A/N – This entire little fic popped into my head while driving and listening to a song a friend recommended. Have I mentioned how most of my stories are inspired by songs? Anyways, this is probably the most depressing thing I have written so far…just a heads up. I think I've been reading too many lovely but sad fics by Ebony10…hehe. Thanks to JocelynMcC for betaing. :)

Credits for the song Silver Lining goes to the band Rilo Kiley.

Disclaimer – If I owned The Mentalist, would I be suffering from slight insomnia? Don't think so.

And I was your silver lining, as the story goes
I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold

Your Silver Lining

There was no going back now. She had already bought the flowers and was on her way over at the moment. Lisbon took a breath, steadying herself, shaking off the jitters. The rest of the team had already gone to visit; they usually went together on holidays too. You can do this, she mentally told herself. It had been over a year since the Red John case was wrapped up. More than enough time had passed for her to finally be ready to visit.

Blinking back tears, Lisbon thought of how much he had meant to her, and vice versa. In a sense, she had become his silver lining – the one bright thing he had to look forward to in his miserable, despondent life. Even though she had technically been his supervising agent and not his boss – that was Minelli's job – the relationship between them was frowned upon.

Yet, she couldn't help the attraction that had developed; she had been drawn to him and he to her. Lisbon knew he wasn't good for her, and that things had a high chance of ending poorly, but that didn't stop her from going against her better judgment. Indisputably, Jane had thought fondly of her, but she never knew if it was love. Despite her insecurities about him, she had fallen head over heels for the blond haired consultant and then found herself plunged into a deep, dark hole with nowhere to go but up.

To say things ended badly was an understatement. Jane didn't want to get in her way of a happy life, but Lisbon didn't want him to throw his away. There were times now when she felt peaceful, knowing she had found a nice guy she could imagine settling down with in the future. But there were other times when she found herself crying for no reason when she was alone. She had to visit, to put her mind at ease.

She hopped out of the car, grabbed the flowers and made her way to the entrance. Spotting the front desk attendant, Lisbon asked "Hi, I'm looking for a Patrick Jane."

"Should be right over there sweetie, he gets visitors regularly you know," said the kindly older woman, pointing off in the distance somewhere. Lisbon was curious as to who visited on a regular basis but decided against asking. She didn't see what the lady was motioning to, but decided to wander about and search by herself.

Finding what she was looking for, gently she placed the bouquet down and stood still, waiting almost. Studying the unfamiliar sight in front of her, she watched for some kind of sign, anything that would signal he was listening to her.

"It's been really hard at work without you." Lisbon struggled to get the words out of her mouth, her insides squirming uncomfortably.

Pausing for a moment, but not actually expecting a response, she continued in an unsteady voice.

"I've been trying to move on. You told me I deserved better, and I've been trying to."

Another pause, as Lisbon inhaled deeply and plowed forward, talking to him although she doubted he was listening.

"I met someone. He's a nice guy and treats me well, you'd like him probably. Well – you'd hypnotize him first for information. But then I think you would have liked him."

What she wouldn't give to have him dazzle her with another of his cheeky grins, or even pull one of his pranks on her again. Anything, anything at all would have been sufficient.

"It's just – it's just that I feel guilty, for all this. None of this was supposed to happen. I should have been there. You should have waited."

Biting her bottom lip, she forced back the tears that were on the verge of spilling over.

"I never should have let you – let me go."

Lisbon felt her eyes brim with tears again as she reached out a shaky hand, placing it upon the stone in front of her, tracing over the engraving with her slender fingers.

Wiping away the tears she whispered, "I still miss you, everyday."

Patrick Jane
Beloved father, husband, and friend

She looked to the left of the grave and noticed two older graves by his. A bittersweet smile broke out as she choked back a sob. Lisbon took comfort in the fact that he was surrounded by the people he loved and felt a small shudder course through her as she relaxed. Maybe now she could actually move on and live the life she deserved. One step at a time, as the story goes.

End