Glows in My Heart - The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful: Lotor Zine 2018
"I'm a what?" Lotor asked. Six sets of eyes stared patiently, eagerly at him, hoping that he would understand them momentarily.
"A mage! Like, you know, a magician!" Pidge explained once again. "C'mon, you'd be perfect for it!"
Lotor shuddered. Sure, somehow the Paladins had managed to convince him to play this...Monsters & Mana game with them, but that was only because the Sincline ship had ran into an unfortunate malfunction when Allura and he first tried to test it. Now it would be at least another Spicolian movement before they could test it again, a movement that would involve a lot of downtime while they ran diagnostics. He could live through these games during that downtime, but under absolutely no circumstances would he be a mage.
With a flick of his finger on the stat tracker Coran had given him, Lotor looked through the other available characters he could be. "How about this: a swordmaster?"
Nearly the entire table groaned, leaving him confused.
"Please, no. Just...no," Hunk said, jerking a thumb at Shiro to his left. "That's like Shiro wanting to be a Paladin. You're already that in real life!"
Shiro didn't budge, obviously having been through this conversation before. "And your point?" he asked, arms crossed, which made Hunk slouch in defeat.
Lotor hesitated, then smirked from across the table. "Then I'll gladly join your side of this, Shiro. I want to be a swordmaster," he declared, choosing the character from his tracker.
Following another round of groans, Lance remarked, "Great, now there's two of them."
This earned a snicker from Allura to Lotor's left, which prompted him to ask, "What? You find this amusing?" She innocently shrugged, to which he then asked, "Well, what are you?" If she could tease, so could he.
"I'm an archer," she declared proudly.
Lotor nearly choked. He eyed Allura suspiciously. Surely, she must know...
In Altean folklore, archers were seen not only as one of the most powerful and skillful of warriors, but also as the sages of love, beauty, and desire. Alteans would seek out archers in hopes of finding love to the point of self-destruction, for once discovered, no one could resist an archer's allure. And no one could ever find them again.
Only Coran and Allura would know of this legend, for there was no reason for them to explain it to the others at the table. Still, for Allura to tell him she was one so casually when she must know that he knew of their significance spoke volumes. The bond they'd formed during their trip to Oriande and their work on his ship had led to excuses for physical proximity, subtle eye contact, and not-so-subtle flirting. He'd been infatuated with her from the beginning, but he didn't want to rush her into feeling the same. But this...she had to know what she was doing. If she did, then she was essentially challenging him. It was his move.
Ooh, he didn't need this.
Lotor watched Allura carefully as the team fell into rhythm of the game, looking for any sign of confirmation from her that he was right. Just when he was about to give up on it, however, he got it.
"I cast...Passion's Arrow!" Allura said with a roll of the die when it was her turn. Had he not been paying attention, Lotor would've missed the smallest of upticks at the corner of her mouth, a smirk directly aimed at him.
Oh, game on, Princess...
She had to be an archer.
Lotor might have laughed at the situation, had he not been involved. Here he was, thinking that, with time, he could make Allura his by nurturing their bond, that his patience would win out just like it had with all his plans over the millennia because he could see all the angles. He made the rules.
But in one fell swoop, Allura had shot an arrow through his rules and pinned her own to his heart. Whether the whole archer game was simply just a coincidence or a catalyst, he knew he couldn't deny the truth to himself any longer, nor wait to tell her.
He was in love.
Something between a sigh and a whine escaped Lotor as he splashed water on his face. He was back in his quarters now on the Castle of Lions, able to think his feelings through in blissful solitude as he got ready to sleep. He watched himself in the mirror as the droplets ran down his face, looking for guidance in a reflection that should have it.
For all their easy-going games, actually telling Allura how he felt was going to be one of the most daunting experiences of his life. He'd been in relationships before, but never for love. For his plans, even for curiosity's sake, yes. But after 10,000 years, he'd come to know what real love looked like, and without a doubt, this was his first time truly experiencing it in a romantic sense. He had to do this right.
After drying his face, Lotor wrapped a spare Paladin robe around himself and made his way out to the bedroom. What is the right way to do this? He perched himself on the foot of his bed, lost in thought.
Obviously he wasn't going to just tell her over an afternoon of working on his ship together. Telling her in the quintessence field seemed like a rather unique setting, but that wouldn't be for another movement at minimum, and he couldn't wait that long. That left him with little choice other than a date night aboard the Castle as the team was stationed at the rift currently.
Alright, he could pull off a date night. He'd have to keep it secret though, from everyone, and he'd have to make it a night worthy of Allura's time. Of her heart.
Lotor sat up straight, suddenly alert with concentration. If there was one thing that Allura loved more than anything in this universe, it was Altea. And if he was remembering his knowledge of Altean culture correctly, there was a gesture of love involving a special Altean flower. Oh, what's it called? He wracked his brain, staring down at the floor between his feet, his eyes searching for the flower's name.
"Juniberries!" Lotor suddenly exclaimed out loud, his whole body perking back up. Despite the empty room, he still covered his mouth after the outburst, as if someone might overhear. But after a moment, he dropped his hands and smiled slyly to himself. He repeated the name, this time in a whisper. "Juniberries..."
As he climbed into bed, Lotor began to work out the details of the date night, down to the moment involving the flower and how he hoped Allura might respond to his feelings.
He was going to make the most of his move.
Lovesickness was an unusual color on Lotor, he was finding out. It frayed at his confidence and interfered with his sleep. It even reignited some of the Paladins' suspicions of his true intentions. He couldn't blame them, though; with all his sneaking around as he got ready for the date, he'd be suspicious as well.
But he couldn't help it.
He'd played out his vision for the date so many times in his head, that the possibility of something going wrong unnerved him. He wanted this to be perfect for Allura. He wanted to see the look of awe on her face when she saw his surprise for her. But most importantly, he just wanted to hear her say that she loved him, too. He wasn't sure what he'd do if she said otherwise.
Just in case that did happen, however, Lotor decided to have the date on the night before they tested his ship again. That way, it would either be a blissful night of declarations before they embarked on their journey into the rift, or he'd be able to save face, and likely go on the trek alone...
The uncertainty was killing him. He was positive that she felt the same way, but he couldn't disregard the possibility that this really was just a game to her.
To occupy his mind, Lotor threw himself into preparing for the big night at every free chance he got.
He rehearsed the Altean gesture in his mirror over and over. Every move, every word had to be right.
He brushed up on his dancing and culinary skills. When Lance caught him mid-spin on the training deck, he immediately dove into a lunge-and-thrust and insisted that he was honing his agility for sword fights. That practicing without a sword made one pay more attention to the rest of the body's moves. That he definitely wasn't dancing, and no, he wouldn't teach Lance that "fancy little spin move."
He duplicated and reconfigured one of the Castle's holodeck programs for a special setting on Altea. He knew it was a hologram, yet when he first turned on his program as part of a test run, he nearly fell to his knees in tears. For all his centuries of studying Altean culture and history, this was the first time he'd ever felt, even for a brief second, like he was actually on Altea. It looked so real. It looked like home.
The only problem Lotor was having with his preparations was the juniberry.
He searched high and low through his databases, and even through some of the Castle's, in an attempt to locate somewhere in the universe that might still have them. But it was to no avail.
Juniberries were native only to Altea, and Altea was no more.
No matter. He could still use one of the flowers on the holodeck for his plan. After all, the most important part was the meaning behind the gesture itself. As long as he clung to that reasoning, he could settle for a holodeck flower. Still, he couldn't ignore the slight disappointment in his chest that he couldn't be as authentic as possible with the gesture. That he couldn't give Allura a piece of her home alongside his heart.
With everything set, there was only one thing left to do.
On the day of the date, Lotor, for once, was truly nervous. All movement long, he'd done fairly well at either avoiding Allura or putting all his effort into seeming casual (with varying degrees of success) around her. But today, he was sure that she could sense that extra spark in the air just as much as he could.
As they were finishing up work on the Sincline ship for the day, Lotor's eyes glazed over the latest diagnostics on his screen, his mind unable to focus on them anymore. He peeked at Allura from the corner of his vision. She had her back to him, a tool in one hand as she sorted through a box of parts. With a deep breath, he asked, "Princess, will you be free tonight? Say around, 15.70 vargas?" His eyes darted back to his screen as soon as she began to turn towards him, and he plastered on one of his innocent, disarming smiles.
Allura leaned against the console she was at with one hand, the other against her hip. "I believe so. Why?"
"I was hoping you could meet me at the holodeck then." He held up a hand before she could question him further. "Uh-uh. I'm not going to tell you any more than that. It's a surprise. Just be sure to wear something nice and comfortable and...fun."
Lotor smirked at the fake glare she sent him for the lack of details, but relaxed into a smile when she did. "Alright then...15.70 it is," she agreed, turning back to her console. In a moment of playfulness, she joked, "Don't be late."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
15.40 vargas. Lotor's heart was ready to burst.
Every tick that went by brought him that much closer to the moment he'd been anticipating all movement. His love for Allura had erased nearly all traces of the patience he usually carried, so he was grateful that he still had some things to set up, such as the Altean meal he cooked himself for tonight.
After the meal was set, Lotor stood up and stretched for a moment to ease his nerves as much as possible, glancing around the Altean Valley of Berries projected onto the holodeck. It was all so peaceful, so bright, and seemed to go on for miles. He wished he could run towards the hills in the distance and look over them to see Altea in all its glory.
A beep interrupted his thoughts, causing him to nearly stumble out of his stretching. "Quiznak," he cursed. She couldn't be here yet.
Before he could do anything, the doors opened automatically to reveal not Allura, but Coran. Lotor sighed in relief, yet realized a tick later that Coran was spoiling the surprise. He couldn't tell–
"Lotor, I'd like to have a word with you."
Lotor's breath caught in his throat as he eyed the advisor. His hands were tucked behind his back, and his tone was reprimanding.
Yet instead of anything troubling, Coran simply said, "Here," as he pulled his hands out from behind his back. In them, he held a juniberry. A real one.
Lotor was stunned. "How–how did you get this?!" He grasped around the flower, afraid to actually touch it. "How did you even know?"
Coran shrugged, answering in reverse order. "Your searches for them in the Castle weren't exactly private. And let's just say...Alteans and mice weren't the only things put into cryostasis for 10,000 years." He then brought a hand up to his face and whispered behind it, "But don't tell Allura. They're surprises for her on special occasions. And I believe volwolg certainly qualifies."
He winked and handed the flower to Lotor, who took it speechlessly. He could perform the volwolg he'd been dreaming about for quintants now.
"Just...don't hurt her, right? If I find out you broke her heart, well, just know that I know how to find and provoke weblums. And I will not hesitate to use that knowledge." Coran's voice had reached a terrifyingly low decibel at this point, but in an instant he popped back up to his cheerful self and turned on his heel. "Well, have fun!"
Lotor's face had paled with Coran's warning. He hadn't been expecting that...any of that. But he couldn't dwell on that now. It was almost 15.70.
He hid the juniberry in a safe location, then looked down at his outfit, checking over his gold-and-purple Altean evening suit one last time. He was ready.
When the door beeped once again, Lotor stood with shoulders straight, hands folded behind his back, and a fresh wave of confidence rolling through him. "Enter," he beckoned.
Allura walked through the door, and for a tick, both of them were awestruck. Lotor over her breathtaking beauty (she was in a dress similar to her usual attire, only it was much more...sparkly), and Allura over seeing Altea once more and Lotor in Altean garb. He was really quite handsome in it.
When Lotor came back to reality, he smiled and raised a hand to snap his fingers. In an instant, the landscape changed from day to night, making Allura gasp. The valley took on a tint of blue as the juniberries' petals lit up with quintessence, leaving everything in a mystical glow.
Done with subtleties, he stepped forward, with Allura meeting him halfway, and took her hand, placing a gentle kiss along her knuckles. "Welcome, Princess," he greeted.
Allura blushed. "Lotor, I...this is incredible. How did you..?"
"I have my ways." He grinned, taking her arm in his as he led her to the picnic he'd set up for them amid the flowers. "Hungry?"
Over the course of several Altean specialties and a bottle of nunvill, the two laughed and shared stories and took in the raw beauty around them, letting themselves believe that they were truly on Altea for the night. Yet each glance and "accidental" brushing of their fingers together only fueled the electricity between them. As they finished eating, Lotor knew he couldn't wait any longer.
Allura watched as he got up and told the holodeck's computer, "Play Glow-Plexis-One." As a soft, rhythmic tempo began to play, he held out his hand to her, asking, "Would you like to dance, Princess?"
She didn't need to be asked twice. She allowed herself to be helped up, and he instantly pulled her close to him, wrapping his free arm around her waist. As they swayed together, she smirked affectionately at him. "This was one of my favorite songs, you know. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to seduce me with all of this."
Lotor grinned sheepishly. "And what if I am?"
They both laughed and blushed, and in that moment he was more in love with her than ever before. He could feel his heart beating to the tips of his ears, and he let himself get lost in the feeling. It was now or never.
He brought their dancing to a halt and Allura looked at him quizzically. "Close your eyes," he whispered.
She did as he instructed and he squeezed her hand, then let go so he could lean over to pick up the juniberry Coran had given him. After returning to full height, he took her hand and held it over his heart, then held the flower between them with his other.
"Okay, open."
Allura's eyes lit up with the juniberry's quintessence when she did so. Her gaze moved between it and him, and then it dawned on her. Volwolg.
Lotor took four steadying breaths, focusing all of his mind on Allura. On the fifth, the juniberry's glow began to pulse in rhythm with him. Allura could feel his heartbeat beneath her hand match the glow. Altogether, he looked ethereal.
As his eyes pierced hers with their intensity, Lotor rumbled in perfect Altean, "From heart to mind, I glow for you. I'm yours."
Now was the moment of truth. Each passing tick gnawed at something deep inside him as he waited to see what Allura would do. When she finally brought her free hand up and wrapped it around his on the juniberry, he willed himself to maintain his composure.
"From mind to soul, I glow in return. Our rhythm is one," Allura answered in Altean.
Her breathing matched his and the juniberry's pulse and soon, the marks on their faces began to glow in time as well. Their eyes never left one another and for a few moments, they were keyed into each other's quintessence patterns. Their love was true.
Once the rhythm faded and the juniberry's glow returned to normal, Lotor wasted no time in kissing Allura, and it felt as though his entire body was glowing.
When they parted, they both smiled breathlessly. Lotor transferred the juniberry fully to Allura's grasp, and she smiled graciously, but then he nodded towards it and said, "Smell it."
She brought the flower up to her nose and sniffed it, nearly dropping it out of surprise as she got a whiff of its sweet fragrance. "It's real?" she questioned, absolutely floored.
He nodded once more. "As real as what we now share."
Allura chuckled, pulling him in for another kiss. "I guess that Passion's Arrow worked after all."
TADA!
So happy to finally get to post my piece for The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful! Lotor, you're a gem, as is everyone who worked on and supported/bought this zine! Thank you to the mods for letting me be a part of this!
I had a blast with this, particularly with the Monsters & Mana scene and the volwolg scene. Creating Altean customs is very fun. :D The title and inspiration for this piece comes from Michael Jackson's "You Are My Life." Highly recommend giving it a listen while reading this!
Also, this was the first zine my work's ever been printed in, so getting to hold that in my hands for the first time was a very special moment.
Note that digital versions of the zine are still for sale! There'll also be a few physical leftovers available for sale in April. Check out lotor-zine-2018 over on tumblr for more info, and to see everyone's awesome works!
Vrepit sa!