Seeing

by Kierastarlight

I swear I wrote this BEFORE Castiel mentioned his true form was the size of the Chrysler Building in S6. Probably a year before that, so this ficlet takes place early in S5. When I heard Cas say that, my heart literally leaped, thinking of this.

Dean turned around and saw Castiel there, docked in business attire starring that beige trench coat that might as well be Castiel's trademark. He couldn't picture the angel showing up without it.

And observed how Castiel was looking down, and then slowly looking back up, meeting Dean's eyes, with uncertainty and shyness.

He was doing that a lot, lately, Dean thought. He remembered when Castiel was all in his face and demanding respect because he was the one who pulled Dean out of hell. He was a soldier of God, and didn't have time to worry about Dean's little problems.

Back then, Dean would try to picture Castiel in his true angel form, and for whatever reason the image was one of Castiel being incredibly tall and other-worldly, standing over the world as some sort of pillar of light with sharp corners. There'd be a cube-like head over the prismatic body, and he'd be radiating stuff like strength and authority and whatever ethereal energy that angels are supposed to have, standing against a night sky that held the heavens. Basically, Dean pictured Castiel as some kind of skyscraper of light that was above and beyond what a mere human being could reach or hope to understand. He was an alien that worked and lived in a completely different world.

Dean wasn't sure why he pictured Castiel that way, but he remembered seeing it in his mind when he lay back down on the sleeping bag that night in Bobby's living room after Castiel had shown up in the quiet of the night. Later, the image came back to him occasionally, a mental filling-in-the-blank for Dean whenever he wanted to remind himself that Castiel wasn't human.

Months went by and that image was washed away like a vague and forgotten dream, because a solid reality filled in those blanks for Dean. Like a painting being revealed slowly only by each brushstroke on the canvas, Dean started seeing Castiel, not just imagining who he was.

At first, Castiel seemed to be all business, no nonsense, not as tight-assed as Uriel, that heartless dick, but yeah, Cas was pretty Stepford, rather unemotional, until that day he'd talked to him on the bench in the park, sounded almost human. He hadn't wanted that town to go to waste. He cared. He even had doubts. Some kind of layer had peeled off in front of Dean, Castiel's vulnerability had started showing. Dean didn't realize it till now, but that day, some kind of layer had peeled off of Dean too.