I've been trying to find Naked Quidditch Match style fanfic for BSG and met with very limited success. So I've decided to have a go. Please do R & R! Apologies for everything being squished up -FFN won't let me have it otherwise.
IN QUEST OF WEED
From: Random Minion on Deck Twelve, Random Ship
To: Tom Zarek, Colonial One.
Re: vegetation
Hey, guess what we found in the depths of the Aerilon Express? Three crates – three! – of a certain combustible material. I'm saying no more. *wink, nudge* Pass on the instructions, boss.
From: Tom Zarek, Vice-President, Colonial One
To: Random Minion, Deck Twelve, Random Ship
Re: re: vegetation
Dear Mr Whateveryournameis,
Please note that the Quorum member for Aerilon must be informed if the AE is transporting potentially illegal items. This is not the responsibility of the presidential office.
Regards,
Tom Zarek.
From: Tom Zarek (encrypted private mail)
To: Random Minion Most In Need of a Brain Transplant
Re: what the frak?
WTH are you playing at? Sending THAT mail to my official address? Granted, Roslin isn't the Fleet's most tech-savvy, but that Foster woman IS and I'm sure she's found a way of monitoring my mail. If you want to contact me about … business … use this address, otherwise I've a feeling you'll be out of an airlock before you can say 'airlock'.
Now the important stuff. Leak the word to our contacts on the other civvy ships. I'll try and pump a few likelies on Galactica and Pegasus, but it needs to be done carefully. If either of the Adamas caught wind of this, we'd be in deep trouble. The Admiral is just looking for an excuse to get rid of me as it is.
From: Random Engineer and Union Member, Tylium Ship
To: Chief Tyrol, Galactica
Re: interesting discovery
Hey Chief,
Guess what I found when I was recalibrating the whatsits when the tylium refinery went nuts last week. A crate of everyone's favourite smokable from New Caprica. Now, I know most of us would be happy to never hear – or read – those words again, you've got to admit that pre-Occupation it wasn't all bad, and the weed was certainly one of the good bits. We thought we'd never see it again, but apparently some bright spark managed to smuggle some aboard during the exodus. I'm going to let the other union members know. Hell, we deserve it.
From: Chief Tyrol, Galactica.
To: Random Engineer and Union Member, Tylium Ship.
CC: All NCU members, BSG knuckledraggers.
RE: 'interesting discovery'
If anyone hears ANYTHING about this 'interesting discovery' – by which I mean details, people – tell me ASAP. You lot have no sense of self-preservation. Cally, didn't your little gang learn from the still debacle just after the Fall?
From: Cally
To: Galen
RE: Nicky
Hah, not really. Just wanted to say that I've heard through word of mouth that IT has been moved to a safe place on board the Astral Queen. I don't think I need to tell you what that means. Somehow, we need to get it back before Zarek starts economising in a way that I don't think either of Our Illustrious Leaders would approve. Not that I care about that as much as the fact that if Zarek, or Roslin or the old man get their hands on it, we won't.
From: Galen
To: Cally
RE: re: Nicky
Cal, I think sleep dep has finally caught up with you. Honestly, can you see the President or the Admiral smoking weed? If so, you've a better imagination than I have.
From: Cally, The Worldly One
To: Galen the Innocent
Re: RE: re: Nicky
Oh, you sweet little innocent, you. You really don't know much about women. Didn't you SEE what Roslin was wearing the day of Baltar's precious ground-breaking ceremony? Lady in Red, she was. And she hung on to the old man's arm all day.
From: Galen, much affronted
To: My Know-It-All Wife
Re:Re:re:RE: Nicky
Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty in using our son to cover up your machinations? So she wore red. What about it? Looked good on her, I thought. Kinda sexy, for an old lady. Still doesn't mean they were smoking.
From: Random Knuckledragger
To: Chief Tyrol
Re: blowing the top
Chief, I think I've done something stupid. Me and another knuckledragger were talking about the stash, and Athena gave us a very funny look as she got into her bird. I've a feeling she heard more that she should've, what with her Cylon hearing an' all. What if she tells Helo? Or worse, the old man? FRAK.
From: Lieutenant Agathon
To: Captain Agathon
Re: eavesdropping on the hangar deck
Helo,
I think the knuckledraggers are running some sort of drug op. Normally I wouldn't care – it's their guts, after all – but these are knuckledraggers. What they know, Tyrol and Cally know. Which means they're ALL in it. Which means the safety of all our birds is at risk. What should I do?
From: Karl
To: Sharon
Re: re: eavesdropping
Well, you know what they say about eavesdropping. Never does you any good, and now you're in a pretty pickle. I'd say nothing – nearly all – or all – of that lot were on New Caprica, and the less they see of you the better, even if you did save their collective asses. Don't worry, I'm on it.
From: Captain Agathon
To: Captain Thrace
Re: a query
Starbuck,
Athena thinks she heard the knuckledraggers discussing some kind of drug stash they've got running. She might've misheard, or it could just be another one of their stills. But just in case, shouldn't someone do something? If the knuckledraggers are stoned at work, we're ALL at risk if the birds aren't properly maintained.
From: Starbuck
To: Helo, who has a conscience too big for its boots
Re: stash
HANG ON A SEC. Are you telling me those geniuses have found a way to get us some stuff? Great. Frabjous day. D'you know how long it's been since I've had anything resembling a high? Who do I talk to? *rubs hands in glee*
From: Helo with XO Hat On
To: Starbuck, who is Walking A Fine Line.
Re: re: stash
I prefer to stay legal, Captain Thrace. I know that's too boring for you. All I know is that Athena thinks Cally and Tyrol are involved, which means it might have something to do with NC.
From: Captain Thrace-as-God
To: Tyrol, King of the Knuckledraggers
Re: rumours of STASH
I'm in. Whatever you're planning, Sam and I are in.
From: Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies, Colonial One.
To: William Adama, Fleet Admiral, Galactica.
RE: Controlling Illegal Substances
Admiral,
It has come to my attention via my aide that rumours are circulating the fleet re: the possibility of certain illegal substances having come back with us from New Caprica. Clearly this is a matter of military and civilian security and it would be in the best interests of all concerned for us to discuss our tactics re: securing the contraband. Please contact my office to arrange a meeting ASAP.
Laura Roslin.
From: Admiral Adama, Galactica
To: The President, Colonial One
Re: Illegal Substances
Laura,
HTH did you hear about that? Starbuck let it out last night when we were sharing a few drops of that gutrot of the Chief's. She's my best source of gossip. Anyway, I fully agree with your plans to secure said contraband, especially if you intend what I think you intend…
And do I really HAVE to contact Tory? You know how I feel about her. I'd much rather contact you direct.
Bill.
TBC?