OK, this is my first attempt to write fanfiction. What am I suppose to write in here? Read and review? Sure, if you want to waste your time, please do.

Summary: Xander Harris makes unique Hellsing vampire, but only because he's a walking, talking, blood sucking fanfiction cliché. Children of the night, what music they make.

Timeline: In Buffy, before Xander misplaced his virginity. In Hellsing (Anime) before Helena dies.

This will be filled with clichés. When you are a bear with Very Little Brain, you tend to read too many Books and Things. And then, when you Write Things, you find that a Thing, which seemed very Uniquegish inside you, is quite a lot used Thing. Although they do eat your brains, Clichés aren't evil, without clichés we wouldn't have pop-culture.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or fantasy lands I'm using. No money is made.

Oh, I don't Think.. that I will explain anyThing. If you waste your time reading this Thingy, and parts of it raises questions... don't ask from me, I don't know any of the answers. I never do. I am not a Teacher or an Oracle.

Chapter One

As Xander opened his eyes, everything around him was formless and empty. He sat up and looked around him. There were candles in the sockets of the sconces, and waiting stillness was over everything. A bronze skinned woman laid upon the hospital bed in the corner of the room, she was surrounded by medical devices and bleeping machines.

"It was about time for you to wake up," A cold voice said.

Xander turned to look who had spoken. It was a small girl, she was smoking a huge cigar. "You are too young to be smoking," He said and scratched back of his head. "Not that smoking would be good for anyone,"

"What did you do for a living?" The girl asked, and her voice sent chills through his body. Her voice was too old for such a young girl.

"I'm a High School student," He answered with complete sincerity, he knew that he couldn't lie to the girl.

The girl nodded and took a drag from her cigar. "You WERE a High School student," The girl repeated his words.

He frowned. "Were?"

"You still are a student, but you are not a High School student anymore," The girl said. "You are my student now,"

He raised his eyebrow and looked at the girl. She was self-assured, and she took possession of the room in an all-pervading sort of way that made Xander feel very small and insignificant. The room itself suddenly seemed to shrink around her. "Um... yeah, I'm Xander, who are you?"

"You can call me Mistress,"

Xander chuckled. "No, you're too young to be Mistress, I am not a pedophile,"

"I am your Mistress, and there is no sexual meaning behind the title," She frowned. "Xander? Is that short for Alexander?"

"Yeah," Xander answered and looked around him, trying to find a way out from the room. There seemed not to be any doors or windows in it. Only walls filled with bookshelves, and it was furnished with old, antique furnitures. And, of course there still was the sleeping girl in the corner. "What is this place? Who are you? Who is she?"

"I am your Mistress, or Master if that suits you better. This is my dungeon," The girl turned to look at him, she had a blonde hair, plain little face, with a generous sprinkling of freckles on her inquisitive nose, with a sweet mouth and alert eyes that seemed to see to the bottom of his soul.

But, as sweet and innocent her face looked, the expression on her face was an expression of someone who had seen too much. "Be a realist, Alexander, my dear son. You no longer have the freedom, you belong to me now, sooner you accept that sooner you will get out from this room. At the moment I just want to get to know you," The girl said and put her cigar on a ashtray.

"Your son?"

"I prefer to think of myself as your mother. Other words that are used to describe this kind of relationship, are so... pompous and haughty," The girl sat with her small white hands folded on her lap, her eyes locked on his. Xander got uneasy under her stare and got up and crossed the room to the piano, where he sat fingering the keys, his back to the cold eyed girl.

"Come back, and sit down!" Commanded the girl saucily.

"Yes ma'am,"

The girl sighed. "I suppose that ma'am will do if you can't call me Mistress,"

Xander smiled. "Yes ma'am,"

"Good, now that is settled, tell me about you. You interest me," The girl had adopted an authoritative tone.

Next few hours, for the first time since he had been a kid, Xander found himself telling someone the truth about his life. The girl listened attentively, she never interrupted, only nodded on right places."That is enough for today," She finally said, got up, took a huge gun and pointed it at him.

Then she shot him once in the left shoulder, once in the right shoulder. Xander started to scream, but suddenly he snapped his mouth shut. "That kinda stings," He frowned. "It didn't actually hurt..."

The girl nodded. "Indeed, being shot does sting," She said and gallantly shot him through the head.

She went to the piano and played something in a listless, half-hearted way. She simply was not in the mood. "I am alive," the whisper stirred from the bed. Next the question came, "What am I?"

"A true vampire," She answered, still playing a sad tune.

"I'm a fucking vamp? A fucking soulless monster..." Xander said and stared at his hands. "Kill me... kill me..." The weeping Xander piped up.

"Undead and a monster, yes," She said and closed the lid of the piano. "Soulless, no. You are a midian, a true vampire, not a demon clad mockery that you are used to. It may be slightly tainted now, but you still have your soul,"

"Why don't you kill me, I will never be a blood sucking monster," Xander sobbed.

"I was afraid that you'd say that," She opened a humidor and took out a new cigar and lit it slowly and deliberately and looked at Xander sharply as she blew out the first puff of smoke. "I'm sorry to say this, but it isn't that easy for you to die now," She said, took the gun and shot him through his left lung. "And I'll keep shooting you," She continued as she shot him in the left elbow. "I don't have the time or patience to wait for you to come your senses and drink blood. Making you regenerate faster and faster makes your hunger grow, and," She pointed at the sleeping woman on the corner. "There's your food," Her voice echoed out as she disappeared into the wall.

Xander stood waiting silently, unmoving, then he started to sway from side to side as he stood there, trying not to pay attention to his hunger. Or the sweet smell of the woman, her heartbeat was steady, but particularly slow.

He resented himself, but at the same time could find no desire to kill himself. He shook his head, he'd resist his need as long as possible, and if it grew too much to resist... he had wooden furniture to use as a stake. He went to to bookshelves, picked up a random book, sat back down, and started to read to distract himself. When the girl came back, he had read several books. Most of the books were about vampires, but only few of them were as well-written as the one about Dracula. His story differed somewhat about what he'd seen in movies.

"I see you are doing your homework," The girl said. "I translated that book, original is written by himself, I wouldn't believe everything he writes. Wladislaus never had a reality-based image about himself,"

"He actually exists?"

"Yes, he exists, and he hunts his own kind now," The girl said. "I am pleased that those books interest you, most of them tell the story of our kind," She continued and pulled out a stake. "But you still haven't fed," She threw the stake, and it pierced Xander's heart.

He looked down, and when he saw the wooden stake he smiled as he fell on the floor. But after half of minute, when he rose up, his smile was gone. "What the.." He pulled the stake out from his heart and stared it. "Fuck?"

"I would prefer if you wouldn't swear," The girl sat down. "I said that you are not that easy to kill anymore. My bloodline can't change to bats, but we are about as hard to kill as Alucard," She sighed. "And starving yourself won't kill you either, you only hurt yourself and eventually you'll go mad," She glanced at the human woman. "But long before that you will drink from her,"

"No, I will not!"

"My darling boy, do not think for a second that you can resist it," The vampire girl said. "You will be here as long as it takes for you to accept what you are—"

"I'll never accept," He leaped on the girl, but she easily dodged his attack.

She disappeared into the shadows. "Do you want to keep her alive?"

"Yes!" He shouted.

The vampire girl appeared behind him. "Then, you have to learn how to take care of her body," She said and placed a bucket of water, sponge and medical supplies on the table. "Watch carefully how it is done, I will not show this twice. If you don't learn now she will die because she can't take care of herself,"

At the moment, all he needed was something to do, and taking care of the woman was something. Not much, but something. The vampire showed him how to change the woman's diapers, how to keep the life sustaining devices running, and how to feed her. And then she walked through the wall, leaving him alone with the woman.

As time went by visits of the vampire girl grew further apart, or so it felt for him, he had no way of measure the time. He found asylum from the books covering the walls of his dungeon and sometimes he read them aloud to the woman. When he had finished all of the books on the shelves, the vampire girl brought new books for him to read. Every time the vampire girl came back, he tried to attack her, but he never managed to touch her; it was almost like she was a ghost.

All Xander now had was the woman to take care of and books filled with stories about vampires. It took some time for him to realize that after the candles had burned out he was reading books in complete darkness. He wondered how was that possible, there should have been at least some light for eyes to see. His body withered, and he had started to look what he was; a reanimated dead body.

The vampire girl had stopped talking, she came in, gave books and medical supplies to him, and then he again was alone. Then, when he barely had the strength to move, the vampire girl again spoke. "Alexander, you amaze me, normally it takes decades for a vampire to gain such self control over his urges. You truly are a stubborn boy,"

"I said I will not feed on her," He muttered.

"You think that by keeping her alive you are doing a favor for her?" The girl said, there was a pause as the girl sat beside the woman and stroked her cheek. "There is not a lot left inside here," She said and pointed at the woman's forehead. "She is an empty shell, she literally is just a body filled with blood for you to consume," She looked at Xander. "Come here Alexander,"

Xander stood for a moment gazing at her, and then, mechanically he got up and went to them. As he sat on the other side of the woman, he smelled her blood, the vampire girl had made tiny cut into the woman's cheek. When the need to sink his fangs into the woman's veins came, he was on a verge of tears. "Do you have... some sort of power over me?"

The girl nodded. "Some sort, yes, but I prefer free will. Are you ready?"

"For what?"

The girl grabbed his bony hand, her grip was firm enough for it to hurt him. And after a few moments he found himself from blank, dark desert. Not a sound disturbed the quiet scene. However, a thin fog was drifting across the sky. On and on it came until finally it had blanketed the moon, casting a veil over the deserted landscape.

Suddenly the sky changed into a silver screen, playing short clips from the life of the woman, her childhood under a drunkard father, they were all too familiar scenes for Xander. The movie played until finally it stopped altogether. On the last clip her father pushed her out from the window.

"That was it?" Xander asked. "Her life,"

"Yes," The girl, who's ghastly figure had suddenly appeared beside him. She was still holding his hand, and for a moment they watched as the last scene repeated over and over again. "That was her life. So short, so filled with pain, and now there is only this," Girl motioned the dark desert around them. She then looked at him. "Sometimes death is a blessing,"

Xander nodded. "I know, believe me I know. But still... if I drink from her I become everything I despise,"

"It has to happen eventually, Alexander, you can not die. Drinking from her won't change you more than I already have changed you. Blame me, not your need to drink blood,"

He nodded with innocent guile. For some reason, he didn't despise the vampire girl, quite contrary; for a reason unknown even for himself he liked her. He looked the desert around him, the damned place was empty. He knew that it always had been. As long as the woman remembered she had been empty. Nobody had ever wanted to get to know her. Except her mildly psychotic and sadistic father. Mentally, Xander went through his own life, without Willow and Jesse he might have been as empty as the woman was.. "Can I stay here for a while?"

"You can't, not now. But eventually I can teach you how to enter human minds on your own. It is one of the gifts of my bloodline," The girl let go his hand, and they were back in the room.

Xander stared at her. "You drank my blood, didn't you?"

"Yes, to turn you I had to,"

"So... if I got it right, asking me to tell about my life... you already knew everything about me, didn't you?" He asked and looked at the woman on the bed. "And you chose her because of that,"

The girl nodded. "Yes. And Alexander, the clown mask you so eagerly kept is gone,"

Xander shrugged. "Kinda too late to joke this away. I'm dead, the clown died with my body,"

The girl stood up. "Oscar Wilde was right, man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth," She said as she merged with the shadows. "You have to find that joker mask again. If you don't, you will become as sad figure as I am. Alexander, let her go, release her,"

"What is her name?"

[You already know her name] The vampire girl's voice said inside his mind.

"Yeah, I do," Alexander said and gently stroked the cheek of the woman. "Eve... I am sorry," He leaned on her. "Not for this. I am sorry that I didn't see your pain sooner," He now prepared for the part he had been given; taking life of a young woman, he lifted her into his lap. He stared at her lifeless eyes for a moment, then he sank his fangs into her neck. And groaned, no blood was coming into his mouth. He took another try and again nothing happened.

"Goddammit!" He said after his third failed attempt, then he took the woman's hand and looked at her wrist. "Well, into that I SHOULD be able to hit,"

As he sunk his fangs into her wrist, a tremendous tide of power flowed into him, erupting from her veins into his body, instantly regenerating his withered body. He gasped as all-too-familiar pain shot through him; memories of her short, pain filled life filled his mind. It didn't last long, and as Eve's heart finally gave up he coveted more. He shook his head, and gently laid the body back on the bed and covered her face with the sheet.

After he had covered the body, his mistress, white and composed, appeared. She gave a stake and a sword to him. "You have to plunge the stake through her heart, or cut her head; otherwise she can't rest in peace. Her body will reanimate as a ghoul, as a mindless undead body,"

Alexander nodded. "She deserves to have her peace," He took the stake, placed it on Eve's chest and plunged it into her heart. Then his Mistress took the sword and cut the head off from the body. Alexander sat down, staring at his revived hands, he felt stronger than ever before. Then he looked at his Mistress. "I have to kill everyone I drink from?"

"Yes, but do not prepare your suicide yet, you don't have to kill to feed," She answered. "You can drink medical blood,"

Alexander's eyes widened. "I can?" He looked at the headless body. "And you made me kill her? You made me start from the killing?"

"For centuries that was the only way we could survive"

"You are a monster, you know?"

"Yes, I am. And if you think about escaping and going back to Hellmouth to help your friends... you will be one too," She reminded him. "But being a monster does not mean you have to act like one. What you did to her was merciful, an act of kindness,"

"If I go back to Sunnydale I'll become a monster?" Alexander asked, pushing his emotions aside.

"We are magical beasts, magic is what makes us what we are. And Hellmouth is a source of dark magic, it would taint you, your soul,"

"Shit, so I can't help my friends?"

"No, but I can, physically I can't go there but I have connections and... other means," She said. "And now your training begins, and the first thing to learn is how to hide your power. At the moment, I am hiding you, but I don't know how long I can keep hiding both of us,"

"Whatever," Alexander said as he wondered how had it happened. Not so long ago being turned to a vampire had been his biggest fear. And now he actually was willing to learn how to develop his skills, how to become as good of a monster as he could be... He frowned and decided that it was just a game.

"Yes, it is just a game you play," She said. "And you must learn how to hide, or the Hellsing organization will come after you. They have killed all my friends,"

"And are you sure I don't want to die?"

"No, I know you still have a death wish, but before I reveal you to the world I will train you. After that it is your choice. You can choose to do good, or you can choose to do evil,"

"Or I can choose to die,"

His mistress nodded. "Or you can choose to die. As I said, it is your choice,"

His basic training lasted a long time, as far as he could tell it took months, in which time he still was staying locked in the dungeon, but Helena had opened the wall between the rooms, so he had larger space to dwell upon. Most things she taught to him were easy to learn, the superhuman strength, speed and endurance. The regenerating from the injuries, even from the ones which would kill Angel, maybe even the Master, all those were already programmed into his body.

And then there was the tall, dark, bushy bearded human man, who scared Alexander more than Helena did. He scared Alexander so much that he never complained when he was around. The tall and dark trained him to use all kinds of weapons; guns, swords, axes, crossbows, even whip. And he kept shooting Alexander every time he failed. Still, all those things were easy to learn.

But what was hard for him to learn was things that defied everything he knew about the world; the magic. Vampires were magical creatures. Magic was part of him now, but so far he had not learned how to use it the way his Mistress did. During the training, he gradually started to gain his old personality back.

"It is time for you to come back to the world," His mistress said when he finally had learned how to hide his strength.

"O Master! My Master! Has my fearful trip been done?" Alexander asked, wiggling his brows, for months he had tried to get a laugh, or giggle, or even a small smile out from his Mistress.

And this time, when he quoted one of his Mistress favorite poets, for a fraction of a second it almost looked like the stone faced vampire girl would smile. "Oh, your fearful trip has just started. And I am glad that you are re-familiarizing with your inner clown, maybe it will prevent you to seek your death,"

"I don't want to die right now," Alexander said. "If I can do good... maybe it will be worth of becoming a monster," He frowned. "But if I'm ever going to visit my friends I have to get rid of this British accent and Gilesian vocabulary,"

"I am sure that Mr. Giles would be thrilled to hear that you use his name as a description of proper vocabulary. Mr. Giles is a good writer, I liked his doctoral thesis,"

A grim expression took over Alexander's face. "Speaking of G-man, how are things in Sunnyhell?"

"As I earlier mentioned; I have connections and other means to help them. Knowing that you would like me to help your friends I have kept my eye on them. All your friends are alive, but it has been sixteen months, so a lot has happened in their life. Two times I have helped them deal with Apocalyptic situations by planting an idea or information in the mind of Mr. Giles, and as you can see, the World still is here, so all is well in Sunnydale,"

"It's built on a Hellmouth, things will never be well in there," Alexander frowned. "They buried me, huh?"

"Indeed, and they had a gathering to honor your memory on an anniversary of your disappearance. I think they will make it an annual happening,"

Alexander nodded, and when they entered into his mistress penthouse he raised his brow. There was books everywhere. "You really do like your books, don't you?"

"Yes, they are my only reason to live,"

Alexander was quiet of a moment, and when he spoke again his words and sad tone surprised her. "Oh great, not even my vampire mother cares me enough to stay alive for me,"

"Your mother?" She asked. "That was the first time you called me as your mother,"

Alexander shrugged. "Yeah, dunno if it's a vampire thing or if I'm genuinely attached to you..." He smiled. "I think it is the latter... anyway, I kinda feel like you're my mother," He grinned. "A monster and not a very gentle mother, and kinda small one too, but still, past months you've been better mom for me than my real one ever was. You even helped my friends because you know I care about them,"

"You may call me Helena, or mother, which ever you prefer," She said, trying to mask her smile.

But Alexander noticed her smile, and he grinned victoriously. "What about mom?"

"That is not a proper way to address me. It is not respectful,"

He shrugged. "So, mother, what happens next?"

"Next we feed, then..." Helena frowned. "In recent months someone has developed a way to produce artificial vampires, and they are... bothersome. They are revealing us to the general public, and we can't have that. As much as I loathe Hellsing organization, they at least are keeping our existence as secret,"

"So you want me to go and kill vampires?"

"Yes," Helena said as she gave a bag of medical blood to him. "I have... borrowed some guns and ammo from Hellsing, that was why I was training you to use a gun,"

Alexander opened the blood bag and took a sip from it. "I figured there had to be a reason for that. So, shooting them into the heart or head will kill them?"

"They are blessed silver bullets, so it should kill them. If not, just plunge a stake through their hearts, most of our kind vampires die if you do that,"

She crossed the room, and brought a handgun and an assault rifle so big that it looked ridiculous in her small hand, and sat down next to him. She placed them on the table. "These belonged to members of the Hellsing team, I followed them and took guns and ammo from the dead or unconscious team members,"

Alexander gazed searchingly into Helena's face. "Are you sure you're okay about me going for a patrol?" He asked.

"No, I am not okay with it," She muttered. "But the only way for you to accept your... undead condition, is that you continue killing vampires and those creatures are vicious killers, they deserve to die,"

Alexander nodded. "So, where am I going to," He frowned. "And, by the way, where am I? I was underground, and there wasn't any indications about in what city I am,"

Helena placed a dossier and a map on the table. "Oh that, you are in London, United Kingdom"

With a sigh, he started to read the dossier. He wasn't from this country, but it was a time to start solving its undead problems.