Six months is a long time. I sat in that apartment everyday writing down the day's events in my journal, just marking each passing day, hoping that I'd make it back to everything: 15th, my friends, my family and him. I didn't know what to expect after I failed to show at the Penny. I anticipated him being upset or angry and holding up a sign like the last time I ran away, but this time it was different- he was different.
I suppose I'd thought he'd have waited for me, waited for us, but no- he didn't. It wasn't possible for my fragmented heart, that had been carefully glued back together by Nick, to shatter again- or so I thought. Seeing the two of them together wasn't the same pain I experienced that night in the rain, instead it was raw disappointment and embarrassment. I'd let myself hope that we could finally be together, that these past months had helped us both realize that we were willing to fight to make our relationship work and that it would have made us aware that being apart simply wasn't an option anymore.
It worked for me. I knew what I wanted and I was sure I was ready for it, but he evidently wasn't. I can't understand how he could promise me all of those things and tell me that he loved me, only to end up with someone else in such a short time. I guess six months is a long time for some of us and not so long for others.
RBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB RB
I still love him and I probably will always love him but I can't sit here and watch him live out his life with someone else whilst I stay in the past. I need to move on. I need to adapt. I've grown as a person and as a woman; I now know what I want from my life. All I need to do now is mould my new growth to the changing situation and find a way to be exactly what and where I want to be. I need dependable. I need dedication. I need someone who is willing to stick it out with me and right now; Sam Swarek is off doing all that with someone else.
Things change. People change. Life changes. I just never thought that six months would alter everything and everyone. Six months really is a long time.