To Whom It May Concern, if there is anyone I haven't hurt who is still concerned I just want to say I'm sorry, but in the past year my whole life has flipped and I can't seem to fix it, no matter how hard I tried to pretend everything was ok and fine. I went from the girl who had a loving together family to the girl who ends up alienating her best friends and losing her virginity to her step brother. I've made so many wrong choices after another whether it was trusting in the wrong people or not giving someone I love a second chance. Again I am sorry I have to do this, I can't live with the person I've become. Once I had been compared to Sylvia Plath, at the time I didn't know how close that comparison would be but standing here looking into the rushing water bellow I know we probably have more in common then I once thought. That being said, my Ted Hughes, though we haven't spoken in months I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. If I could rewind time I never would have left you that night a year ago, and every single thing I've done since then has led me to this spot. I love you. Stay healthy and happy.
Sincerely Clare
I stared at the journal in my hand the hard black cover smooth and familiar even if I had just bought it today, just for this. I realized I'd written everything I needed to write. Everything I had done wrong, I wrote it in there hoping this would explain why I've done what I'm about to do. The cold air whipped my face causing a page to flutter. I sniffed at the cold pulling my legs up from over the edge, I stood up and closed the book making sure the cover was closed so the harsh wind wouldn't rip it open and gently placed it away from the edge of the bridge. I really didn't want it falling in after me. I should have left it at home but I was too afraid someone would find it before its time.
Taking a deep breath I turned away from the spot I laid the once again facing the dark river below. The toes of my shoes creeping over the edge. Tears forming in my eyes I shakily reached in my pocket finding the only thing in there. My promise ring. I twirled it in my fingers reading the inscription on last time, my hair rustling from the wind. I wiped at my cheeks with my free hand my face cold from the rough wind clashing with the wet from my tears. "True love waits" I laugh now at the inscription know I couldn't even wait for my true love. Hell I couldn't even be there with him when he needed me most. Anger took over thinking about it and I throw the ring out into the gray abyss below. I watched it land with a plop waiting for the ripples to fade before I start for the clasp around my neck. I close my eyes feeling the smooth silver in my hand and I think of the ones I loved. Thinking my goodbyes.
Darcy whom I hadn't seen in years would understand I think. She wouldn't approve I know this but I know she would get it. My mom and dad would cry and Eli, would he care? I know he would, I hate myself for questing that, for anytime I've questioned him. I raised the cross to my lips feeling the cold metal once more before gently letting it slip through my fingers after my ring. At least everyone I'm leaving will still have someone to love them, to help ease the void and for once I'm actually glade that mom has Glenn, dad has Jenny, for Jake and Jenna even for Eli and Imogene. Something I never thought I would be happy with. And I am. I feel happy for the first time in months. Finally I look to god, staring at the sky above I can only hope he understands and is truly the forgiving god I'd always thought him to be.
I take a deep breath taking in everything around me and jump. I feel like I'm flying for a moment before the dark cold wetness claws at me. I fight the urge to swim up to the surface as hard as I can. My eyes squeezed shut holding onto images of my life until think about Eli. And I cave. I try clawing my way up my lungs have been burning for quite a few moments already. On instinct I open my eyes only to be surrounded by a murky black. And under the water I scream realizing what a mistake this has been. I feel the water pushing me around and I'm being forced to take in a gulp of water after another. My brain and chest are on fire, I can tell now thought were up is and try to correct myself. But it's too late its been too long and everything is fading until my body stops fighting and it all fades away.