So Happy Together
Author: Lilylovett
Disclaimer: "Faking It" the TV series © MTV and its related entities. All rights reserved. There is no profit, aside from satisfaction here.
Rating: K+
Summary: Farrah's point of view, watching Amy and Karma grow up.
Notes: This was totally inspired by the series "mother please be proud, father be forgiving" by possibilist. If you like Glee, please read it.
When Farrah holds her daughter for the first time, she finally understands what motherhood really means. Here is Amy Raudenfeld, perfect and alive and so, so tiny. Amy's cry sounds like the world turning, and Farrah has never really heard a more beautiful sound.
This will be the one thing Farrah knows she's done right.
Hank is letting tears fall generously, because he loves them both so much. He's rarely seen appearing this gentle and emotional, and Farrah enjoys being able to see his vulnerability from time to time. But in contrast, she is calm and tired after giving birth.
When Amy stops crying, she falls asleep in Farrah's arms for the first time.
The hospital's muted colors remind Farrah that they have their whole lives ahead of them—the three of them—together.
: :
When Amy is five, she loses so much. But she also gains more than Farrah could ever imagine.
Farrah gets a divorce from Hank, because he's never there anymore. Not physically or emotionally, and she desperately wants, needs, Amy to have a stable father figure. (Because her own father was kind of an asshole, and she spent her entire life trying to please the old man, never quite getting there.) Farrah will always be in love with Hank, but she knows that she can't stay with him if he doesn't feel the same way. He sees her as a partner and a good person and an even better mother, but nothing more.
Amy deserves everything, including a father that will be both present and proud of her. She's a beautiful and intelligent little girl and Farrah wants her to have the world.
Hank officially moves out.
Amy starts Kindergarten and every night at the dinner table she glares at Farrah, frowns at the empty chair where daddy used to sit, and doesn't stop until she's forced to eat something.
Farrah prompts her the same way every night: "how was your day, sweet pea?" And Amy always responds with the same, (far too deadpan for someone her age) "fine" until one day her eyes light up at the question.
"I made a friend today!" Amy is so excited and Farrah wants to cry, because she's been thinking for weeks that maybe divorcing Hank was the wrong decision. But Amy's eyes are bright and who ever this friend is, Farrah sends a quick prayer to God for bringing them to Amy.
"That's wonderful, honey! Who is it? Are they in your class?"
"No," Amy frowns at this, her eyebrows furrow in thought. "But she's in Mrs. Hanson's class. Her name is Karma. We met on the field trip today, because the whole Kindergarten class went."
Then Amy starts talking about how she wants a ball pit in her room for her birthday, and Farrah's not really sure how that connects to this new friend (or if it does), but she's thankful all the same. Because Amy isn't glaring at her over the mashed potatoes as if she's the worst mother in the world and it just finally, really feels like progress.
: :
The first time Farrah drops Amy off for a play date with the infamous Karma, she feels extremely conflicted. Because Lucas and Molly are nice but they're super out there and they remind Farrah of her boyfriend in college. He had long, curly hair and loved marijuana. (Her father told her to "break up with that damn hippie" so she did.)
But then Farrah meets Karma and her hesitancy toward the Ashcrofts immediately dissipates. She's the sweetest-looking girl, wearing a red dress with a ladybug print and a matching rose clip in her hair. Farrah tries to ignore the thought that she had always hoped to dress Amy this way.
What's even more striking is that Karma is so polite for a first grader.
"Hello, Mrs. Raudenfeld. My name is Karma," She smiles and Farrah bends down to shake her tiny hand.
"It's very nice to finally meet you, Karma."
"Amy is my best friend. Thank you very much for letting her play with me today."
And Farrah melts at that, because she knows that Amy doesn't usually play well with other girls. Amy likes roughhousing with boys and pulling hair and getting her hands dirty. But now, they're running off to Karma's bedroom to play dress up. Amy looked so incredibly happy, being pulled along by the other girl.
: :
When Amy is in second grade, Karma is finally in her homeroom class and she rejoices when she finds out. They become inseparable.
Farrah starts to see Karma as a second daughter, because she's always at their house. And Amy is so eager to spend time with Karma, she goes along with every activity Farrah can set up for their play dates.
There's one Saturday that Farrah cuts out paper crowns for them and buys jewels, glitter, and stickers so they can decorate them. She is a little confused at first when Karma starts decorating hers with food stickers and accenting it with blue and black markers. She's even more confused when Amy starts gluing pink squares and pouring gold glitter on hers.
When they're finished, Karma puts the crown she decorated on Amy's head and Amy puts hers on Karma's.
That makes a little more sense.
: :
One day, when Farrah asks Amy if she's ready to go meet up with her dad for the first time this month, Amy just says "no" and goes back to reading her Gregor the Overlander book. Amy is in fifth grade and she has started to read voraciously. Farrah thinks it might be due to Karma's influence, because they are constantly swapping books. Sometimes they even read Zen's books, despite that he's three grades above them.
"Why not, honey?"
"Don't feel like it." Amy replies nonchalantly. And this has never happened before. Amy loves her spending time with her dad, even if it happens sporadically. Hank will be in town, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week, and he'll spend time with his daughter. He takes her out to eat (and allows her to order food without vegetables), they go to the movies or somewhere else fun, and he always has some new present for her. Farrah knows all of this, so she doesn't understand Amy's sudden objection.
"I—okay. I'll get your father on the phone," Farrah starts. "Do you want to tell him yourself or should I?"
"You can."
Later that week, Amy tells Farrah that she did want to see her dad, but Karma hates seeing her so sad after he leaves. Then Amy is crying, upset that Karma doesn't like Hank. Karma said that he hurts more than helps by dropping in and out of her life. And Farrah doesn't respond to that, because she wants her daughter to have a good relationship with her father. She just holds Amy tight doesn't let go.
But Farrah is glad that Karma is so fiercely protective of Amy's heart. It's nice to know that they're both looking out for her.
: :
On the first day of middle school, Amy wears all black. She started listening to Green Day and wants to shop at Hot Topic. Farrah endures this phase, even buys her some clothes, because she wants Amy to be happy. And this loud, slightly inappropriate, rock music makes Amy bob her head and sing along.
Farrah feels slightly uncomfortable to learn that this style of dress has attracted an eighth grader, dressed equally as dark, and he asked her on a date.
"What did you say to him?" Farrah tries to act curious, but really she's concerned.
"I turned him down. He thinks AFI is better than MCR," Amy says this as if it's an obvious reason to reject someone. "And Karma said he was a creep. Zen knew him, and even though he's cool, he always asks out girls younger than him."
Throughout the year, Farrah hears of similar accounts. A boy tries to befriend Amy or "ask her out" (Lord knows that that means these days for sixth graders) and Karma will tell Amy not to say yes.
And so Amy never has a boyfriend. But she always has Karma.
While it relieves Farrah that her daughter won't grow up in that sense for a good while, she finds it disconcerting that Karma is so possessive. She says as much to Amy one day.
"Y'know, sweet pea, just because Karma doesn't approve of him, doesn't mean you have to say no."
"But mom. What's the point of hanging out with a guy if my best friend doesn't like him? She's my soul mate. We're gonna spend our lives together and buy houses next door. She has to tolerate my future husband." And Amy says this in a lighthearted way, but Farrah knows she's also (mostly) serious.
: :
In seventh grade, Amy does the antiquated, Home Economics flour-baby project. The only decorations she adds are two dots for eyes and a flat line for a mouth. Karma provides it with a knit hat, despite not being in the class at all.
Amy decides she never wants to give birth to a child, after she accidentally punctures the flour sack and loses ten points on the assignment for that. Instead, Amy decides that she'll adopt when she's completely settled down and ready. She wants to look into foster care adoption, partially because of Zen.
Farrah knows she's very different from Amy. They can be worlds apart sometimes, and it can be frustrating. But she loves that her daughter challenges her and challenges tradition. And it's sort of amazing to be a part of that.
: :
On one of the last days of eighth grade, Amy comes home and cries. She feels left behind, because Karma is officially dating her first boyfriend. Farrah comforts her, strokes her hair, tells her that it's going to be okay.
The next weekend, Karma is no longer dating said boy.
Farrah brings them popcorn while they watch Legally Blonde for what feels like the millionth time.
: :
In Amy's sophomore year of high school, Farrah is shocked to learn that Amy and Karma are the lesbian homecoming queens of Hester she's been asked to report.
And while Farrah has had gay friends, she's also been a woman of God for her entire life. She has attended church every Sunday since she was twelve, and she can't shake the lesson that homosexuality is a sin so easily. But she knows she's made a mistake when she tells Amy that she accepts her and then tries to deny that this is her daughter at the end of the report—all in the same breath.
But when Farrah thinks about it later that night, she isn't surprised.
The signs have always been there.
Because Amy looks at Karma like she's the sun itself. And Karma is always pulling Amy into hugs, holding her hand, ensuring that they're invading each other's personal space. (Which is really something, because as her mother, Farrah can barely get in a kiss on the forehead these days.)
Farrah promises to herself that she'll try harder to be more progressive and accept her daughter. She prays about it every day. She prays to understand. She prays to be supportive. She prays that Amy stays safe, because they're in Texas and Farrah knows what angry, conservative Christians are capable of.
But Farrah never asks God to change a single thing about her daughter, because Amy is still just as perfect as the day she was born.
Farrah continues to hope that Amy might be confused and change her mind. But she knows that this could very well be for real—she's seen Amy and Karma grow up.
Together.
: :
Farrah has been drifting from Amy, and she knows it.
But she's been so busy planning the wedding, spending time with Lauren, being romanced by Bruce, that she doesn't take enough time to say her prayers to God to help her accept Amy.
So when Amy dances at her wedding reception with Karma, Farrah feels her cheeks flame with embarrassment. Amy is just making things harder for her, and she's doing it out of anger.
Farrah grounds Amy, but she knows that's not right.
: :
Amy tells Farrah that she had just been faking it with Karma, but Reagan really is her girlfriend and high school is hard.
Farrah listens, and she sees Amy excited and happy about Reagan. (But also sad and distant about Karma.) Amy especially perks up when Farrah finally tells her the right things about trying to be better and accept her sexuality.
But she can't get out the inkling feeling that she's also seeing Amy, for the first time, completely heartbroken. And that is something Farrah can definitely relate to.
: :
Amy and Karma go on a college visit to the University of Texas, about an hour away.
When they come back together, exhausted, Farrah knows that Karma must've been the one driving the ancient Honda Civic that Amy inherited. The seat is pushed too far forward for someone as tall as Amy.
And Farrah wants to be mad, but she knows that Amy gets anxious if she's driving for too long.
: :
Amy is really beautiful in her white dress at graduation.
Farrah tries to not cry, but she absolutely fails, tears falling even when the speeches start.
And when Lauren walks across the stage,she squeezes Bruce's hand despite the fact that they're not married anymore. (In fact, Bruce is a good friend to have. He is still in love with his ex, too.) Bruce just hugs her when Amy goes on stage, because Farrah's practically sobbing now.
Amy looks so ready to take on the world: Perfect and lovely and alive.
And finally happy.
Farrah, Amy, Bruce, and Lauren join the Ashcrofts for a post-graduation lunch. It's a merry time.
Lauren and Zen argue about politics, while Bruce and Lucas try to act as referees. But Amy and Karma aren't contributing much to the conversation. Instead, they look as if they're having their own, silent conversation with just looks.
No one but Farrah notices the fact that Amy and Karma are holding hands under the table.