Him

by Twix

'I was shadowed my whole life but he made me feel like I was high above them. I wanted him so much and I thought it was love. True love. This was too good to be true.'

Him

By Twix

Dedication – To Nita for inspiring me to write this story. :)

Disclaimer and A/N - Everything here you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling. I hope you like this story, it came to me yesterday as I was reading Nita's amazing fic "The Hero Gets The Girl" and listening to Avril. Also, thanks MUCHO to Crys for all the help!!!! Sooo, please read and review when you're finished and tell me whatcha think. :D Thanks!

I've always tried my hardest not to hate anyone. I want to see the best in everyone because I believe there is some good or weakness in every single human being.

Well, I was proved wrong.

I remember when he came to me and told me everything. He had loved me since the first time he saw me. And I fell for him. I fucking fell for him. I've always been a hopeless romantic and this…. This was too good to be true.

He graduated and I suffered through one more painful year at school without him. I wanted him so much and I thought it was love. True love.

He told me I was beautiful.

No one had told me that before.

He told me he had never felt like that before.

No one felt that way towards me.

He told me loved me.

I told him I loved him too.

So he took me to his home. I was scared to death. I was taught to hate this family and here I was in their house... in his bed.

And this brings us to the present.

Here I am, outside the gate of their house lying on the bridge that runs over a raging river. My clothes are torn and my arms are bleeding.

I feel myself bleeding on the inside.

I know I'm dying and I like the idea.

My blood and tears are mingling with the pouring rain as my pathetic life flashes before my eyes. I was born the youngest in my large family... always expected to do as well as my siblings. I was shadowed my whole life but he made me feel like I was high above them.

Damn him.

Then there was him.

No, I meant yet another him.

He was beautiful and amazing. Everything I had ever dreamed of.

But he would never love me. Hell, he would never even notice me.

Maybe I could muster enough strength to fling myself in the river raging below me. Not only do it for my sake, but for my family's. They wouldn't want to know I was involved with him.

I look around and all I see is darkness. Darkness is enveloping me quickly, willing to take my tainted life.

"Go ahead!" I scream to the night. "Just take me! Just put me out of my misery!"

I pull the remains of my robes around my weak body as my tears freeze to my cheeks and the racking sobs echo through the night.

I begin to feel lonely.

But I deserve it. I deserve to die when no one loves me.

What is love, anyway?

Does love mean possession? Is your lover like your master?

Or is your lover your companion? The person who will stick next to you during everything... The person who has an insatiable love for you and will do so no matter what.

That's what I always thought it was...

But I'm never going to experience true love because I'm going to die and I know it.

Even if they realize I'm missing, they would never know where I am. Here is the last place on their mind.

I begin to cry even harder as everything sinks in.

I've never felt so alone.

I wonder if I felt like holding on would someone find me? Most likely it would be him when he comes out for some unknown reason.

Who knows what he would do to me then...

Maybe he would say he was wrong about what he did to me. Maybe he would take me back, kiss my wounds and stroke my hair, murmuring how he loves me so.

You stupid fool! Why the hell do you think he would do that? You know what he did to you, could anyone change like that?

I hear footsteps. Harsh breathing.

Is it him?

No! That would be terrible! You don't want that, remember?

The footsteps come closer and I feel a hand on my shoulder. The touch is warm and gentle. Through my tears, blood and the rain, I see a blurry figure. He's wearing a black cloak, the hood hiding his face from view. He's breathing hard and his hand is now shaking.

His arms envelop me and he picks me up. I begin to cry. Who is this?

"Don't," I moan quietly. "Don't hurt me..."

He doesn't answer but begins to walk. He's walking away from his house. Across the raging waters.

Damn. There goes my thought of suicide.

Is this stranger going to save my life?

"You bastard," I mutter as that question repeats itself through my mind. "Let me die."

The man stops walking and he looks down at me. I see the bottom of the man's face and I start to scream.

It's him! He's going to kill me!

I keep screaming, my voice becoming hoarse as he keeps walking deeper into the forest surrounding his house. I kick and wave my arms, trying to escape his grip and finally, my energy leaves me and my world turns black.

* * *

My eyes flutter open and I see figures standing around me. I can't tell who they are; it's most likely his family. They're talking under their breath, not noticing that I'm awake.

Then, all of the sudden, the pain rushes back to me and I begin to cry.

Everyone stops talking and someone rushes over to me and sits on the bed that I'm lying on. "Take this, Ginny," he says, his voice calm and soothing. This couldn't be him. He said my name with such meaning. He didn't spat out my name. He gently lifts a goblet to my swollen lips and a peppery liquid makes it way down my sore throat.

My vision clears, the pain disappears and although what I see is wonderful, I begin to cry even more.

It's him! The him that would never love me. The him that would never notice me. His brilliant green eyes twinkle behind round glasses as he smiles down at me.

The other figures standing around my bed begin to shuffle out of the room as Harry holds my hand. I turn my head and see my brother Ron, Hermione, my mother with tears streaming down her face and my father, looking very pale. He takes her shoulder and struggles to lead her out of the room. I cover my face with my other hand, my cheeks burning crimson.

When the door clicks behind them I begin to cry again. I don't deserve to be here with Harry. I deserve to be at the bottom of the river, the waves rolling over my lifeless body. "Why'd you save me, Harry?" I ask quietly, avoiding his eyes. "You should have left me there to die."

"Ginny!" He cried. "Don't say that!"

"Why not?" I said sharply. "I deserve it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded. "What the bloody hell do you think you're talking about?"

"I-I... I don't know..." I stammered, hot tears stinging my eyes.

"Ginny," Harry said, his voice much calmer and quieter. "You have no idea how worried we've been – how worried I've been...."

I looked back up at him. "You?"

"Yes," he said, giving me a bit of an odd look. "Me."

"The great Harry Potter? Worried about poor, little Ginny Weasley?" I said sarcastically. "Why, that's most unheard of."

"Oh, Ginny," Harry said quietly. "You don't honestly think that just because I'm... Harry Potter, I couldn't care about you?"

I took my hand from his and crossed my arms, turning away from him.

"Ginny, there's something I need to tell you..." He took a deep breath as he struggled to find the words. "When I saw you out there today and saw what that... that bastard Malfoy did to you I realized something... I felt so horrible about basically ignoring you the whole time we were at Hogwarts together and it hit me. It finally hit me after all these years. I love you. I love you, Ginny."

I turned back to him and gasped, my eyes filling with tears. "You – you what?"

"I love you," he repeated, stroking my cheek. "I love you so much."

"I'd have to admit," I said, my cheeks burning. "I had the biggest crush on you during most of school..."

Harry chuckled. "Yes, that's what Ron has told me."

There was silence as we looked into each other's eyes, Harry moving slowly towards me, his eyes misting over. "Ginny, I love you so much," he muttered, pressing his lips against mine. I wrapped my arm around his neck as our kiss grew deeper.

This is what I dreamed about at school, something that was simply unreal; it could never happen. But here I was kissing passionately with Harry Potter...

And then, his face swam into view. His eyes were flashing and his hand was raised, coming down faster and faster until –

"No!" I screamed, sitting up in my seat moving away from Harry.

"What's the matter, Ginny?" Harry asked, looking worried. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head frantically. "I-I can't do this..."

"Oh, Ginny," he started. "Forget about Malfoy, that bastard! I would never hurt you, Ginny. Never... I love you." He kissed my forehead but I turned away.

"But I don't love you back, Harry," I whispered.

"What?" he exclaimed. "Ginny, what do you mean?"

"I don't love you," I repeated.

"But you said just a minute ago –"

"I said that was during school, Harry," I snapped. "We've grown up and I've learned my lesson... I can't risk it again."

"I don't understand..." he said quietly.

"I can't love again!" I cried. "I just don't want to risk it."

"But, Ginny! I told you I would never hurt you," he exclaimed. "Don't you believe me?"

"Yes, you're one of the nicest people I've met, Harry," I said. "But I just... can't risk it."

There was an awkward silence as I wiped away my tears and Harry sat there, looking at me while taking all this in. I don't know why I was rejecting him; this was all I had dreamed for years ago... But I had changed. Now that I was in the real world, I couldn't take any chances, no risks.

"Just remember, Ginny," Harry whispered. "Someone out there truly loves you..." He kissed my cheek before turning away, looking heartbroken and walked out of the room.

I sat there, lightly touching my cheek, my eyes not leaving the closed door.

There he went.

He's gone.

Who knows, I might never see him again. I threw my future out the window.

Again.

I put my head in my hands and cried.