Hello, hello, there is tea and biscuits in the kitchen. Now if you are with snacks and drinks I will begin, shop related news we have expanded, I know it sounds exciting, but we have the former newspaper kiosk next door, and Stevie has filled it with nick-nacks, I would complain, but anything that improves the takings is fine by me.

My 'situation' as my mother has taken to referring to anything that could be described as romance in my life remains unchanged. There has been an odd entertaining moment though, she had a Nordic Noir theme party, I do hold myself personally (partly) responsible as I was the one who recommended she watch The Killing. The upside of this was I could go for the Sarah Lund look, and wear a chunky jumper. This was the main theme of dress for all the other guests, well apart from Stevie. Let's just say it would have been better if she had never read the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, though I doubt there has ever been a less imposing Lisbeth, I couldn't look at her without laughing, unfortunately it ruined the illusion somewhat.

Anyway the man mum tried to set me up with was the dullest man on the planet. I don't care how much he earns (this was a great point of hers) I cannot stand the idea of spending 10 minutes with a man who thinks financial planning is interesting, never mind the rest of my life, don't think I mentioned, he's mum's accountant. I may not have much experience in the dating world but even I know the opening line "What tax code are you?" is unlikely to be successful. Though there are some ominous comments about making sure I'm free on certain nights and a rather enthusiastic questioning about books I have read recently, though I don't think she was convinced by my choice of Notes From A Small Island, unless she wants everyone to come as a bearded American travel writer.

Well I was right, Saturday is the Sherlock Holmes party, and as I guessed a deerstalker and pipe make me look wonderful, suits me so well. Thanks to you sniggering in the back but I fear you may be right, how is this look going to get me a man? Unless they are particularly unobservant and think I am a man, please kill me now. The only saving grace is there will be wine, and if there was anything to put someone off it's me under the influence.

Things are not going well so far, I've had Stevie's second cousin coming onto me, evidently she knows my mother somehow, but the news that Stevie and I aren't together has reached her but unfortunately not the news that it was an excuse. It can't get much worse can it?
"Darling, he's here!" So long, farewell but not goodbye. I know we'll met again. Wish me luck.
"Gary, this is Miranda, Miranda, Gary." We looked at each other in astonishment, it may have been years since I had seen him, but it was definitely him. Entirely accidentally mum has set me up with a friend from uni.
"Gary?"
"Miranda?"
"You know each other?"
"Yeah, we were at uni together, now can we have some privacy we have a lot of catching up to do."
"Of course, yes, I'm sure I can make an excuse."
"No, not like that."

Despite mum's best intentions we didn't get to spend much time together mainly as I was trying to shake off Maria and Gary was doing the same with Tilly who was doing her usual annoying hair flick. Thankfully everyone left pretty early.
"So, this is going to sound more than I intend it to, do you want to come back to mine for a coffee?" Hopefully my tone of voice implied the, and a good chat, in brackets.
"Yeah sure."
I'm dreading my next conversation with mum after she winked at us when we left.

"So tea, coffee, hot chocolate?"
"I'll have whatever you're having."
"This may be a little awkward, but you've seen me like this before." He looked rather puzzled. "Do you mind if I change into my pjs, this is a very uncomfortable costume and just a minor complaint I look ridiculous."
"No it's OK, and I'll make the drinks, if I remember, hot chocolate?"
"Of course."

"Well I have to say that's an improvement on before."
"Oh thanks,"
"Not that you didn't look lovely, but I did spend the entire evening expecting you to call me Watson."
"So what have you been up to since I last saw you? The hot chocolate is excellent as ever."
"I've been travelling on and off, just got back from 6 months in Malaysia, one thing that travelling in Asia teaches you is, that is it possible to miss drizzle."
"Nice, much more interesting than me, temped for a few years and then bought the shop downstairs, and am just generally muddling along."

We talked like that for what felt like only a few minutes but was actually well into hours, going to replenish the hot chocolate I noticed the time on the oven clock, it was half past 2. When I got back I noticed Gary looking at his watch.
"Is that the time? I'd better get back, do you have a number for a cab?"
"Don't be ridiculous, I'll sleep on the sofa bed, you can have my room."
"I couldn't possibly kick you out of your own room."
"Well I'd better warn you that the left leg at the front does occasionally collapse, well it's done it once, but try not to lean on it."
"No, that's not what I meant either." We exchanged glances, me of confusion, him of slight exasperation that I wasn't getting what he meant, but suddenly the penny dropped.
"Are you sure? Don't you remember that last time we shared a bed, you snored all night and I kept kicking you in, what little sleep I got."
"Erm this is a little awkward, do you have anything for me to wear." He said looking rather embarrassed.
"All I have are mine, but I'm sure they will fit." Well they did, unfortunately they were a little short, but the pale blue sheep bottoms really did suit him, he may have disagreed.