I do not own the rights to Inuyasha or its characters, and no money was made off this story.
She slowly opened her eyes, once again to find his sleeping form way too close to her petite frame. Sighing, she slowly pushed back the assorted furs and trudged, once again, to the opening of the cave. Sometimes she grew so tired of this place. It almost physically hurt, how she was forced to live out her days like this, each one melting into another until she only knew seasons and moon phases.
She leaned into the side of the mouth to the cave, eyeing the sunrise. Her head slowly leaned into the wall, as she let her mind wander. Her eyes were dull and lifeless as her hand slowly reached up to finger the marking on her shoulder. She almost grimaced at the thought of being his- she just couldn't take it.
Remembering what little had been said just the night before, she drew her gaze from the sunrise to the filthy ground below her.
'Kagome, why do you never speak to me?' Kouga demanded her after another successful hunt. She dragged her gaze from the fire to his eyes, and he flinched at the vacant look about her. She only said, 'Because I have nothing to say to you.' He returned to his gang while she proceeded to spin the fish above the fire, returning to her luscious dream world.
Kagome slowly stepped from the caves mouth and sauntered over to the cliff's edge. Looking down, she saw treetops and numerous mountains, thousands of feet below. A strong wind suddenly blew from her left side, almost sending her hurtling down. She smiled slightly, and took one foot off the edge of the cliff. Arms spread wide, fully intending to step into infinity, she leaned forward…
And suddenly, two strong, masculine arms were wrapped around her waist, keeping her suspended above the ridge into hell. Her arms hung limp across his, and she slowly relaxed into his vice grip. Somehow he had spun her around, and her face was crushed against his chest.
She looked back at the sunrise, surprised to find that it was blurred into a swirling mass of pinks and blues. She felt something wet flitter across her cheek- and realized she was crying. Silently, motionlessly crying. She heard someone talking, so she started to tune her ears back to reality.
"If this is what you want, you can have it. Is this what you want, Kagome? Is it?" he asked quietly. She started shaking her head back and forth, back in forth, in a universal signal.
"No, no, no…" she whispered, slamming her hands fruitlessly against his abdomen. Again and again, she said that one word she had never been quite able to say, until she was howling it to the world.
Soon she closed her eyes and whispered, so just she and he could hear it, "I don't want this life anymore… I don't want to live." And yet she did. She wanted to live so badly, that she almost could have squirmed out of his arms and onto the ground below, hoping for a new life and; hopefully; some peace. But she knew by now that was not possible- she had been caught, and she would never get out of the web she was in.
Suddenly she was surrounded by furs, on the dirty, matted floor she had come to see as home. She realized what a mess she must resemble- uncombed hair, shabby clothes, dirt streaks down her face. But for the first time in her life, she just didn't care. She didn't care if she looked bad, or what anyone thought of her. She just wanted out, to start a new life from scratch. She sighed at the thought, although it came out shakily and uneven.
She soon realized someone was beside her- a man she had grown used to, his presence now familiar. However unwelcome, she now embraced his comforting atmosphere, for it was all she had left. Slowing her eyes from the world, she wondered if anything could ever become of her feeble life. No,
she thought. I am no more than a shell- I have no more purpose in this world. Kagome wondered if she ever did have a purpose. If she did, it was well overlooked.
She flinched when she caught out of the corner of her eye a hand move toward her face, and almost regretted it when Kouga snatched his hand back, looking at her warily. She sniffed, the sound almost echoing in the soundless space around them. Cautiousness and suspicion surrounded their auras, almost suffocating her. Suddenly an even louder sound erupted from the cavern- his voice.
"Why did you do that, Kagome?" he asked slowly. "Why would you do that to me? To the clan?" She looked at his blue eyes, and thought of how they reminded her of the ocean. She had always loved the ocean, but had not seen or touched it in years.
"I do not wish to live this life anymore," was her response after several tense moments. "I need out."
He looked down at his grubby hands, laid out across them on the cold stone floor. "I love you," he finally said, swiftly directing his gaze to hers. She blatantly replied, "I know you do."
"Then why do you reject me so much?" he asked again, studying the specks of green in her chocolate eyes. Once again, she replied, "I need out."
He sighed and stood up, stretching from the abrupt awakening. "All I want from you," he said almost sadly, "is love. Is that really so much of a task?"
Looking down at her own hands, she quickly thought of what she knew about love. It was… nonexistent, at least in her eyes. So she could only respond, "I am out of reasons to believe in love."
He stared down at her, finally seeing the wreckage he had created- or at least helped to create. Spasms started to rock her body as he once again smelt tears, faintly mingling with dew and warmth. The girl who cried love, he thought, remembering how fondly she had always looked at Inuyasha whenever they encountered each other. Now that Inuyasha was dead- by his enemy, Naraku's, hand- he guessed she had given up on what she wanted and just took what was handed to her.
"Kagome," he suddenly said, ignoring her pleading stare to let her rot in peace, "please, tell me what you thought about when he was gone, and you were all alone." She knew who he was talking about, he knew.
After a few slow, tense minutes, she whispered, "Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt so alone? That's how I constantly felt. And I think I still do."
Suddenly a huge boom erupted from outside, startling them both. Rain started pouring down, making a curtain in the mouth of the cave. They both chuckled, her laughter such a rare sound it made him stop and wait to savor the sound. Her face still covered in tears, her eyes squinted in enjoyment of the sudden downpour. When they were done, they both looked at each other, wondering what to say next.
"You loved him, didn't you?" he asked, his voice just over the sound of the pouring rain.
She smiled a slow little smile and said, "Yes, I did. With all my heart and soul. When he died, I guess he took that with him."
Kouga nodded and turned towards the rain, watching in fascination as the droplets came pattering down rapidly. Again, and again, and again they fell.
"Maybe I was just meant to be alone." she said quietly. He looked at her and said, "You're not alone. You never were. I'm here with you, aren't I? You have me, and the clan, and… possibly even a kit?" he finished with a twinkle in his ocean eyes.
She smiled shyly and answered, "Maybe, someday. But, for now… I'd just like to continue to live. Take it one day at a time."
He smiled back at her and simply said, "I'd like that."
Thanks for reading. Reviews welcome.