I feel warmth settle around my waist pleasantly. I haven't been hugged, really hugged in so long and the pressure feels nice. I almost snuggle into the heat…..almost.

"Oh, hell no!" I press my palm into the man's cheek beside me, pushing him upright by his face. "Wake up Sandusky, you're totally groping me!"

The man shakes himself awake and apologizes, but smiles flirtatiously after, making me question how asleep he ever was. I only have 45 minutes left in this flight so I decide an assault and battery charge isn't the way I want to start my trip in New York. No matter how deserved.

Walking out of the baggage claim, I'm greeted by a newly chic, Rachel - all shiny hair and dark eye shadow. I'm very close to being impressed when she grabs me and hugs me as tightly as she can, jumping up and down - same old Rachel.

"I can't believe you're really here!"

"Me neither." I pull back to smile at her and it's as genuine as they come.

"Quinn's train arrives in an hour, so I thought we could grab some coffee and catch up."

"Actually, I could use some coffee." I think back to my leering seat mate, who pressed his number into my hand upon landing. "The flight was less restful than I had planned."

Standing in line, I'm again startled by what can only be described as Rachel, but sexy.

"So, who has Rachel Berry looking hot? Kurt's been trying to change your wardrobe for years, so I know it's not him."

Rachel blushes, looking down at her boots. "Umm, his name's Brody...he..he's a junior."

"An upperclassman? Nice work, Berry, I'm impressed. Should I be though? Or is he Finn with better clothes?"

"Finn...he and Finn are nothing alike. Brody is more like me, driven and focused. He's been in 3 off-broadway shows this season...minor parts, but still, doing that while we're in school is unheard of before senior year."

We finally get to the front of the line and place our orders before moving to the pick-up counter. I turn to her as we wait with a smile.

"Well, you're clearly as smitten as you ever were for Finn. I'm glad he makes you so happy."

Rachel fidgets with her coat strings nervously.

I'm used to making her nervous, but I haven't even threatened her yet. "What?"

"It's just...you never say nice things to me...it feels strange."

I laugh. She's right, I'm rarely this kind. "Well, don't expect it to last."

"I won't." She meets my eyes briefly before grabbing her cup. "Umm, I was sorry to hear about you and Britt. Are you alright?"

I sigh more loudly than I expected. "It wasn't easy, but it's for the best."

"I really and truly understand." Rachel starts walking us to a set of chairs by a window. "Breaking up with Finn was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it wasn't working. I had to do it. I know you had your reasons too." She waits a beat to continue. "Have you been seeing anyone new?"

"No." I consider explaining why, but I don't want to.

"Well, New York is full of attractive people, so maybe you can have a little fun while you're here." Rachel takes a long sip of her coffee before continuing shyly. "How was Thanksgiving with everyone? We had a great time here, but we missed you guys."

"Thanksgiving was cool. You know I live for my mom's cooking, so that alone made it worth the trip. It was nice to see everybody, even if you and Kurt ditched us."

"I talked to Quinn..." Rachel averts her eyes, letting the statement linger.

"And she told you what? That she was being a colossal bitch?! Because that's what happened."

"Look, I just want to make sure this weekend is fun for all of us and it won't be if you two are still angry with one another."

"I'm fine." I say it resolutely, but the layer of irritation can't be missed. "Our fights always blow over."

"It doesn't sound like you're fine."

"She consistently thinks I'm jealous of her and that everything I do somehow revolves around her existence. It won't be a problem because it's always the problem, we just ignore it most of the time."

Rachel takes in what I said, clearly surprised that I shared it with her. "As long as you feel like you can move past it, I guess we're alright."

"I'll do my best, but I'm not promising anything. Quinn doesn't always play fair."

Rachel nods in agreement, but has one last request. "I know she doesn't play fair, first hand, but please don't bring up Beth again. She'll never be over that and you'll never understand how much it hurts her for you to say those things. She did what was best for Beth, Santana, and it's not right for you to make her feel like she's a bad mother."

I can't keep the shame from my face when she mentions what I said to turn the fight physical. I know that insult stung, but I didn't realize it hurt her enough to tell Rachel. "I know. I know I went too far. She was just being so…..so Quinn! Cold and calm and so fucking self-righteous!"

"Again, we are in agreement that she can be….herself, but I know you have an encyclopedia of insults in that sadistic brain of yours. Find a different one if need be."

My frown weakens at the bizarre compliment and I break into a grin, nodding that I'll be good. We catch up on what everyone is doing. Rachel knows most of what's happening with the McKinley kids through Tina, and I have all the dish on the grads, so we quickly pass the time.

Sitting in the waiting area at the train station, I mull over what Rachel said about Quinn and decide that the new Santana can get over this. I only have to see the girl twice a year now. I can play nice.

Rachel slips away to use the restroom, just as Quinn's train arrives and I reluctantly stand to wave her over as she walks out. It's Quinn, so I can barely read it, but she has this look on her face…this sliver of apology in her eyes before she makes her way over. In the few seconds it takes to get to me they're back to being neutral.

I wave my hand toward the hall behind me. "Rachel went to the bathroom."

Neutrality lost. "It's nice to see you too."

"Don't get all I-hate-Santana in the first minute you see me. I was just telling you where the dwarf went. "

"And some type of greeting would have been asking too much?" She throws her hands up to the sky. "You know what? You're right, I shouldn't expect better from you."

I'm just about to snark back at her on instinct when Rachel runs up.

"You're here!" She walks past me to hug Quinn briefly, then steps back to look at her like a grandmother. "Wow, Quinn, you look so beautiful, absolutely gorgeous!"

They compliment each other back and forth and I laugh to myself – that's the kind of welcome Queen Fabray expects. I feel her laser stare hit me and cough out my last giggles. I promised Rachel I would be good and for some reason that means something to me.

We catch a cab to the loft Rachel and Kurt share and I'm amazed they can afford such a big place even in their neighborhood, which is less than welcoming. I'm positive Burt and Rachel's dads are kicking in quite a bit more than they planned for their little prima donnas. I guess that's how parents are – mine handed me an envelope of $20,000 after all.

Kurt gives us the grand tour which takes all of 3 minutes since it is a loft, but I have to admit to enjoying his enthusiasm after months without even one mention of Chantilly lace or fuchsia. Quinn and I drop our bags in Rachel's bedroom and settle on the couch.

I'm still not sure why we're here at the same time. Quinn went on and on about how she was basically too busy to take the short train ride down to New York at Thanksgiving.

When I called to ask Rachel if I could come, she was of course, surprised, but then she was so excited to have a guest that wasn't an ex or a parent that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

Quinn clearly hadn't made plans to come at the time that I had asked. Rachel wouldn't have been so exuberant and she definitely would have warned me….wait, she must've warned Quinn…..why did she come anyway?

"So I thought we could go out tonight!" My eyes light up at Rachel's suggestion and I stand as though we should immediately begin getting ready.

Quinn gives me the side-eye before replying. "Whatever you have in mind is fine. I guess Santana can use the bathroom first."

I swallow my reaction to her giving me permission to use the bathroom first. This chick!

I walk to the bedroom that adjoins to the small bathroom and it's only when I glance back on a whim that I see Quinn talking to Rachel, but looking at me – the clearest evidence in the world that you're being talked about.

I don't care. She's probably bitching that I didn't bow and kiss her rings at the train station.

I turn up the heat in the shower until my skin is red and raw, but it feels good after my skeezy flight. I step out of the bathroom in a towel with wet hair hanging down and steam lifting off my shoulders to find Quinn perched on Rachel's bed.

"I didn't use all the hot water." I offer it in case a fight is about to start over nothing as I pad towards my bag.

"I'm sure you did, but that's not why I'm here." She sits calmly and it unnerves me that I can't continue getting ready without stripping naked in front of her. We did it a thousand times in Cheerios, but now that we've graduated, it seems different.

"Ok?" I grab my lotion and start working on my legs and arms.

"I wanted….I wanted to apologize for saying those things…back in the choir room. I heard that Kitty was really giving Marley laxatives and it was wrong of me to assume you brought it up because you were jealous."

I'm so shocked by the apology that my hands freeze on my calf. Did Quinn Lucy Fabray just apologize to me? The thought still lingers that it wouldn't have mattered if Kitty was guilty or not. We're best friends, why would she say those things to me over something completely unrelated?

I was willing to let all of this go before the apology, so with it, I feel like I can clear my conscience. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have mentioned Beth. You did the best thing you could for her, Quinn, and no matter what I said, I know that's true." She nods looking away. "I still think Professor Molester is disgusting."

Her eyes flash up. I can tell she's biting her tongue and some part of me draws satisfaction from seeing her struggle to maintain the peace like I had to earlier. I decide to soften the blow after getting my fill.

"You're way too smart and way too hot to be dating some old man, Q. Don't waste your youth."

I realize the moment I say it that I'm sure she's heard that message before, in regards to Beth. It also occurs to me that given her pregnancy, being disowned and her car accident, that maybe Quinn doesn't even have her youth anymore. Maybe it slipped away.

She may be thinking the same thing, since the room has fallen silent. I grab some clothes out of my bag and hold up a tight mini dress on my left and an even tighter one on my right.

"Let's forget everything and just have fun tonight, Q. Which dress?"

She glances back at me and it's like it was when we first met – when clothes and hair and yes, boys, were the most important things to us. Some things have changed, but not everything. She rolls her eyes at her options, before picking the slightly lengthier mini.

I laugh at her choice. "Afraid of a little competition, Fabray?"

She smirks. "No, you look good in red." It's a simple compliment, but for some reason it makes heat rise in my cheeks. I wring my hair out in the towel for something to do. And Quinn watches me.

"What are you going to do with your hair?" She seems to like this trip down memory lane too, but I'm running out of things to do without taking my towel off.

"I don't know, I thought maybe I'd wear it down with a center part."

"I like the side part better." I didn't know Quinn had a favorite look for me, but maybe she just wants to smooth things over as much as I do.

"Alright, maybe I'll do that." I dig in my bag for my blow dryer and straightening iron and pull them out and start to do my hair even though I normally get dressed first. I decide that maybe if I ignore her she'll do her own thing, but instead I feel her hands take the blow dryer and brush from me.

"It'll be faster if I get the back."

I let her start out doing it, but I quickly feel awkward.

"Quinn, you don't have to do this. It's okay." I grab at the brush again and she releases the blow dryer.

"I guess you do it yourself all the time….I'll get in the shower." She seems defeated and I feel bad that I shut down her attempt to get closer.

When she comes into the kitchen an hour later in a more form fitting dress than she usually wears I think of all the compliments Rachel gave her earlier, and how true they really are, but again, I say nothing. Kurt swings out of his room at the same time, looking overdressed for the club, but not unusually so for him.

He takes in the three of us. "You ladies are going to have to beat them off with a stick!"

Quinn fixes her gaze on me now. She takes in her dress pick and the side part with the hint of a smile. I find it a little irritating that I still want her approval. I avert my eyes in an attempt to end her evaluation, however positive.

"I figured we could get dinner at this little Thai place Kurt and I love downtown." Rachel adds as she grabs her coat.

Dinner goes by quickly, Kurt and Rachel heat the place with all their stories about NYADA and Vogue. I normally would roll my eyes, but I've missed this. Somehow I've missed this. I take a few quick jabs at each of them to keep things consistent, but there's clearly no malice. Quinn smiles at me every now and then, with something in her eyes that I can't place.

The club is amazing. I've never been someplace like this. The Louisville clubs are filled with football-crazed frat boys who can't keep their hands to themselves.

I haven't been to the lesbian bars. In Louisville no one knows I'm gay and I'd like to say I've been open about it, but it's so much easier to keep it to myself. Well, except for the fact that since my breakup with Brittany I haven't hooked up with anyone. I'm not used to so little physical attention. I see girls look too long, admire too much from time to time, but it's not enough for me to do something.

I look around the club and there's girls dancing with girls, guys dancing with guys and the usual majority of hetero couples. I've never been someplace where everyone was together and accepted. I work double-time to keep my eyes from widening in wonder. I can't have Rachel and Quinn thinking I'm not as cosmopolitan as them.

We find a spot near the dance floor and Brody walks up with drinks for all of us. I've decided I like this guy within 5 seconds because of it. He grabs Rachel quickly and heads to the dance floor.

Kurt turns to us, releasing his straw. "Aren't they gorgeous together? Clearly, I love Finn, but I've never seen Rachel this confident. Brody brings out something different in her."

"Her libido, I'm sure." Kurt slaps my shoulder for the insult to his brother, but can't keep from laughing.

"Speaking of libido. There's a crowd starting to form." Kurt gestures to the guys pretending to be uninterested at a 5 foot circumference around us. Quinn rolls her eyes and I think how stupid she is to save all that beauty for some cradle-robber in New Haven.

I give a quick appraisal to a few of the guys- Brody can't possibly afford to pay for us all night. I've seen the change these bartenders have been handing out and it isn't much. We'll need a few of these Romeos to make an investment.

"You're such a tease, Santana." Quinn hasn't kept all of her disdain from this comment, so I throw a little back her way.

"Isn't that what you taught me, Captain?"

"That was a long time ago. I've grown up."

The implicit slight to my maturity should make me slap her, but instead my lips curl into a smile. "Dating someone double your age doesn't make you grown." I say it as I beckon one of the men over with a devilish grin.

"My friends and I were hoping you might be interested in getting the next round."

"As long as you're interested in dancing to the next song, I'd love to."

Quinn grimaces at me when we return from the bar with drinks for everyone. I can see the relief on Brody's face and the worry on Rachel's as I follow the handsome gent who bought them out to the dance floor.

He's close to me as we dance to a few songs, too close, but I don't mind. Just because I don't want to sleep with him, doesn't mean I can't have fun and he has rhythm, which is more than I can say for 99% of the guys in Louisville. When I see Quinn raise a hand to the most recent suitor to enter her personal space, dark hazel fixed on me, I realize that this is bothering her far more than I would have expected. I lean in closer until I can feel his breath on my neck.

Not 10 seconds later, I feel a hand pull at my shoulder as Quinn squares up to the guy. "I'm so sorry. I just need to borrow this one for a second." It's pure Fabray charm, sweet and sugary, and I can see that he falls for it instantly – probably thinks she's about to plot my wedding to him in the bathroom.

I follow because it saves me the trouble of having to tell him I'm not interested. I'm also really curious about why this has Quinn so riled up.

The bathroom is overflowing with women. A few are cute, I note as we walk past. Quinn groans and drags me to a dark corner near the emergency exit and turns, clearly upset. Unless she thought this dude was cute, I'm at an impasse as to why.

"What are you doing?"

"The same could be asked of you."

"There are girls here that you could be dancing with. Why are you letting that slimy guy paw all over you?"

"Wow, slimy? Quinn, the guy is just trying to get laid and actually he's been a million times less pushy than the guys I normally deal with. Besides, girls are way too smart to buy a round for you and your friends." Her downturned eyebrows remain down and I roll my eyes to suggest I'm over it.

"Don't roll your eyes at me! You didn't do it to Kurt or Rachel."

My puzzlement is written all over my face. "What?! What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about everyone getting to experience the newer, nicer Santana except for me. And don't think I don't know what you're doing. I've reinvented myself more times than Madonna. I know what it looks like."

"Whatever, I tried to be nice to you and you threw it in my face. And it's funny you mention all of your reinventions because every single one has been a bitch to me. Why are you constantly up my ass?"

"I am not up your ass, as you so eloquently put it."

"Well then, what is this? You talk about me not smiling enough at you, but I don't see you yelling at Puck to go to college, or asking Finn why he's back in Lima, you even congratulated Mercedes on her part-time singing telegram job. I'm a cheerleader on the most prestigious squad in the country with a full-ride scholarship and you talk to me like I'm working a pole at a titty bar."

Quinn huffs at my purposeful vulgarity before shaking her head to emphasize her next point. "It's not what you want. Cheerleading isn't what you want, Louisville isn't what you want and that sleazeball buying drinks for us is definitely not what you want."

Even if parts…well, all of what she is saying is true. Who cares? I'm getting a free college degree. Most people dream of what I have right now. Why should I ask for more?

"You want to know what I really want, Q? Another drink because this shit is not what I meant when I said we should have fun tonight." I throw up my hands and walk away, past the throng of women who think they've just seen a lover's spat, no doubt.

As I'm walking back to the group through the crowd, I feel a hand sneak into mine and turn ready to slap somebody, anybody, only to find Quinn. Since she is the one I want to slap the most, I briefly consider it, but she has her palms out quickly, guessing my thoughts. She starts dancing before leaning forward to speak into my ear over the din. "You're right. We should have fun tonight."

I lean back to look in her face because I've just gotten 2 apologies in one day from Quinn and I'm starting to feel light headed. "Yeah….I am right."

We dance to a few songs before the uninterested guys from earlier seem willing to show just how interested they are now that we're on the dance floor. I look over my shoulder irritated as one tries to grind into me from behind only to feel someone step completely into my personal space in front of me.

Her scent hits me before my eyes catch the blond hair at my cheek and it is surreal to say the least when hands slide over my ass that can only belong to Quinn. I turn back to her stunned, but the guys are backing away fairly quickly. They don't exactly leave the area, but they seem to have some level of respect for Quinn's overt display of ownership.

She speaks into my ear again, but this time her warm breath makes me shiver. "You're mine!" She slaps my ass with one hand for effect and I laugh nervously at her joke.

I'm not going to lie. Quinn is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Brittany is pretty and sweet, but my love for her borders on motherly. It's part of the reason we needed to break up. Quinn, on the other hand, has always been this elusive object of desire.

We kissed once, back in high school when she wanted to learn how to kiss boys. I, of course, had covered that ground in middle school and so I generously offered to teach the whole squad at a slumber party. I still laugh to myself when I think about it. What an enterprising little lesbian I was. Anyway, I didn't think Quinn would fall for it. She was so much smarter than the rest of the girls, but she moved closer to me like the rest, licking her lips nervously.

She talks about it every now and then as though she had tried lesbianism on and didn't like it. It wasn't that serious, but I did see her face after we parted and it wasn't one of dislike however she tries to spin it these days. Brittany moved her sleeping bag next to mine that night and for a while I forgot about how hot Quinn was.

That is, until she slapped the shit out of me at Thanksgiving. I was oddly turned on by it. I've been slapped by Quinn before and those times were not at all sexy, believe me, but it was something about the way she was talking to me; the way she caressed the piano and leaned forward like I was her prey 'And what are you excited about? Shaking pom poms in Kentucky."

I brushed it aside for two reasons. 1) Quinn is straight or mildly bisexual 2) It's Quinn.

Right now though, both of those seem unimportant as her hands linger longer than necessary on my ass. I try to ignore the feeling I'm getting. I remind myself that it's just been a long time, that's all.

"I think they get it." I reach back with one hand to tap her and she glides her hands up to my lower back, but we remain close. My heartbeat is racing and I'm positive she can feel it.

She arches away from me to look in my face and her laugh would be so beautiful if it weren't directed at me. "Am I making you nervous, Santana?" When I respond by looking away, she only laughs harder. "If I had known this was the way to shut you up, we'd be sleeping together by now."

I abruptly remove her arms from around me and storm towards Kurt, she grabs at me, but I slink away. "Wait, Santana, no wait, I'm sorry."

And 3. Kurt seems to have caught some of our interaction and is appropriately quiet, yet attentive. "I need a drink." I see him do quick damage control with a flick of his wrist. Rachel intervenes with Quinn who tried to follow me and Brody makes his way to the bar.

Kurt nudges me. "I saw you out there. Did Quinn take it too far?"

If anyone could understand me right now it was Kurt. "She laughed at me because I was nervous being so close to her."

The guy I used to tease mercilessly for being gay nods sagely. "I'd like to say I get it. I mean before he became my brother, I thought Finn could maybe be coached into gayness, but Finn was never gay and as much as I crushed on him back then, it wasn't remotely mutual."

He's staring across the room at where Rachel is listening to a manically hand-gesturing Quinn. I scrunch up my face in confusion and he tilts his head to the side, seemingly amused.

"You had me for a second there, Yoda, but I missed a turn."

"Quinn likes you."

"'Like' might be a strong word. Most of the time she seems to tolerate me. And on rare occasions like tonight, she enjoys torturing me."

"Santana, you dummy. I overheard her and Rachel in the kitchen this morning. She's trying to work up the nerve to tell you how she feels."

"How she feels? What are you talking about?"

"I guess she didn't realize it until you broke up with Brittany. Rachel told her she should just tell you, but she doesn't think it's a good idea. Why do you think she's here? We've been in New York for 6 months and Quinn hasn't come to visit, but the moment she hears you're coming, here she is." Brody approaches with the drinks and I grab mine, downing it in seconds.

I cough and Brody slaps my back, giving Kurt wide eyes about what he has stepped into.

Quinn likes me? Likes me likes me. Wait, what?

I don't feel comfortable continuing the conversation with Brody present so I'm stuck with my own thoughts. I would likely just be asking Kurt 'What?' repeatedly anyhow. I look at Quinn across the room as if to gauge if what Kurt said could be true by the flip of her hair or the outfit she chose, the way she is standing maybe but she just looks like Quinn.

"I need some fresh air." Kurt squints a little, like he was hoping I would respond differently, but says nothing as I walk away.

The cold air slices through me as I walk past the line waiting to get in to lean against an empty wall. The chill seems to sober me up a little, but I still have no idea what to think.

Do I like Quinn? I'm attracted to her, yes, but do I want to date her? Is that what this is? Does she want to date me? Wait, she has an old-ass boyfriend. Does she just want to have sex? What kind of person acts like a total bitch to the person they like? Don't answer that.

I'm stirred from my endless questioning by none other than the central topic. She has her coat on and offers me mine. I wonder how she got it without the ticket briefly before recalling that the coat check guy seemed totally into her.

I take it because I'm starting to lose feeling in my fingers, and quickly pull out the gloves. She takes advantage of my distraction.

"I'm sorry."

"You've been saying that a lot lately."

Ignoring me she glances left and right, seemingly looking for her words. "I don't know how to do this and clearly I'm terrible at it."

I'm sure Kurt has informed her about what he shared, but I'm still more convinced that she is going to tell me he had it wrong than anything else. That he misunderstood her conversation with Rachel. Part of me wishes she would, but alarmingly, more wishes she would say it's true. I stay quiet.

"After….after Thanksgiving, I took some time to think about the way I reacted to you in the choir room and how I felt after we, um, fought. I told my professor about it because I couldn't figure out why I brought those things up." I can't help but roll my eyes at her reference to her mentor, but I quickly return eye contact. I need to try to understand her. "… and he said that I was goading you. That I….that I bait you to fight with me because it's the closest I can get to you. He said it was in response to unresolved sexual tension."

So she wants to have sex with me.

"Then he looked up your picture on the Louisville website and said I should invite you for an exploration session, just the three of us, so that we could 'resolve the tension' together. I smacked him and left, but he wasn't wrong."

I'm blinking a lot. I don't know why, but this is a lot of information to process. Do I jump at the chance to argue with her for the same reason? Could I kill her professor and get away with it if I watch enough of those crime shows?

"I am attracted to you. I think it manifested itself in trying to get you to come here, to follow your dreams in New York. I wanted to make this weekend special so you would come back. I wanted to see if maybe you felt some of what I feel for you."

There's the slightest upturn at her last statement, making it sound more like a question. She's looking at me intently now, waiting to hear my reaction, but I still don't know what to say.

My silence extends too long and she takes in a deep breath before speaking again. This time with an unmistakable quiver of disappointment. "Okay, yeah, I thought it might go like this. I'm sorry." She wipes at a stray tear as fast as she can. "I'll take the next train back to New Haven tomorrow. I don't want to ruin your visit."

"No, no.."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything."

I'm just about to tell her that I just needed more time to think when Kurt, Rachel and Brody walk up. If looks could kill, mine would have committed a triple murder.

"Sorry to interrupt. I know this is terrible timing, but we've got to go. Brody is the understudy in 'Wrath of the Night' and the lead has walking pneumonia, so he's performing the matinee tomorrow."

I take solace in the fact that she's saying this solemnly when I know she is ecstatic for Brody. He even looks sorrowful and it makes me like him even more.

"How wonderful, Brody, congratulations." Quinn as usual, composes herself quickly and gives Brody a hug of support.

We hail a cab and Rachel sits on Brody's lap in the front. When I climb in, Kurt follows to sit in the middle I'm sure at Quinn's urging. The cabbie is playing Top 40 and the New Yorkers join in to sing Diamonds. Kurt is leaning forward, belting out the lyrics in his soprano and I use the opportunity to look over at Quinn, who is staring out the window. I know she feels my stare, but she won't look at me and Kurt settles back as the song ends.