei crack from Hiyoshi's POV. A random week in canon.

Disclaimer: Original names, characters and places don't belong to me. I don't own anything except the general ridiculous plot-less plot and OC(s), if any. Yadablah.

True Colors of the Rainbow

From the Perspective of Hiyoshi Wakashi: A Week in Hyotei Gakuen

for: shattered. illusions. Merry Christmas (09), chibi.

Day One: A Dysfunctional Atobe Monday

Journal-san,

Hahaue has insisted on me keeping a journal, to be shown for her brief perusal (by that, I mean a mere fanning of pages just to check I've written something). I protested, of course, only girls and weird people such as Atobe would keep a journal.

Maybe this would help me understand how his twisted mind works and help me gekyukujo him though. How thoughtful of hahaue.

But then again, perhaps not as she threatened to send me to a psychologist for obsessive-ness. According to her, I am too obsessed with gekyukujo-ing buchou. I fail to see the problem with that. Atobe-buchou is simply put, dysfunctional.

Take today, for example. I may be only a second year to his third year status but any rumor about buchou just spreads like wildfire. Anything remotely related to buchou spreads like wildfire. Like that time early this year when buchou officially announced Oshitari-senpai as fukubuchou. It somehow mutated into them being in a relationship and it was all over school in the matter of an hour or less with crying girls everywhere. It was so, for lack of a better word, stupid! Buchou had been forced by Sakaki-san to announce it because he had to have a fukubuchou. The whole middle school circuit need not know but Coach insisted that at least internally it not look like Atobe controlled everything.

But I digress. Today, buchou proved how truly dysfunctional he was. Admittedly, it was not for the first time. In a rather sick attempt at a "joke," he announced for all and sundry to hear he was already in a relationship towards the end of training. The lone fangirl left began to cry and of course, buchou had to act the gentleman he supposedly is. It went down something like this:

"Also, Ore-sama would like to make an announcement."

Shishido-senpai rolled his eyes and muttered from his slouched position, "Get on with it already, you jabbering buffoon." He only earned himself a steely look from Atobe-buchou and a nudge from Choutarou to silence him. Once the latter was done, he surprisingly shut up. I seriously wonder what is with that two sometimes!

"You mere mortals should be honored that Ore-sama should grace your pitiful selves with this news first and foremost." He continued.

Oshitari-senpai interrupted now. "Atobe, get on with it." I guess he gave up trying to get Mukahi-senpai to behave and decided to change tactics.

"Ore-sama is attached." Atobe finished, pretending Oshitari-senpai hadn't interrupted him at all.

A sniffle could be heard and he surveyed our ranks as though expecting to find the perpetuator there. It wasn't till sniffle turned to cry and cry turn to wail that he realized it came from behind him where a fangirl had heard him. It took him that long. How much more dysfunctional can you get?

I'm starting to believe that 'dysfunctionality' can be passed around like a virus because the fangirl's next words were fairly dysfunctional as well. "The rumors of you and Oshitari-san were true then!"

It took even Atobe a while to piece it together, from the rumors when he announced senpai as fukubuchou and senpai telling him to 'get on with it' earlier. The weird part was he wasn't the least annoyed. Oh no, he acted all misunderstood and understanding, offering to take the girl out to calm her down.

And take her out he did. Only he did so during our post-training compulsory hangout. The hangout that he himself instituted as compulsory and regulars-only. If one looked closely, you could see the tick in Oshitari-senpai's forehead and the annoyance bubbling of Mukahi-senpai and Shishido-senpai in waves. An attempting-to-be-placid Oshitari-senpai and obviously disappointed Choutarou was definitely not enough to calm them and they all left early.

But what does buchou do? He somehow managed to get the girl eating out of his hand and somehow managed to artfully bring out a gift from somewhere without making it seem like he was buying her silence. It wasn't, exactly. He said it was to apologize for confusing her and hurting her feelings and whatnot. And he insisted on it. Atobe sure had money to spend!

Come to think of it, it's probably the money that made it possible for him to buy the gift anyway. Give the girl's general specifications to one of the many servants he had following him and get them to deliver it to him discreetly.

I'll credit that he's sly and cunning definitely, but he's still dysfunctional. Only a dysfunctional person would spend money on placating a mere fangirl of little consequence over a mere misunderstanding. I mean if anyone has seen what goes on in the locker room after our resident fanboy and buchou has a match… Well, suffice to say that Oshitari-senpai would be the last name on the list of possible partners for Atobe-buchou, before the girls! He's the complete antithesis of the real person beside buchou after all.

Nah, strike that, they have at least one thing in common – downright possessiveness.

The first and only time Shishido-senpai and Mukahi-senpai fought without their buffers, it resulted in Shishido-senpai pinning Mukahi-senpai in order to prevent himself from getting hurt. Oshitari-senpai misunderstood – which is so out of one of his trashy romance novels – and messed up Doubles 1 for weeks by playing with Shishido-senpai's mind until he was going berserk.

One would have thought Atobe-buchou would be the possessive one. But then, think about Jirou-senpai's near obsessive state over Rikkaidai's Marui-san. If buchou was really possessive, he would have done something about that, really. Nope, it's Jirou-senpai that is the really possessive one. Not that anyone has ever seen buchou complain.

When he woke up to see the girl departing thanking "Atobe-sama," the temperature dropped so fast you would think Atobe was pissed – he is the one with that technique! But it wasn't him, it was Jirou-senpai who was so obviously confused, agitated and a whole host of other emotions that I find way too troublesome to list.

I almost got out of there asap but watching Atobe charm and grovel twice a day was something I couldn't pass up on.

"Kei-chan, what's going on?" That was definitely fake sleepiness in Jirou-senpai's voice. Every other bit of body language screamed alertness and chill.

Buchou obviously could tell. "Just a fangirl, Jirou. Were they too loud that you woke up?"

Concern and disassociating himself from the rest of us was a decent move, I'd give him that but he was still in hot soup. "No one would bring a fangirl here except you, Keigo. Simply because no one can!" The end was bordering on hysteria and tears, Jirou style. He would not be like any other and cry and wail. He'd take it quietly and leave buchou alone until they both cracked. The last time it happened, the whole team went insane.

Atobe-buchou was clearly still remembered that time as he was trying his best to prevent a repeat of history. "Jirou, do you remember saying you didn't want fangirls sniffing around my relationships?" The question brought a tremulous nod. "I was trying to make that happen."

"By flirting with a fangirl? You want me to be the behind-the-scenes relationship?" Senpai flared up, hardly sparing a glance for neither me nor Kabaji though we were both in the room still.

"No!" Atobe was either a really good actor or he truly was appalled at the thought. "I'd never! Can you please let me explain everything to you first?"

The pleading tone definitely worked. That and the fact he was speaking in first person even though there were others present totally worked in his favor, as far as I could tell. Jirou-senpai softened, even though it wasn't very obvious. It must have been obvious to Atobe-buchou though as he continued. "I announced towards the end of training that I was otherwise involved. A fangirl overheard me and started wailing about me and Oshitari." He made a look of disdain. "Wherever they got that thought is utterly ridiculous. We're both attached. Why Oshitari didn't spontaneously combust is beyond Ore-sama."

That won him a stifled laugh but the fact that he made senpai laugh seemed to be prize enough to Atobe. "I decided to twist it in our favor, pretending to take her out to calm down and erase any possible rumors, no matter how untrue."

"It worked?" Jirou-senpai practically had stars in his eyes by then. It was worse than when he fanboy-ed over Marui-san and that was saying a lot!

"She now believes I'm still interested in relationships, I just haven't found the right person yet. And I've expressedly stated I'd like to find this person myself." Buchou smirked there, looking downright devious. "Of course, they don't know that I've already found that person. But, what they don't know can't hurt them."

It started to get really mushy so I left. Kabaji could stay and bear witness but I have no intention to taint my eyes. They've been accidentally tainted one too many time already! But honestly, I bet Oshitari-senpai would be kicking himself for not having better control (though his is near stellar already) once he hears of this! It was exactly like a scene right out of one of his novels. Maybe buchou has been spending too much time with his fukubuchou until the 'novelty' (need to read romance novels) has rubbed off him.

It only makes him more dysfunctional. Spending money needlessly on a mere fangirl, wrapped around Jirou-senpai's little finger (though I fail to see how that is physically possible… the finger is only this big…) and now reading romance novels.

Oh well, just makes him easier to gekyukujo, an awesome start to the week! I need to come up with ways to gekyukujo his dysfunctional person without becoming dysfunctional myself. At least that is a challenge. My hand's starting to cramp which is weird seeing how I've seen buchou write more and still be utterly relaxed. Not that I'm trying to be like him or anything…

&

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that. It was certainly enjoyable to write and very amusing to do so. It's a cracked up version of Hyotei, title taken from a song by Oshitari (Yuushi, damn it! Not that I don't like Kenya but I just like Yuushi more(: ). It isn't exactly in character as I embellish as I see fit at times. Artistic license? Heh. Please R&R! -iirse