Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, Hello Kitty, The wizard of oz lyrics, Meow mix, Rob Thomas's lyrics, Brittney's lyrics, and the other familiar lyrics used in this story. I also do not own Chicken Little, or Barbie and her friends. ENJOY AND REVIEW!
The Day Akito went homicidal.
It was a cool afternoon, in the middle of Spring. Students were in their classrooms, listening to their instructors drone on and on about some boring lesson, birds chirped as they soared through the crisp air, and Akito, the head of the Sohma family sighed as he leaned over at the window.
"No one loves me…" He complained in a soft whiny voice, speaking to no one. He watched as a couple maids scurried off into another building, a dog bark and then piss on a tree before walking away, and a paranoid Hatori run around in a circle with his hands up in the air shrieking about something involving the sky falling down.
Akito sighed again and then slipped off into the dark shadows of his room. His special room, that people feared to be in, skin tingled as they entered knowing to be called into this room involved a risk of injury.
"Muahaha, I am god, I am powerful!" Akito announced to the wall. He waited a few moments, getting angry.
"What? Don't give me that look! I am god, you MUST OBEY ME!" Once again Akito waited a few moments, glaring at the wall intensely.
"DO YOU DARE DEFY ME! YOU SHALL PAY!" Akito started to pound and kick the wall viciously, screaming random curses and such as he attempted to break it down. Shigure popped into the room.
"AKITO!" He grabbed the tiny man's arms, pulling him away from the victimized wall.
"LET ME GO! DO YOU DARE DEFY ME! I AM GOD YOU CAN'T DEFY ME!" Akito's wrath shifted from the wall to Shigure, banging his fists into the taller mans chest as he continued his rampage.
"This could get ugly…" Shigure murmured, blocking the man's strikes. Akito pulled out a dagger from his kimono.
"DIE!" He screamed as he lunged the sharp object towards Shigure's chest. Shigure stepped aside, causing the man to fall upon the floor.
"ooff.." said the god as he lay sprawled on the floor, Shigure laughed.
"SKY IS FALLING! SKY! SKY! FALLING!" Hatori shrieked as he burst into the room, his eyes darted wildly about like the crazy man he is.
"Ha'ri? What's wrong? You never act like this?" Shigure said as he immediately turned serious.
"SKY! AHHHH WE ARE ALL GUNNA DIE!" Hatori was now running in circles again until he tripped over Akito's fallen body.
"He saw Chicken Little…" Haru said in a monotone voice, entering the room.
"Oh!" Shigure exclaimed, nodding in understanding. But then a piercing scream was heard and the two men looked over at Akito who was now straddling Hatori's stomach and stabbing him multiple times.
"SKY SKY sky….eeg…" Hatori stopped his shrieking as a pool of blood seeped from beneath him. Akito took a final stab at Hatori's mid section before finally getting up. He brushed himself off and then turned to the two speechless men in the room.
"Oh shit, did you witness that?" Akito asked in his low frightening voice. Haru nodded slowly, still in shock and Shigure had already run past the man and was at Hatori's side, crying.
"Why why why?"
"He was being noisy, that's why…" Akito answered, placing a hand at Shigure's shoulder.
"But he loved you! And he was your assistant! How could you! What about the whole snow and spring joke huh? It was a symbol of love!"
"Shigure, that was Kana…" Haru spoke up emotionlessly.
"…."
"BASTARD!" Akito was enraged once more due to the fact Shigure mixed up himself and Kana. So he shot Shigure in the head with the gun he pulled out of his kimono.
"WUT THE FUCK HOWD YA GET THAT!" Haru shouted, as he watched Shigure fall to the floor, his own pool of blood forming and mixing with Hatori's.
"Walmart" Haru stared blankly at Akito as Akito petted his gun.
"NO not that I mean it just seemed to pop out of no where…a mystery…"
"Oh, that's because I pulled it out of my kimono. It's magically delicious!" Haru stared at Akito who was smiling like a lunatic.
"That's lucky charms…"
"SHUT UP HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY KIMONO TASTES LIKE YOU WORTHLESS STUPID COW! ARE YOU SAYING YOU ARE EATING MY PRECIOUS MAGICAL KIMONOS WHILE I AM NOT LOOKING! DO YOU DARE DEFY MY ORDER AND QUESTION MY AUTHORITY AS GOD!"
"…since when did I start eating clothing…"
"DON'T SMART MOUTH ME COW! DON'T DEFY MY WORD! MY WORD IS LAW, YOU HEAR!"
"…uh…"
"STUPID COW DEFYING ME! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR GOING AGAINST THE WORD OF YOUR GOD!"
"…but I didn't say anything…really…you aren't making any sense either.." Haru never had a chance after that. Akito just pulled the trigger and our awesome bisexual cow was lying on the floor along with Shigure and Hatori…Nah actually, Haru just ran away after he finished his sentence and Akito was left pondering in his dark room about his words.
"hmm….I don't make any sense do I? Fine cow, I admit that, but I AM GOD AND I CAN DO ANYTHIG!"
"YOU CAN'T FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Haru shouted from somewhere all the way on the other side of the estate still running. He was on his way to Izusu's so he could warn her about Akito's homicidal rampage. That and probably to share a quick make-out session as well.
"BAKA USHI!" Akito screamed, in a girlish scream.
"Akito?"
BAM! Akito blinked and then smiled, it was just a maid.
"Old Hag." He exclaimed as he stepped over her head and out the doorway. His black eyes gleamed with craze as he looked around. Who shall I kill next, he thought.
"Whose in the forest caaaalling! The bird and the trees sing Mo-mi-ji!" Akito's gaze flickered over to the closed door where the muffled singing was coming from.
"I SMELL A RABBIT!" He shouted as he banged open the door. Yuki looked up from his spot on the floor.
"You mean this stuff one?" Yuki held up the stuffed animal that belonged to Momiji.
"No…" Akito said flatly, his eyes narrowing at the scene before him.
"Yuki, my idiotic rat, why are you in Momiji's room? Better yet, why are you even at the estate?"
Yuki blinked and the shrugged, and returned back to his game.
"Well Kyo ripped off all of my Barbie doll's heads off and Miss Honda doesn't own any so I came here because I know Momiji had some." Akito watched as Yuki played with the rabbit, who was slapping the short black haired Barbie.
"uh…where is the rabbit."
"Momiji? I don't know….he isn't here though."
"I can see that."
"Bitch die! Wahck Whack! Muahaha The bunny rabbit of doom has won! Yay!" Akito started to shake in fear, this was sickening! And Yuki started laughing in a girlish giggle.
"IM GUNNA KISS YOU MR. RABBIT! THEN WE CAN GET MARRI---" Before Yuki got to finish his sentence, a gun shot was heard. The stuffed animal plopped to the ground, Yuki fell face first into the carpet and blood seeped around him.
"Huh. He made such a nice toy, too. Well, this is what I get for raping them…they turn into Barbie and stuffed animal molesters…" Akito put his gun back into his MAGICAL kimono and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"Let's see…we got the Dog, the Sea Horse, and now the Rat taken cared of. Which will be next..." Akito peered around the corner, shot down another maid and continued on.
MEANWHILE at SHIGURE'S!
"Hey Kyo, where is Yuki?" Kyo lifted his head from the fridge at stared at Tohru who was stirring a mixture for dinner.
"Like I would know, probably humping some logs again…"
They both shuddered at their last search for the prince. It was truly horrifying. But of course, nothing made a better blackmail picture than that, thought Kyo as he smirked. Little did our kitty know that Yuki was dead, lying in the middle of Momiji's room still holding that naked Barbie doll.
Tohru shook her head, pushing away the previous image, and now focused on another person she noticed was out.
"What about Shigure?"
"Hmm, the damn dog went to the main house a while ago…" Kyo closed the fridge, carrying the milk with him to his seat and Tohru stopped stirring, the mixture ready to be eaten.
"Ok! We got some miso soup and white rice for dinner! Oh and rice balls too! I made your favorite, cod and salmon!" Tohru exclaimed carrying the food into the dining room, and placing each on the table along with setting it with the necessary utensils.
Kyo smiled, Tohru smiled and they began to eat.
"HOLY FLIPPIN COWS!" Haru burst into the room, with a pissed off Rin in his grasp behind him.
"Cow tipping?" Kyo said with a full mouth, Tohru blinked.
"NO!" Haru shouted. Rin walked closer to Haru, finally standing next to him and in view.
"Shigure and Hatori are dead…and Akito has gone homicidal" Rin explained, her voice flat and dry.
"THAT'S TERRIBLE!" Tohru shouted, forgetting the food in her mouth. She began to choke.
"HOLY CRAP TOHRU!" Kyo went over to her side, patting her back. Finally after ten minutes of hacking, Tohru could breathe at a steady pace again.
"Dammit…" Rin murmured, in a disappointed tone. I really thought she would croak.
"Rin, be nice." Haru replied, noting the disappointed stare she gave Tohru and understanding the meaning of her curse.
Tohru finally remembered the announcement that caused her to choke in the first place and began to cry.
"Tohru…" Kyo was growing uncomfortable, he hated when people cried, especially Tohru. Of course, Kyo was also a little upset by the loss but didn't show it.
"This-this is a..aw..awful! What are we going to do? Oh no! Is he going to kill all of us! Ah no!" Tohru was now panicking, running around in circles, that is, until Kyo grabbed her and pushed her back down in her seat.
"Calm down, he isn't even here!" Kyo shouted, he looked back at the two others in the room.
"OH YES I AM!" Shouted a voice from behind Rin and Haru. They all turned to see AKito smiling like a maniac behind them.
"Oh! Hello Akito!" Tohru said happily.
"SHUT UP YOU DITZ!" Akito shrieked. Tohru began to whimper and soon was found on the floor crying her eyes out.
"AH! TOHRU!" Kyo cried out, leaping to her side, but ended up slipping on the floor.
"KYO!" She cried, realizing he slipped because of her. She cried even more.
"ITS ALL MY FAULT YOU ARE HURT NOW!"
"NO ITS MY FAULT, I WASN'T WATCHIN WHERE I WAS WALKING!"
"NO ITS MY FAULT!"
"NOT! ITS MINE!"
"ITS BOTH OF YOUR FAULTS BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE PATHETIC!" Rin yelled. The two lovers looked over at her, bewildered.
"Well its true.." She stated with a bored face. Both broke into tears.
"Uh…anyway….I CAME HERE TO KILL YOU!" Akito announced.
"why.." Rin asked as she stole a sip from Tohru's forgotten green tea.
"…Uh….BECAUSE I AM GOD! BWAHAHAH! NOW PREPARE TO DIE!" Akito pulled out a Chainsaw from his kimono.
"TIME FOR ANOTHER HAIR CUT, RIIIIIN!"
"……hold that thought." Rin turned to Haru and they started making out. Meanwhile, Kyo and Tohru had stopped their stupid crying and were watching with shock and amazement at how the two actually kissed each other!
"They are kissing!" Kyo whispered in awe. Tohru nodded slowly, mouth wide open.
"YOU IDIOTS! OF COURSE THEY ARE, THEY LIKE EACH OTHER!" Akito hissed, glaring with TWO evil eyes at the pair. His left eye was twitching rapidly.
"so…you kiss a person if you like them…." Tohru said thoughtfully. Kyo scratched his head. Damn Fleas.
"Yes….except…" Akito slowly turned to the two Zodiac, making out on the table.
"THEY ARENT ALLOWED TO BECAUSE I SAID SO! NO ONE LOVES ME! THEY DO NOT DESERVE TO LOVE EACH OTHER! AND I CAN TOO FLY! WATCH ME!" Akito threw the chainsaw down to the ground and kicked the pair off the table. Haru looked up.
"What the…" Rin said aloud as they watched their 'god' flapping his arms as fast as he could and jumping up and down.
"I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING!"
"AKITO!" Ayame burst threw the room.
"SHUT UP YOU GAY SNAKE, IM BUSY FLYING!"
"BUT SOMEONE MURDERED YUKI!" At this, tohru burst into tears again, Kyo finally gotten over her crying and began coloring in his 'Hello Kitty' coloring book.
"YES!" Akito shouted.
"…BUT WHO COULD HAVE DONE IT! MY POOR DEAR BROTHER!"
"IT WAS I, YOUR ALMIGHTY POWERFUL GOD! CREATOR OF JELLO AND FRUIT CUPS!"
"THAT'S TERRIBLE!" Ayame exclaimed dramatically, swiping a hand to his forehead.
"I KILLED THAT MUTT AND THE FRIGGIN SEA HORESY TOO! NOW ILL KILLYOU! HORRAY!" Akito threw the cheerleading pom poms that had magically appeared in his hands during his last outburst, and lunged at the older man.
Akito wrapped his skinny long fingers around the platinum blonde locks of Ayame's hair.
"AH MY GORGOUS HAIR!"
"SHUT UP YOU DRAG QUEEN!" Akito yanked and yanked until he finally achieved in ripping out a huge chunk of the snakes hair.
"GAHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY HAIR!" Ayame cried out hysterically, clutching what was left of it.
"HAHAHAHAHAH I GOT YOUR HAIR NOW!" Akito shouted. He ran upstairs and slammed the door closed to a random room. Everyone stood in silence, except Ayame who was crying at his loss and Kyo's humming of the Meow Mix theme song.
"I wonder where akito went to.." tohru said aloud. She thought really hard.
"MAYBE HE WENT TO BARBIE'S HOUSE!" She exclaimed excitedly. Everyone looked at her oddly.
"sure…" Kyo mumbled. Haru blinked.
"TOHRU!" Shouted a happy voice. They turned to a blonde little boy running over to the group.
"MOMIJI!" Tohru exclaimed as she ran to him and both hugged. A rabbit appeare din her arms.
"Tohru, I found Yuki in my room dead! and now all my Barbie dolls and stuffed animals have blood on them…they're ruined! Poor stacy!"
"Poor Ken! And Kelly! And Barbie! And—"
"DUN DUN NAH NAH!" Shouted Akito, skipping into the room. Everyone gasped.
There in the doorway, was Akito, but instead of the usual Kimono and messy hair duo, he had on one of Tohru's really short pink girly dresses on. He also had some lipstick he stolen from Yuki's room, and used the scotch tape in Kyo's to tape on Ayame's hair to his head. Akito spun around.
"Don't I look fabulous!" He asked in an incredibly creppy voice.
"And you called ME a drag queen…." Ayame said shocked. Akito glared, grabbed the nearest object (which was a sharp huge kitchen knife) and threw it at him. Ayame collapsed onto the floor, the dagger having been stabbed threw his heart.
"AYAME! AHHH!" Tohru screeched, tears flowing down her face as she did the potty dance.
"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Rin asked awkwardly.
"Hua….why do you ask?" Tohru said, squirming.
"Oh no reason…" Rin said with a sigh. Tohru was way to clueless for her own good.
"Moo" Haru mooed, walking over to Akito. He started eating the dress.
"AH STUPID COW GET OFF MY DRESS!" Tohru sat upright.
"my dress…..THATS MY DRESS!" Tohru chirped happily as she bounced over to Akito.
"Kyo shook his head in embarrassment. And this was the girl who he loved so dearly….it was sad…
"KYO YOUR NAKED!" Kyo jumped five feet in the air and covered his goodies. Haru and Rin burst into laughter. That was when Kyo looked down and realized that he still had his clothes on.
"YOU IDIOT!" Rin said, gasping in between her laughter. Akito watched the seen before him. Rin and Haru laughing. Tohru helping calm the now pissed off Kyo. It was too normal….
Then with a flick of his wrist he took off the dress and started parading around in the bikini he found under Yuki's bed.
"I DON'T WANNA BE LONELY NO MORE! WITH THE TASTE OF YOUR LIPS IM ON THE RUN! YOUR TOXIC IM SLIPPIN UNDER! LOVE ME LOVE ME, WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME! ITS GUNNA BE ME! IM TOO SEXY FOR MY CAT!"
Everyone was dead silent, watching as Akito did his little yaoi dance and skipped over to an unlucky cat. Akito started to pet his hair.
"BE MY BAD BOY BE Y MAN BE MY WEEKEND LOVER BUT DON'T BE MY FRIEND!" Kyo's ninth life ended there and he ended up downing the bottle of Sleeping pills. He overdosed and fell over in a heap.
"Dammit!" Akito cursed. Tohru began to cry again, Rin watched as Akito started to go on a rant of curses and Haru was finishing up what was left of the pink dress.
"ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Akito screamed, aiming a finger at Tohru. She looked up.
"BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Akito went Donkey Kong on her and soon Tohru joined Kyo in the death world.
"Kyo!"
"Tohru!' What a wonderful reunion.
"YOU!" Akito pointed to a bored looking Rin.
"YOUR HAIR IS PISSING ME OFF!" Akito yanked the Chainsaw out of the corner and shaved the girls head with it.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Rin yelled as blood oozed out of her skull. She grabbed Momiji and threw the bunny in his face. Momiji scratched and bit Akito, in revenge of Tohru, until he was eaten by Akito.
"Stupid Rabbit. I should have KNOWN he would taste like chocolate!" Akito smirked.
"Crap." Haru said as he watched Rin fall over, her head looking like a furless cat.
"YOU!" Haru looked over at the approaching mad man.
"STUPID COW! YOU DIFIED ME! YOU ARE UNWORTHY! YOU ARE--!" Akito fell over on the floor.
"Damn these heels!"
Haru blinked. He looked over at the candle that sat just inches away on the table, back at the highly flammable hair of Ayame's still taped onto Akito's head and back at the flame.
Like any reasonable man, Haru walked over, grabbed the candle and watched as he lit Akito on fire.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I AM GOD YOU CANT DO THIS TO YOUR GOD!" Akito screeched, flames engulfing him.
"….I made a human bon fire….now where are those hot dogs…." Haru walked into the kitchen to search for snacks while Akito rolled around on the floor screaming like a little girl.
And thus concludes the day Akito went homicidal. Our hero, Hatsuharu, ended the violent rampage, and while he was at it even got two nicely cooked hot dogs out of it! Though he did loose a girlfriend in the process.
"That is ok, ill just resurrect her…." Haru munched on the end of the hotdog before walking out of Shigure's. Suddenly a light filled the room where the dead bodies of Ayame, Tohru, Akito, and Rin laid. Haru turned around.
He watched as the house became engulfed in flames and burnt down.
"Damn…so much or resurrecting her….." Haru thought glumly. He turned around and walked back to the main estate. I hope Kagura doesn't get too mad if I ask her where she hid the hotdogs…he thought as he continued on. In the distance, he swore he could have heard those fairies singing.
The Wicked Witch is dead! The Wicked Witch is dead!
Hail - Hail - the Witch is dead.
Which old Witch? - the Wicked Witch.
Hail - Hail - the Wicked Witch is dead.
THE END!