Fanfiction Oneshot (Percy after the deaths of Bianca and Zoe)
Painful memories
I cannot breathe
for the pain.
The energy I spend
pretending I'm all right
is far more than ever before.
"I'm alright, I'm alright," I told them, but I was lying. They all smiled sadly at me and left me to be. Did they really believe me? They think I'm alright? I thought they were my friends; they should know that regret and guilt were tearing through me; ripping apart what was left of my already mangled soul. Guilt and pain left scars no one could see. No one, but me. I could have saved them or stopped them from being killed. Instead, I feel as though the world is a fantasy, slicing through my visions of the past. I just want to sleep.
To sleep and never wake.
Let me die.
Let me embrace
that simple sleep.
Yes, let me sleep! Let me lay my head down and die! No one would mind. I would see them again, and I could apologize. It hurts to know that their deaths were my fault, even though everyone tells me otherwise. Bianca and Zoe, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! They must hate me for not helping them. I know and I hate myself. The pain is a knife cutting my soul, shredding my heart, and destroying my essence. It hurts so much, why can't anyone see? Can't they see the blood? Can't they see the scars? Let the pain leave me
and the joy dissipate.
Let me have
perfect nothingness.
I look up in the night sky and see her; the girl slain by her father, the girl I failed to save. I see Zoe Nightshade gleaming amongst the stars. I remember her quarrel with Ladon, her fight with her father to save me. Why? Why did she save me? If I had died, she would still be alive. I heard the prophecy, I knew she would die, but it didn't feel right, to abandon someone because they died for a prophecy. The sorrow is burning me, torching my sanity, how long do I have left until my life string is cut? The scars, they hurt and the pain makes me smile; this is what I deserve. This is what the world should have done long ago; destroy me, let me sleep for eternity. With joy
comes sorrow.
With pleasure
comes pain.
It cannot be
any other way.
There is no more joy, there is no more pleasure. It's my fault that they're dead, and now, I pay the price. They can't see the blood, the pain, the scars. They think I'm alright and trying to recover. How wrong they are; I can try but I can't recover. It's never easy is it? Being a goddamn hero? Everyone looks up to you and blames you for the deaths; even if they claim it wasn't your fault. Everyone blames you, because you were the leader, it's your fault they're dead. The pain is too great…
So let me die
and never feel again.
And I'll be eternally grateful if I die, but the gods need me for the war. I'm just a pawn in their games, a tool of the gods. Why should I fight for them if they don't care? Only deaths are in a war. And only pain is felt when it's done.