AN: This is a Valentines exchange for Jewelsandcinnamon on tumblr. I own nothing!
Some Valentine's Day this turned out to be. Rachel thought with disdain as she glared at her reflection in the girls bathroom at school. She and Finn had been officially engaged for just over two weeks now, so you would think that he would have the most romantic day ever planned out. But he didn't. Sure, she sort of felt like the holiday was too commercial and just an excuse for couples to be overly touchy for one day of the year… But right now she needed the romance. She needed to be sure that this was the right choice, that she could have Finn and NYADA both at once.
With a shake of her head, she washed her hands. She loved Finn and he loved her, that's all that mattered. And sure maybe she'd prepared him a song and bought him one of those extremely corny cards that were far too flashy. And okay, yes, she did sort of expect some kind of reaction or perhaps a song in return during glee today. But she wouldn't die because she didn't receive anything. It didn't mean that Finn loved her any less than any other boy loved their girlfriend. Looking at the ring laying on the sink by the slightly dingy tap, she reminded herself that he loved her more than those other boys loved their girlfriends because he was her fiancé now.
Deciding that she was getting upset over nothing, Rachel turned the water off and dried her hands, careful to slip her engagement ring onto her left middle finger. At first Finn had been upset by this, but the reality was that the ring was too big for her ring finger, and they couldn't afford to have it resized yet. Or at least, this was the excuse Rachel continued to use. But for some reason, she was content with no one noticing her having an engagement ring and finding out their news.
The bathroom door slammed open, and Rachel jumped back with a gasp as Puck entered the room, a look on his face that she hadn't seen in quite a long time. "How's married life Rach?" he asked tauntingly, causing her to flinch.
"Noah, you really shouldn't make a habit of entering the girls room unannounced, what if—" but she knew her argument was pointless before she began it. School had ended over an hour ago; the only people still remaining in the building were lingering glee students and a couple of teachers who were without Valentine's Day plans.
Puck snorted and locked the bathroom door before leaning against it casually, filling Rachel with dread. Puck rarely locked the door behind him, and in the nearly three years she'd known him, she knew that he either intended on making out with her or having a serious conversation with her. Considering that he'd already mentioned being married, she assumed making out was completely ruled out. Not that she would have made out with him anyways; she was engaged now after all.
"Are you gonna answer my question?" he asked, glaring at her meaningfully.
Rachel sighed and fidgeted with the ring on her left hand, a nervous habit she'd picked up very recently. "I'm not married Noah, we're engaged."
He rolled his hazel eyes before sauntering over to Rachel, standing in front of the sink next to the one she'd just washed her hands in. "Last I knew engaged meant getting married in the close future, so you might as well be like a married couple now. From now on you can't get down and dirty with any other guys and Finn has to stop drooling over other chicks right?"
Rachel shifted her weight, "Some couples stay engaged for years before getting married Noah. But yes, it generally means that Finn and I are committed to being exclusive for the rest of our lives."
She watched as Puck seemed to try to read her mind through her eyes. "What happened to New York and Broadway and all your dreams?" he asked quietly.
Blinking, Rachel struggled to answer his question, "I don't understand what you mean, I can still—"
"You can still what, Rach? You can still go to New York while Finn stays in Ohio working in Kurt's dads shop and maybe going to college?" his voice continued rising the longer he spoke, anger seeping into his questions.
"Finn will go to college, and he applied to a couple in New York." She snapped back defensively, crossing her arms over her chest.
Puck laughed aloud, "He applied to one college in New York Rachel. And y'know what he told me when we went together to send our applications in the mail?" When Rachel shook her head once he continued, "He said he was only applying so that you would stop nagging him about it every time he saw you. He knew he was going to stay in Ohio already."
"You're lying." She whispered, blinking back the tears that were beginning to form in her deep brown eyes. "Finn loves singing, he wouldn't throw away his talent without really trying." Of course, Finn never showed as much interest in singing as she or Kurt did, but Rachel had shown him plenty of colleges in New York with a decent arts program that would help blossom Finn's talent and even get him noticed eventually.
Sighing, Puck ran a hand through his mohawk, making the growing hair stick in random directions. "Okay, lets say you two stay together, and just… pretend for a minute that Finn stays in Ohio. Then what?"
"Then… we work twice as hard as normal couples to keep our relationship healthy until he's ready to join me in New York." But even as she said it, Rachel knew what Puck was thinking. What would Finn do in New York if he'd started a life in Ohio?
Surprisingly, Puck just nodded. "And you'd be able to trust him? Being around sexy college girls, sorority girls even, drinking on the weekend, going to the parties? You think he's going to see a hot girl who wants him to clean her pipes and just say, 'Oh sorry, I'm engaged to a girl who lives in New York and is trying to make it big on Broadway'?"
Rachel had to take a deep steadying breath, in which time she noticed how sad Puck looked for her. "I… I guess I would hope that Finn would avoid such situations in order to resist temptation."
The look he gave her then made Rachel hang her head. He knew that she knew he wouldn't be able to resist college life. Finn loved celebrating and socializing in high school, so there was no doubts that he would love it in college to. It had always been extremely important to him to feel accepted and be loved by everyone, and everything that Jesse had told her about the night and weekend life of a college student included socializing. Even when studying, students did it in groups. Would Finn be able to resist the constant temptations of hot college girls?
"He loves me." She whispered so quietly she wasn't sure if Puck had heard her.
She heard him heave another sigh and saw him lean against the sink from the corner of her eye. "I think Finn loves you like I loved Quinn." Rachel lifted her head then to look at him. As far as she knew, Puck never spoke about how he felt towards Quinn, but she knew it was complicated just from watching them the past few years.
Pucks eyes were focused on something beyond the stalls he was staring at, seeing something Rachel couldn't. After a moment he licked his lips and spoke again. "At first, I just wanted in Quinn's pants. She was so hot and the only Cheerio I hadn't tapped yet, not to mention the hottest one." He grinned to himself. "That's all she was supposed to be, a quick pick me up and confidence booster. Plus it made me feel a little badass knowing we shouldn't be doing it."
Rachel wanted to interject, 'because she was with Finn', but she held her tongue.
"Then I found out she was knocked up and I mean, it had to be me. Finn wouldn't have shut up if he'd gotten laid. At first I was scared and mad that she was lying about it being Finn's dad."
Straightening her plaid skirt, Rachel tried not to be upset by the fact that Puck had known he was Beth's father while they were dating. It shouldn't matter anymore, and besides they'd both been using each other at the time.
Pucks eyes flickered to hers as Rachel looked up again, and for the second time in her life, she saw the Noah Puckerman that was all heart. He genuinely cared about the people in his life, even if he didn't always show it in appropriate ways.
"Rach, I loved Quinn. Hell I still love Quinn. But those feelings come from the wrong place for a relationship. Do you know why I love her?" he asked, waiting for her to think of an answer.
"Because she's the mother of your only child?" she guessed.
He scuffed his shoe against the floor. "Because she gave me what I needed to prove to myself that I'm a better man than my father."
"As insightful as that is Noah, and I'm not disputing your story at all… I don't see how it's related to Finn and I." she said, uncrossing her arms and letting them dangle at her sides.
Puck turned on his side, his hip pressing into the sink. "What I'm trying to say is Finn doesn't love you for the right reasons, just like I didn't love Quinn for the right ones. Eventually Q and I realized that, and went our separate ways."
"How can you say that Finn and I don't love each other for the right reasons? We've been dating for nearly two years now!" she bit out, irritated.
With a roll of his eyes Puck explained, "One year, last year doesn't count cause he was with Q for the second half and you cheated on him during the first." Rachel merely 'hmmph'ed. "And I'm not saying you don't love him for the right reasons but Rach, Finn only loves you cause you love him."
"That's not true." She responded immediately.
He rolled his eyes in exasperation, "Then why did he ask you RIGHT after he realized he has no plans after school? Why did he only ask you when his mom told him the real deal about his dad? Did you even know he was planning on going into the Army Rach? You'd be an Army Wife." He laughed bitterly. "Does that really sound like love to you?"
Rachel stood in shock, opening and closing her mouth several times. "The Army?" she asked in disbelief. Sure, Finn had commented on the subject very briefly a month ago, but she hadn't realized he was putting real thought into it.
Puck watched her as she though this over a moment before speaking again. "He wants to marry you because he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't know what he wants to do for a living, he lost his scholarship for football, and he doesn't want to sing forever. Everything was falling apart and the only thing he knows is that you're obsessed with him."
She winced, but didn't deny it. "Do you really want to end up a Lima mom, driving kids to football practice and watching as your Broadway dreams go away? Cause that's what Finn's gonna want you to do if you go through with this shit."
Looking down at her hand she watched the tiny fake diamond glitter in the dim bathroom lights. And suddenly, the tiny rock felt like it weighed a million pounds. Was it really a pretty ring that would lead her into a life of love and happiness? Or was it her personal shackle and ball that would weigh her down into a life of despair and ordinary motherhood. Her eyes met Puck's hazel ones and realized the truth.
Finn didn't love her. Not the way he'd loved Quinn. She'd known that since the day they'd first gotten together. She was his safety net, and had been since day one. If she went through with this, there was no way she'd be able to get Finn to be in New York and be happy with being there. And there was certainly no way she could be happy here.
"Noah may I ask you something?" her voice was broken and filled with sadness, even to her own ears.
When he nodded she spit out her question before she could take it back, "Why do you care so much?"
His eyebrow cocked, "Cause if you don't get to Broadway who's gonna get me into all those epic parties in Hollywood and shit?" he asked with a grin, and Rachel couldn't help but laugh as she subtly slid the ring off her finger and dropped it into the open pocket of her bag, feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted.
She didn't notice how his smile widened as he watched the small movements, or how his hand fit so perfectly with hers as he grabbed it to walk her out to her car. He didn't notice how her eyes brightened as they joked more about seeing each other in New York and what they'd do. And neither noticed when Finn watched them leave the school, his head hanging in defeat as he watched his best friend and soon to be ex girlfriend head into the relationship he knew would happen eventually.