Three moderately soft taps on my door caused me to start and nearly drop the book I was reading. "Come in!" I called, dropping my feet to the floor from where they had been propped on my desk.
As I got to my feet Neal cracked the door open and slipped inside before closing it softly behind him, his eyes fixed on my face.
"Hello Neal," I greeted him, smiling as I got to my feet. As I took in his nervous expression my smile fell, my eyebrows coming together as I frowned in concern. "What's wrong?" I asked.
He blinked. "Wrong?" he said. "Nothing's wrong. Whatever would give you such an idea?"
I raised one eyebrow at him. "Nealan," I said warily, "I have known you for a decade now, if I don't know that expression on your face better than almost anyone obviously there is something seriously wrong with me. So, what is it this time?" I asked.
"Nothing!" Neal denied. "Nothing at all is wrong Kel."
Sighing, I rolled my eyes. "Neal. Cut the act and just tell me already!" I said. "I haven't seen you like this since you were a page fawning and lovesick over the newest beautiful court ladies. Wait." I paused, my eyes widening as a thought struck me. "Are you in 'love' again?"
"Kel!" Neal cried. "Stop it already! You're close enough that I might as well just tell you anyway." He sighed. "Fine," he said, his voice full of reluctance. "Yes, I think that I'm in love."
I grinned at him. "Congratulations!" I said. "So who is she this time? Is it Lady Marie? She's definitely the court beauty right now, and when I spoke with her last night she seemed nice enough, not to mention pretty smart as well . . ." I trailed off as he grimaced and flopped down on my bed, putting his head in his hands. "What?" I asked again.
Neal took a deep breath and straightened, shaking his head at me sadly. "No it's not Lady Marie, although I do agree that she is the court beauty of the moment. The lady I've fallen for has actually been a friend of mine for quite a while," he informed me.
"Oh?" I asked, sitting beside him. "Do I know her?"
He smiled sadly. "You could say that," he admitted, nodding as his emerald green eyes twinkled.
When he didn't go on I tilted my head to the side and waited. Nothing. "So, do you know if this friend of yours returns your feelings?" I asked.
"I don't know," he sighed. "That's the problem; I'm worried that she either doesn't like me that way—as more than just a friend I mean—or if she does that I'll end up doing something stupid and ruin any relationship we have as well as the easy friendship we have with one another."
I frowned and studied my best friend for a moment thoughtfully. My mind immediately went to all of my crushes over the years and I thought of what could have been if I had spoken up, I didn't want Neal to have to go through what I had. "I think that you should let her know how you feel," I told him finally. Before he could protest I hurried on. "Because," I said, "what if she does feel the same way, but you never tell her and you're both miserable and beat yourselves up over what could have been for the rest of your lives? I can definitely relate to that; I've had my fair share of those kinds of situations," I added softly.
Neal shot me a look, hearing my last statement. "What do you mean?" he asked, his forehead crinkling in a frown, his eyes troubled.
Shrugging, I said, "Over the years I've had my fair share of crushes as well, but I never said a word because I was afraid of what might happen. I don't want that to happen to you Neal, no one deserves to beat themselves up over fickle feelings the way I have," I added, laughing shortly.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Who were these crushes of yours?" he asked suspiciously.
Another shrug. "Eh, well . . ." I trailed off, feeling my cheeks warm as I flushed a light pink.
Neal's eyes widened when he saw my blush and a slow smile spread over his lips. "Alright Kel," he said, grinning. "Now you just have to tell me!"
I coughed nervously. "Well, when I was a squire I had a crush on Dom," I admitted, the blush on my cheeks darkening slightly.
"Really? As in my cousin Dom?" he asked, sounding shocked. "Do you still like him?"
"Not like that," I replied quickly, shaking my head. "Not anymore."
He nodded thoughtfully and asked, "Who else?"
"Er." I shifted awkwardly on the bed, looking at my hands, folded in my lap, as my blush darkened even more. "When we were pages I," I paused nervously, closing my eyes as I tried to build up my courage.
"Who?" Neal whispered.
I opened my eyes to find his face mere inches from my own, his eyes wide and intense as they fixed on mine with an emotion I couldn't identify.
Swallowing hard, my eyes locked on his I mustered my courage to murmur, "When we were pages I had a crush on you Neal. But I figured it was stupid, you would never think of me that way, so I forced myself to get over you." I smiled wirily. "I never planned to tell you that," I admitted. "Or, at least not until you had gotten married or sommat."
He stared at me. "Are you serious?" he asked me.
I chuckled. "Yes Neal," I said. "I am serious. Now, I told you about my crushes, it's your turn to tell me who your newest crush is."
Neal looked away from me finally, blushing. "Oh, um, well I don't know Kel," he said.
"Come on Neal," I sighed. "Do we really have to go through this?" I reached out and put my hand to his jaw, turning his head so he was forced to look at me. "Come on," I coaxed, smiling softly at him.
He sighed. "Did you say before that I should just tell the girl how I felt?" he asked hesitantly. "Just say it and hope for the best?"
I nodded, slightly puzzled and a little frustrated that he had changed the subject. "Not quite in those words, but that's the gist of it, yes," I replied.
"Okay." He took a deep breath and our eyes met again. "Kel, I . . . I've got a crush on you," he said, blushing, but still looking me in the eyes as he continued to speak. "I've actually had a bit of a crush on you for years, but have been too afraid to say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But, recently I came to the conclusion that I either had to tell you soon or get over you . . ." he trailed off.
For a moment I just sat there staring at him in complete silence, my jaw having dropped long before he finished speaking. "You what?" I finally whispered, my voice cracking even at that low of a volume.