Another usual Saturday night like any other… Some people would be at parties living the night up. Some people would be out at the movies enjoying the newest flicks out in cinema. Well what I am doing this wonderful Saturday? I am caught in another endless fight with Angela. We had been fighting for weeks now. It was all falling into an unintended routine. Well unintended from my side…
Last week it was a fight over how I looked at another girl. Angela got blood red mad that I was supposedly "checking out" this blonde. The only reason I was checking her out was that she had toilet paper stuck on her skirt. I wanted to tell her, but I knew going up to the girl would only make things more "suspicious" for Angela. Then the week before that, she was mad cause I was a 20 minutes late for our date. Why was I late? Jack had fallen down the stairs and broken his right leg. I wasn't about to leave my brother to lie at the bottom of staircase yelling in pain. I had explained this to Angela, but still she accused me of cheating; she still had this crazy idea even after she saw Jack in crutches. I had thought for sure that maybe she was drunk, or even high to not believe me. Sure I had lied to her before, but not something as big as my brother being injured and in the hospital. Everything was going just fine; I didn't know what lead us to hit this bumpy road in our relationship.
Over the course of the last 3 weeks I was definitely growing tired of hearing Angela's nagging or lectures about how I should come out clean that I am cheating on her. I yell back frustrated telling her there is no other girl. But no matter how loud or how long I yell, I just cant get it through her head. Now I was sitting here in my car on a "Makeout cliff" getting an earful of Angela's lecture. I didn't even do anything to make her start this time. I kept running my fingers through my hair, and letting out deep breaths, trying my best to not let this escalate into something worse.
When she would ask me if I was listening I was just nod. It felt like hours and hours went by, and she still wouldn't finish. "Shawn Patrick Hunter look at me when I am speaking to you!" The yell flowed right into my ear, possibly busting my poor ear drum. I sighed, "You sound like my freaking mother…" I mumbled. "Excuse me?" Yep, my ear was definitely injured this time. I glanced at her, her lips scrunched up, her jaw clenched down, and her breathing becoming scary fast. I mentally slapped myself. Shit. I started making the list of gifts I would pass by and buy on the way home; giant teddy bears, chocolates, jewelry… "Shawn what did you say?" she asked. The tension was rising in the air. My anxiety level was too. I was nervous, but not regretful at the same time? I did love Angela of course, and I always did the best to avoid fights at any cost. Even if it meant taking the blame and saying I was wrong for every fight. Sure it made me feel shitty, but I had gotten so use to it that I had become immune to it.
"Shawn Hunter, are you just going to sit there and ignore me? Or are you too busy thinking about some other girl? That's it, isn't it! You are cheating me! I knew it! You scumbag!" The whole paragraph of words spoke way too fast, taking it a few seconds for it to all sink in. "Wait, what? No! I-I'm not cheating! What the hell makes you assume that?" Her eyes turned into sharp vicious daggers that made me want to run to the hills. I hoped none of my fear would shine through my face. "Hmm let's review the past few weeks shall we? Okay so I catch you checking out other women, then you're late to our date and your excuse was that you supposedly had to take Jack to the hospital for his broken leg-" "I DID TAKE JACK TO THE HOSPITAL! DID YOU NOT SEE HIS CRUTCHES AND CAST LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO HIM?" She raised her finger and brought it only a few inches away from my face, "Don't you cut off me Hunter…" The venom her in tone was so saturated and overflowed. "And now you're obviously too busy to listen to me because you're surely fantasying about that whore you're being unfaithful with me!"
I was in a trance of shock. I was more shocked that I couldn't find the answer to this whole crazy new behavior of hers. It was all a twister of new emotions and actions that were new and raw. Never had Angela been this…this…insecure? I'm pretty sure I never gave her a reason to be. If I did, I was surely sorry. But I knew deep down I was absolutely innocent one being shadowed as the bad guy. That's how it seemed to me when Angela would go ahead and gossip about with the rest of her female friends. But my always loyal true friend Topanga knew exactly who to believe; and it sure wasn't Angela's over exaggerated stories.
"Angela, how many times do I have to say this...? I love YOU. Not someone else!" I hadn't noticed how emotional I gotten that I was beginning to tear up. It was the first time that had happened in a long time. I looked in disbelief as she rolled her eyes in disgust. "My ass Shawn" she spat. And that's when something in me snapped. Maybe it was nerve to my brain. Maybe it was half my brain. Or maybe it was the string that tied Angela's and mines hearts together.
I swallowed slowly the cries I wanted to let out. I knew it was no use to keep this conversation going, because it would just leave me no where. I turned the car on to life, and slowly drove us out of the parking space and back onto the road to Angela's house. I predicted that she guessed where we going, cause I could tell she was now calming down. Silence swam in the car between us. Neither of us spoke a single word. It was that or we just had used up all our vocabulary for the night that we had none left to use against each other. I was amazed I didn't slip into the same type of verbally abusive habit my father would use against my mother when they would bicker.
I winced, the images were so clear and precise as they played again in my head. I think it was the way I saw my mom's face saddened and full of tears was the only thing that kept me sane and that controlled me enough to not get down at Angela's level. Even though I was hurt, the last thing I would want to do was make her cry. If there was one thing I couldn't stand; it was seeing a girl cry. Even it was just some random chick on the street, or it was my mom, or if it was Topanga.
I tried to think of what Topanga or Cory would say if they were here right now. I knew Cory would try to give me some love dovey crap advice that to hang in there and that if we really loved each other, then that would be what would help us defeat these hard times. Topanga would be genuine and say to do what makes me happy, even if it meant ending this disastrous relationship. And that was possibly the answer to everything.
I glanced over to Angela, whose face was still in the same angered facial expression. She caught me staring and just rolled her eyes again. It felt almost like a punch to the face. I looked away and concentrated back on the road ahead of me. Angela wasn't the same. And I didn't know if I could deal with this knew Angela. She definitely was fond of me as the old was. I sighed, I knew things were never going to be the same as they use to be. No matter how much I wanted it to be.
Finally we had arrived to her house. I took my time to park, rewinding the events of tonight; hoping it would convince into doing the right thing. "Well…" I mumbled. I looked towards her, her face was less angry. But it was obvious that she was irritated. "Well what Shawn?" she snapped. I sighed, "Well what are we going to do about this?" I asked quietly. She looked confused, like if she didn't remember anything that had occurred during the past weeks. "What are you talking about?" I chewed on bottom lip nervously.
How could she not know what I was trying to point out? I guess there was no option but to be straight forward. "Angela do you honestly not know what I'm talking about?" I asked. She stared at me in silence for a while, till finally she shook her head in denial.
I wish she wouldn't have to make things harder than it already was. "Angela I'm talking about us fighting all the time. I mean do you really think we're going to last if we keep going down this same path every single day?" I noticed how she cringed as my voice boomed. I think I had lost my patience on the way, but I tried to regain enough to handle this. "Shawn the only problem in this relationship, is you." I wondered if my jaw had fallen to the floor like it happens in those cartoons. Maybe not all the way to the floor, but at least half way there…
Me? Did she really just say I was the problem? This whole time I had taken the blame, even though I was not wrong. But it looks like I did wrong by doing that, because it only led Angela to think she had the upper hand in this relationship.
"Oh really?" I asked. "Yes really Shawn. What do you think I'm the one to blame for the chaos that has been going on between us?" I really wished we were some television show, so I could replay the episodes of horror that has been going on the past weeks. At least that way she wouldn't have an excuse to get out of that one.
But then again maybe she would come up with some wacky idea that it was her evil twin sister. Or it was some mechanical robot invented by me to make her apologize for something she didn't do. Which would impossible because I'm sure that never in a million years would my tiny bubble brain would be able to make that happen.
"Angela, I don't know if you've noticed or not. But this whole time you've wigging out over nothing!" I said in a slightly unintentional humorous tone. "Shawn Hunter I have not been wigging out for no reason! I have been wigging out because we both know you are cheating on me!" She responded in a whiney tone. It almost made her sound like a little kid on the edge of tears when their parents don't let do what they want. "Angela I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU. What part of that do you not understand? The only girl I really ever talk to besides you is Topanga; and she and I are best friends!" She lips were formed into a tight smile.
It was her signature smile. It was the smile that she would always come out with when she didn't believe something. Lately I have been receiving it a lot from her. I let out another disappointed sigh. "Angela, what makes you think I am cheating on you?" I asked. She didn't bothering turning around to look at me when she spoke, "Shawn, I can just tell."
I really wondered if I she had gone looney or not. I shook the thought aside for the moment. I tried looking for any good reason for why Angela was acting the way she was. But as I hard as I tried, nothing could really excuse her for doing this to me. She had completely lost her trust in me. And most importantly I had lost my trust in her. I had trusted her enough to not break my heart, and sadly she did. And there was only one last thing I could…
"Angela if you can't trust me enough to know that I would never cheat on you, then I think we should end things here and now, before we become any more serious…" My eyes wanted to look at her, but I was too much of a coward. I could hear the disgusted laugh she let out. "I'm sure you would love that. Well don't let me get in the way between you and the bed of that whore you're with. And you know what, take this with you. I think she'll like it better than I did." I looked over to watch her yank off the necklace I got her on her birthday. I spent months of working overtime to finally afford that necklace I saw her fall in love with when we once went to the mall.
When she did ripped it off her neck, and let it fall onto the car seat. She opened the car door, got out, and slammed it with incredible force. I watched as she strutted herself inside. No final goodbyes… no final waves… or at least a glance…
I sat there in silence, feeling numb all over. So numb that I didn't feel the tears as they rolled down my face. All I could hear were the strings snapping and breaking. The strings that had held us together for so long and strong…