Happy Endings

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They say that regret for what you did can be tempered by time, but it is regret for what you never did that is inconsolable. Well I've had five hundred years to regret what I did, and I've discovered that, that theory's only half true. In five hundred years I've learned to accept my fate and the decision I made, but what I've come to realize is that for every action you take, regardless of what you do, there will always be an infinite number of regrets for what you did not do… or say, at that instant.

I used to think that if I could go back to that time, knowing everything that I know now, I could change things and be happy. Normal people don't get chances to change their fate, but then again, I'm Kagome Higurashi, when have I ever been normal? Five hundred years ago I became a priestess, battled an evil youkai, made a selfless wish on a mystic jewel, and became a powerful taiyoukai's mate. Not many people can say they've done a fraction of that I suppose.

Back then, after my friends and I defeated Naraku, I wished for Kikyo to have a soul and body that was her own. This may seem selfish, considering I didn't give her back her own soul, which was now mine, but in actuality, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. After that, I became the fifth wheel. Sango and Miroku married and wasted no time in starting a family; Ayame finally convinced Kouga to be her mate; and of course, Inuyasha and Kikyo married. Heck, even Shippo left every other day to visit Souten. After everything they'd been through together, the fact that Inuyasha was a hanyou was of little consequence to Kikyo and she was all too happy to live out the rest of her life with him in the village, which gradually had come to accept Inuyasha over the years.

Meanwhile, I was all alone, and everyone knew it. After using the jewel I got stuck in the Feudal Era with no way home. Everyone tried to include me in their lives, but I just didn't fit. Deep down, although I wore a perpetual smile, I was jealous of all of their happiness, especially Inuyasha and Kikyo's. Inuyasha had been my first love and I was forced to watch the two of them together everyday. It wasn't anger that I felt when he looked at Kikyo with soft eyes, or caressed her cheek, but envy and sorrow.

It wasn't until one day, when I walked into their hut, only to find them in the throes of passion that I cracked. I ran as far away from the village as I could and bawled like a child. Everyone was happy and I wasn't. I was miserable. I decided they would probably be better off without me and continued running, putting as much distance as I could between the village and myself. I ran all night and finally collapsed in the early morning hours. Thinking back, it was very childish of me to run away like that, but in my suffering I couldn't think clearly.

"Miko-sama… Do you think she's dead?" I had been awoken later to a gentle, little voice and an incessant prodding. When I opened my eyes Rin and Jaken were hunched over me, the toad-like imp prodding me with a stick.

Everything changed after that day. Despite Jaken's protests, Rin, who at the time was still a little girl, invited me to join her for lunch. With not sign of the taiyoukai and a growling stomach, I had agreed. I quickly came to adore Rin, who before then I had only caught fleeting glimpses of, and with nowhere else to go, I stayed and kept her company, since Jaken apparently, was really boring and grouchy.

It wasn't until Sesshoumaru returned late in the night that I felt as though I'd worn out my welcome. While he'd assisted us in the final battle with Naraku, and no longer pursued Inuyasha, there was no guarantee that he had suddenly become benevolent and his presence still gave me the creeps. As I rose to leave under his icy stare, Rin latched herself firmly to my leg and began to pout. Sesshoumaru ignored her, but when I managed to pry her off of my leg, she began to cry. At the time I thought she was just acting a bit spoiled, but I would later learn that Rin never cried, which was probably why Sesshoumaru permitted me to follow them after that day.

For the first month or so, he didn't speak to me at all, but gradually he began throwing me curt commands: "Stay." "Silence." "Stop." All of which followed his title for me "Ningen", which I found to be rather offensive, considering he at least called Rin by her name. Still, I obeyed him, to a certain degree and not without inwardly cursing him. I spent my days playing with Rin and arguing with Jaken, and slowly I became my old self again. Rin was the light of my life, and I became a mother to her in no time. Jaken was annoying and rude, but as the days wore on, his bitter jibes lost some of their bite. And Sesshoumaru? Well, that was a whole other thing in itself…

It started off slowly over the first year; a few accidental brushes of skin, a couple awkward concerns, and a whole lot of light blushes on my part that didn't go unnoticed. There was no great catalyst for the love that began to grow between us. I wasn't kidnapped, we didn't stay up late at night reminiscing and talking about our feelings- nothing like that, it just happened.

One night, after traveling together for nearly two years, after Rin and Jaken were sound asleep, I brewed some tea over the campfire. Generously, I poured Sesshoumaru a cup and took it over to him to where he leaned against a tree on the outskirts of the clearing. When he reached for it, his hand touched mine, as it had done several times over the past few months, but instead of taking the tea he let it fall onto the grass and instead pulled me against him. I didn't protest. While I'd tried to deny my feelings for the taiyoukai for so long, it turned out all I really needed was to know that he felt the same way, and in his own way, he did.

After many nights of our secret trysts, he finally marked me as his mate, erasing all the quiet insecurities I had about our strange relationship. Our union was based on a few conditions, all of which I readily agreed to then. The decision to become his mate is one I have both cherished and scorned over the past centauries.

But for the time being, everything was perfect. I finally got the courage to go back to the village, where everyone had thought I was dead, but still had not given up searching for me. They were shocked to find out what had happened since I'd been gone, but still accepted me back of course, even Inuyasha, though he came around later than the others. I went to the village at least once a month, always accompanied by Rin, who after a few years, stayed behind and married Kohaku.

As for me, I traveled with Sesshoumaru. I loved him more than anything in the world, but love and hate; they're two sides of the same coin. As the years flew by, I noticed something was missing. The feeling only intensified with time and I grew to deeply regret what I'd promised.

Which brings me to today... Just a few hours ago I had the chance to fix my mistake. I had the chance to go back and assert myself at that one moment that I should have. After five hundred years of being deprived, I would have gone to any length to get what I wanted. Even if it meant ruining everyone else's happily ever after…

I guess it's just funny how I could change everyone's fate but my own…

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

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‡Earlier that day‡

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"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

Kagome's hand slammed down on the alarm clock violently. Cracking her eye open, she was met with the offending red numbers "12:30". She rolled the numbers around in her head, trying to figure out what was so significant about them, but drew a blank. Too tired to think any further, Kagome decided that the numbers must not be that important if she couldn't remember what they meant and buried herself deeper under the soft, warm covers.

Groaning at the effort, Kagome reached her hand over to his side of the bed only to find it empty. Instead of getting up to find him, she pulled the covers over her head. 12:30 was an insanely early time to get up when you'd been up all night having birthday sex, which put all other sex to shame, with the exception of make-up sex, which, being the mate of Sesshoumaru, she had at least once or twice a month.

She heard the bathroom door open and shut and the smell of Giorgio Armani's Acqua Di Gio filled the room, penetrating even the thick cover that blanketed Kagome's body. She hated it when he wore his fancy cologne, because it always put her at his mercy. It was next to impossible to resist his lure even without the added aphrodisiac. Clearly, nearly five hundred years of being mates had not stunted their sex-drives in the slightest.

She listened with slight anticipation as he made his way across the room. His soft footsteps stopped on her side of the bed and her heart began to beat faster. She waited for him to throw back the covers and pounce on her, but much to her dismay, he did neither.

"Get up," he ordered. "And quit thinking of such things before I take you to a psychiatrist."

"What for?" She pouting, pulling the covers form over her head. She stared longingly at his towel-clad body, water still cascading down his sculpted chest, and was hit with the full force of the cologne. She bit down on her bottom lip to stop from groaning.

"For being a nymphomaniac," he replied simply, causing Kagome to roll her eyes. She cursed that damn nose of his. She could never have any feelings without him sniffing them out.

"You weren't complaining last night," Kagome scoffed, rising from the bed. As she predicted, the taiyoukai ignored her.

"Why 12:30?" Kagome asked, stretching her arms out and giving a big yawn.

Even in spite of the sex, twelve-thirty was unusually early for her to wake up. Over the years her sleeping pattern had changed to match Sesshoumaru's nocturnal one. Usually she didn't wake up until at least three or four p.m. and went to bed in the early morning hours.

Their bedroom reflected this habit, in that while everything in the room was a pristine white, there were heavy black curtains that covered the windows, which no light passed. The black-white juxtapose was defiantly not Kagome's idea, and if it were up to her, the room would be a lot more colorful, but it was up to Sesshoumaru, and being that it was up to him, if she wanted it her way, she would have her own room, if that made any sense.

Not that she could have her own room anyway. Their ritzy, upper-class, Tokyo apartment consisted of one enormous bathroom, a massive kitchen, a dining room, a living room, and a single bedroom. It was gorgeous, but unnecessarily large for two people and a dog. They really didn't need all that room, but although he denied it, Sesshoumaru was an extravagant.

"You were going to visit that woman today," Sesshoumaru reminded while shifting through his plethora of suits. His suits, which hung in the closet, were all of the highest class, always dry-cleaned, and hung in chromatic order. Everything about him was orderly, and if Kagome hadn't known him for the past five hundred years, she would have thought he never had an unsystematic day in his life.

"Oh yeah!" Kagome exclaimed, ignoring the fact that after centuries of friendship with Kouga and Ayame, Sesshoumaru still couldn't manage a first name basis with either. She had long-since gotten used to his general dislike for everybody but himself.

She smiled cheerfully as she began sorting through her messy dresser, looking for something casual to wear. It was pretty difficult to find and outfit considering nothing was in the drawer it was supposed to be in. She turned her head to peak and see if Sesshoumaru was watching her, but he was still preoccupied with his life-altering decision of what to wear to work. She didn't want him to see that the dresser she'd painstakingly organized last week was already a chaotic mess again.

"Are you going to come by after work?" Kagome asked hopefully. She was disappointed when she heard him scoff.

"Why?" He asked vaguely, but she knew that he knew why.

"Their new baby," Kagome said patiently, slipping into a slightly wrinkled, yellow sundress. Another scoff.

"If I, like you, paid them a visit every time they reproduced I would have already wasted half of my lifespan in their presences," he remarked with disinterest.

Kagome rolled her eyes. Kouga and Ayame didn't have a baby that often… Though Kagome did doubt she could live a day in Ayame shoes. Kagome was Ayame's closest friend, and even she'd lost count of the number of kids the wolf had, let alone their names.

Still, Sesshoumaru could have been more considerate. Of all the people from their past, Kouga and Ayame were among the last. The only other living member from their past was Shippou, who lived abroad with his own family. Everything had changed so much since the feudal era.

"But you really should come," Kagome whined, tugging on the tie he was attempting to put on. "They had a baby," she insisted, puffing her bottom lip out.

"Even roaches have children," he said, pulling his ties back from her.

Her patience thinned dangerously low. She tried to stop the words from coming out of her mouth, because she knew that every time she said something to this particular effect it always resulted in an argument she couldn't win. She tried to stop it, but she couldn't.

"Well we don't," she muttered under her breath. She instantly regretted the words when his amused demeanor vanished. His face took on its characteristic solemnity and he brushed past her.

Part of her hoped he would ignore what she'd said, but another part didn't. Despite the deep void that she felt since they'd become mates, she could count on one hand how many times they'd argued over this. It was just something she didn't bring up; because no matter how much she grew to want a baby of her own and no matter how much she resented him when he denied her this, he was always right.

Five hundred years ago, before he marked her he'd given her several minor stipulations, but one was non-negotiable: no half-breeds. Sesshoumaru had made it very clear that if he were to take her as his mate that he had no intentions of having children with her, ever. Just because he had feelings for her, he could never and would never accept having a hanyou for a child.

At that time, Kagome should have thought ahead. She should have considered that she would be faced with an immortal life in which she could never have the joys of being a mother. She should have told him no, and she should have been firm and unyielding to such an awful request. But instead she'd spent the last five centauries thinking about all the things she should have done.

Kagome had been young at the time. She was only eighteen when she became his mate. At the time, she wasn't thinking about having a family or anything like that. All she had considered was that she was terribly in love with Sesshoumaru and was being given the opportunity to be with him forever. At the time, she secretly felt gracious towards him because he'd taken her as his mate even though he hated humans.

So she'd agreed that they would never have children and was happy for a while. But, eventually, Rin got older, Shippo started a family, Sango and Miroku had children, then grandchildren, and Ayame had more pups than she could keep up with. And Kagome? She had Sesshoumaru. It wasn't that he didn't satisfy her. There was truly nobody else she'd rather be with, but he only filled one part of her.

"Do you really want to go through this again?" He asked with his back to her. Kagome bit down on her bottom lip. Although she had agreed with him all those years ago, she always resented him at times like this. He was so condescending towards her when she brought up the subject of a baby.

"It's the twenty-first centaury," she said without thinking. She wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but as soon as she started, the words continued to flow. "There're humans everywhere! The only youkai we hardly even see are Kouga and Shippo's family! You can't tell me you still hate humans," she breathed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked in a low voice. She could tell she was treading on dangerous turf. She was never afraid of Sesshoumaru's anger because even when he made threats he never carried though with them; he was too soft on her. It was his cold detachment that crushed her. When they had serious arguments he would never admit he was wrong and instead would withdraw completely from their relationship, becoming distant. Nothing hurt her more than when he simply didn't acknowledge her.

She decided that since she'd already come this far, she might as well say what had been on the tip of her tongue since the day of Rin's wedding; the last day she really felt like a mother.

"I just…" She began, clenching her fists tightly. "I just think that after all this time the idea of having a baby with me wouldn't repulse you so much," she finally spat out, finally gaining his full attention. He turned around to face her, his eyes hard. She waited for him to say something, but he didn't and she couldn't handle the silence.

"You- You know that's what I want, but you keep trying to pretend like everything's okay but it's not! I want a baby like everybody else!" She'd never been so direct with him before and was filled with a rush of adrenaline. "You buy me everything that I want and you think that makes me happy but it doesn't!" His mouth opened slightly as if he was going to speak, but as it did, the door cracked open and a little brown Chihuahua crept in, investigating the commotion.

"And I know it's true," Kagome continued, thrusting an angry finger towards the dog. "Because two years ago when Ayame had the last baby and I cried, you came home with that thing! As if having an ugly little dog that shakes all the time and pees on everything is more appealing to you than even the thought of having a baby with me! I hate that thing!"

She stopped again, waiting for him to speak. Now, this time, he would defiantly hear her. This time he would realize how much he was hurting her and he would finally admit that he was wrong, that he could try to have a baby with her. Instead, he turned and walked out the bedroom door without a word, leaving her standing in the middle of a one sided argument.

As if on cue, the twitchy little abomination lifted its leg and issued a stream of yellow pee onto the white carpet. Kagome scowled, yanking the dog up, and dashed out of the bedroom. Sesshoumaru was walking out the front door.

"I hate this dog!" She yelled. "Almost as much as I hate you! Maybe I should have taken Kouga's offer and been his mate instead! At least then I could reproduce freely!"

If he cared about her words, he didn't show it, and closed the door softly behind him. Once she was sure he wasn't going to come back, she collapsed onto the floor and began to cry.

"I hate you almost as much as I hate myself…"

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"I told him… I ha…t…ed him," Kagome choked out through sobs. She still wasn't sure how they went from happiness to hatred in seconds.

"Kagome, it's not the end of the world, I tell Kouga I hate him all the time," Ayame reassured. Her friend's words were of little consolation. Kouga and Ayame had a completely different relationship.

"I've… I've never said that to him before," she cried, climbing into her car. She shoved the keys into the ignition and started down the street. "I should just die," she muttered pathetically.

"Kagome!" Ayame hissed. Kagome could feel the youkai's anger through her cell phone. "Don't talk like that!"

"It's true! I have a stupid apartment with one room, an ugly dog that pees on everything, no baby, and a mate who I apparently hate. What's there to live for?" She moaned. She'd meant it almost jokingly, but the realization that it was all true only made her cry harder.

"He'll come around eventually, Kagome. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to make him realize how serious you," Ayame offered, but Kagome could hear the doubtful edge to her voice.

"No," Kagome said, sniffling. "Even if we do make up and I say I'm sorry, and everything's all better again, I still won't have a baby."

"Kagome, trust me, pups aren't everything," Ayame assured, and Kagome could hear the sound of her newest baby crying in the background. Her words had the reverse effect. How would Ayame ever understand how she felt? Ayame had her first pup just months after she became Kouga's mate.

"And even if he did decide we could have a half-breed, I probably couldn't even get pregnant. My ovaries are probably shriveled up and dry by now. I might as well just get a hysterectomy too, it's not like I'm ever going need my uterus," Kagome cried bitterly. Her foot pressed down on the gas pedal harder as she navigated through the busy Tokyo traffic.

"Kagome, stop it," Ayame said, her voice becoming severe. "You'll be okay. You're a fighter." Kagome frowned. Would everything ever really be okay for her? Sometimes it seemed like her entire life was just one great big mess.

"I know Ayame…" Kagome sighed with defeat, tears blurring her vision. "It's just that sometimes I wish I could just go back and do it all differently, ya know? If I could go back and do it again-."

Kagome was interrupted when a blurry figure appeared in front of her. She blinked in shock, and slammed on her breaks, the tires screeching, but it was not soon enough. The car struck the person with a sickening thud. The airbags burst open, temporarily disorienting her.

When she came to her senses, Kagome could hear Ayame's voice crying out to her through the phone, but in a numb stupor, Kagome reached down and snapped the phone shut.

Shaking, Kagome got out of the car. People on both sides of the street were gathering. Behind her, Kagome heard people yelling to each other to call an ambulance. Swaying slightly, she turned on her heel. It took all of her remaining self-control not to faint at what she saw. Lying on the ground, bloodied and twisted into an impossible shape, was herself.

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Kagome watched, cloaked in darkness, as her mother sobbed over her broken body. Her heart wrenched with the desire to enter the hospital room and put her arms around the woman she'd deliberately not spoken to in five-hundred years, but knew she couldn't.

She'd hit herself. Of all the people in the world she could have ran over with her car, it had to be Kagome Higurashi, age sixteen, on her way back from school. It had taken a while for what had happened to sink in, at which time she was glad to have worn her bulky sunglasses that day, or else everyone would have thought she hit her twin.

Although she knew it was her fault for not paying attention to the road, witnesses claimed it was the girl's fault for not looking before she crossed the street. She was grateful for this, because she would have had a real problem on her hands if the police had arrested her. Instead, she followed the paramedics to the hospital, where she'd been all day.

Thankfully, the physical damage to her body had looked a lot worse than it actually was, but that was the only good news. From what she'd managed to overhear, she sustained a large blow to the head and was now in a coma. The doctor had spoken optimistically to her mother, saying that such things usually cleared themselves up after a few days, but he told a completely different story to his colleagues.

'What now?' Kagome wondered, staring at herself. She was sixteen. She was still supposed to be going through the well to the Feudal era. She probably hadn't even defeated Naraku yet. She wasn't supposed to be lying in a hospital bed in a coma, she had things to do!

Kagome knew what had to be done. She'd been turning it over in her mind for hours, looking for alternatives and pointing out all the faults in the plan, but there was only one solution. She had to go back.

The only thing she could do now was take her own place in the feudal era, until her younger self snapped out of the coma. When she did, she could explain everything that had happened to herself. Until that time though, somebody had be in the Feudal era fighting Naraku. Kagome didn't even want to imagine what would happen if they didn't defeat him when they did.

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Kagome slipped into the green and white uniform, noting that it was a little snug on her hips and chest. Although she'd stopped aging when she was eighteen, two years made a big difference.

When she'd made it to the shrine, her old home was empty. Everyone was at the hospital. She didn't have to much time to be nostalgic, though she did poke through her old photo albums and hug Buyo. After that, she got in the shower, scrubbing herself thoroughly to wipe off any residual scent of Sesshoumaru on her.

One thing she didn't have to worry about was his mark. For as long as they had been mate, Kagome always wore a small sliver bracelet that masked the scent of her mark. Sesshoumaru made her wear it at all times in case she ever encountered one of his enemies, which she never had. The only time she took it off was at home, because he insisted she smelled much better when she smelled like him, which always irked her.

After she got dressed he sifted through her cluttered drawers. She found the vial containing the jewel shards lying on the floor beside her desk, and wondered what Inuyasha would say if he found out she was being so careless with the shards.

When she thought of him, she froze. A sudden realization washed over her. She was going to see him again. Not just him, but all of them. The magnitude of the situation hit her like a tone of bricks. She was now going to climb into the well and go to Feudal Japan where everyone was waiting for her. Sango and Miroku were alive; Shippo was not a handsome man, but a little kit; Kouga was still a raunchy bachelor; and she was supposed to still be in love with Inuyasha…

It had been dark for a while, and she made her way to the well house in a daze, not bothering to bring her giant backpack. After living without modern conveniences for the latter and longer part of her life, she didn't really care to break her back over them now.

Kagome stopped in front of the well house and took a deep breath. She could do this. She hadn't changed that much, had she? Maybe she would cry when she saw Sango again. Maybe she wouldn't let go of Shippo once she got him into her arms. Maybe she…

Before she could finish her musings, the well house door burst open. A very angry, red-clad hanyou emerged from the dark well house, cursing fluently.

"Bitch!" He spat, stalking up to her. "You were supposed to be back before dark! I've been waiting all fucking day! Where-." Inuyasha was cut off when Kagome threw herself into his arms. He tried to finish his sentence, but all he could do was sputter incoherently.

"I missed you," She whispered, burying her head into his haori and relishing in his scent. She realized she'd forgotten how he smelt, and felt like crying already. She wasn't sure how long she held him, but before she knew it, he was pulling her away from him.

She was so exhilarated by seeing him again that she forgot she was supposed to be acting normal. Considering she'd just leapt into his arms, she decided "normal" was irrelevant right now, so she just beamed up at him. She laughed inwardly when she saw him struggling with words. Instead of waiting for him, she grabbed his clawed hand and pulled him towards the well house.

"Come on Inuyasha, let's go."

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

Kagome jumped slightly when her cell phone went off and realized she'd been holding it in her hand. Inuyasha looked over her shoulder curiously as she lifted it up and gazed at the letters splayed across the screen. "Sesshoumaru." She smiled weakly and continued walking. There was no signal in the Feudal era.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any affiliated characters.