I Wasn't There
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Grey's Anatomy everything belongs to Shondra Rhimes and Abc
A/N: Told in first person by Alex's dad.
When you were born I was there by your mother's side, she was still a child herself giving the gift of life.
When I held you for the first time I almost cried. I was there.
When we named you that made me happy (Alexander Michael Karev). Your mother always liked the name Alexander, that's all she talked about for the last couple of months of her pregnancy. She wanted you to have my first name to be your middle name. It was a tradition in my family. The first born son would take the father's name for their middle name. I was there.
When you were still a baby the happy life that I once had slipped through the cracks. I blamed your mother for that mainly because she had you. I wasn't there.
When you spoke your first word, I was abusing your mom cuz she made my life a living hell, at least I thought she did. You spoke to your stuffed bear I wasn't there.
When you were taking your first steps, I was outback behind the bar getting high. This is what life lied in store me. I wasn't there.
When you were getting ready for your first day of preschool, I was passed out on the floor and your mom was on the couch wide awake watching everything that went on in that tinny place we called home. She didn't kiss you goodbye or tell you to have a good day on your first day of school. I didn't tell you anything either, I was passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of scotch by my side. I wasn't there.
When you got in your first fight, I didn't tell you that fighting wasn't the answer to solve your problems. Hell, I think you thought it was okay since you saw me hurt your mom every day. I wasn't there.
When you graduated from fifth grade you came home crying. You came home crying cuz you saw all of your friends parents in the crowd but not your mom or I. You kept telling yourself that they will show up but we never did. You knew that fifth grade graduation wasn't really real, but you still wanted somebody there for you. I wasn't there.
When you were up late too afraid to fall asleep, I was hitting you mom while high. I think you were afraid of me or hurting your mom too much. Everyday this would go on your mom would get it the most but every once in a while I would hurt you. You begged me to stop, to just stop hurting him and the family but I didn't listen. I wasn't there.
When you started high school you got some freedom to yourself. It kept you busy a lot. You wanted to be busy because that gave you an excuse to not be home and if you were home you'd be occupied. You took up wrestling so you could protect the family from me. I should be the one that did that. I wasn't there.
When you were in your junior year of high school you reacted physically to the punches I threw at your mother on that late September evening. You hit me and you kept on hitting me for a while until Aaron pulled you off. You put me in the hospital for that. I think I deserved it. It was late that night I was high and drunk which wasn't a surprise to you. When I got home I started to hurt your mom harder then I usually do. You asked me to stop but I didn't listen to you so, you hit me and you kept on hitting me. Once I got discharged I didn't come home which was a mistake because I think we could of worked things out. I walked away. I wasn't there.
When you graduated from high school, no one came just for you. You saw tons of other parents but not me or your mom and you knew that we wouldn't come. At that time I was living behind a bar the next town over shooting up. I wish I was there to tell you how proud I was of you. I wish I would of told you that you made it further than I did in my education, I dropped out my junior year. I dropped out because I thought school was just a big waste of time and I wanted to start my music career and I got your mom pregnant. I wasn't there.
When you went to college I didn't tell you how proud I was for getting in. I didn't tell you that I was happy that you got a scholarship for wrestling. I was high at the time too high to think about anything except my next fix. I wasn't there.
When you graduated from college and got your medical degree, no one came to tell you congratulations. You knew that you couldn't count on anyone. Your surprised that you made it this far because you were sure as hell that you would of dropped out but you didn't. I wasn't there.
When you got married you had people there for you. I wish I was there to see it, to see my son confess his love to the women he loved. You were finally happy at least for a moment. I wasn't there.
When you got shot and almost bled to death in an elevator the thoughts that were going through your mind was, what a crappy ending to a crappy life. Luckily someone found you and saved your life. During that day you thought about your life. All you would tell yourself that I sucked and you blamed yourself for your crappy life. Someone saved you, but you wondered why you were saved as if you didn't deserve to live. People came to visit you every day while you were in the hospital. I saw several news stories about the shooting but I didn't care at the time because I was drunk. I wasn't there.
Now I'm looking at all my life decisions and it's all a mess. If I could go back it would all be different. I would of been the father that you wanted me to be. I was never there when you needed me the most. I wasn't there.