Warnings: SasuNaru, SugarDaddy!Sasuke, StripperBunny!Naruto, NaruHina wedding turned NaruSasu, crack, language, I don't know. Maybe this can be considered Hinata bashing, but I only called her a bitch once and that's the point where everything goes cracky so I'm not calling it Hinata bashing.

Where there is love there is life.

-Mahatma Gandhi

It was a beautiful wedding set outside on the Hokage Monument. The sunset was the stunning backdrop as the stars and the moon were faintly dotted in the background like little fireflies stuck on fly paper. Everyone was dressed in fine silks and cloths and gentle smiles were on every single face. Except for one.

Sasuke didn't know why he came here. He had no intentions of watching a person he's pretty sure Naruto has never shared more than five sentences with marry the person he loved. When Naruto had told him six months ago on one of his monthly return trips to Konoha, that he and Hinata were getting married, Sasuke had immediately declined the invitation without bothering to hear more. While Naruto hid the hurt that he definitely felt, he had given a forced grin and told Sasuke that if he ever decided to stop being a hobo for just an hour or so, he was welcome to come to the wedding. Sasuke had hned and looked away, causing an awkward silence between them both.

When has it ever been awkward between Sasuke and Naruto?

Soon after that, Sasuke stopped his visits. Every time he came back, even for a second, all he heard and saw were 'Naruto and Hinata are getting married', 'Hinata has found her precious prince charming', 'the hero and his princess are getting married'. Sasuke didn't want to hear any of that.

Sasuke had seen her once, Hinata that is. She was beautiful, he'd give her that, but the second Naruto stepped next to her, he completely dominated her presence with a bright aura that was not easily contained. For some reason, they just didn't look right. They didn't fit together as well as so many claimed they do. When they walked together, the entire air around them felt weird- forced. He didn't see what everyone else was.

Or maybe Sasuke was just biased.

However, on this day in the middle of July, Sasuke found himself standing in the very back of the wedding site. Just close enough to hear everything, but far enough where no one could sense him.

Except Naruto. He always seems to know when Sasuke's near.

He had come in the very beginning (he was hoping for the end). Without even thinking, his eyes lined up with Naruto's. And just like that, Naruto's grin managed to clear the dark shadows in his mind without a word being said. That grin was something Sasuke had come to love and abhorred- feared the thought of Naruto never smiling at him like that ever again.

Sasuke wished that Naruto's eyes fell only on him, but such a wish would be a waste.

When Hinata walked down the aisle, Sasuke pulled his hat over his eyes.

When Naruto gave a soft smile to the girl, Sasuke turned his head away.

When the Minister called for the two to hold hands, Sasuke turned his whole body away.

"I, Naruto."

"I, Naruto."

"Take Thee, Hinata-"

Sasuke couldn't stay here, he had to-

"Take Thee, Sasuke."

Get the fuck up on that alter and push that big-boobed bitch away from his man.

Shocked gasps and cries of concern could be heard as Hinata fainted on her feet and Naruto, rather than try and catch her, reached his hand towards Sasuke who was strutting down the aisle like it was no one's business. Any person who got in Sasuke's way was promptly electrified by his Chidori Current.

Sakura could be seen laughing hysterically in the background while Kakashi balanced a stereo on his shoulder, nodding his head to the beat.

Move bitch, get out the way.

Finally, Sasuke was at the alter, having taken Naruto's hands in his. Chaos continued to reign in the crowd as people tried to figure outwhat the fuck just happened.

The minister continued to smile as if the bride hadn't just fainted, several wedding go-ers have not just been electrocuted, and now he was binding two men together.

"Ahem."

Just like that, everyone stopped and looked at the minister who was still smiling. "We still have a wedding to continue. Please sit."

Slowly, everyone took a seat where they stood, not sure what else to do. Kakashi's music still played in the background. The minister smiled.

"Thank you! Now, you-" He nodded at Sasuke, "Take your fellow groom's hands so that you can kiss each other and stop killing us all with your queer-filled aura."

SORRY NOT SORRY.

Where's SugarDaddy!Sasuke and StripperBunny!Naruto? Go back and re-read this story, only now pretend that they have been wearing those outfits the entire time.

This fic was inspired by a post in which the link will be posted on my profile.

I have nothing else to say. Sorry not sorry.

~Kitsune-Ohime-Sama~