Ratchet and Clank: All or…Something

A prequel to Ratchet and Clank: Up your Arsenal. Someone has placed a hit on our two heroes on Planet Endako and attacked Planet Snivelak at the same time. If they're not robots or those Thugs, then who are they…?

9:27 am...Endako time

Ratchet and Clank were resting on the couch inside of Clank's apartment, flipping through various channel ads. It was sunny outside, the cars hovering back and forth by their apartment, birds singing, all that stuff. Absolutely nothing could go wrong. ...Or could it?

"Whatever happened to that robot girlfriend of yours?" asked Ratchet.

"Umm...she decided to part other ways." said Clank.

"She dumped you?"

"NO! No, we just decided...to stay friends...from a very far away distance."

"So she dumped you?"

"I didn't say that! After that business with the Protopets and getting blown up by Qwark, she said it would be best for her to stay away. You know, for her own safety."

"I see."

"Yes."

"She dumped you!"

Ratchet chuckled as Clank yelled at his various break-up comments. He sighed and muttered,

"I'm going for a walk..."

All right. Call me back when you get back together with your girlfriend."

"Shut up!"

10:24 am...Snivelak time

With all the Thugs on Snivelak dead or in jail, there was practically no more defense left for the Thugs' HQ. A rival organization that goes by the name of Hairmons 'R' Us, was invading their headquarters, assaulting any surviving personnel on the way. The Hairmons were a league of mutant crossbreeds between a lizard and raccoon. While some had black striped fur and scaly long tails, others had spikes on their backs retreating to the top of their heads. Some looked completely horrible and half their bodies were pale-green skin and the other half was brown fur.

Believe it or not, but the Hairmons were relatives of the Thugs out-casted to one of Snivelak's moons, Obsidiak. After residing in the radioactive atmosphere and ozone layer, they became the horrible mutants that were killing all the Thugs one-by-one. One of their main henchmen, named Kikkut Wykly, was standing on top of a Thugs-4-Less Henchman with a blaster aimed at his back. Kikkut Wykly was a Hairmon who's only mutation was a scaly, spiky green tail. Other than that, he looks like a striped black raccoon or wolverine with a vest and shorts on.

"Where's your Leader?" he asked.

"I told you already, he's dead!"

"That's a lie. If he were dead, he wouldn't be robbing banks and trying to get enough money to rebuild his new organization."

"I didn't know about that. I just--"

Wykly shot a hole through his back, realizing he was of no more use.

"We're almost done here. What should we do when all the Henchmen are dead?" asked Wyly, another Hairmon Henchman. He was a green Thugs-4-Less Henchman, only with one raccoon arm.

"Take any technology you can find. I don't want their Leader coming back and try to find what he left behind."

"Yes, sir."

Meanwhile...

The Thugs-4-Less leader was strolling the swamps of Oozla, wearing a green vest outfit and glasses. He must've thought it would've disguised himself long enough to evade the Hairmons. But, of course, it didn't. He took out a hovering message board and started talking to one of his associates.

"Whaddaya need today, 'Max'?" he asked.

"Stop making fun of my alias! It's the only way to avoid those Hairmons from getting close to us."

"Right. Like some mutated Thug is gonna pop from behind us and--"

A gun appeared behind the Leader's associate and fired a bullet at his back. He quickly destroyed the message board before the assailant spotted him.

"This is all Ratchet's fault!! If he just woulda minded his own business, I wouldn't be sitting on a mutated swampland getting bit in the ass by those mutant fireflies! He's has to pay! ...Just as soon as I find a telephone."

Back on Endako...

It has been nearly three hours and Clank still hadn't returned to the apartment. Ratchet started to think that he actually hurt Clank's feelings.

"Clank should've been back by now..."

He shut off the TV and got off the couch, walking outside the apartment.

"Hey, Clank! You out here buddy?"

Someone suddenly shut the door and laughed evilly behind him. Ratchet turned around and gasped, staring down the barrel of a Thugs-4-Less Elite Henchman's gun.

"End of the road Lombax!" he yelled.

"Oh, crud."

As the Henchman fired his gun, it clicked loudly and didn't fire.

"Huh?" He pulled the trigger twice and it clicked again.

Ratchet put his hands down, as if he already knew what was going to happen.

"You stupid--" The Henchman continued to pull the trigger, and it kept clicking right in his face. He scratched his head, completely confused and not knowing what to do.

"Maybe something's jammed in barrel?" suggested Ratchet.

"Oh, right. I knew that."

The Henchman looked through the barrel of the gun...

...and screamed when a plasma bullet fired in his face.

Ratchet scoffed. "Idiot."

More plasma bullets began to fire at Ratchet, nearly hitting him in the ear.

"Where's my Heavy Lancer?!" he shouted, quickly opening the door.

He searched through the apartment's closet and pulled out the massive blaster made from Megacorp, shooting the two thugs who kicked in the door.

"Yeah! You guys are in trouble now!"

Ratchet began side-stepping across the walkway, shooting the Thugs-4-Less Brutes from the adjacent building. Another Elite Henchman jumped down near Ratchet, kicking the gun out his hand. He got into a fighter's stance and started side-stepping, waiting for Ratchet to make his move. Instead of getting into a long, continuous fist-fight with the reptile, he took out his Omniwrench 8000 V3 and bashed him on the head, rendering him unconscious.

"Anyone else want some?"

Several gunshots and loud grunts were heard across the walkway. Ratchet saw a Thug get tossed over a wall, his whole body nearly charred. He ran past a building and near one of the cleaning warehouses. finding over 10 Thugs on the ground, all of whom were dead.

"Holy crap. I know these guys are stupid and all...but someone must be really peeved to take on 12 Thugs at once."

Ratchet heard more gunshots and groaning, noticing a Thugs-4-Less Brute in red armor fall from building and land at his feet.

"...Make that thirteen."

Two grotesque creatures jumped in front of him, standing tall and elegant as though there was nothing to fear. Ratchet couldn't tell who was uglier: the raccoon with half a lizard's face and tail or the lizard with a raccoon's arm, leg and torso. Both of them looked down and smiled devilishly at Ratchet. Compared to them, Ratchet was as tiny as a shrimp.

Ratchet could only look in fear and say, "What are you...?"

To be continued...