Goodbye, Sasuke

….

Chapter 1: Perfect

It's all I can do not to drop the knife in my right hand. I'm sitting in the middle of my old bathtub; in the middle of this rundown apartment space, shaking.

I carefully plan it out in my head; the letters.

I purposely push the knife down deep into the top my left arm, by my elbow, carving a perfect 'P' into my soft, tanned skin. It hurts like hell, but it calms the nervous butterflies in my stomach; a peaceful state of being immediately washes over me.

I can feel myself slipping; slipping farther and farther into this dark abyss. The next two letters come easily as the kitchen knife slices my skin as if it were butter. 'E' and 'R'. 'F' is a little harder, and my consciousness is fading. I take a break to watch the blood spew out of my vein.

The people around me tried so hard to save me, but I can't take the pressure or the bullying anymore. They tried to save me, but this time I won't make it.

The next letter, 'E', is slowly joining the other four carvings.

My dad hates me, always has, always will. My school hates me. I hate me. The only one who doesn't; or who I thought didn't, is Sasuke, who now avoids me like the plaque. You know the one that killed one third of England in the medieval times? Yea that one.

The thought alone pushes me to cut the next, 'C', into this chain of letters. One left.

I know this is it, my last breaths. And all of a sudden it sucks; sucks that I don't get to be with him, that he hates me. He was the only thing that kept me sane; standing. I should have known that when he let go, I would let go too.

All these feelings swirl around in my head so fast.

I know I love him. I've known since the day we met.

Maybe if I would have told him, this could have been different, and I wouldn't be in a bathtub, waist deep in bloody water.

Maybe I wouldn't have had the guts to carve the last letter into my barely visible skin; 'T'.

It's only now that I see just how much blood is coming out of me. I'm scared, but I know that it was all worth it.

Now no one will have to hate me, and I can get what I deserve in Hell. That's the place everyone wishes me to go.

And at least I got to have one good moment with Sasuke before I died.

It really was nice while it lasted. I vaguely remember slipping a suicide note in his bag. I wonder if he'll ever read it. I hope he does, but there's really no chance.

I remember pouring my heart into that letter. I hope he reads it, and sees all my unimportant feelings. Because maybe they'll be important to him someday.

Now there's so much blood, and my vision is so blurry, that I can't think straight anymore. Some may say I'm pathetic, selfish, and that if I resorted to this then maybe I do deserve to die, but they never endured this.

They never saw what I was forced to see.

What was I thinking when talking to Sasuke? I'm so corrupted, no one will ever love me, much less him.

I hate myself so much, and this is what was meant to happen.

But even if I was blind, all I could ever do after this is thank him endlessly, profusely, for that one moment in time when someone was civil to me, and my life wasn't a huge mess.

Nothing ever was with him.

He made me feel like I was someone who mattered.

As all I see is black, I know that all that I ever wanted was to be able to be with him.

I love it that he's the only thing I can think of as I sink into darkness.

I love it that this numb feeling is the only feeling.

I love him. And that's it.

I'm gone.

At least I hoped I was; this time.

.P E R F E C T.

….

Wow. I can't believe I just wrote that. Serious enough for you Chris? Stupid Chris. There's really nothing I can say. Edit as you please, and let me know of any concerns you might have. This isn't a one-shot. There will be more chapters. So be prepared. I swear the only thing I can write is depressing stuff. - Alii