I walk down the carpeted marble staircase, well aware that everyone's eyes are on me. After all, it is my seventeenth birthday.
At the end of the stairs, father awaits me. I take his hand and he raises mine to the crowd. Somewhere, in my subconscious, I hear his words. "May I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, my eldest daughter, Miss Bellatrix Black." I hear the applause. I see, in the corner of my eye, my father smile and my mother gives a nod of approval. I have done her well.
Blacks always get a huge party when they turn of age. I am the first in my generation, and if I mess up tonight, I will ruin us for good. Luckily I have not yet. When I had practised, I tripped over my long gown. It's heavy and it is spring.
But tonight, I must be the epitome of grace and control. I must appear ladylike. I must be kind to everyone. I must not start fight, verbal or physical. I must not be myself.
I love muggle clothes, although I won't admit it. The jeans give me the freedom to run wild, another thing I cannot do tonight. This dress is much too constricting.
I look around for my sisters. I spy Narcissa; her blonde hair is displayed artfully, her light pink dress fanning her feet. She is talking to Aunt Walburga innocently. She is constantly fluttering her golden lashes.
I hate her.
It may sound cold and heartless. She is my youngest sister. But she is much too arrogant. Her beauty is preferred by everyone. You know what I mean—everyone wants the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. No one wants me or Andromeda.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to face my cousin, Sirius. I smile at him. For a boy of twelve, he is almost as tall as I. "Is something the matter, bambino?" It is so common between Sirius, Andromeda, and I to use Italian, but tonight, I must not use it too often.
"You look stunning."
"Thank you. Now, darling, help me find Andromeda." He nods and pulls at my hand. I hear my name and sigh. "Run along, Sirius, I'll catch up. Keep her in the drawing room, alright?"
He nods and bound off. Dear Lord, that boy has a lot of energy. I sign, plaster on a completely fake smile, and turn to Mrs. Lestrange. "Good evening, madam. I trust you are satisfied?"
"I'm more than. Dear, you must dance with my son. You are his fiancée."
I know it is a test. "Just a moment, madam, I must greet my other guests."
"Yes, yes, of course." She leaves. I let out a breath. I have passed; she is now I am a pureblood maiden to the core.
I do not wish to greet my other guests and the drawing room is across from here, wherever here is. I meander around the room and soon, I am near the drawing room.
I catch a glance in the mirror as I enter the room. Sirius was right, I am stunning. In fear of turning into Narcissa, I rarely look in the mirror. I know I am beautiful. But I am not Narcissa, not what Mrs. Lestrange's son is looking for.
Still, the plum dress highlights my curves. I scoff to myself. Narcissa is deathly thin. Andromeda and I are blessed with curves, but then we are cursed with olive skin and jet black curly hair. Perhaps it is why I am so close to her.
Sirius is sitting in front of the fireplace. Later, the men will retire for drinks while the women will help my mother plan the wedding. I, on the other hand, will be taking a stroll with my fiancée, whose name I do not even know, in the spring moonlight.
Andromeda stands at the couch, awaiting me. I look her over. She has chosen a rosy red. It is much too brash for a fifteen year old—the neckline is plunging and parts are see-through. We smile knowingly. She does this to upset mother, who believes that you should always be conservative in public.
"Bella, cara mia, I fear for you," Andromeda whispers.
"Fear?"
"Fear your fiancée, Rodolphus. He has raped before. I beg you, amore, please. Do not deny him."
"I will be fine, bambina. I am strong."
"Yet he is stronger. Bella, I don't want to lose you. You insist on remaining pure, but please, do not deny him the marriage bed."
"Andromeda, you're being too formal. He tries and I will kill him."
She smiles forlornly. "He is skilled in dark curses. You are not. Protection is necessary. By the right of pureblood laws, you are his property."
"Damn. I forgot." I threw myself on the couch. "What do we live in, the medieval times? No one else has arranged marriages, lack of women's rights. We have power. We are power. We bear the children, we look after the servants and house, we take care of the children, we plan the weddings. Why can't we get credit?"
"You also take the beatings."
I look around. Sirius is staring at me. Aunt Walburga is so mean to him because her husband beats her. "Yes, we take the beatings. We do much more, yet we trail after the men like pining imbeciles. And you know what, we let them do it. Because we are belittled since the day we're born. We can't have jobs, we're weak, and we're delicate. Ha! We will show them!" Having finished my speech, I look at Andromeda, who is smiling and I know I have taken the words from her mouth. Sirius, on the other hand, has his bent low. I walk over to him. "Caro mio?"
"I will never marry."
"Yes, you will. And you will not be your father. You will never be him. I will make sure of that."
He smiles. I stroke his hair tenderly. "Thanks, Bella."
Andromeda is smiling too. She sits on his other side and rubs his back soothingly. Just her presence is soothing. Her hair smells of chamomile and her skin of lavender. A scentless rose is tucked in her curls. Sirius presses against me. I smile to Andromeda. We know he loves my scent of cinnamon and peppermint.
"We should get back out there," Andromeda warns us wistfully. We don't want to leave our haven, not yet.
The music from the ball is playing softly. No one is dancing. Men stand around talking and drinking. Women flutter fans and croon over Narcissa. The sight is sickening. No eyes show anything. Not that beautiful Narcissa sees that. She glows under attention; she is perfect in spotlight. She is elegant and cultured around the clock. She says and does what is expected of her. She questions nothing. She is a drone.
Andromeda snaps me from my malice. She tugged at my wrist, careful to avoid the amethyst bracelet and bids me to move. I stand and pick up Sirius. His sketch book falls to the floor and Andromeda retrieves it. I carry him back out to the ball. As soon as Walburga sees him, she comes over. "Boy, you better not be giving Bellatrix any trouble tonight. It is her night. You can ensure—"
I cut across her threat. "I will take care of him until he turns seventeen. You are an unfit mother and a horrible human being, if you even are human. I do not wish you or your husband at my party. Be gone now or I shall see to it that you are forcibly removed."
A hush falls over the room and I realise too late that I spoke loudly. Narcissa blushes with embarrassment and shame. Sirius grins triumphantly. Andromeda nods in agreement.
Mother comes to us. "Bellatrix," she hisses in my ear, "It is not your place to say."
"Not my place!" I hand Andromeda Sirius. "Don't you get tired of hearing that you are only there for beauty?"
"We are though."
"Really? How would you know? Have you ever reached your full potential? Did you pass school? Half of you didn't go to school! You are people, and if you continue to demean yourselves, no one will know!"
"Bellatrix!" Father screams.
"I refuse to marry that man, I refuse to live here. I am taking Sirius and Andromeda and leaving. If you try to stop me, I will kill you." I am wild with hatred and anger. My own insanity burns me from within. I will go crazy before the night is over. I look around. No one says anything. Then suddenly, my fiancée steps up. "Are you ill, woman?"
Insanity drives me. "I have a name."
"And?"
The fire is past controllable. I pull out my wand. Filled with malice, I scream, "Crucio!"
He falls to his feet, writhing and screaming in pain. The women cover their eyes, gasping in disbelief. Narcissa is wide-eyed.
I pull the curse off and say, "Goodbye."
With a wave of my wand, our bags are neatly packed and minimized. I slip them in my pocket and open the door. Andromeda and Sirius walk out, saying nothing. I follow.
As soon as we are down the street, Andromeda says, "We have no money and no place to go."
We each take one of Sirius's hands and he swings between us, unaware of problems. "I stole money," I say and I pull out a bag. "It isn't much, but we can eat for a few days."
"That leaves us in the cold."
"Uncle Alphard will take us in," Sirius suggests merrily. I smile to myself. The only other time he is like this is at Hogwarts.
We agree and walk to Alphard's. Andromeda feels bad for disturbing him. He is sick. He welcomes us, though, openly. We tell him what has happened and he laughs. "So someone finally told them off. I was wondering who would get around to it. A proper scolding, it was, I hope."
"No. I didn't have time." I pout.
He smiles and tells us to change. He is taking us to dinner. We bounce off. I lock myself in my usual room and stare at myself.
I cannot believe I used an Unforgivable tonight. I feel my purity slipping away. No, I warn myself, I must be strong. I must be me. I will be me. I will conquer anger, destroy hate. I will be pure forever.
