Author: Ren Kayashima

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

Character: David Rossi

Disclaimer: Alas my top secret mission to steal the rights to Criminal Minds failed. At the last minute my repel line broke and I was arrested for trespassing on ABC ground. If you would like to help me with bail money…

Written for Chit Chat on Author's Corner's Round 11 Theme Song Challenge

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David Rossi liked his coffee black, and he had been taking it that way since he was eighteen. It kept him awake, and more importantly, alert.

At thirty-five, he had established his career at the FBI, served in the Marines, and even became a published author. He had been married once, but it hadn't worked out, and he couldn't claim divorce as an accomplishment. It was just a sign that he was too stupid to realize that marriage was not in his great plan.

As he stood in line at his favorite coffee shop, he couldn't help but feel like the most accomplished man in the shop. How many of these three piece suit yuppies could say that they had interviewed Ted Bundy and Charles Manson. Twice.

Unfortunately, with the cases and the book tours, his constant travel had made it practically impossible to socialize with the masses. He had stopped going to church long ago, so there wasn't anyone that he could talk to who shared the same religious views as he. The coffee shop seemed like the only place where he could have a conversation with someone who wasn't an agent at the FBI. Mostly he conversed with the cashier behind the counter, but that was fine with him. She was a cute little blond that sent his Italian gene's into overdrive with her jasmine perfume.

Today, he was going to sit down, drink his coffee, and read the newspaper before making his way to the BAU for a lecture on criminal profiling. He had heard about a promising young profiler by the name of Aaron Hotchner, and he was determined to find out if the rumors were true.

Just as he was starting to read the Sports section, his table jumped when a tall dark woman dropped her briefcase on it. Dave dropped the top half of his newspaper and watched the woman frantically search her large purse.

"Oh, this is so not happening," The woman's voice was muffled slightly as she practically stuck her entire face into the leather purse.

Dave leaned back in his seat in mild amusement. He crossed his arms as he continued to watch the woman quietly. He decided to put his much valued profiling skills to the test on this woman.

She wore a simple pair of black glasses to match her black pants suit. From this he decided that she was working in some sort of upscale firm. The briefcase shouted 'Lawyer', so he was going to go with… civil litigator.

Unable to contain his growing curiosity any longer, Dave spoke up. "Lose something?"

The woman jumped with a yelp and pulled her head out of her purse. "Oh, you scared me!" she exclaimed.

Upon closer examination, Dave could say that the woman's family hailed from England, or some other British Isle. Her eyes were a striking blue, and her long black hair was wavy, but not curly like Dave's Italian locks.

"I'm sorry," Dave smiled suavely. He sat forward in his seat as he put out all the stops. "What did you lose?"

"I didn't lose anything," the woman stated adamantly. "I just left my wallet at home."

"That's a shitty way to start off the day."

The woman snorted. "No kidding. Now I've got to go back home to go get it," she looked at her simple watch. "Oh, and I'll be late for work."

"I thought lawyers made their own schedule," Dave stated testing to see if his gut was right. Which it normally was.

"Not the one on a trial deadline," the woman sighed. She looked at Dave for a moment. "How did you know I was a lawyer?" she asked him suspiciously.

Dave pointed to the feminine briefcase. "Most female lawyers have briefcases just like yours."

The woman placed her hands on her hips as if she had been offended. "You can't possibly make that assumption," she stated.

Dave picked up his coffee and took a sip with a smirk. "Seeing as I've dated six female lawyers, and they've all had a briefcase that looks like that, I think my assumption is right."

"And what is it that you do Mr. Know-It-All?" the woman asked haughtily.

"Really?" Dave asked. "We're going to resort to name calling?"

The woman narrowed her eyes as she decided to dislike the cocky man in front of her.

Dave's smile remained in place. He could mess with this woman all day, but he imagined that would take the fun out of any future encounters. "Let me buy your coffee," he suggested. The woman would have to be daft not to accept.

"I don't accept charity from assholes."

"I have a name," Dave's smile grew even more as he stared at her. She was oddly attractive in her aggravated state. "Rossi. David Rossi."

The woman snorted once more and reminded Dave of a pig. "Got another mission from MI-6 Mr. Bond?" she asked in a mocking posh English accent.

"Clever response, but I don't recall you tell me your name," Dave said raising a challenging eyebrow.

The woman let out an aggravated sigh. "Oh for heaven's sake, just buy me my damn coffee so that I can be on my way," she said.

"I'm sorry," Dave said putting a hand behind his ear. "I don't believe I caught your name."

"It's Christine," the woman said. "Christine Morre."

Now he was getting somewhere. "How do you take your coffee Christine?" Dave asked.

"Black," she grunted as she sat down in the chair opposite him.

"Charming posture," Dave teased referring to her now slumped shoulders and bent head.

Dave stood up and got back into the coffee line. He would be lying if he said that the woman wasn't interesting. Her sarcastic responses were amusing and they brought out the worst in Dave. Which in his experience was never a bad thing.

If he asked her out now, she would probably turn him down right then and there. But then again, nothing ever came from standing outside the fire. Sometimes you have to get burned, and he was fairly certain that Christine was interested in him too. After all, he was a famous profiler. He kind of picked up on these things.

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Author's Notes: Normally I sit on a challenge piece and I mull it over in my head. It appears that I didn't need to do that with this one. I really liked it, and I hope you all did too. If any of you are familiar with my Tarot Series, you'll know that Christine Morre is Rossi's second wife. I guess you could call this a prequel to my entire series. I've actually been trying to incorporate Dave and Christine meeting into the series, but I wasn't sure how.

I always imagined Dave being quite the cocky Italian when he was in the FBI. Who wouldn't be if they had done everything he had managed to do before retiring. I know this doesn't quite seem like the fathering Dave that we all know and love in the show, but I also believe that people settle down with age.

As to the theme song… I wouldn't say that I followed the exact meaning of the song, but I think I got the point across in the end.

Drop me a review letting me know what you think about it. I want you to be honest.

Ja ne.

Shane