And his words struck right through his chest, pierced right through his serum-upgraded, super soldier chest. Because it was true. It was painfully true. What Tony had said was sadly true.
"Everything special about you came out of a bottle". This sentence mercilessly repeated in the soldier's head. He burrowed his brows deeper to hide the wince he thought he was about to reveal. A bottle, he thought. He'd like to think otherwise—that what Tony said was wrong. But generally, Tony was right. He was always right.
Tony had spat this indifferently, though Steve knew otherwise. He knew Tony was hurt too. Not from what he had just said, but from their previous little cat-fights.
Heck, they were both hurt; having continuously exchanging sour sasses at one another for the last few minutes.
/ "Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?" Steve had remembered the face he pulled on, plastered with disgust. He never thought he'd wear that expression on his own comrade.
"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." Tony had replied cooly, but he could've sworn he'd seen a speck of hurt in his face. A speck.
"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you." But Steve couldn't and wouldn't shut up. Soldiers never back down. "I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."
"I think I would just cut the wire." Steve grinned and looked away. Tony and witty remarks are never separable. He inwardly sighs and mentally notes that./
And the soldier was tired. He just wanted to lie down on his bed and bury his face on a soft pillow. To drown in his distorted memories of Bucky, Peggy and other senseless dreams. How he missed them so bad. But Tony wouldn't back down, he thought, he wouldn't. He inwardly sighed, pulled on his best soldier tone and replied. "Put on the suit. Let's have it out."
That was months ago. Months before Loki's plan to rule the earth.
Their team had successfully won the battle, although they caused mountainous damage. But it's a little (little for Tony) price to pay for saving the citizen's lives.
They were all living in Tony's crib now. His baby he'd like to call Stark Tower. Well, not really his baby. But only 88% of his baby because 12% belonged to Pepper.
Clint and Natasha were silently watching tv, leaning idly back on the couch. It was rare to see them so relaxed and free; behind their firm and stern expressions, they were just really chilling for now. No assassin missions for the week so far.
Thor was in Asgard, as of the moment. Their agreement was he to come to earth on special and dangerous missions. He could still drop by to visit though.
Bruce was tinkering on some circuit boards in his lab and Tony wrapped his arm around the 'man with issues' shoulders. "Hey there buddy," Tony grinned as he sipped on his morning coffee.
"Tony," Bruce sighed and lightly removed Tony's hanging arm away from his shoulders. "Don't you have something else to do?"
"Bruce, baby." The billionaire pouted and after seeing his buddy's frowning face thrown back at him, he dropped the act. "Okay, okay. Cranky Bruce. I get it. Alone time. Time alone with circuits. Sure, I'll leave now." He shrugged and walked towards the exit.
"You could try to talk to Steve." Bruce suggested and Tony froze. Now that you think of it, when was the last time they had talked? Pang, goes the guilt searing through his veins. "I don't see you guys talking anymore and—"
"Yeah, yeah. I know." Tony raised his hands up in a defensive stance. "I understand Dr. Banner. I'll go talk to him." He lightly gulped because he didn't know how to talk to the soldier. They weren't really comprendo at the moment.
"You'll both get through this." Bruce shrugged, sharing a weak smile and went back down to cutting the fray wires on the board.
"Thanks." No, really. Thanks, Bruce.
The billionaire knocked on his bedroom door and it creaked open. Steve quickly looked up from the book he was reading to the source of the sound. His tensed body relaxed as he saw a familiar face. "Hey Tony." He whispered and tucked his book away.
"Hey." Tony wore a small smile, went inside and closed the door behind him. "What're you reading there?"
"Really, Tony?" Steve lightly chuckled and patted on the space beside him. He was seated at the edge of the bed. "We don't talk for days and this is what you bring up?"
Tony frowned but still sat beside the soldier, where the latter had gestured for him to sit on. "What else would we talk about?"
"We could settle things."
"You know I'm bad at these kinds of things—talking—I don't do these things."
"I know. But,"
"And last time I checked, we were at the lab and—"
"Yes, Tony." Steve cut him off, looking directly at Tony's brown eyes. "I know."
Tony froze.
"We could try again." Steve murmured, his face telling a story of pain and worry. "I want to.."
"Want to…?" The philanthropist encouraged the soldier to continue. "Go on."
He sighed. "You know, try again. Talk to each other. Like what we used to. Except the bickering and other things."
They both sat in silence: Steve patiently waited for Tony's reply and the other just thinking what to say back.
Okay, Stark. it all comes to this. What do you really want? Do you want to go back to the days wherein you and Steve talked, where talking led to screaming then fighting? Where you one of you would try and start a conversation and it would just lead to slamming of the doors and walking away? Because, Stark, you know well how you solve everything. By running away. And with alcohol. You could drop everything and tell Steve: No. I don't want us to talk ever again.
"Tony?" The said man could have sworn he heard Steve whisper his name. But he could not tell. He continued to drown in his own thoughts.
Or you could be a coward and just run away. Again. Or do you want to go back to the days where'd you two both would never pass a day without fighting? 'Except the bickering and other things.'? Steve, I'm sorry but that's impossible. There will never be a day when we'd never fight. It's unfortunately inevitable. We will always fight.
"Tony, please."
We will always try to prove ourselves right.
"Tony." Steve put his hand on the billionaire's shoulder—and him not realizing that Steve had been calling his name all this time—was startled and jumped a bit.
"What? Oh, sorry. I didn't realize. I—"
"It's okay."
"What?" Tony frowned.
Steve drew back his hand and rest both hands on his lap. "It's okay if you don't want to—we could continue doing this,"
"Steve, no. Wait."
"If it's for the best, then I—"
"Steve, I was just thinking. Don't—"
"If you are better off ignoring me then so be it." Steve spoke clearly and looked at Tony straight in the eyes while saying it. "If it's better that way. If it's better for the both of us, then it's perfectly fine with me."
"Is it, Steve? Is it really fine?" Tony grunted inside because this will be the start of another fight. He was expecting Steve to burrow his brows and stare at him with intense murderous intent but nothing. In fact, he merely smiled. Which scared Tony to no end.
"Yes, I'm still here, aren't I?" For some reason, that just hit Tony right in the arc reactor. The other half of him wanted to wipe that stupid, soft, smug grin on his face. "The question is: is it for you, Tony?"
Cat's got Tony's tongue. Wait, make it Cap's got Tony's tongue. Was it fine for him? His eyes submerged in the sea of guilt and he looked away. Was it okay?
Steve's grin emerged to be victorious and so he stood up. He gestured the scientist to his door to leave. And Tony, weirdly enough, left the captain's room without a single word.
"I thought so." Steve muttered to himself as Tony walked down the hallway.
There were some good times too though. Tony had thought as he took a long swig of his scotch. He was in his lab, staring idly at the long-untouched hard drive disk on the desk. They had just been fighting more than actually talking so probably that's why he couldn't recall.
He closed his eyes to think. Delete the hyperbola formula for Iron Man's flight. Delete the circuitry and parts inside the disk in front of him. Delete this. Delete that.
There were these short times though. He shook Cap's hand before he and Bruce drove away after the battle. He had worked hand in hand with him in the battle itself. That relieved grin he had on his face when he had been shook awake from Hulk's screaming at his ear. A few times after he'd try and teach Steve about Wikipedia and Google. Why to never use Internet Explorer. Why buy Nutella and not other brands. Those small dinners and lunches where they would small chit-chat.
Some nights, they would just babble about their lives: Steve talking about Peggy, her beautiful face, Bucky, his best friend and Howard. And it would sting Tony to even hear his father's name but he'd let Steve continue. Tony would take about a little of his, Pepper and a few times Howard. Some nights, they would just sit side by side in the corner in silence. And thank whatever gods Tony believed in for their sharing and reflections that did not end horribly.
Short and brief. But it was good.
And no doubting it, he really liked Steve's idea. He really did. But it was just hard to do. But he really wanted to bring back those days.
But how?