AN: Edited MES to hopefully be a bit more believable regarding Aang's actions. I wanted to polish this up too.
First: The failed proposal
"You want to tell my why you decided lesbians don't exist?"
Aang wanted to sink through the world, bury his head in the bay until it froze off, anything to forget what had happened. "I didn't really mean it… I just thought about, you know…"
"Penis and vagina equal sex?" Sokka asked him dryly.
He'd sounded like an egotistical chauvinistic jerk. Aang hadn't meant women couldn't be together, but it had come out all wrong. But hearing Katara say that she was with Azula of all people... He should have said, 'Do you remember what she did to me during the war?' or anything other than what he'd said. Instead, he'd been an idiot, and Katara had made him feel ten centimeters tall. Or Azula had.
He wasn't sure who he was madder with: Azula, Katara, or himself.
"I told you not to ask her," Sokka told him not unkindly.
"I know," Aang groaned. "But I was happy to see her, and she smiled at me—"
"She was smiling at everyone," Sokka said dryly.
Had been but wasn't smiling anymore. Aang's anger simmered hot again as he realized he'd come off as the bad guy in this situation. It wasn't fair, not when Azula was the other person. If only he'd said that Azula almost killed him or tried to kill Katara… But no, he'd opened his mouth and said something that made him squirm in embarrassment to remember. It made him sound so juvenile and ignorant.
"Give her a few weeks."
Aang nodded miserably. He needed a few weeks too. He'd known even as he proposed again that he was making a mistake, but he hadn't expected Katara to get angry. The fact she'd been seeing someone else shocked him. But Azula of all people… She'd come as close as anyone to killing him. That Katara could overlook it felt like a betrayal. He'd wanted to belittle Azula, but he'd only belittled himself.
Then Katara had said that Azula was one-hundred times better…
And now that he thought about it, it stunk of Azula seducing Katara. Of course! That was why; everything made sense now. He stood up to go to Appa, fly to the Fire Nation, and have it out with Azula. How dare she corrupt Katara like this?
"I have to go—"
Sokka grabbed his arm and halted his progress. "Whoa. Hold on. Go where?"
Aang turned around. "To Azula. We both should go. We should go see—"
"Aang, I don't think that's a good idea."
"I told Zuko it was stupid to let her out of prison—"
"Seriously, Aang."
"She went and seduced Katara—"
Sokka shook him and got his attention. "We need to leave this alone. Katara says that Azula cares about her. Think about it: even if she's wrong, if you go charging in to confront her girlfriend, who do you think's going to be in trouble? You are, not Azula. You're already in enough shit as it is."
Aang deflated as he considered what Sokka had said. He was probably right. An apology was going to be necessary. Azula was bound to do something awful at some point anyway. Then Katara would break up with her, and he'd have a chance to make things right with Katara.
"I'm going to do you a favor and not repeat what you said to the Kyoshi Warriors," Sokka said after he dropped Aang's arm. He started to grin. "You think Kyoshi is going to start haunting your spiritual meditations?"
Aang groaned again in pure dread.
Second: The night after Zuko's wedding
"I told you so," Aang wanted to say after that whole ridiculous debacle at Zuko's wedding. This is what Katara got for choosing Azula as her girlfriend—going so far as to legally bind herself to her here in the Fire Nation. That had made him so angry to find out. Azula didn't even have the decency to marry Katara. Instead Katara was just a consort, whatever that meant. It sounded a lot like a nice way to say 'concubine' to him.
Did Katara see it for what it was? No. She told Sokka it was romantic and that Azula had done it for her. He'd held his tongue about Azula admitting to sleeping with that other woman because he didn't want to hurt Katara by bringing it up. Azula had said Katara knew, which made no sense, but... He'd been afraid to say anything. He might now though.
Seeing Azula draw her knife during the wedding, hearing her agree to face a man in Agni Kai, and seeing Katara so upset by what had happened during the after-party had been a twisted sort of retribution. Except he felt like crap for being so vindictive. He wanted Katara to break up with Azula, but he didn't want Katara to get hurt.
What else could Katara expect though? Azula wasn't going to change. She was still dangerous, even if she'd decided for some reason to support Zuko. She was going to fight a man to the death tomorrow for no reason whatsoever. She was cheating on Katara and flaunting it.
Aang had met a lot of different people through the years, but Azula was the only one who completely escaped his understanding. Didn't she see what kind of a blessing she had with Katara? Apparently not if she was so quick to break Katara's heart like this.
He sat in his room after they got back to the palace after the wedding and waited for Katara. He imagined Katara coming to him, needing a strong shoulder for her head. He would be the supportive friend, comfort her, and gently say, "Don't you see that's the way Azula is?"
That was where his imagination betrayed him because after that, Katara would kiss him and they'd be together again. He promised himself he wouldn't be thinking about that when she came to him for comfort. He wouldn't hope it could finally rekindle their relationship. It wasn't fair to Katara.
So Aang waited. And he waited a little longer. Then he realized that Katara wasn't going to come to him at all.
He found her in Sokka's room. Suki had an arm around Katara's shoulders, and Katara stared listlessly out of the window. Her eyes were red like she'd been crying. Sokka sat across from Katara, and he was talking about otter penguins for some reason.
Suki and Sokka glanced at Aang neutrally. Katara took one look at him, and her jaw clenched like she was getting defensive. He hadn't even said anything, and she assumed he was going to be a jerk. That made him madder than the fact she hadn't come to him at all, even madder than Azula's arrogance and the fact she'd hurt Katara.
Maybe what he did next was out of that anger. When Sokka began to rehash the situation in a way that sounded way too generous to Azula, Aang blurted, "She was with that woman earlier, the one she was walking with during the wedding. They walked into the palace together. She said they were sleeping together."
Katara's eyes went wide and filled with tears. She looked at him like he'd broken her heart.
He felt ten centimeters tall again. He wasn't sure he ever regretted saying something that much. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
Katara got up and walked into the other room without a word. Sokka hastened to follow. Suki, who was usually on Aang's side about all things Azula, pinned Aang with a glare. "Great way to kick her while she's down."
And yet again he'd opened his mouth and became the bad guy when Azula was the one at fault. Maybe he only had himself to blame, he thought as he watched Katara enter Azula's apartment the next afternoon. Or maybe she just loved Azula that much. Aang was beginning to realize he didn't have much choice in that.
He wondered how many times he would have to apologize for Katara to forgive him this time.
Third: The dragon debacle
This was Aang's favorite part of his job: the days that he got to see the fruits of his labor. This little town hadn't had running water so Aang dropped in and asked a few friends to help him out. They split bamboo shafts and built a little pipeline of water from the fresh mountain stream about ten kilometers away. Now the town's residents wouldn't have to walk that far or use the brackish water from the river that dumped into the sea nearby.
This job wasn't putting down a malevolent spirit or teaching the art of bending or stopping a war from breaking out, but it was just as important to him. Zuko wanted Aang in Republic City to oversee its foundation, but Aang couldn't forsake these jobs. They were what he loved most about being the Avatar.
Aang loved the little kids too. A lot of these children had been born after the war ended, and he loved that they didn't know anything about the horrors of it. Aang would do everything he could to make sure they never had to experience what his people had. During their day of rest, he enjoyed showing the kids some airbending tricks and participated in a little foot-ball game.
Fafa, the elder of this little settlement, asked him if he had any kids.
It was something he'd been so sure about early in his life, but now Aang wasn't sure children were in the cards for him. He definitely wanted them, but the situation just wasn't right for him…at least right now. Maybe in the future if he found someone who wanted to have a family, he would get his wish.
"Not yet," he said.
Momo landed on his shoulder and started chattering. Fafa glanced around Aang in surprise so he turned.
At first he thought she was a Water Tribe woman. He saw the braids in her hair before he registered her face. Even seeing those sharp golden eyes didn't entirely convince Aang. It was the first time he'd seen her without makeup. The planes of her face were softer, her eyes weren't as bright, and her mouth wasn't as defined. She looked like Zuko.
Aang's eyes flicked down, and he saw the betrothal necklace around her neck. She didn't wear it like a choker; maybe her scar bothered her if she did. The emblem rested where her clavicles met. It was a flick of blue fire. There was no more doubt.
This was Azula. And Katara had made her a betrothal necklace.
He wasn't sure what he felt in that moment, but whatever that emotion, it was ugly.
Aang prided himself in having come a long away about how he felt about Katara being with Azula. He'd determined to leave it all alone; Katara could deal with whatever repercussions her relationship might have. But this… It felt a lot like their relationship was being rubbed in his face.
Azula looked away. She looked away from him like she pitied him. And then she asked for his help.
His help, after everything... When he asked her why, Aang was startled at the tone of his own voice, but he didn't have a chance to think about that when Azula answered him.
Katara wanted Aang to help Azula, as a favor to her.
Apparently Katara expected him to drop everything to help the woman who'd stolen her away from him, who had almost killed him during the war, who was probably having an affair with some Fire Nation woman. Great, he thought bitterly. He was a nice guy, right? Nice guys let their ex-girlfriend walk all over them. Nice guys pretended to be okay with their ex-girlfriend's girlfriend—crap, her wife. Being a nice guy felt like crap.
If he didn't help her, he could kiss his friendship with Katara goodbye.
So Aang nodded, led Azula to Appa, and pointed them in the direction of the Sun Warrior's island.
If it didn't work, Katara would just have one more thing to be mad at him about.
He knew it wasn't a fair thought, but he thought it anyway. They'd established a rocky if not entirely happy relationship the last few years. Their happiness revolved around Aang pretending Azula didn't exist. Even if he tried to be positive, Katara now automatically assumed he was trying to be a jerk. Then she got mad at him for not being supportive.
And now she'd asked him to help Azula, for her. Azula, her wife.
He couldn't believe it. After all the hoops he'd jumped through to try to make her happy and keep her close back when they were together, Katara had flat out dumped him anyway…and all Azula had to do was go to the South Pole once and Katara married her. Just like that. It was ridiculous and unfair that Katara would so readily throw her life away on someone who would never treat her right.
His desire to be with Katara romantically had faded away a long time ago. Aang had given up on Katara as a lover—funny enough, he wasn't even attracted to her anymore—but the injustice of this whole situation was too much. What made the difference? What made this woman who was so awful, who would probably never marry Katara in the Fire Nation, would never give up her home to be with Katara in the South Pole, would never give her children, so attractive to Katara? What was it about her that Aang never had?
The thing that burned him up the most was that Azula didn't have a clue how lucky she was. She had no idea what Katara had put up with for years in the Fire Nation. Azula probably took her for granted every day.
And Katara just sent Azula to him to fix her firebending. Like that was a great idea. Like Aang even wanted to. What happened to asking nicely? What happened to writing a letter to ask if he was okay with this in the first place?
After a few hours of stewing on his anger, he realized that Azula hadn't exactly been rude or rubbed anything in his face when she'd asked for his help. Katara claimed she'd been lying about having an affair, and she had suffered a lot after Ozai's betrayal. He felt his anger slowly ebb away. Maybe this would be a good opportunity to talk to her about peace, family, and finding some common ground. Azula was a person just like everyone else in the world, right?
Maybe they could find a way to be friends, which would definitely make Katara happy.
When they finally touched down on the island, Aang turned to finally break the silence. Azula looked at him with a sneer and a twirl of her her nose, as if he was a bug beneath her boot. "I don't need your help."
All that anger rushed back. Of course she didn't want his help. She had no idea what she'd be facing on this island, and she dismissed him just like that. Azula took off her betrothal necklace. She just took it off, like it was nothing. Katara had probably worked on that for months, and Azula just took it off—
She met his eyes, handed him her bag, and said, "Keep these safe for me."
He had to be the good guy, the best friend, despite being dismissed and turned away. Of course she didn't want help; she was Azula. He'd basically been used as a courier service. If she didn't want his help then so be it.
He left her there.
Aang ignored his pangs of worry and guilt for some of his journey back. And then he really thought about the situation he'd left her in. She told him to go, but that was before he'd had a chance to say anything about the dragons. Azula couldn't firebend. She didn't know about the booby traps or the Sun Warriors or what the dragons really wanted. She'd never learned the dancing dragon form. He'd left her on that island and she couldn't… The Sun Warriors would help her right? Crap. They'd wanted to kill Aang and Zuko. Aang had to stop Zuko from doing something stupid when they'd faced Ran and Shaw. Azula would never do the dancing dragon form. If she didn't, they'd eat her.
Aang yanked Appa around, and Appa groaned in protest. Aang hurried him on, despite Appa's sure exhaustion. If he didn't get there in time… The journey away from the island was short, but the journey back was horribly long. At least a day had passed since he'd left Azula there. Aang's fear sat in a ball of ice in his belly, and he broke out into a nervous sweat. He had hope though. He and Zuko had been on the island overnight before they'd seen Ran and Shaw.
When they landed on the beach again, Aang knew he was too late.
The beach was destroyed by what was clearly a firebending battle. A massive impression in the dunes betrayed a dragon had taken part. Oh, no no no no.
"Azula!" he shouted in terror. Aang used airbending to jet himself up the beach. "Azula!" he cried out again.
There was no Azula. There were no dragons. He searched the entire island from top to bottom frantically, and there were also no Sun Warriors. The temple looked half-destroyed, and he realized with growing horror that he'd killed Azula. He should have insisted he'd come or followed behind her in secret or warned her about everything.
Aang sank down on the beach and cried into his hands. He felt lightheaded from hyperventilating. He'd killed her because he'd been mad at Katara. Azula hadn't deserved that. He was the Avatar; he was supposed to help everyone, not just the people he liked. And Azula…she must have been eaten. That would be so horrifying, and he'd done it to her.
Momo chattered on his shoulder, but Aang couldn't even raise a hand to comfort his lemur. He staggered to his feet and dug a grave in the sand. For long minutes he held Azula's bag over the grave before he realized dully that firebenders were cremated. Aang pulled the bag back and stared at it. He could burn her things. Would that be enough?
And then he realized he had to tell Katara. Katara would want Azula's things.
Oh no…
In that moment of crushing shame and guilt, he wanted to die. He wanted to trade places with Azula just for that. He'd killed her, and Katara had lost her wife, and he was no better than Ozai. Zuko and Iroh and Ursa would be so upset. Why hadn't he just been the better man?
Aang didn't hurry Appa back. He didn't feel much of anything as he landed back at the town he'd been helping much later than he'd promised. He had to gather himself to figure out how he could tell Katara what he'd done. He couldn't sleep, his hand shook too much to shave, and words played in his head over and over: "I'm so sorry." His brain supplied lies about what had happened, but he knew he couldn't. He had to tell Katara the truth for everyone's sake. He wanted to go immediately, but Appa needed a few days of rest before they could make the trip to the South Pole. All the while, Aang only wanted to throw himself at Katara's feet and beg for forgiveness.
When he finally landed in the South Pole and witnessed Katara's quiet smile of greeting, Aang finally said the words he'd been rehearsing. "I'm so sorry, Katara." He held out Azula's betrothal necklace with tears in his eyes and waited for Katara's sorrow.
Katara's expression shifted and tightened."Sorry? For what?"
And then a voice he'd never expected to hear again said, "What were you going to say, Avatar? That you killed me? Or that I bullied you into leaving me on that island? What a pleasure to see you again. How is the beautiful Lady Fafa?"
Azula was stood only a few meters away, and she was wearing a parka. She was here. She was alive. He was so stunned by her presence that he couldn't find words at all.
Part of him wanted to fall to his knees and cry in relief. Part of him was in utter disbelief. Part of him didn't trust her at all. His mind played the reality of this over and over. He could hardly understand it. Unless Azula had… Had she killed Ran and Shaw? In the back of his mind, he remembered Zuko's bitter words: 'Of course she did.' Did she know what she'd done?
"Azula," Katara said sharply. Azula ignored her and opened one hand. "I would like my belongings returned."
"I thought you were dead," he admitted, his voice shaking.
"Dead?" Katara echoed in abrupt anger.
"Then…you can bend," he heard himself say from far away.
He'd mourned her. He'd dug her a grave. He was going to tell Katara the truth about what had happened, and she was already here. And after feeling like absolute crap for almost a week, Aang's swing in emotion went to anger. He was defensive when Azula turned bare aggression on him and said, "Thanks to you. Or no thanks to you. No doubt the majority of the damage you witnessed on that island was from me."
No, not the dragons. Not the last dragons. "Ran and Shaw—"
"Dead," she said flatly.
Horror on top of horror. Did she know that she'd just destroyed a piece of the legacy of the Fire Nation? How ignorant was this woman who had so much and destroyed most of it? She would do the same thing to Katara if given the chance. "You don't deserve her!"
Azula sneered at him. It was like they were back in the war again with that look of poisonous pleasure she'd turned on Sokka when she'd talked about Suki. She said, "Yes, I'm sure. Clearly I'm the evil Fire Nation Princess, and I use Katara as my waterbending concubine. I must have seduced her, and I keep her as a trophy for my bed. She will never be allowed to leave the Fire Nation, and I will bear heirs from strong firebending Fire Nation noblemen while Katara serves me in the bedroom."
He was stunned that she would be so cruel to say that in front of Katara. Every one of his fears was confirmed.
"Is that what you really believe?" Azula continued. "For someone who touts Katara as much as you do, you don't seem to think she's good enough to be my wife."
He was really angry now. How dare she imply that—"That's not what I said!" He shouted out the thoughts that had been on his mind the entire trip to the Sun Warrior's island: "It took you ten years to come here! Ten years Katara waited for you to see her home and meet her family, and even though you made her wait that long she still married you! And you'll probably never come back here again!"
Azula didn't frown and she didn't rebuff him. Certainly Aang hadn't cowed her with that statement. Then she smiled so cruelly and said, "The pathetic thing to me, Avatar, is that you pine over a woman who would never have loved you even if I didn't exist."
Aang wasn't quite sure what happened next, but he was chasing Azula across the tundra. He wanted to hurt her just like she'd hurt him. He wanted to put her in her place. How dare she say that to him and make it sound like he was only doing this out of jealousy? He loved Katara, he wanted her to be happy, and Azula was never going to treat her right. Never!
She spun and punched fire at him, and he pushed it away with a breath of wind. Aang didn't know what he was doing as he yanked ice into his hands and shot it towards Azula.
She wrapped her fire around her. He was partly blinded by the intensity of her flame, and when his vision cleared, the darkness left behind wasn't from her fire. There was a dragon there, facing him, and it screamed.
A dragon in the South Pole.
He stopped and stared in disbelief. That dragon twisted its body and shot lightning at him.
Pure instinct made him draw it into his core and pass it away like water. As soon as he let it go, he realized where he'd directed it: to Azula.
He shrank into himself in terror even as the last bit of static dispersed from him. He'd just killed her, even more so than when he'd left her on the island. He had the chance to make it all right again, and now in his rage he'd just made a choice that terrified him.
He thought he was better than this. He thought he wasn't ruled by his anger.
Oblivious to his internal struggle, Azula simply caught the lightning and sent it away.
She could redirect lightning.
All of Aang's worry was once again wasted. What redoubled was anger in its stead. Why did he waste guilt on this awful woman? Why could she do everything right? He launched an earthbending attack at her as the dragon flew away, and she simply dodged and kicked a whip of flame at him.
Azula's sheer power took him off guard. Aang staggered only to get blasted with another push, and another. Aang found himself on his back. How had this happened? She hadn't been able to firebend since the war, and after only a few days firebending again, she'd thrown him to the ground?! He was better than this, but he hadn't expected her strength. Now she showed him up once again.
She grinned as she looked at him. Aang knew what that evil look meant: Azula was going to try to kill him. He yanked the ice and earth around him, and in the rush of what happened next he took the Avatar state in self-defense.
He sensed Katara was approaching, but when he ascended to the air, all Aang saw was the damage Azula had done to the tundra. For some reason she hadn't killed him, but she could have. That kind of threat had to be stopped. He had no second thoughts as he decided what he would do next.
Her chest was warm through the soft wool against his thumb. This close, she radiated heat. Azula looked at him and fell to her knees. Maybe in another time, another place, he could find satisfaction by the fact she looked at him in terror. Maybe he would be horrified at himself. Right now he felt nothing. Aang reached out to touch her forehead and—
His hand wouldn't obey him. It jerked backwards, his wrist twisted, and his entire arm seized up. His body followed. It was a horrible sensation: the blood in his body didn't want to pump, and all of his muscles were bunched in a twisted cramping sensation. He'd felt this before, and he understood.
There was only one waterbender in the world who was strong enough to control him in the Avatar state. Katara was bloodbending him.
Aang didn't resist Katara as he replayed his memory of what had just happened. In his growing horror, he didn't even realize Katara had released him. He'd just… He'd just attacked Azula unprovoked, and he'd tried to strip her bending. Who was he? Who had he turned into?
There was no surviving this. Not when Katara pulled Azula into her arms, not when he realized Azula stopped her attack because Katara had told her to. He was the bad guy. He was in the wrong, despite his best intentions.
Aang was too shocked to even cry.
"Katara," he called. She just walked away from him.
This wasn't the person he was supposed to be. This wasn't what he'd meant to happen. Everyone would hate him for this, and they should. He felt empty and abused. The worst part was, this was all his own fault.
When Aang finally walked back to the village, the only person to greet him was Katara's grandmother. Gran Gran watched him for a long moment and turned her shoulder to him. He took her unspoken command to follow her.
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in big wooden building. This was new. It was comfortable and warm. All Aang wanted was to stir up the fire and step into it.
"We constructed this for their wedding," Gran Gran said quietly. "Do you know what Azula said to Katara?"
Aang owed it to the woman to meet her eyes as she continued.
"She said she was glad she'd lost the war if only to have the chance to be with Katara."
Somehow he felt even worse. After everything he'd assumed… Had he only seen what he wanted to see? Why did Azula tell him all those awful lies if she really loved Katara? Gran Gran placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You have to speak to them."
"I know," Aang said weakly.
"Stay here, Aang, and I'll bring them to you."
What could he say? What could he do? He remembered that frozen look of terror on Azula's face and felt like a monster.
When Azula and Katara walked into the building, he knew who he had to apologize to first. He bowed to Azula and apologized. He meant it with every fiber of his being. Then, in desperation, he asked, "Why do you keep making me angry on purpose?"
Azula met his eyes, finally without a sneer or scowl. "Because I hate being afraid, and I'm afraid of you."
It was maybe the last thing in the world he expected to hear. Katara's face opened in shock too. What was there to be afraid of? And then he remembered Azula's face as he hovered over her.
Azula confirmed her fear of his energy bending in her next statement. That she would chastise him for taking Ozai's bending away was oddly characteristic. After Ozai had tried to kill her, she still defended him. If she wanted Aang to apologize for taking Ozai's bending away, she was going to be disappointed. In his present frame of mind, Aang couldn't even think of any defense even though he and Zuko had long talks about the situation. He wouldn't lie, but he needed Azula to understand.
"I wouldn't change what I did to Ozai. I am, though, deeply sorry about what I tried to do to you. There's a time and a place for energybending, but that wasn't it."
She met his eyes evenly and said, "You should be. You put yourself in a situation that had two possible results: you would strip my bending, or you would be stripped of your own."
She'd known? How had she known?
Whatever expression was on his face apparently made her smile, but it wasn't a cruel smile. Azula still looked a little shaken. "Toph Bei Fong and I regularly correspond. She seems to think that if you attempt to energybend without a pure spirit, you lose everything. Earlier, when you fought me in anger and jealousy, was your heart pure?"
The word 'jealousy' was just too simple. What was the point trying to excuse what he did anyway? She was right. He hadn't been pure when he reached to take her bending away; he'd done it out of fear of her strength, maybe partly from all of the anger that had fueled him to strike out at her in the first place. Maybe it would have been fitting for Aang to lose his right to be the Avatar after what he'd done.
Aang dared to look at Katara as he said, "No. You could be right. Katara, thank you for stopping me."
Katara didn't look at him. He'd never seen her this angry. There was no fixing this. Not that he had any right to hope she would ever talk to him again, much less be his friend.
Azula caught his attention again. "You hold a power that is devastating and horrifying, Avatar Aang. You are not above reproach. You are not above our laws. I am bound to protect the people of my nation. And I can beat you."
Maybe she could. On the same hand, Aang couldn't assume that she would use her strength to kill him. What anger her arrogance provoked was overshadowed by his deep regret. She was right; he'd abused his power the moment he'd decided to strip her bending. Aang nodded to Azula to show her he respected her words. "Noted."
Aang looked back at Katara. He wanted to explain, but he wasn't sure he had the right to do that at all. "Please, Katara, I'm so sorry."
"You were my friend," Katara finally said. Her expression, her words, and her sadness made Aang feel ten centimeters tall again. She continued, "Why couldn't you just be happy for me? Is it that hard? Can't you just give up on me?!"
He had given up on her. He just wanted her to be happy. Aang realized he'd been so twisted up with his bitterness towards Azula that he'd been selfish in how he thought it could happen."I just want what's best for you, Katara."
"Azula is. She loves me. She's my wife, Aang. I love her, and I will always choose her. I can't forgive you for this. Not only did you leave her alone on a dangerous island, you didn't give her any information about what she would face. You used lightning against her, and you tried to energybend her!"
"I thought she was going to kill me!" he defended. "She said she killed the dragons, and all the things she's said about sleeping with other women and liking you for your body—"
"And you!" Katara turned her anger on Azula, who visibly flinched. "Stop it! I don't care if Aang makes you piss your pants; stop provoking him!" She turned back to Aang. "She calls me 'darling', sends my family gifts here, visited me when I asked her, will marry me back in the Fire Nation despite all the hassle because I want it. She's adopting Ana as her child. She loves me; she's lying to you to make you angry. Trust me. Would I ever tolerate all those things you say she's said?"
What a different picture than the one he'd imagined. And she was right. She'd wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. Katara raised her eyebrows when she saw his look of understanding. She abruptly pointed at him and turned that sharp look to Azula. "This man is the gentlest person I've ever known. He once nursed a baby cat owl to healthy by hand-feeding it for three weeks. He always offers help when he's asked, and he has never met a person he doesn't like. He's always been there for me, and all he wants if for everyone in this world to be safe and happy.
"I love you both so much, and it hurts me that you can't find a way to at least tolerate each other. Every fight, every lie, every time you insult each other, you're hurting me."
He was cowed. When Katara pointed at the rug and said, "Both of you sit down and hold hands", he obeyed. Azula took a second look, and she sat too. They stared at each others' hands for a moment before grasping each other.
This was awkward. Azula's palm was warm. She was radiated heat, and she slumped sideways to heave an unhappy sigh at their situation. Aang was too cowed to mimic her.
Katara just watched them for a moment. She put her hands on her hips. "Now talk to each other. I'm leaving. No one comes out of this hut for fifteen minutes. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Aang said.
As soon as Katara left, they let go and scooted away from each other. Aang was too embarrassed to speak. What would he say? Finally, Azula said, "I lie. I get angry and I lash out. So remember this truth even if I'm saying something else: Katara is unique. She's singular. There is no one else in this world like her, and I know how lucky I am that she's chosen me to share her life with. But I didn't steal her from you. She left you before she ever entertained the thought of being with me, and there's no one you can blame for that, not even yourself."
He had nothing to say to that, but he filed those words away. In his prejudice, he had allowed her to blind him to her true nature. Azula continued, "Katara is also the most forgiving person I know. I was her enemy…all of your enemies during the war, and yet now I'm her wife."
Was it another smart? "You don't have to rub it in."
Azula rolled her eyes at him and waved her hand. "Your lack of comprehension skills astounds me. Listen to what I mean, not the words I'm saying. I'm trying to tell you that if she can forgive me that, she can forgive you this. If she's making us sit together and hold hands, surely she means to forgive you."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Certainly not because I spare a thought towards you, especially after your pathetic attempts against me. But she loves you as her friend, and she won't forgive herself for all of this until she forgives you." She looked him in the eye as her face hardened. "Make no mistake, Aang. If you ever make an attempt on my life or my firebending again, I will feed you to my dragon."
His eyes widened, and he was momentarily diverted. He remembered her claim about killing Ran and Shaw. He hoped so much that she'd been lying about that too. "How did that happen? Where did it come from? And Ran and Shaw…?"
She gave an honest smile and was abruptly very beautiful. "Ran and Shaw's last surviving offspring. We did a little battle, and she's my dragon now. I never saw the other two."
Aang felt the pressure release from his chest. He owed her an explanation too. "So that was what I saw. I was so angry when I took you to the Sun Warrior's island. The betrothal necklace and then after I made the whole trip, you didn't want my help at all. I didn't think you'd actually be in danger, but... I made it all the way back to the Earth Kingdom, and then I realized I couldn't just leave you. So I went back. I thought you were dead—the beach was completely destroyed, and the Sun Warriors weren't there. I thought I'd killed you. I didn't know what to do. I went back to the Earth Kingdom to work for a few days, but I knew I'd have to tell Katara."
He said, "I feel so awful for what I did."
Azula did the last thing he expected: she laughed at him. "Get over yourself."
Azula rolled her eyes haughtily. "Shall we go over a list of your supposed sins? First, you took me to a place I asked you to take me to and you left me when I asked you to. If you wanted me dead you should have just dropped me over the ocean, and you certainly shouldn't have returned to the island in a fit of conscience.
"Then when I provoked your anger and nearly killed you, you tried to take my bending. And you failed at it all. The only thing that's worth feeling guilty over is your appalling performance. Don't make a career out of it; you would be a terrible antagonist. Take it from someone who was exceptional at filling that role." She lifted her nose and examined her fingernails haughtily then met his gaze more firmly. Aang stared at her, trying to figure out why she was excusing him. She made it sound like he hadn't done anything wrong.
She pinned him with her sudden stare. "You should note this. Give up on her; find someone else to love. I plan to spend the rest of my life convincing Katara she made the right choice when she chose me." She paused. "But in so doing, I could never stand in the way of you being her friend."
In a way, she was right. He had to give up on his idea for perfection for Katara, which until a few hours prior, had consisted of Katara not being with Azula. Oddly, Azula made him feel a lot better about the day. New hopes of finding a new friend snuck in, though he wouldn't push his luck that day. But Azula had vowed to make Katara happy and had forgive him on the same breath. "Thank you, Azula."
"You're not welcome," she sneered. Azula stood, looking so odd in her bulky parka pants and fitted wool shirt. Aang realized she was going to leave and pointed out, "It probably hasn't been fifteen minutes yet."
Azula glanced at the trunk in the corner before glancing back at him consideringly. "Do you play cards?"
A new perspective
The first place Aang went after he left the South Pole was Kyoshi Island. Sokka took one look at Aang and dropped a bottle of liquor on the table between them. Aang didn't usually drink, but this situation called for it as he haltingly told Sokka what had happened.
Maybe Sokka had the benefit of knowing Azula was fine from the start of the retelling, but he was pretty blasé about the whole thing. He laughed when Aang told him he thought Azula had been eaten. "You know what would have happened?"
It sounded like the start of a joke. Aang took the bottle from Sokka—clearly he'd had too much—who snatched it back. Sokka wagged his eyebrows with a grin until Aang prompted, "What?"
"She would have given it heartburn! Get it?"
It felt good to laugh, even if it was about that.
After Aang finished his entire story, Sokka asked him, "First: how are you not dead? Second: where is the second asshole Katara ripped you?"
And when most of the alcohol was gone, Sokka had slurred, "You know who's going to be in trouble for this? Me. Because I should have been the one to tell you what Katara wanted. I mean, I assumed you'd do your usual grand adventure, fast-friends act. But nope. At least you decided to try to kill—"
"I wasn't trying to kill her!" Aang protested. He was slurring too by now. The ground tilted in a funny way.
"—the one person in the world who can't actually can't be killed."
"You said 'can't' twice." It was funny enough to laugh at.
"It bears repeating," Sokka mumbled and then burst into laughter too.
They both had horrible hangovers in the morning, but that was okay. Aang felt like he could breathe again even with his head pounding and his stomach twisted up.
When Aang dropped by Gaoling to check on Toph—and make sure she hadn't killed her parents while she was there—he confessed to what had happened. He'd been afraid of her reaction because she seemed to honestly like Azula. Instead of lambasting Aang, Toph punched him in the shoulder and said, "She's one of three people who can actually write to me! You aren't allowed to kill those people."
"I wasn't trying to kill her," he said with a sigh.
Toph wrapped an arm around his shoulder for a painful hug. His spine popped, and he winced. She said, "Yeah, yeah, I figured. This is gonna be an awesome story someday."
Maybe someday. Not yet though. Sokka and Toph seemed to take this as just a new thing to rib him about. Toph laughed so hard she cried when Aang told her he dug a grave for Azula. Being the butt of a joke was a lot better than what he'd been afraid of.
When Aang made his trip to the Fire Nation for Azula's coronation, he felt a lot better about everything. He and Zuko had exchanged a few letters the last few weeks, and Zuko seemed more surprised than upset. When they met in person, Zuko shrugged off Aang's concerns. "Maybe it worked out the way it had to. If you'd been with her, how could you have helped? Azula has to do stuff for herself. I'm not so sure she can actually be killed, honestly. If anyone's to blame, she is."
Now Aang took a breath and squared his shoulders as he waited for the woman he'd come to see. It would serve him right if she refused to see him, but only a minute after he asked one of her servants to see her did she walk out into the hallway from her apartment.
Azula was a surprise yet again. She was still wearing her betrothal necklace. On top of that, she wore a casual robe and pants and was barefoot. Aang wasn't sure he'd ever seen her barefoot. The weirdest thing was she had lipstick smeared all over her mouth.
"Did you miss?" he ventured to ask as they walked down the palace hallway.
She raised a dark eyebrow in question. That expression was so much like Katara that Aang was startled.
"Your lipstick."
Azula raised a hand to her face and twisted her lips in irritation as she wiped her mouth with her palm. "Ana has an unfortunate fixation with my makeup."
Aang couldn't quite believe that Azula had let a little girl smear lipstick all over her, but it wasn't as weird a thought as it would have been just a month ago. Especially not now, knowing that she'd asked Sokka to help her and Katara have kids. Especially knowing that Azula had chosen to share the throne—Azula and Zuko sharing?—if only to be able to go to the South Pole with Katara every year.
How had he been so blind?
"Thanks for agreeing to talk with me."
Azula didn't respond.
"I have a few questions I was hoping you would answer."
"By all means," she said as they settled onto a table on a balcony. The lanterns that lit the balcony in the night flared blue momentarily. Was she showing off? A servant dropped off a teapot and two cups before Azula motioned the man away.
"How did you know how to redirect lightning?"
She shook her head vaguely. "I can lightningbend. It's inherent."
"Iroh said he had to study waterbending before he knew how," Aang pointed out.
Azula sipped her tea and cocked her head. "No wonder he thought he was doing me a favor when he offered to teach me." She regarded her cup. "This story doesn't go beyond you and me. You will not remark on Ozai in any way."
Aang nodded, uncertain about what he was about to hear.
"When I first tried to bend lightning, I held the energy in my chest but couldn't direct it. It went down, as it likes to do in those situations. My feet were burned and my heart palpitated irregularly for a few days. Ozai instructed me to lightningbend again before I left the training circle that day. I was too afraid the first few times I tried, and then I realized I wasn't going to be treated until I managed it."
She met his eyes. "So I calmed myself, bent lightning, and forced it where I wanted it to go."
That was awful. He hadn't even considered Ozai would do that to his favorite. Ozai's betrayal hadn't been that out of character then, which was just so sad. Aang opened his mouth and closed it when he remembered the terms.
"Ozai occasionally used lightning when we sparred. He never meant to hit me, but on one occasion, I was off balance from an earlier attack and wasn't able to dodge. I remembered as I took the energy into my chest the difference between letting it go through my feet and directing it elsewhere. So I directed it elsewhere."
"Just like that?" Aang asked quietly. He was a little in awe of her talent. He wondered if she would consider giving him a few firebending lessons.
"Just like that." Azula sipped her tea calmly, as if she hadn't just described one of the worst things Aang had ever heard. "What are your other questions?"
"What happened on the island? I'd like a little more detail."
"Zuko touched something when you went with him, didn't he?" After he nodded, she continued. "That something was an egg. He woke it up. It hatched and drove the other residents away. And then I encroached upon her territory…and as any feral dragon would, she wanted to kill me."
He felt an icy flush of panic at the thought. How had she survived? "How did you get your firebending back?"
"I took control of its fire and rediscovered my own."
A lot like her lightning redirection, wasn't it? Maybe Zuko was right about Azula being un-killable.
"How did you get back to the South Pole?"
"I swam," she said lightly. "And I happened to be picked up by a fisherman, one of the people who used to live on that island coincidentally."
Aang was both relieved that the Sun Warriors were okay and startled by the thought of Azula swimming in the ocean. The chances of her swimming near a boat in the middle of the northwest sea was next to nothing. This woman was insanely lucky. He wished Azula had just waited for him. "You met them?"
"Yes."
"Where were the other…um, Ran and Shaw? Did they say?"
She met his eyes when she responded. "Apparently in hiding, waiting for their aggressive offspring to leave their island. In any case, the people were willing to take me to an independent port nearby, and I caught a ride with a ship sent from the North Pole to the South Pole."
It still burned Aang up a little bit that Katara hadn't asked him for help. She'd written Sokka and Azula, but not him. He wouldn't have let his bitterness with Azula stand in the way of helping the Southern Water Tribe. Maybe if Katara had asked for his help all of this would have turned out a whole lot better…but what he'd done was his own fault, not Katara's. Azula played a role too, but she seemed to understand her part.
Aang sighed and shook his head. Maybe Zuko was right; maybe it had all worked out like it was supposed to. It didn't excuse his juvenile temper tantrum and especially not his attack in the South Pole, but he'd definitely learned his lesson. He had his limits, and he had to be careful about his temper just like everyone else. "I want to apologize again."
Azula rolled her eyes. "I already told you—"
"For the fact I never gave you a chance."
Azula's mouth twitched into a frown. She waved her hand airily. "No doubt the way you were informed about me didn't help your opinion of me."
He realized what she meant and blushed. So she knew about that awful exchange during his second stupid proposal to Katara. He felt a similar mortification and anger now that Azula had brought it up, but she'd just offered him an excuse. Aang admitted, "That was really embarrassing."
"I'm sure you were no more mortified than Katara." Azula spoke without a trace of scorn or sarcasm.
He hadn't expected that, and despite the irritation that Azula must know what Katara had said to him, Aang smiled. "Sokka asked me if Kyoshi started haunting my spiritual meditations." He had never answered Sokka's question, but now he offered, "Kyoshi just laughed at me."
"How awkward." Azula smirked as she said that.
She summed up being derided by his past life nicely.
"Tell me about it." Aang tapped his finger lightly on the table. "It wasn't about me wanting Katara, what I did. I gave up on her a long time ago. I assumed that you took her for granted. It made me really angry that she married you anyway. But I never meant to just leave you there."
"That's evident since you went back. And obviously I purposefully provoked your anger several times, including in the South Pole. Like with everything else, I'm quite good at that." She took a deep breath and released it. "I apolo—" She stopped, met his eyes, and said, "Aang, I'm sorry. For the anger I caused you and how that hurt Katara. I want you to keep your relationship with her. She needs you as a friend."
Aang felt his jaw drop. He nodded slowly, feeling odd respect for Azula for that frank apology. "I forgive you. Your part still doesn't excuse mine."
Azula cocked her head and studied him in the lamplight. "Regardless, I hope those fallacious beliefs have been banished."
"Fall…what?" It sounded a lot like 'phallic' so he was a little afraid to repeat the word.
She rolled her eyes. "Fallacious. Wrong, incorrect, faulty, false."
Why hadn't she just said wrong? Aang wasn't sure how to respond to that so he said, "I'd like to go to your coronation tomorrow to support you."
Azula's eyes met his for a long moment. Then she sighed as she leaned back in her chair. "I suppose that would be helpful, especially with the ambassadors. Ba Sing Se isn't pleased with my new title."
It wasn't like he'd expected her to say 'thank you'. Aang offered, "Bumi likes you though."
"I'm not sure the man is capable of disliking someone. We had an interesting conversation in Omashu."
Aang tried to imagine that conversation and flat out couldn't. Those two together were probably nuts. He wondered if they wrote each other. Azula stood up, and he hastened to follow. She glanced at him. "Come by to see Ana before you leave. She was upset you left so soon in the South Pole."
Okay, he couldn't be blamed after that statement. Aang blurted, "Can I hug you?"
Azula pinned him with a terrifying stare. "Try it and I'll castrate you."
"Come on. We always hug."
She curled her lip. "Who always hugs? Because you certainly don't mean me."
"Me and my friends." Aang offered a smile and opened his arms. He waggled his eyebrows.
Azula took a step backward and raised her hand in warning. "Don't you dare—"
Aang wrapped his arms around her. She was ramrod straight in his arms, and he actually heard her teeth grind. "See!" He grinned mischievously over her head. "Isn't this fun? I already feel better."
Azula actually looked a little rumpled when he let her go. She also looked like she was considering making good on her threat. Aang didn't give her the chance. He bounced off of the balcony with a wave. "See you tomorrow!"
"I liked you better when you hated me," he heard her say. Aang started whistling as he walked through the palace garden to check on Appa.
So he'd be ninety before Katara forgave him. So he'd turned into a pretty awful person for a little while and did some things that still shamed him. Right then Aang felt pretty good about himself anyway.
-end-