Ok everyone, it's two in the morning. I decided to write a fic about how Tobi views the Akatsuki as his fake family. But eh, I decided to call it "Tobi's Crack Family". Also known as, "Tobi's Fake Family On Crack". =3
Well here it is at now 2:03 in the morning! Enjoy! =]
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or Blues Clues. =3
Wish I did though. =]
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It was a fairly normal day at the Akatsuki hideout. The sun was shining, Konan was making breakfast of waffles and eggs, Itachi was drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper, Tobi was happily watching Blue's Clues and playing with Deidara as he made little clay figurines of the characters, the other Akatsuki members were just waking up, and Orochimaru made his daily round to steal a waffle and egg before running off to eat them in his cardboard box house. (Yes, in this random fic at 2:00 in the morning, he owns a cardboard box house! Deal with it!) Leader walked in, gave Konan a small playful nudge, then grabbed his plate and sat at the table.
The smell of waffles wafted through the air and into Tobi's nose.
Tobi:"Yay! Mom-chan made waffles! Tobi likes waffles!"
Everyone stared at Tobi with open mouths as he obliviously got up, got his plate that consisted of three waffles and two eggs, and sat back down on the floor next to an open mouthed Deidara. Tobi stared back at his for a moment before grinning childishly behind his mask.
Tobi:"Deidara-sempai, did you want a bite of Tobi's waffles? Here, Tobi will let Sempai have a bite, but only ONE bite, ok?"
Tobi then shoved a fork load of waffle into Deidara's open mouth before nodding cutely and continuing to eat his waffles and eggs happily.
Kisame, Hidan, Sasori, Kakuzu, and the next door neighbor Bob all stared at Tobi as they had just woken up to find that Tobi had called Konan "Mom".
Zetsu appeared from nowhere out of the wall next to Bob, startling him.
Bob:"Holy crap-er-doodles, man! The 'effing wall is alive dude! It has a freaking face! It's totally ali-"
Was all Bob could manage to scream out before Zetsu opened his giant flytrap, or rather people trap, and ate him.
Hidan:"O...kay...then...What the hell Zetsu! You f*ckin' just ate Bob! He was my best neighbor, damnit! Bob! Come back, Bob!"
The foul-mouthed nin slapped at Zetsu, who looked bored and attempted to throw up Bob's arm to get Hidan to shut up. He was, unfortunatly for Hidan, unsuccesful. Zetsu merely shrugged.
Zetsu's Dark Side:"Ok, ok! I tried you crazy ass! I can't cough up his arm! Shut the hell up Hidan!"
While Hidan was crying over Bob again, Zetsu took his seat next to Itachi, apparently full, as Bob was a fairly large man. Sasori yawned and sat on the floor next to Deidara, who was chewing on his bite of waffle, still staring at Tobi. Kakuzu and Kisame stood and watched from a distance, neither very hungry. Tobi finished his breakfast and deposited his plate in the sink before announcing,
Tobi:"Thanks for the waffles mom-chan! Tobi was a good boy and put his plate in the sink!"
At this statement, everyone, once AGAIN, stared at Tobi for a breif second before deciding that he was utterly insane. Leader-sama dropped his fork, Itachi inwardly rolled his eyes, Konan blinked, Deidara FINALLY swallowed his bite of waffle, Hidan looked up from his crying, Zetsu coughed up a random piece of Bob and twitched slightly before throwing it over his shoulder, Kukuzu ran to poke the piece of Bob with a stick before muttering something about saving his precious money, Kisame patted Tobi's head sympathetically, and Sasori cleared his throat nervously. Eventually, it all ended with everyone staring at Tobi.
Tobi:"Why is everyone looking at Tobi? What did Tobi do?"
Konan:"Tobi...you do know I'm NOT your mother...right?"
Zetsu's White Half:"Yes Tobi, you and Konan have aren't related at all..."
Tobi thought about this before answering enthusiastically.
Tobi:"Konan-chan isn't Tobi's real mom. She is Tobi's fake mom. Everyone in the Akatsuki is Tobi's fake family! Leader-sama is Tobi's dad. Sasori-san, Deidara-sempai, and Kisame-san are Tobi's fake brothers, Zetsu-san, Hidan, and Kakuzu are Tobi's fake uncles, and Itachi-san is Tobi's fake cousin!"
Tobi finished this with a large, animated inhale since he did not breathe throuhgout his entire speech about his fake family. (Or should I say, crack family...=3)
Leader stood up and started walking towards his room. He slammed the door behind him. A muffled, "THIS IS NOT A DAYCARE!!!" could be heard being screamed from behind said slammed door. Konan sighed as she patted Tobi on his head, gave him a peanut butter cookie, and rushed after Leader into his room. She knew how his blood pressure could get.
Tobi nibbled at his cookie while Kisame shook his head.
Kisame:"This is one hell of a dysfuntional family!"
If they even WERE a family. Hidan broke the silence as he let out a shriek and rushed over to the discarded piece of Bob, which happened to be his big toe. He craddled it lovingly before running off into his room, sobbing something about sacrifice.
Sasori began to play in Deidara's woman hair, while Kakuzu poured himself a cup of coffee, earning a hiss from Itachi.
Tobi:"Kisame-san, what does 'dysfunctional' mean?"
Kisame:"Hmm...it mean like...it's not normal. Or completely out of the ordinary. Like ah...someone on crack! That's it!"
Tobi:"Oh I see! Kisame-san thinks Tobi's fake family is on crack! Well if that's it then...then Tobi loves his fake family on crack!
The End
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Sweety Cat:Wasn't that story just lovely?
Tobi:Kitten-chan, When will Tobi get to say something?
Sweety Cat:You just did Tobi...
Tobi:Oh well, anyways, Kitten-chan wants lots and lotsa reviews! Tobi's asking very nicely! Oh, and Tobi loves his crack family!
Sweety Cat:Well you heard it from him folks! See ya later! I'm very proud that this is my first, though very short, finished story! Yay! Well in anycase, stay tuned for more Tobi adventures!
--Sweety Cat