Edited and posted. Enjoy, drop a review and thanks for reading! Will be working on the other fanfictions as soon as I get all my shorter ones edited. I am working on W.Y.D.K right now and that is a BIG project. I still have 8 chapters or so to edit on that so please excuse the slow updates. Thankfully this is a one shot so no waiting here :)
Clint waved to Steve as he kicked his bike to life and took off, leaving the remaining agents to go their own ways. Clint walked over to the sleek black car and unlocked it, sliding into the drivers seat with a smile. He turned the keys and the engine roared to life, breaking the silence in the air. He smirked as it fell into a steady purr and he slipped his sun glasses on, adjusting the mirrors and pulling the seat belt across his chest. He buckled it and reeved the engine before checking his phone one last time. He was ready to pull out when he noticed Natasha was still leaning against the railing of the bridge, looking out over the city. She had hitched a ride with him to the bridge and he didn't see another car in sight, so how was she planning on going anywhere?
Clint killed the engine and tossed the keys in the air, catching them as he slid out of the car. He walked over to where she stood and leaned against the railing, looking at her. Natasha dipped her head a bit, acknowledging him, before turning her gaze back to the park in the distance. Despite the fact that the citty had just started to rebuild the park was full. Some kids were playing soccer in a field while others swarmed the playground and swing sets. A childs innocence was one thing that never ceased to amaze Clint. The world could be falling apart around them and they'd still find the good amongst the bad. That thought drew his attention back to Natasha and he smiled as he looked at her.
"What?" Natasha raised an eyebrow as she felt his gaze on her but she didn't turn towards him.
"Nothing. You seem awfully quiet. You haven't made a sarcastic comment yet."
"Just thinking," She shrugged.
"Uh oh. That always leads to trouble," He teased and he finally earned a smile from her as she turned around, punching him on the arm.
"Haven't you had your ass beat enough this week? Do you really want me to have to kick it?" She cocked an eyebrow.
"I think I'll pass," Clint chuckled. "So...what are you doing the rest of the day? Standing here?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I gave you a ride over here and everyone else is gone. I don't see a car around here and I can't think of anywhere you'd go that is within walking distance. Need a ride?"
"Where would I go?" Natasha said dryly, her gaze returning once more to the places beyond the bridge. "I don't know where to go. All I can think about is being compromised. I feel lost."
"You and me both," Clint sighed as he laid his palms against the warm concrete wall. "It's been a long week."
"A very long week," Natasha agreed.
"Want to talk about it?" He offered. They had worked together long enough for him to know something was bugging her, something that she hadn't shared yet. Clint might not have her entirely figured out but he was getting good at reading her.
"Only if you are buying," Natasha smiled. "And I get to drive."
"Aw, Nat, come on!" Clint frowned. "I never get to drive."
"Only because you can't," She nudged him with a smile as she snatched the keys from his hand and headed back for the car. Clint shook his head before following her with a smile, wondering what would come up in their conversation. Something told him that it wasn't going to be anything good; they had been through a lot in the last few days and he knew that things that were best left in the past would arise. He kept the smile on his face as he slid into the car but on the inside doubt gnawed at his stomach: Just what exactly was going on?
. . . . .
"So I overheard Banner and Stark discussing plans for Stark Tower. Looks like they are going to be working together for a while," Natasha mused as she took a sip from her glass. The strong Vodka made her throat tingle as she swallowed and she sighed contently. Clint chuckled at her reaction before taking a sip of his own drink. Unlike Natasha he wasn't Russia and couldn't handle the strong alchohol. Instead he had ordered straight up whiskey and it burned as he swallowed.
"That doesn't surprise me. On the inside they are both crazy scientist." Clint sat the thick glass down on the table and picked at the grainy wood. "Let's just hope Tony doesn't mess with him too much; you know how Stark is and I would hate to see the repairs go backwards."
"Agreed. Stark can be an ass," Natasha sighed as she looked out at the mostly empty tables. They had been at the bar for over an hour and had yet to discuss anything that actually meant something. Instead they were making small talk and avoiding any topics that might lead them to talking about themselves.
That bar was mostly empty when they arrived, since it was a Monday, so they had a wide array of seating possibilities. They had silently agreed on a table in the back corner that sat a little further away from the others. The two had sat across from each other, their eyes searching each others faces, trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. Lately Natasha found herself trying to read him more often; it had become a game to her, a challange to see if she really knew him.
When she had first went into training they had drilled it into her that solitude was key. If you cared for someone the enemy could use that against you. You were to remain a lone gun and a lone heart. As she grew older and more experinced she had taken the rule to heart and lived by it: Love was for children and emotions were undesirable. She had tried to cut herself off from everyone and everything but Clint had somehow managed to sneak in. Maybe it was the fact that he had sparred her when he didn't have to but whatever it was it had worked. Clint tried to play tough, much like she did, and act like he didn't care about anything. But she knew it was an act. At the end of the day, despite the fights they occasionaly had, they cared for each other. When he wasn't working Clint was the most charming man she had ever met. He was always worrying about her, checking in on her to make sure she was ok. He was funny and smart, sometimes ass, and he was easy going. Over the last few years she had gotten to know the real him, as he had gotten to know the real her, and they had became more than partners. They were friends.
That thought made Natasha frown and she picked her glass up, drinking most of the contents at once. Even though she knew the thought was absurd she was tired of being "just friends." Never before had a man frustrated her more than Clint had. The constant flirting between them and their long heartfelt talks left her wondering if she was becoming too close to him; It wasn't possible for him to entertain the same feelings and the last thing she wanted to deal with was a broken heart. The thought made her wince and she realized how much Loki had awoken inside her. He had been trying to break her down and he was doing just that depsite the fact that he wasn't even on earth anything. Natasha frowned and reached for the bottle, ready to pour herself another glass.
"Better slow down or I'll end up carrying your passed out self back to base," Clint commented as she reached for the bottle. The act worried him; neither one of them were heavy drinkers. They would drink enough to take the edge of their problems and make the world seem a little brighter but they would never drink to the point of oblivion; that would leave them vulnerable and exposed. But after the last few days Clint wondered what it would be like to completely leave the world for a while.
"I am not totally opposed to that," Natasha shot back cheekily, smiling at him.
"I'm sure you aren't," Clint chuckled, forcing the ermerging thoughts aside; Natasha had become his best friend and he wasn't about to let his own personal feelings screw things up between them. He wished that he could tell her how he felt- that every little flirtasious comment or look from her drove him mad.
"So is this how tonight is going to go?" She asked as she poured more vodka into her glass. Natasha's eyes held Clint's as she raised the glassand and took a small sip.
"What do you mean?" Clint couldn't break her gaze as continued to stare into her green eyes.
"Us. Making small talk, ignoring the real issues."
"Only if you want it to go that way," He said gently. "I just don't want to push you. We've been through a lot lately." Clint finally shrugged and dropped his graze, once again picking at the wood grain.
"For an assassin you are awfully soft," Natasha frowned, hating the fact that he left the decision up to her. Why'd he have to be so damn nice to her?
"You are my best friend, you know that. I think I can afford to be a little soft around you. Unless you'd prefer me to act like a complete ass." Clint frowned and crossed his arms, his eyes hardening.
"Easy Barton, I was just messing with you." Natasha raised an eyebrow as his actions, leaning back in her chair; she hadn't realized until then that they had been leaning towards each other.
"Sorry...guess I am a little tense."
"You and me both," She sighed. "So you go first. What is on your mind?"
"You aren't going to want to hear it," He frowned.
"Humor me." It was Natasha's turn to cross her arms as she mimicked his pose. "I'm all ears."
"Fine," Clint sighed as he wondered where to start. "Before we met at the bridge earlier I talked to Fury. I watched the clips...I made him tell me how many there were. All those people are either hurt or gone because of me. They were our own people, they had families, kids waiting for them back home. We are supposed to be the "good guys" but I turned into the "bad guy." I am a monster. Then there is what Loki did to me. I can't remember anything I did Nat. The clips that Fury showed me...I don't even remember being there. I can't remember the faces or the names. I turned into a monster and hurt people. Coulson was killed because of me. But the worst part is I hurt you." Clint lied his forehead against the cool wood, closing his eyes.
"You didn't hurt me," Natasha said softly as she reached across the table to lie her hand on top of his. "You have never been able to throw a good punch," she tried to lighten his mood a bit. Clint just grunted, keeping his head down. That was another thing about Clint that bugged Natasha; he felt responsible for everyone. He blamed himself for every failure and would let the guilt eat him alive. "Clint Barton, I want you to look at me." Natasha waited until he picked his head up and looked at her, once again holding her gaze. "You had no control over yourself or what you did, You and I both know that. You couldn't have stopped Loki alone, even if you broke away from his control- none of us could have. If our places had been reversed you would be sitting here telling me not to blame myself, right? So stop blaming yourself. You fought him Clint and in the end you won. That is what matters. You can't change the past. What you can do is change the future."
"But it does matter Natasha. Maybe if I had been stronger I could have stopped him. I could have killed you..." Clint dropped his eyes as he said the last part.
"Is that what this is about? Me?" Natasha asked in disbelief.
"Don't get me wrong, I care about those other people. I killed them in cold blood no matter what angle you look at it from. I will always feel bad about that. But if you had slipped up just once you could be dead right now. The thought is destroying me."
Natasha was silenced as she thought back to what Loki had said and she fought the panic that was rising in her stomach. Never before had actually lose control in an interigation before. Thankfully Loki had given her the information she needed anyway and she was able to play it off as an act for the others but in reality he had scared her. He had played her fears and terrified her with a single thought. She had never felt that out of control.
Natasha didn't even notice her eyes were watering until she felt a single drop betray her and slide down her cheek, leaving a wet trail. Clint reached across the table and wiped it away with a calloused thumb, frowning. "I think it is your turn," He said softly.
Natasha nodded and took a moment to try to compose herself and collect her thoughts. She was used to sharing intimate things with Clint at this point; after some missions they were the only thing that kept each other sane. They would stay up for hours and share their fears and doubts about what had occured. Clint was the one person who knew exactly what scared her, what made her fear death. And Loki had pointed that out to her. She looked at Clint for a long time before taking a deep breath.
"I was working a case when Coulson called me. I was being interrogated and the idiot was giving me every bit of information I needed. Then his phone rang. When he said it was for me I was in shock- who in the hell would be calling me in the middle of a mission? At first I thought it might be you but it turned out to be Coulson. He told me that S.H.I.E.L.D needed me to come in and I wanted to kill him; I was about to nab the guy and take out his goonies. I considered hanging up until he said that you had been compromised. That was all I needed to hear. I put him on hold and took care of the three idiots then left as soon as I could. When I got back to base he briefed me on everything they knew so far. Everyone seemed to worried about Loki and the Cube...I felt like Coulson was the only one truely worried about finding you. All I could think about was if you were alive or not, whether or no I would ever see you again. And then we caught Loki. Fury sent me in to interrogate him- I thought it would be easy. But it was like he could read my mind. And then when we were fighting on the catwalk all I could think about was what he said. It was like he planned the whole thing."
"What did he do to you Natasha? We have fought before, so why was this time different?"
"It was something Loki had said before," Natasha said in an almost whisper and Clint almost missed it.
"What did he say to scare you Nat?"
"Loki said he would make you kill me. Slowly, intimately, in every way I fear. He said he'd let you regain control of yourself long enough for you to realize what you had done and then he would kill you too," Natasha bit her lip, recalling their conversation. "That kept replaying in my mind as we were on the catwalk. I kept thinking about the time I told you my biggest fear was being killed by someone close to me."
"Nat," Clint groaned as he noticed another tear roll down herface. There was only one other time he had seen her cry and that had been in Budapest. It had been an exhausting and emotionally taxing mission. They had ended up fighting off Militia in the streets for hours and barely managed to escape to a safe house; Natasha practically had to drag him there. He had ended up with three bullet holes in his chest, two in his arm and a cut across his bicep. he kept fading in and out and consciousness and Natasha was sure he was going to die. Somehow she managed to stop the bleeding and remove the bullets without hurting him futher. He woke up for a while and that is when he told her everything he could: That he was her best friend adn the one person she could trust completely. That she had never wanted to work with another person before she knew him. That would would never take on another partner. She had managed to keep it together until he asked her to thank Coulson for everything. Natasha had cried then, silently, as tears streamed down her face. "I won't let you die," Was the only thing she had said to him. And she had kept her promise. They never spoke of it again but he knew that both of them often traveled back to that night. It took a lot to shake Natasha and it wretched his heart to see her so upset and vulnerable.
Clint stood up and walked around the table and opened his arms. Natasha didn't hesitate as she stood up and she let him pull her into his embrace. Natasha buried her face against his chest as Clint held her, her tears soaking his shirt. He wasn't sure how long he stood there hugging her before the tears stopped but even after that he continued to comfort her as they drew strength from each other. It was the first time they had hugged since Budapest and every body in his nerve was aware of her presence.
Natasha finally hiccuped and pulled away from him, using her hand to brush away any remaining dampness on her face."Thanks," She said, her voice cracking.
"You are welcome," he gave her hand a squeeze. The bartender called that the bar was closing in 10 minutes and Clint looked down at Natasha. "So where are you headed tonight?"
"I don't know...I just want to get away from everything for a while," Natasha sighed.
"You could come with me," Clint blurted before he lost the nerve.
"Where to?" Natasha tilted her head, surprised at his suggestion.
"I, uh, was planning on going to Budapest for a few days," He scratched theback of his neck, feeling sheepish all of a sudden. He realized hee had just let her know that the place was important to him, that the time they had spent there together was special.
"I think I'd like that," Natasha said slowly. "I would like that a lot."
. . . . .
"Nothing has changed much," Clint commented as he dumped his bag off onto the couch. They had arrived in Budapest as night fell over the busy City. They had checked into the hotel they had stayed at during the mission and Natasha had been surprised when they ended up in the same room. Natasha had to agree with him as she set her bag down and turned in a slow circle, examining the room. Nothing had changed at all, it seemed. The blankets she used on the couch were still folded underneath the coffee table where several outdated magazines were stacked. She picked one up and flipped through it, realizing it was one she had read while she was before. The room had obviously been used since then but there were tiny details that were still in place. Details that should have changed.
"Nothing has changed at all," Natasha raised an eyebrow, turning the statement into a question.
"I, uh, specifically keep this room rented. Aside from taking out the garbage and washing the sheets they don't do anything. I take care of picking up and stuff." Clint shifted his weight.
"How often do you come here?" Natasha asked softly, taking a steps towards him.
"A lot," He admitted. "It isn't one of those things you can forget."
"No, it isn't," Natasha agreed. She knew there was more the Budapest than she pretended to remember. She had cried for this first time since she was a child in the city. This was the first time that Clint and herself had shared what scared them most, what made them fear death. She had never let anyone in before. But it was also the first time she broke her own rules and slept with someone; despite what others believed she didn't sleep with her targets. They were taken out long before it got to that point. Looking back she supposed she could try to blame the alchohol but she knew it had been a sober decision in her heart. She had decided to act on her feelings, feelings that were still very much alive. The thought made her sit down on the couch and she opened and closed her mouth, trying to find the right words to explain things to clint.
Clint knew exactly what she was thinking about and he stood rooted to the spot. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for that night. I felt like I kind of forced you into that- you were a little drunk I think."
"You don'thave to apologize. You didn't force me into anything."
"But you were-"
"Clint, I wasn't drunk," She closed the distance between them. "And I do not regret anything."
"That is the vodka speaking again," Clint frowned but didn't step away from her as his heart pounded in his chest.
"No it isn't. If I recall correctly someone didn't let me drink as much as I would have liked," Natasha smiled slightly.
"Tasha I don't wantyou to feel-"
"Just shut up Barton," Natasha ordered before wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing her lips to his as she kissed him. Clint couldn't help but watch her as she closed her eyes, leaning into his kiss and he wondered if she could hear his heart hammering in his chest. Her tongue traced his bottom lip and he parted his lips as she deepened the kiss. Natasha pulled away from him when her lungs began to demand air and she sighed, not willing to remove her arms from his neck.
"What was that for?" Clint asked, feeling slow and stupid for the first time in forever.
"Do I need a reason?" Natasha cocked an eyebrow.
"Well, no, I guess not." He chuckled nervously.
"Relax," She ordered, dropping her hands to his shoulders and squeezing gently. Clint's sore muscles relished the feeling and he closed his eyes for a moment. "Come here."
Natasha led him to the couch and pulled his shirt off before pushing him down. Clint grunted as he stretched out on his stomach and she crawled onto the couch before straddling his back. Her cool hands dug into his sore muscles, driving the stifness and tension away. Clint closed his eyes again as his breathing evened out, his body relaxing. Natasha continued to massage his shoulders for several minutes before he rolled over, careful not to dump her off him, and laid his hands on her waist.
"Thanks." Clint smiled at her, trying to read her face.
"Anytime," Natasha smiled back at him as this thumbs drew circles on her hips. With a yawn she stretched out, lying her head on his chest and listening to the steady rythm of his heart. Clint kissed the top of her head and she stiffened, frowning.
"What?" He asked, panic in his voice. Just a minute ago she had kissed him so what was the big deal?
"That wasn't much of a kiss," She replied before scooting up and once again locked their lips together. This time the kiss wasn't broken as gasp of air were sucked in here and there. Clint's hands roamed across her back and arms and eventually found their way under her shirt. His calloused palms ran down the skin of her back, leaving goosebumps where ever they touched. "Clint," She moaned into his mouth as his fingers grazed the curves of her torso. Clint just smirked against her lips before clasping the hem of her shirt. A single tug removed the unwanted item and his hands took in every detail, every scar and curve, as they roamed her back.
Natasha knew where this was heading as her mind flashed back to Budapest and for a moment she considered stopping him. But then she realized that earlier had been a confession from him- she knew he wasn't coming here for the scenery. They had almost lost each other when Loki came to Earth so maybe it was time to let go and let each other know how they really felt. With that thought in mind Natasha raked her fingernails over his chest and Clint shivered at her touch. It was her turn to smirk as she traced the outline of his chest, her eyes dropping to the scars he had received in this very town.
'I've almost lost you twice now," She murmured as she kissed him again.
"You won't have to worry about that anymore," Clint promised as his hands stopped on her bra. Natasha's breath hitched in her throat for a moment before she looked up at him and met his gaze. She realized that he was waiting on her, giving her a chance to back out. That made her smile as she pulled him back into another kiss that was far more heated than the previous ones
Before they knew it the two were undressed, tangled together under a blanket. Natasha's nails dug into Clint's shoulders as her moans were muffled by his mouth on hers. Clint's hands were planted firmly on her waist, his eyes closed as she twisted in all the right ways. A few minutes later she was moaning his name, her face pressed into the crook of his neck. Clint closed his eyes as he felt like his mind was drifting away from his body. Knowing that she wanted this had somehow made everything seem more important and that made all the difference in the world to him. Nearly thirty minutes minutes passed in silence as he looked down at her as she remained silent. Clint wasn't able to read her face and he worried about what she might be thinking. Would he become a regret? Would he lose his best friend?
"I love you," Natasha finally said. Clint's eyebrows rose in surprise as he thought back to all the times they had just talked and been there for each other. He thought about all the times they had teased each other and flirted, the times they had fought amongst themselves. He went back to the missions where they had fought side by side against unimaginable odds, barely making it out alive. Clint knew he loved her. He knew that the minute he had kissed her all those years ago in the same City there were in now. Clint had broken all the rules; he had fallen in love. Everything about her drew him in: The way she worked in the field, her skills, her sarcastis sense of humor. The way that she was perfectly ok with being human around him. He could go on with the mental list forever.
Natasha started to panic as he remained silent and just stared at her. A few minutes,which felt like hours, passed in silence and Natasha desperatly wished she knew what he was thinking. Clint finally raised his hand and laid it against her cheek, leaning down and kissing her. It wasn't a demanding or passionate kiss like the previous ones. Instead it was a soft and tender kiss that left her knowing exactly how he felt before he even spoke. "I love you too," Clint gave her another gentle kiss. "A lot more than you realize."
"I'm scared Clint," Natasha admitted, lying her head against his chest once more as her thoughts ran wild. "I can't handle losing you. I do not know how to deal with this feelings. If something happened to you..."
"It'll be ok Nat," Clint stroked her cheek as he gazed into her eyes. "I'm not sure how it will all work out but it will. I promise."
Natasha nodded against his chest before closing her eyes as Clint pulled the blanket up to he shoulders. He tucked it around them before wrapping his arms around Natasha's waist, his fingers tracing circles on her skin. A smile crossed her face and her breathing began to slow down. Clint bent his arm so that his hand could reach hers and Natasha laced her fingers through his, giving his hand a squeeze. The minutes ticked by in silence and Clint realized she had fallen asleep.
Clint smiled as he watched her sleep and wondered where things would go from here. He knew today had changed everything for the both of them. The past few events were behind them,for now, and all they had to look forward to was the future. He knew they would catch some heat from Fury and the other Councils Members once the cat was out of the bag but it would be worth it if it meant he got to say she was his. All those years ago, when they laid in the bedroom in this very hotel room, he had decided he could easily see himself spending the rest of his life with her. But at the time he knew she wouldn't have any of that; there was nothing there for her then. But now they had come clean and he had the chance to be something more than her partner; He could kiss her whenever she wanted(unless she started hitting on him), be there for her when she needed him, keep her safe, kiss her fears and worries away. Clint could do everything he had ever wanted to do.
"I love you." Clint said to her sleeping form as he kissed the top of her head, his arm tightening around her waist in a protective hug. Natasha's hand tightened around his a bit and he smiled before closing his own eyes. Whatever the future threw at them they would handle it together. No longer would they have to hide the feelings of concern and worry for the each other. Clint had never been the type to try to guess the future, it was a waste of time, but as he laid there with Natasha on his chest he could easily see them years from now. As long as they were a team they would be unstoppable. Clint thought of Natasha favorite quote and chuckled slightly; If Love was for Children then he would remain a child for the rest of his life.