TRANSFOWLERS

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife

ATTENTION TO ANYBODY WHO THINKS LAUNCHPAD IS STUPID, PLEASE JUST SKIP THIS STORY AND ALL OTHERS I'VE WRITTEN! THIS STORY PORTRAYS LAUNCHPAD AS HAVING A BRAIN, WHICH MIGHT BUG YOU.

ATTENTION TO WHOMEVER OWNS THE RIGHTS FOR THE TRANSFORMERS: PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. I HAVE NO MONEY.

We open someplace in outer space, where the Planetoid Punkus (1), the home of the Robot Aliens (henceforth referred to as RAs) from "Superducktales" once was.

It exploded towards the end of the final episode, taking all of the RAs on it with it. But now, a bunch of RAs who were on a scouting mission and got lost are finally coming home... to find their home destroyed.

Naturally, they get mad and swear vengeance against whoever did this. They gather debris to find out who was responsible...and are soon headed to Earth to get even with Gizmoduck and the rest of the Ducktales Ducks.

Meanwhile, my husband Launchpad runs into our house from his office (2) all excited.

"Come and see! I think this is going to work!"

Of course I came, I was dying of curiosity to see what he had been up to in there, he had been uncharacticalisticly closed mouthed about this latest project of his.

I was prepared to be impressed, but he surpassed himself. Launchpad showed me a pair of...

"WINGS?" I asked.

For that's what they were, a pair of artificial wings made of shiny cloth and thin rods. Launchpad strapped them on and FLEW away. After a brief flight that left me gaping with astonishment, he landed.

"HOW?" I asked.

My handsome husband Launchpad launched (sorry!) into a spiel of aerodynamic mumbo-jumbo that went WAY over my head until I gave up and yelled:

"ENGLISH, Launchpad, tell me in English!"

Launchpad looked sheepish and said:
"Sorry. Got carried away."

"It pleases me you feel comfy enough with me to show how smart you really are." I said."

"I know YOU won't laugh at me if I mispronounce something or if I make a mistake." Launchpad replied.

"I probably wouldn't know! Now, use small words and tell me how you DID that?" I asked.

"Well... the trouble with wings is the weight of the wings makes you too heavy to fly. Birds have hollow bones. These wings have hollow rods. I filled the rods with helium, just enough to "cancel out" the weight of the wings. The rods are sealed up tight, so it can't leak out. Helium is kind of expensive and any more would make the wings hard to handle, anyway." Launchpad explained.

I kissed him.

"Genius! Forgive me if I think true genius is making things less complicated, not more!" I said.

MEANWHILE, Gizmoduck is fighting off the latest attempt of the Beagle Boys to rob Mr. McDuck's Money Bin. Giz has the situation firmly in hand- until it turns out that Magica DeSpell had made a deal with the Beagle boys. She gets Lucky Dime, they get rest of loot- at least that what she told THEM.

Magica jetted down on her broomstick and would have fried Giz- had Duckblur not saved his life. Duckblur got the wind knocked out of her...along with her mask.

"GANDRA? Why didn't you TELL me?" Giz demanded.

"Why didn't you tell me, FENTON?" Duckblur replied."

" Answer me, first! Why didn't you tell me?" Giz demanded.

" I was going to the next time you asked me out on a date! But you haven't asked me out since I became Duckblur- and that was months ago!" Duckblur replied."

" Why didn't YOU ask ME out?' Giz inquired.

" I have my pride! It's hard enough as is, trying to be taken seriously when you are a beautiful woman. I was afraid if I asked you out, you would never let me live it down!" Duckblur explained.

" Excuse me, I hate to interrupt this soap opera, but could you two STOP MAGICA AND THE BEAGLES FROM ROBBING MY BIN?" Mr. McDuck screamed.

"Sorry, boss." Giz said, embarrassed.

"Sorry, Mr. McDuck. How much did you hear?" Duckblur asked.

" I wasn't really listening. Just DO SOMETHING!!!" Mr. McDuck replied.

But before anybody can do ANYTHING... an alien spaceship appears over the skies of Duckburg... one so BIG it eclipses the sun over the Money Bin.

"We are the RAs. You Earthlings destroyed our planet. We will now rule yours. Resistance is futile. Have a nice day." a voice from the spaceship said.

A strange beam emitted from the ship and enveloped the Earth.

"Our neutralizer ray has now made your machines inoperative. (3) Without your primitive technology, you are now helpless!" the RAs said from their spaceship.

People immediately discovered this was true, any electrical or combustion machine would NOT work. TV sets. Computers. Racecars, lasers, airplanes- all would NOT work. Including Gizmoduck's gizmos!

Some simple machines, like levers and pulleys still worked. Old-fashioned steam powered machines still worked. Guns did not (those I could do without forever). It seems to depend on whether the machine was a threat to the RAs or not.

"Great! What can I do against these aliens without my gizmos?" Giz asked. "Duckblur...can you use your time powers against them?"

"Not as long as they are on that ship. It's too big and too far away. But I have an idea that might help you with your gizmos. Your solar powered watch is still running! Solar powered stuff still seems to work, and I know Mr. McDuck is investing in solar power..." Duckblur replied.

So...they ran into the Money Bin, where Mr. McDuck was fuming that NONE of the Bin's fancy alarms were working.

"Good thing there are plenty of booby traps that don't need any power!" Mr. McDuck muttered.

Just then, my Launchpad flew in. Literally. On his preformentioned homemade wings.

"Hi ya, Mr. McD. When these aliens blacked out the planet, including my airplanes, I figured you'd need my help stopping them. So I got here the only way I could!" Launchpad said.

Just then, Giz and Duckblur arrived.

"The Beagles ran away when they saw the spaceship, boss! But my gizmos don't work, either! But solar power still works...Duckblur thinks maybe you can help me rig something, since you have been investing in solar power." Giz said.

"I can do better than that! Dr. Sara Bellum (4) is in town, and she's been working on solar power for me. I'm sure she can rig you a solar powered suit." Mr. McDuck began.

"What's more, she's been working on a solar powered beam intended to eventually block off deadly ultra-violet rays from the sun. But so far, it's too general and blocks off too much harmless -even beneficial- kinds of radiation. She can probably adjust it to neutralize the neutralizer- since it's a beam- a form of radiation!" Mr. McDuck finished.

So, since phones were out, too, they ran to Dr. Bellum's. She rigged a solar powered suit for Giz in nothing flat.

"It's going to take me awhile to adjust the beam so it neutralizes the neutralizer. Can you keep the RAs busy so they don't try anything else?" Dr. Bellum asked.

"The solar power gizmoduck suit Dr. Bellum made is so lightweight, I can make you a pair of wings, if you like, Giz." Launchpad offered.

"No thanks! I'd be better off with something pedal-powered like my unicycle! I need my hands free to push my buttons!" Giz replied.

"How's about THIS?" Dr. Bellum asked, showing them a strange-looking aircraft.

"The Gossamer Albatross? What are you doing with the Gossamer Albatross?" Launchpad asked."

"What in God's name is the Gossamer Albatross?" Giz asked.

"An ultra-light weight pedal-powered aircraft." Launchpad replied.

"That's right. But this is not the original- I've been trying to improve the technology, making it solar powered. This version, which I call the Sunbeam will carry more weight than the original." Dr. Bellum said.

"And it's a two-seater! So I'm coming along!" said Duckblur.

"Er..." said Gizmoduck trying desperately to think of a legitimate excuse for her staying someplace safe...

"The Sunbeam can carry two people, because of its solar powered engine" Dr. Bellum put in.

"If I can get high enough, I can use my Time powers against the aliens! Tell me that won't come in handy!" Duckblur said.

"You really shouldn't put it that way, somebody might get the wrong idea! But when you're right, you're right! Hop on board." Giz said.

So Giz and Duckblur took off in the Sunbeam and Launchpad took off in his homemade wings. They kept the RAs busy. They zipped in and out so fast the RAS in their huge ship did not have time to aim their guns, never mind fire them.

When the RAs sent a small craft after them, Duckblur waited till it was over an uninhabited area and used her power to freeze time so it stood stock-still in air for one split-second. Until gravity, unaffected by her Time powers sent it crashing down to Earth.

"You sure you haven't been hanging around Launchpad when I wasn't looking?" Giz asked her.

"Not my type. Sharan can have him with my compliments."Duckblur said.

Somehow, the RAs were in no hurry to send any more small craft after them. Especially since the RAS had no clue whatsoever WHAT had HAPPENED to the first one!

Meanwhile, Mr. McDuck was using a solar-powered phone to make frantic phone calls, calling in favors, oblivious up to SOMETHING.

Darkness fell. Gizmoduck was worried just how long his solar powered G-suit and the Sunbeam could keep going on battery power alone, now that the sun had set.

But, by then, Dr. Bellum had finished the n-neutizer and used it to block the RAs beam, restoring power to Earth's machines.

But the RAs ship was still there.

"You have restored power to your machines. But we have since determined that none of your machines are a threat to us. Your technology is very primitive. We will still rule your puny planet and the rest of your puny star system." the spokesrobot said.

'This is Scrooge McDuck! You have been tricked! You have been fed misinformation! Our technology is MUCH more advanced than we led you to believe! BEHOLD!" Mr. McDuck said, over a very loud speaker system, now that power was restored.

Just then, a VERY impressive space fleet, baring insignias of all of Earth's countries, came into view. And kept coming. Launchpad, Giz and Duckblur were very surprised by this, having no idea where such an Earth space fleet could have come from.

But they kept their big yaps shut, being used to Mr. McD pulling rabbits out of his top hat.

The Earth Space fleet just kept coming, more and more...until the RAS panicked and fled!

Not until long, long after the RAS were far, far away did the Earth space fleet simply disappear into nothing...and a large, white blimp appeared as it lit it's lights.

"It was a movie! A fake space fleet! Mr. McDuck used the side of that blimp like a movie screen in the world's largest Drive-in movie!" (5)Gizmoduck said, catching on.

And indeed, Mr. McDuck, back on Earth was patting the movie projector, justly proud of himself.

The End.

(1) Bad Original Captain Marvel joke. The planetoid Punkus was the secret headquarters of the Monster Society of Evil, and, I think, the home of Herkimer the crocodile man...a charter member of the Monster Society.

(2) The little wooden house next door that Launchpad used to live in.
(3) Ever see "The Day the Earth Stood Still"?

(4) I refuse to mention Ugly Twerp on the grounds that it seems to WORK. People seem to NOTICE me doing that. So I'm using Dr. Bellum instead.

(5) If too young to know, ask your parents what a Drive-in movie was. I remember when the Whitestone was still a drive-in and not a multiplex, but I never actually went there, then.