A.N: This was saved somewhere in my computer unfinished so i thought i could give it one more try. The song is also from My Sister's Keeper, a movie that makes me cry from start to end no matter how many times i watch it. (A little bit like Torchwood COE, Days 4 and 5 =D)
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing so I have no right to say what to do to Steven Moffat in next season:D
"Feels Like Home"
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
Her beautiful eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes with glimpses of gold. Her sweet, kind, young eyes. He had noticed the change in them long after he regenerated, while he argued with her about Sarah Jane. They were no longer the eyes of an innocent child but the eyes of a wise woman. Her feelings, her heart, her intends were still pure and she obviously wasn't aware of the oldness in her eyes. It was something that he had done to her. She had understood eventually that she was no longer the shop girl, but she never complained, never blamed him.
He loved her for that, even though he never told, he showed her that by stolen glimpses and grins, he showed that to her by hugging her. He never hugged anyone that close.
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
She always had talked to him kindly and softly even when she as shouting. He'd seen her before, pissed off shouting to some king or lord to release him. Only him. And he knew how scary she could be but never to him. He knew it very well that Rose Tyler could be much more scarier than her mother if she wanted to be.
The way she talked to him so caring, so loving, so human. He had wished she always talked, babbled like him even. Let him hear her voice because it is relaxing more than anything.
If you knew how lonely my life has been
He realized only realized after she started to talk to Tardis, how lonely he had been all those years. Always with someone but never really with anyone. They, in the end had never felt belonged.
But Rose, to her Tardis was home. And for him she was much more closer to him than his own family could ever been.
And how long I've been so alone
She was the one, after all those years he knew. He knew it better than anything. He knew it's not about species, genetic differences, IQ or even the different views of life they had. He always believed that being a time lord was a shared suffering. Rose had suffered because of him. He knows that she understood, in a way that nobody will ever be able to.
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
That was why he had asked her to come with her, twice only because she made him feel, feel something more than pain in his own agonizing hell.
And change my life the way you've done
She had changed him in ways that nobody ever could.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
When he was with her the loss of Gallifrey didn't hurt as much as it used to be. And it wasn't just about being numb, it meant that his hearts tasted a new feeling; love.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
She was there with him no matter how mean he had been, or how impossibly unreasonable the enemy was or how dangerous it could be to fight alongside him. She didn't care about death, it made him feel like she knew, she knew that he was scarier than death itself.
And the first time in his life, it had felt good.
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
But she had left, like every brilliant thing that has ever been to his life, like every perfect thing he had touched. She had drifted away like a leaf of a bloomed red rose, she'd gone with the wind he had created. She had left this world broken and possibly injured in a way that nobody could cure completely. He had shattered her heart in the process too.
And a siren wails in the night
Finding Donna again, after so many sleepless nights, he had felt at ease. Someone like Jackie Tyler but someone like Rose in so many ways.
Someone, who could take care of him.
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
She was always there somewhere in the corner of his eye though, she was always watching. That night he realized that, no matter how far away she was, she was always with him.
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Then again he reminded himself she wasn't there and Donna no matter how much she helped, sadly didn't feel like home.
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
Days had followed weeks and weeks had followed months. She had came back, of course she had, only to see him die infront of her eyes. But all that pain had worth to see her beautiful eyes again, to feel her touch, to taste her salty tears.
And how long I've waited for your touch
He inhaled her deep, flower like scent and he smiled. It was all he had ever asked for, the word was about the end and so damn selfishly he couldn't have cared less.
And if you knew how happy you are making me
He knew he had to survive, not regeneration but something even more amazingly impossible and rare than that. Special and unique like her. He had to be him, to make her no to make himself happy.
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
He knew that she would love her no matter what, his appearance or habits couldn't change that but he also knew that he couldn't make her see that again.
She was human, she had to right to love the same man from the start to end.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
Maybe it was the humanity that made him change his mind, no matter how much she loved him or how dearly much he loved her, all he could get was a coupe of sweet hugs. They were different species, no matter how big her heart was it was no match to two of them. No matter he had realized than how much she understood.
Of course he couldn't have blamed her, the fault was all his. He was such a coward.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
So he left her in a goddamn beach in Norway, across the universes with his not so him clone. All he could hope was the little telepathic link he had with both of them. All he could hope was his dreams.
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
And in his rare dreams, he found peace.
I now it was very short, but thanks for reading really...