-Affairs with Married Men-
Summary: af-fair. noun. A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.
Other Summary: Addison never finds the panties. She and Derek continue to "try". Derek and Meredith continue what they started on prom night. Finn decides to take action on his "plans" that he has, and Meredith is going to go right along with them.
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-Day after prom-
Addison had a feeling.
Not a good one.
Not a bad one.
But a feeling.
When she returned to the hospital that morning and saw her husband, he couldn't look at her. He held a chart at his side, his scrub cap with the sailboats sat on his prefect dark hair, and he acknowledged his suspicious red-haired wife with only a simple nod, not ever meeting her glance.
But he was Derek. He was noble. He was trying. He promised he was trying. Addison had promised that she'd wait for Derek to "let the feeling pass". That shriveled up skinny dirty-blonde haired girl that her husband adored so much. Addison could never figure out why. She was a world-class neonatal surgeon…and yet she could not figure out the mystery of why Derek Shepherd swooned and was consistently dumbfounded by Meredith Grey.
But he was trying. So that had to count for something, right?
So Addison Montgomery-Shepherd pushed the feeling that was making her nauseous to the back of her current thoughts, and tried to grab hold of her husband's attention.
"Here all night, huh," Addison smiled, trying to make the eye-contact she so desperately wanted from her husband of 11 years.
She didn't get it.
"Yeah. Did a craniotomy at 4, just decided to stay," Derek responded dully, scribbling notes on the thick pages of the gray binder that was plastered in his hands.
He didn't want to look at Addison. Because she'd know. She'd know what he did. Even if Derek Shepherd were to so much as give the quickest fleeting glance into his wife's eyes…she would know of his fault. She'd know that he'd broken his promise. And Derek couldn't have that. Derek Shepherd could not take the fact that he shattered his pledge. He was not that guy. He was the good guy. He always was.
And he was going to keep being the good guy.
"So…you have time for a break? I don't have a surgery for another hour. Coffee maybe," Addison asked, with clear and obvious desperation and hope clinging to every word that left her flawlessly light crimson lips.
"Addison-" Derek started, still glaring heavily in every direction but the fiery redhead that stood before him. His wife's pager interrupted his plans of an on-the-spot excuse for the coffee rendezvous. He didn't want coffee, he didn't want to do another surgery today…he wanted Meredith Grey.
"Dammit. Karev's paging me from the pit. Later?" Addison strived one last time to get her husband to look at her. To glance at her, anything at all besides staring mindlessly at that God-forsaken chart.
"I actually have a few things to take care of Addie. I'll see you at home later okay?"
Addison knew she had to take this. This small window of optimism. Home later. That was something when she had nothing. Nothing else at the moment to rid the treacherous feeling that was creeping it's way back to the front of her thoughts, that sickening feeling that her husband had laid a hand on Meredith Grey's pale, fragile frame last night.
But he couldn't have. He was Derek. And he had promised.
"Alright," She uttered, almost inaudibly. Not getting another acknowledgment from her husband, Addison Shepherd disappeared into the elevator.
Derek rubbed his temples profusely. He just discovered that his wife had no intention of asking him about last night. If she was even wary about it for that matter. She seemed alright, seemed okay, seemed in good spirits just like any other day.
But in this moment, Derek Shepherd didn't care about Addison Shepherd. Derek Shepherd cared about Meredith Grey.
His mind raced back to hours ago…when he made love to her in the cold, silent exam room, just down the hall from where their dates thought they were both checking on patients or splashing cold water on their faces. When he kissed her, when he was inside her, he savored every memory. It was what he had wanted to do every time he laid eyes on her petite body. Derek couldn't get his thoughts straight. In surgery, walking down the hall, and now standing at the base of the stairs with a patient's chart in his hands…he couldn't stop thinking about Meredith.
Her wavy dirty-blonde locks and pale emerald eyes could absorb his thoughts for hours upon hours, even days upon end. Her laugh, that tiny shrill noise that was not often heard was a sound Derek longed to hear. Her smile broke that persistent hushed, eloquent and tentative look she always wore on her face…and that same smile had the power to make Derek's heart throb at an unprecedented pace.
He was in love with her…and she needed to know.
But there was the promise. With his wife. And Derek…was the good guy. And good guys do not have affairs. They do not tell other women that they are in love with them when they have a beautiful, brilliant wife to go home to.
So Derek Shepherd could not tell Meredith Grey that he was in love with her.
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Meredith was making sandwiches. Which was stupid because she didn't really care if they turned out good or bad, if anyone actually ate them, or of they were good for the Shiva. Meredith's mind reeled with the memories of last night. Prom night.
Meredith Grey didn't go to prom in high school. She was that girl. The rebel. With the pink hair and the black clothes and the angriness. Yeah, she was that girl.
Now she had gone to prom with that guy. The guy who wins prom king and has all the girls in the room cursing silently under their breath at his date.
That was the role Derek played last night. He was the one cursing silently at Finn for his beautiful date. That someone else had his Meredith. That someone else had their hands on her. That someone else was whispering in her ear. That someone else was making her smile.
But Meredith did what most do on prom night. Screw somebody. Only it wasn't her date. It was the man that wouldn't leave her thoughts, the man who had a wife, the man who wouldn't stop looking at her. The man she was in love with.
But her date had plans. So that was a plus. Plans were unfamiliar to Meredith Grey. So, as the peanut butter covered knife she held collided with the slice of bread, she figured that it would be good to see where the plans would go. She told herself plans were a good thing.
And since she was the president of people with crappy lives…she figured she'd give these plans a go…well because it might make her life less…crappy.
He asked what it meant. Derek Shepherd didn't know what the exam room sex meant. And at that moment…neither did Meredith. If she was looking to be completely dense and thick, she could have said it meant that they love each other, but she withheld it. They both knew that was what it meant…it was just that neither of the two of them could admit it.
Meredith continued the sandwiches because it was what you do. At least that's what Cristina said.
But now it was Cristina's turn to deal with Izzie upstairs…still sprawled out across the bathroom floor in her pink prom dress…so Meredith was thinking. Thinking and making sandwiches.
"Hey. I uh…brought food," came a warm, friendly voice from the other side of the counter. Meredith looked up to see the handsome face of Finn Dandridge…AKA McVet or the "man with all kinds of plans".
"Hey. That's…that's good I guess because all I have is sandwiches," Meredith gave a small giggle, causing Finn to grin widely.
He was that guy. The prom king guy just happened to be the same guy that brings your roommate food when she's upset.
"Well nothing wrong with that…everyone loves sandwiches." Finn smiled warmly again stepping closer to Meredith as he set the brown paper bag on the counter.
Finn had a feeling.
Something about the way Meredith looked at him threw him off. Or…maybe it was the way Meredith wouldn't look at him. She tossed him swift, apprehensive glances every few seconds and continued assembling the sandwiches, knowing that if she looked at Finn directly in the eye…he would know.
And Meredith was determined for the vet not to know. Because he was the decent guy. He was the guy with the plans.
Finn needed to erase this feeling. It was annoying. It was nagging. It was aggravating and he needed to stop thinking about what could've happened between his scary and damaged Meredith and her "friend" Derek last night.
Finn sighed and shook his head.
"I don't know what happened last night, between you and Derek," He began. Meredith stopped her sandwich production and finally looked directly at the man with all the plans.
"Finn," Meredith countered, but he shook his head for a second time, halting whatever excuse or explanation she was going to give.
"And I don't wanna know, alright? We never said we were exclusive," Finn was now beside Meredith, who had entirely abandoned her sandwiches and was giving all her attention to the veterinarian before her.
"But you have plans," Meredith voiced, not really knowing what else to say.
"Yeah, well I didn't say I wasn't pissed off. I said we weren't exclusive. That's all I wanted to say..."
Finn didn't seem pissed off. He should be more pissed off, right? It's not like she told him the truth, or confirmed anything, but this…he was way too perfect.
"Oh, and ah this; I know you think you're scary and damaged," Finn turned around in the doorway to face his prom date, finding that he couldn't help but smile at how innocent she looked.
"Dark and twisty," Meredith corrected him, smirking back at him.
"It makes you feel like you don't deserve good things, but you do. And Derek, he's bad for you. But me, I'm a good thing. And if there is a race, if there is a- a ring, my hat is in."
"There's uh…there's no race. Derek is married and…yeah. He's married so…" She found herself trailing off, not sure if she should continue and list more reasons of why she shouldn't be with Derek Shepherd.
There weren't many reasons. Well…there were…but to Meredith they didn't matter. She knew Derek would take care of her…but she knew he could very well hurt her. She just decided on-the-spot that she was better off being with someone that would take care of her…and know for a fact hat he wouldn't hurt her…and that guy was standing in front of her at this second. He just happened to be a practitioner of veterinary medicine.
"So since Derek is married you'll go on a date with me tonight?"
"Uh…that should be good. Yeah I think that's good," Meredith practically stumbled over her words. She wasn't used to being asked out so formally on dates. It was more meeting men at Joe's then kicking them out the next morning with her "I'm going to take a shower" motto.
"Okay. 8 then?"
"Yeah," Meredith said quietly, pretending to find interest in suddenly cleaning dishes in the sink.
"Okay," Finn smiled genuinely, and kissed Meredith on the cheek before walking out.
Meredith convinced herself this was good. Finn was a good thing. She shouldn't let a good thing go.
A strident cell phone ring interrupted Meredith's thoughts, and she scrambled around the kitchen to find it. When she threw one of George's jackets aside on the table, there it was…and there was the caller ID flashing Derek.
She sighed. This was going to happen. He was going to confront her and say last night was a mistake…a lapse in judgment. Meredith knew that if she opened that phone, placed it to her ear and said hello, that's what would come out of Derek Shepherd's mouth. And Meredith couldn't bear to hear that.
But Meredith needed to hear his voice. As poignant and forlorn and lame as it sounded to herself, she needed Derek…everywhere, all the time. That sweet, caring, gentle voice that he spoke to no one but her in made her weak at the knees. And she hated that. She hated the fact that Derek Shepherd could make her go weak in the knees.
He could make her go weak in the knees…and now he could make her answer her phone when he wasn't even in her presence. This was a problem.
So, Meredith reached for her silver phone, almost examining it before she flipped it open and pressed it to her ear, not saying anything to the dreamy man on the other line. Then it came.
"Meredith…" Derek said, almost breathlessly. On the other end, Meredith felt a chill flare up her spine. The way he said her name…it told her just by the way her name left his lips, that he wasn't sorry for last night. It wasn't a mistake. It was exactly the opposite.
But even so, even with this new reassurance she had simply because of the tone in his voice…Meredith Grey could not speak up.
Derek knew this. He knew if he called they wouldn't be having a nice, casual chat about the exam room sex. He was still somewhat shocked that Meredith picked up the phone.
He knew why he was calling. It wasn't to tell Meredith he was in love with her…it wasn't to say he was sorry about last night…it was because, in all of its pathetic-ness…Derek Shepherd needed Meredith Grey.
Which…was good…because Meredith needed Derek.
"Meredith…" He tried again.
He couldn't bring himself to say what he really wanted to. Not only was it emasculating…but it was desperate. Sheer, desperate, and selfish in every sense of the word. And the last thing he wanted to sound like, or seem, in front of Meredith Grey…was desperate.
What he wanted to ask of her was cruel.
It would make him that guy.
The bad guy.
But he needed her. He didn't care. Derek didn't care about his pitying promise to Addison, didn't care that he was going to lose all his credibility as a decent guy.
"Yes, Derek?" Meredith inquired, stopping his thought process.
That was it. That was the push Derek needed. Meredith's beautiful, enchanting voice gave him the courage that he couldn't find in himself to say this desperate thing.
"Can you meet me," Derek asked, breathing quickly. Meredith's eyes opened and closed slowly as she let the words go back and forth in her mind, processing them.
She couldn't think for a moment. What had he just said? Meredith could not wrap her brain around the words that left Derek's lips. She knew very well this wasn't an invitation for coffee, or a drink at Joe's. The tone in his voice told her everything she needed to know. All the promiscuous details were shoved into those four words. And Meredith didn't need further explanation.
But Finn. The guy with the plans. Why couldn't Derek just forget her and let her be happy with the vet? Why couldn't he stop looking at her? Couldn't he just stay with Addison and she and Finn could live happily ever after? That would work.
But it wouldn't.
The longing for Derek would make her even more dark and twisty or scary and damaged or whatever the hell she was.
She could meet Derek.
Just once.
Then…she would convince herself that Finn was the perfect guy. He may not have the thick black curls or the mesmerizing sapphire eyes, or the soft, tender voice…but she was giving that up for a guy that had plans.
And she and Finn weren't exclusive…yet.
Meredith Grey could satisfy her need to be held by Derek Shepherd, and then put it behind her. That's a good skill of hers…putting inappropriate sleepings with men behind her. And after this one time thing, that's what she would do.
She would meet Derek, go on a date with Finn…and then forget about the man who vacated her thoughts throughout 90 percent of the day.
That sounded like a good plan…right?
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A/N: Okay I know that was really short…and I promise they'll get longer and the story WILL pick up and get to the exciting part. I just needed to introduce everything.
So…please review!!! It means a lot…really it does!
Thanks so much for reading!
---Lisa