Disclaimer: I do not own Discworld or any of the characters in this story, Terry Pratchett does
Hex vs. the Luggage
By: Sapphire Orb
Ponder half wondered why he was doing this. I mean he wasn't even interested in what was happening, mostly because what was happening was not interesting by any stretch of the mind. Yet here he was watching as two objects, which in truth should not be alive, stare at each other.
It was odd really watching Hex and the Luggage look at each other, he didn't even know if they were looking at each other, but it seemed that they were, so he decided that they must be doing so. And so, here he was at 2 am staring at two objects staring at each other. He half wondered if they were having some sort of mental conversation (the books in the library could, so why not the Luggage and Hex?). He thought that if they were having a conversation if must really be a good one, because it had been going on for close to thirty-one minutes.
What would they be talking about, Ponder wondered, maybe the Luggage was telling Hex what it was like to travel, he hoped not because next thing he knew Hex would have somehow gotten some legs and would be walking around eating people like the Luggage…okay maybe not eating people, but he could see it correcting everyone's spells for them.
Ah! It was two o' one, now they had been watching (or talking) for thirty-two minutes. It was at this moment that Ponders half asleep mind registered something it should have a long time ago, but then again it was 2:01 am and even the brightest persons mind is slow (except for those who have an awake spell on then, but that is hardly ever voluntary (1)). Either way his mind finally registered that not only were Hex and the Luggage not alive, they also didn't have eyes. He thought about this for a moment and finally decided that it didn't really matter, because even if they didn't have eyes, they seemed to, and that was good enough an answer for him at 2:01…2:02 in the morning.
He watched them for a bit longer and decided that it was not interesting anymore, but then he remembered that he had decided that a long time ago…so why was he still here? He was about to stand up and go to his chambers to sleep (which sadly he hadn't been too in a few months because he had been sleeping in the room he now occupied) when he noticed a change in the two objects. Hex had made a small bubbling/whistling noise that reminded Ponder of someone gloating. The Luggage seemed to glare with its non-existent eyes and bared its wooden teeth before deciding that the best revenge for what ever Hex had just said was to eat its keyboard.
Ponder watched in semi-amazement along with a touch of sleepiness as the Luggage ate Hex's keyboard and then walked out of the room, his brain registered for a moment that the luggage seemed to be sulking. Ponder then decided that he was in fact too tired to walk to his chamber and resolved to fall asleep on the floor with Hex. He half acknowledged the fact that Hex seemed vary happy with itself, he wondered if it was because without its keyboard none of the wizards could bug it with questions like where there left sock went to once they did the laundry, but he soon decided that it was just happy with the fact that the luggage was sulking as it left the room.
The next morning ponder woke up to find that Hex had gotten itself a new and improved keyboard (2) which, because of its complicated design, took ponder an hour to figure out and to finally ask Hex what had happened last night between it and the Luggage. The ants in the glass tubes began to run and little noises come out of Hex before a paper emerged saying +++Staring Contest+++???+++ I WON!!!+++Start from begging+++.
Ponder was proud of Hex for a moment for being able to beat the Luggage at a staring contest before he realized that not only did Hex not have eyes but the Luggage didn't have eyelids to blink over its non-existent eyes.
Ponder began ask Hex about this when he felt Hex glare murderously at him, he quickly deleted the question and left the room, feeling Hex's gaze on him the whole way out. He decided later that it really didn't matter if the Luggage and Hex had eyes or not as long as it kept him entertained at 2 in the morning.
Sadly 2:01 that night he remembered he had decided the night before that this was not, in fact, interesting, though few things at the UU ever where at 2:01…2:02 in the morning, unless of course you were in the library…or lost, but life was always interesting when one was lost in a magical university, just ask Rincewind.
END
(1) this spell is really never voluntary (except for a few people that are not important to this story) mostly because it keeps people awake and active for around a week, but then when the spell wears off the person falls asleep instantly for around a month. Because the person won't wake up, and the fact that they just dropped while they were walking (at least most of the time) it is assumed that they are dead. When the person finally wakes they find themselves 6 feet under and in a tomb with death (or one of the others) standing at there side.
(2) though it is true that something can not be new and improved at the same time, Hex seems to be able to find a way around this rule quite often.
Right, my first Discworld fanfic I hope it was good and kept to terry Pratchett's writing style. You must forgive me if in fact something like this has actually happened or someone has a fanfic like this, I have not read very far into the Discworld series and this is so far based on how the characters are in the book The Last Continent.
Well hope you liked it and please drop me a review either way!
Sapphire Orb