First and foremost, to the ones that have me on author alert due to the ongoing stories I have, I sincerely apologize for going missing. I have no excuses for being absent without a reason for so long. I will try my best to update both fics before July.
Spoiler warning: Season five. (but not really, just with mentions of Britt's lack thereof a diploma)
Knock knock.
The door swings open. "Brittany?" Maribel's eyes widen at the sight of the drenched blonde standing at her doorsteps. Brittany offers a weak smile as she greets the woman. "Mrs Lopez."
"Come in! You're going to get sick!" The older Latina says as she pulls Brittany into the house and close the door behind her.
Brittany hugs herself tightly to try to warm herself from the chill running through her body from walking in the rain. Clothes cling onto her body like a second skin. Raindrops trickle down her blonde locks and onto her face.
"Mami, who-"
Santana stops in her track as she meets Brittany's eyes. Brittany's expression brightens up at the sight of Santana but soon turn into panic when she notices Santana's furrowed brows.
Santana frowns as she takes in Brittany's disheveled appearance before turning on her heels and starts walking back into her room.
"Mija!" Maribel chides her child for giving her best friend the cold shoulders. She offers Brittany a sympathetic smile when she catches Brittany's eyes as she notices the way Brittany's eyes dulled after it sparkled at the sight of Santana.
Brittany is silently asking the older Latina for permission. Permission to enter their house because it seems as if Santana isn't pleased to see her. Maribel gives an assuring nod.
That nod is enough to make Brittany move from her spot. She removes her soaked sneakers and socks before walking into the house, towards Santana's room, the cold from being drenched already forgotten because Santana is the priority in her mind now.
The door to Santana's room isn't closed. Brittany takes a moment to collect herself. If Santana didn't want to see her, she will apologize for her unannounced visit and leave immediately.
She steps into the room and close the door behind her. "Santana, I-"
"Here." Santana shoves a pile of clothes into her hands. "You're going to catch a cold if you remain in those clothes."
The worry instantly dissipates within Brittany as a smile spread across her face. Santana isn't chasing her out. She holds onto the pile of clothes tightly. "I'll be quick."
Santana gives a nod. Her eyes lingers on Brittany as the blonde heads to the bathroom. She sighs and let a soft smile graze her features as she retrieve a bath towel from her drawers.
The door of the bathroom opens, catching Santana's attention. Without any hesitation, she crosses the distance between them and throw the towel around Brittany before raising the ends to tousle Brittany's hair dry.
Santana tries to avoid Brittany's stare as she works on drying the wet, blonde locks. She can practically feel Brittany's every exhale from their close proximity.
Brittany isn't feeling the cold anymore. She feels fuzzy - the good kind of fuzzy. The kind of fuzzy that only Santana could have made her feel. The kind of fuzzy that warms her from the inside. It is the feeling of being loved, and cared for. Her smile never falls as she watches Santana focus on drying her hair. She wouldn't mind getting caught in the rain again if that means that Santana will take care of her like how she is at the moment.
"You're being creepy, Britt." Santana comments, finally locking eyes with Brittany's cerulean blue, letting the nickname slip before she could even catch herself.
"Didn't bother you before." Brittany replies.
Santana looks away immediately, because she knows it's true. She used to enjoy the attention that Brittany would give her. She craved for it. But now... Now it just seems so wrong because Brittany isn't hers to call 'mine' anymore. Brittany left for MIT. She's smart and she deserves someone who is on the same level as her. Brittany doesn't need a college drop out like her.
"How's school?" Santana asks, trying to steer the conversation into safer territories, away from her feelings. Because it's better without feelings. They're threading on thin lines and Santana don't want to cross it. It's not fair for Brittany, not fair for her. It's taking all her willpower not to rest her hand on Brittany's cheeks and run her thumb over those light freckles that she was so familiar with.
"Not the same without you."
Brittany's answer forces Santana to look at her again. Santana swallows the lump in her throat, thinking there is deeper meaning behind Brittany's words.
"You weren't there to bring me around school on the first day. You weren't there to help me with my locker. You weren't there to get us the best seats in class."
"Britt-"
"And I couldn't grasp the pinky that guided me through the hallways for so many years." Brittany cuts Santana off. She needs to get it off her chest and let Santana know how important she is to her. "I was scared. I wanted so much to run away and call you just to hear your voice. But I know that I needed to get past that stage myself because I don't expect you to be by my side when you have your own life to live."
Santana's hands go slack by her sides. Brittany's hair is a mess after being tousled but Santana can't take her eyes off the blonde. "I'll always be there for you, Britt, you know it."
"I know. Which is why I didn't call because I know you would have dropped everything there just for me. I don't want you ending up in a lawsuit because the plate fell on some rich man's shoes and give his white button up a spaghetti massage." Brittany shrugs.
Santana chuckles. Brittany didn't lose the quirk that she adored at MIT. "They wouldn't. Because they know not to mess with someone from Lima Heights."
Brittany smiles. "I miss you."
Santana's jaw clenches before she forces out a smile.
The word 'miss' can't even express how Santana felt for the past few days. She felt lost. Dani was great, but she was a mere distraction. She's blonde, she's smart but she isn't Brittany, and never will be. She doesn't have Brittany's quirks, she doesn't have a mind that works like Brittany's, and she doesn't make her heart flutter with just a glance.
"Just so you know, I don't mind having you over but... why are you here, Britt?" Santana asks.
"Because I needed to see you, San." Brittany reaches up and cups Santana's cheek with her hand. Santana revels in the feeling, her eyes almost drooping close at the touch she missed so much.
So much for trying to convince herself that it's better without feelings.
"Britt..." Santana sighs out as she wraps her hand around Brittany's wrist and bring it down between them. A flash of hurt appears in Brittany's eyes at the motion but Santana is quick to slide her hand down and intertwine their fingers together before bringing it up and kissing Brittany's knuckles to assure her that it isn't what she thinks it is. The relationship between them is complicated, twisted and knotted, and Santana needs to know where they stand.
But Brittany doesn't see a need for it. They both know they need each other. Brittany needs Santana and she knows that Santana is the only person that understands her. The only person that knows what she means when she said, "I bet the duck's in the hat." People in MIT may be similar in intelligence but they have never completely understood her. Not even close.
Santana is afraid. Afraid that she's holding Brittany back, afraid that she will hurt Brittany once again. She wants so much to call Brittany hers again but she can't bring herself to do it. And to make things worse? She can't seem to find the words to make Brittany understand.
"You're my best friend."
"I don't want to be merely best friends." Brittany takes a step, closing the gap between them so they're flushed against each other. She looks straight into those caramel orbs she dropped into a free fall since sophomore year, trying to convey her feelings. "I want to be the one you think of every time you wake up, and before you go to sleep."
Santana shudders. "I do think of you, a lot actually." She confesses. "But I'm no good for you, Britt. You deserves someone that-"
"You can't make that decision for me, Santana. That decision is mine to make, and I choose you." Brittany rests her forehead against Santana's and sighs.
"You're a genius and I'm a college drop out. We're on different levels now."
"If I drop out of MIT now, I would be a college drop out as well. And I don't even have a high school diploma to back me up."
"Don't you dare, Brittany S. Pierce." Santana narrows her eyes, knowing that Brittany does things on impulse.
"It's not fair for me that you're making all the decision. You never asked how I felt, what I want. You're being selfish, Santana Lopez."
Santana pulls away from Brittany, wincing slightly at her words but Brittany is quick to lock her hands around Santana's waist so she can't move far. "That's why I told you, you deserves someone better. I'm a selfish bitch that doesn't care about anybody."
"Lies." Brittany holds her ground. "You care about me, care about Rachel and Kurt even though you deny it, care about so many other people."
"I can't give you what you need, Brittany. I'm... I have a lot of baggage."
"Then I'll go on the vacation with you. You have my clothes with you, so I should help you with it as well."
"Britt..."
"Stop being so selfless for once and be selfish. I know I said you're selfish but you were just trying to be the bigger person. I don't want you to be the bigger person. I just want you. All of you. The good and the bad, the right and the wrongs. Because those are what makes you, you." Brittany pulls Santana closer. Her eyes flicker down to Santana's lips, causing Santana to stick out her tongue and wet her lips instinctively.
Brittany isn't the only one that's thinking of kissing the other party. Santana is trying not to ruin the moment between them by saying something that may cause Brittany to backtrack. Maybe she really is wrong. She don't know what Brittany is thinking, not since the distance put between them since she dated Sam.
"So I get to be selfish this time?" Santana whispers as she leans forward.
"Yes." Brittany closes the gap between them and sighs.
You are the best thing, that's ever been mine.