Sometimes It Hurts Instead
"Her cheerios photo next to a rainbow heart. The word lesbian. Forever labeled, and about to be broadcast on television for all of Lima to see." one-shot. Mr. Schue's point of view on Santana during the events of the final scenes of 3x6, Mash Off.
The idea for this popped into my head while listening to the Rumor Has It/Someone Like you mashup and pretty much started writing itself. I've always wanted to get into the other characters' heads and know what they were thinking when it came to Santana's outing and her relationship with Brittany.
Enjoy.
"I haven't even told my parents yet."
From the moment Sue's office door slams forcefully behind Santana, Will realizes what a mistake he's made. What a mistake they've all made. They're educators. Their sole job at this school is to enrich their students with knowledge and keep them safe. He glares at Sue, who for once has the presence of mind to look ashamed and repentant.
When Sue had first called him into her office, he'd braced himself for an attack on his campaign with Burt; upon entering the room to find Burt looking troubled, he'd thought his suspicions were confirmed. But then came the campaign ad. Santana inside an accusatory looking red circle with a big blinking arrow pointing at her face. Her senior cheerios photo next to a rainbow heart. The word lesbian. Forever labeled, and about to be broadcast on television for all of Lima to see.
The fiery anger building in his chest is strong and unfamiliar. Sue did this. Her attacks on the glee club and Will and her dirty campaigning tactics against Burt and all the other candidates have finally had negative consequences… but not for her. No. Negative consequences for a student. For Santana Lopez who has spent her high school life so painfully in the closet, compensating for her repressed feelings with angry words and sarcasm. Nobody deserves this.
He knows yelling at Sue would just be useless and probably redundant. She looks remorseful enough, and probably dreading calling Santana in. When she sends Becky to find Santana, Will feels his stomach drop. What can they say? How can they prepare her for this?
When she enters the room, confusion clear on her face, his heart clenches. Her life is about to change. Right now she's happy and her mind is probably on their mash-off later this afternoon and it kills him that they have to do this to her. Santana shoots him a guarded glance as she sits in the chair across from Sue, furrowing her brow.
Sue begins to explain but he jumps in, not wanting to prolong the tension any longer. It's going to happen and stalling will just make everything worse. Santana's confusion grows as he informs her about the counselor he knows and Burt offers to talk to her family. When Sue mentions Santana's conversation with Finn, he watches realization and then panic replace the look on her face. She knows.
He cringes as Burt presses play. He doesn't want to watch again. Will tears his eyes from the screen and sees Santana, the panic on her face morphing into fear and disbelief. Hearing the words from the ad and watching the emotions play across her face is devastating. He can't even begin to imagine what she's thinking right now. Two soft sobs escape her chest as the commercial ends and she catches her breath enough to express her shock and then turn on Sue after her apology.
When she leaves, the room is so silent they can hear her footfalls and sobs echoing down the hallway. He shares a look with Burt, but what can they do?
x x x
Sitting in silence in the auditorium, Will doesn't expect her to be there. But when the lights come up on the Troubletones, there she is; her fluid movements merging perfectly with those from her fellow group members, her strong voice melding with theirs as they back Mercedes.
There's a pause in the song and he notices the two girls share a glance. Santana may be used to concealing her emotions but every single one is showing on her face up on that stage. Mercedes purses her lips and takes a deep breath before continuing, Santana falling perfectly into sync beside her.
Then Santana steps forward, taking over and belting the lyrics. The emotion in her voice and the pain reflected on her face constricts Will's heart. She has always been a powerful singer, but Will knows that that slight waver in her notes and the feeling behind her words isn't done in emulation of the original version of the song. It's real. And it's excruciatingly painful. He can't help but think of all the things she must be thinking. The school, her parents… it's all about to come crashing down around her.
As Santana moves downstage, he finally notices Brittany and the look of pure concern and empathy twisting her features as she watches Santana from her spot in the background. The blonde's clear blue eyes never leave her friend, following every dance step, each movement. As Santana falls back into place within the group, he sees the meaningful glance pass between the girls.
Suddenly, it clicks. Of course he's heard the jokes in glee club about Brittany and Santana but the two girls have always just laughed it off. But here, now… watching all the emotions Santana is releasing in her voice reflected directly on Brittany's face as she watches her… it's obvious. He thinks back to last year. The rumor from Brittany in the school paper about Santana 'playing for the other team' and her panicked reaction… the girls' secret meeting with Holly and their duet of Landslide. Those glances they were exchanging, the words they were singing… it all meant something. Means something. Now it's so obvious he wonders how he could have been so ignorant.
His apprehension is quelled a bit at the revelation that Santana has someone. He doesn't know the specifics of their relationship, but if the concern on Brittany's face is any indication, she cares about Santana deeply. He continues watching the looks pass between the girls and the constant struggle reflected on Santana's face. She's trying so hard to channel her emotions into the song to keep from breaking down. He can tell, and it's heartbreaking.
x x x
When the song ends and Santana jumps off the stage, he can hardly catch up. It all happens so fast; first she's yelling and the heads of every New Directions member whip around to face the action. He stands and calls her name because he can feel the tension escalating. Santana sounds on the verge of something; he's not sure what. Between Sue's office and everything and this altercation, he's never seen Santana express more emotion in the three years he's known her. Her voice is forceful but on the edge of breaking into tears, and he sees Brittany step forward anxiously from her place on the stage.
The slap is abrupt and unexpected, and the sudden silence and perfect acoustics of the theater allow the sharp sound to echo throughout the room.
The entire club watches as Santana pants with passion and exertion before turning and fleeing the room.
His eyes automatically move to Brittany, who jumps off the stage and sprints after Santana, shouting her name.
Once again, the room falls silent. Everyone is processing.
But Will can't help but feel a little pride and satisfaction at that slap.
Review please? Even just a couple words. It's my first time writing something other than ENL and I'd like to know what your thoughts are.