A/N: Happy Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy everything!
Let it Snow Baby, Let it Reindeer
This Christmas, Quinn Fabray had a goal. It wasn't to make the freaking crazy nine-foot tall tree her dad dragged into the living room on Thanksgiving stand perfectly straight, because that was just impossible and would likely result in injury, and it definitely wasn't to stop stuffing her face with sugar cookies, because that was just a ridiculous concept that she couldn't wrap her mind around
She wasn't going to do her homework early, because procrastination is always the best way to go, of course, and she wasn't going to convince her mom that the sweater she had been knitting for Beth looked like a fuzzy, shapeless sock. With a polar bear on the front. Or a marshmallow.
No, Quinn's goal this wonderful Christmas morning was to get the one and only Rachel Berry to go on a date with her. One date, and then Quinn's charm and adorable baby would take care of the rest. Hopefully. Probably. Maybe.
She just needed a foot in the door.
That was the plan, so something was bound to go wrong. Really, it wasn't even a plan. It was a goal she'd set after opening presents and drinking cocoa with mountains of foam and thousands of fucking marshmallows that her mother managed to cram into the mugs, so obviously, Quinn had been out of her mind.
Except her desire to accomplish this damn goal only increased throughout the morning, as she watched Beth giggle with her new coloring books and dolls and piles of stuff that her parents had bought from Toys R Us months ago.
Quinn wanted a fluffy, giggly Rachel Berry for herself, so she would start with a date. Her plan: wing it at the Lima Community Center's Holiday Celebration.
This is how Quinn found herself standing outside in the cold on Christmas afternoon, trying to remember how best to build a fucking snowman so that she could enter this contest. Rachel's snowman would probably be a masterpiece, and Quinn wanted to keep her own embarrassment to a minimum.
But she'd risk it. The pay-off would be worth it.
"Santana!" she whispered loudly to the girl standing a few feet away. Well, not standing. Santana was actually crawling through the snow on her hands and knees picking up the Skittles Brittany had knocked over. Apparently they were going to be a snowman's mouth.
Except they were all disappearing into Brittany's mouth.
Santana looked up at her, and then at Beth, who was making a snow angel/monster/blob at Quinn's feet, gibbering unintelligibly in her puffy blue jacket.
"Q, you know your kid's eating the snow." Santana remarked.
Well, duh. It was like a never-ending free snowcone. Quinn would be funneling it into her mouth too if she wasn't watching Rachel out of the corner of eye and preparing to throw together a snowman when she had no idea what she was doing.
"Do you know how ridiculous you look?" Quinn asked. Santana finally stood up and handed the rescued Skittles to Brittany. They hadn't even been allowed to start building yet and half of their decorations had vanished. Right into somebody's stomach.
Apparently Santana chose to ignore Quinn's question.
"Tell me how to make a snowman." Quinn demanded quietly, watching her daughter wander around greeting their various friends in the snowy field. Or yard. Scrubby front yard of the community center.
Oh wait. Wait. Shit. She was going up to Rachel. Beth was gleefully toddling up to Rachel. Quinn was not prepared for this. This was not in the fucking plan. Her eyes widened and she fixed her gaze onto Santana, still waiting to learn how to build a damn snowman.
Santana was looking at her like she was crazy, but Quinn was watching Rachel kneeling in the snow to carry on what looked like a very engaging conversation with her toddler. Beth giggled, and Rachel hugged her and kissed her forehead, before physically turning her back around and pushing her in Quinn's direction.
Rachel winked at Quinn from across the yard. She fucking winked at her. That was not in the plan either.
"Uh, make some balls. And then stack them up." Santana stated.
Wait, what? What the hell was she talking about?
"Okay everybody, you have one hour to build your snowmen. Begin now!" The mayor proclaimed from his mini stage that Quinn was sure would collapse by the end of the day. It did every year. Why she was at this ridiculous event every year, she had no fucking idea. Why they kept using the same dangerous stage every year, she had no fucking idea.
Quinn saw Rachel snap into action, and decided to just do the same. Just copy Rachel. You can't go wrong.
"Q, you look like a dumbass. Pull yourself together." Santana remarked with a grunt, helping Brittany roll together a massive ball of snow. Quinn threw a carrot at them. A perfectly peeled and washed carrot. Apparently her mom believed snowmen needed properly prepared noses.
Quinn knelt down and grabbed Beth's hands, looking into excited mini-hazel eyes.
"Okay, baby, do you wanna help mommy with this?" she asked her daughter brightly.
Beth nodded excitedly and Quinn smiled.
"Alright, sweetie, you can make the head. You just get some snow, like this," Quinn made a snowball in her mittens and Beth frowned in concentration. "And then you put it on the floor and roll it around until it gets bigger. Okay?"
Beth nodded determinedly and plopped down on her butt to work on the head. Quinn brushed the hair out of her face fondly, and straightened up and looked around.
Well, Santana and Brittany's snowman body was the size of a fucking planet. The people on her other side seemed to be digging a hole. God knows why.
Rachel was working like an Energizer bunny, and her little snowman body sphere looked perfect.
Focus, Quinn. Focus.
Quinn set to work and made two lumpy spheres, stacking them on top of each other. No, her snowman wasn't ghetto. It just had character, man.
The head Beth made was twice the size of the middle sphere, but Quinn added it anyway. Her daughter was just too talented, the most talented child ever. She was so proud of her. Just look at that sphere.
Beth clapped at the sight of the lumpy, disproportionate snowman, and then added the Oreos Quinn had brought to use as buttons. Throw in a carrot nose, Twizzler mouth, marble eyes, and a Superman cape, and voila…a limbless, lumpy mass that might be interpreted as a snowman.
"Wow. That looks like shit." Santana said from behind Quinn. Quinn glanced over at hers and Brittany's snowman. It had no facial features. Or buttons. They had obviously all been eaten.
And it was fucking gigantic.
"Yours is right out of a freaking horror movie." Quinn stated, pulling Beth to her feet so she'd stop eating the snow.
Santana smirked at them. "That was the plan."
Pssht. Yeah right. Horror movie snowmen weren't planned, that's just how most turned out anyway. The couple next to her had put theirs in a hole, so it looked like it was being sucked into the center of the Earth. Sucked into the center of the Earth.
God, just creepy.
Quinn looked over at Rachel's, and holy mother of- that was a masterpiece. A true masterpiece. A perfectly rounded, top hat-sporting snowman decked out in pink fuzzy scarf, mittens, and hat straight from Rachel's closet. It was wonderful, and bound to win.
Except for Sam Evans's Star Wars work of art. It was like one of those tedious, detail-oriented snowmen Quinn saw on TV where she's like, 'yeah, I could totally do that if I was ever in a snowman building contest,' but now she's here, and…No. No way.
She loved it. But it could not win. She was all Rachel, all the way.
"Beth, honey." Quinn said quietly, squatting down to her daughter's level.
"Mommy!" Beth exclaimed, throwing her little arms around Quinn in a spontaneous hug. Quinn chuckled.
"Hey baby, will you do me a favor?"
Beth nodded vigorously. Quinn looked straight into her innocent little eyes. This was serious business, dude.
"Okay, you see Uncle Sammy over there?" Quinn pointed to Sam, who was taking pictures of his Obi Wan Kenobi freakishly awesome snowman. Beth nodded again, concentrating hard.
"Okay, good girl. I want you to run over there and roll the snowman over, okay? Just push the bottom ball, and then give Uncle Sammy a hug and tell him you love him. Can you do that?"
Oh God, she was a horrible person.
Beth bit her lip and processed that for a good minute. Quinn figured she'd get halfway to Sam, get distracted, and end up playing tag with a dog or something, but whatever. This was worth a try. Sam could always rebuild. And Rachel deserved a victory.
Beth finally nodded, and Quinn smiled and kissed her on the cheek, before patting her on her butt as she took off at a toddler-stilted run towards Sam. Quinn didn't even watch the destruction, just bit her lip and helped Brittany dig Finn out of the snow cave he'd made that had collapsed on him.
When she returned to her blobby Superman, she saw Rachel coming towards her, carrying a grinning and flushed Beth. Beth looked like she was singing. Quinn couldn't really tell if she was, because it was just a loud, unintelligible toddler language with a faint melody. Rachel, on the other hand, seemed to be singing along.
She knew all the fucking words.
"Quinn!" Rachel greeted brightly when she reached the Superman blob.
"Mommy!" Beth greeted at the same time. Then she turned and watched Rachel's face, as if she wanted to know what they were going to say next.
Quinn smiled at them, if only to conceal her inner panic. No, her daughter wasn't a tattle tale. Right? What would she say, 'my mommy made me knock over his snowman?' God, why did Quinn not think this damn plan through?
"You have quite the troublemaker." Rachel remarked, bouncing Beth up and down with a smile.
Quinn just nodded. But, she had to laugh when Beth grabbed Rachel's nose and held it.
"I wonder where she gets it." Rachel said with a knowing little smile that had Quinn's insides curling up into a little ball.
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Damn. Shit. Man. She fucking knows. She has to know. Look at that smile.
Quinn swallowed, trying to surreptitiously unravel her internal organs. "Puckerman, definitely." She said.
Rachel laughed and nodded, and then looked up at the stage when the mayor tapped on the microphone.
"Okay, everybody, let's quiet down." He said.
"Shhhhh." Beth said, covering Rachel's mouth with her tiny hand and then glaring at Quinn. Quinn could read her expression. Shut the hell up, mommy, I wanna hear Rachel win. Quinn couldn't blame her.
"In third place, we have Kurt Hummel's miniature snowman family."
God, fucking cheater. First he makes them tiny, like Beth's height, then he makes multiple just in case one isn't enough. Better watch out, Quinn might sic her daughter on him.
"In second place, Mr. and Mrs. Terry Jones."
Dude, what the hell? The terrifying "I'm being sucked into the middle of the earth" snowman won. This was crazy.
Rachel was smiling, not clapping because her hands were occupied by a grumpy-looking Beth, but there was definitely a look of mild horror behind that smile. Rachel turned her back to the snowman next to them and grinned at Quinn excitedly.
This actually was exciting. Quinn was surprised. Maybe it was the element of crime that she had introduced. Perfect way to spice up life.
"And in first place, our very own…Rachel Berry!"
Rachel almost dropped Quinn's baby. Beth was clapping and cheering her little heart out though, so she didn't seem to mind. Quinn grinned at Rachel's shock, and leaned in to take Beth. Rachel, in her victory-altered state of mind, obviously thought Quinn was going for…something else, and gave her a hug instead, beaming brightly.
She rushed up to the stage to accept her tiny trophy that had the marshmallow giant from Ghostbusters on it, for some fucking reason. Lima was just…Lima.
"Oh my God," Rachel said into the microphone. Nobody else had given a speech, but yeah, this was Rachel Berry. Rachel fucking Berry.
"I want to thank my dads for getting me the ingredients for Barbra's face."
The ingredients for Barbra's face. Okay, she named the snowman. Quinn had named hers too. It was Mr. Superlumpyblobman.
"And sweet little Beth for giving me the idea to use chocolate kisses for the mouth."
Quinn wasn't really surprised. Her daughter was a creative genius.
"And everyone in Lima of course, and Quinn. Thank you all!"
Wait, what was that last one? Was Quinn Fabray just mentioned in a Rachel Berry acceptance speech? Yes. Yes she was. But she tried to contain her excitement because Rachel Berry was now walking back towards her.
Winging it was totally working so far.
~oooooooooo~
It couldn't possibly be safe sledding down a hill that had a slope of like forty-five degrees. Or sixty. Hell it could be ninety for all the good that was going to come out of this.
With a toddler on her lap.
And an undetermined "sledding partner" sitting right behind her.
Quinn was trying to figure out how to rig the hill, or the sleds, so that Rachel would win. Or just so everybody else would crash.
Yeah, Quinn would alter geography for Rachel. It would be fucking hilarious. Unfortunately she didn't know how to do this, so she was looking for weak points on one of the plastic sleds when Rachel herself came bouncing over to her.
Following Beth, a tiny blue hand dragging a very willing Rachel along.
"Mommy!" Beth greeted, coming to a stop in front of Quinn. Rachel stood there with a smile on her face. Quinn tried to look like she hadn't been about to cheat in a sled race filled with elementary schoolers.
Plus her parents.
"Rachel's our partner." Beth stated. She looked completely serious. No room for argument.
Quinn glanced at Rachel with raised eyebrows. She had to make it seem like she wasn't too eager. None of this was part of any fucking plan, man.
"Beth asked me." Rachel explained, flushing slightly. "And I couldn't say no to that face."
Could anybody? God, it'd be like setting a puppy on fire.
"It'll be fun." Quinn said lightly. She watched Rachel's expression morph from hesitant to determined. Uh-oh. Rachel Berry with a goal.
Beth watched Rachel in awe as well, ready to listen to or do anything that might come out of Rachel's mouth. Quinn would be right beside her.
"Okay," Rachel started, moving closer and scooping up Beth so they were in a sort of huddle. "Everybody in this is in elementary school, except Brittany and Santana, Finn and his dog, and your parents, Quinn."
Quinn rolled her eyes. Fucking parents.
Rachel continued. "So, I think we should go by size. Have Beth in the front, then me, then you. When we first start out, we'll need to lean forward, but when we get about halfway down, lean back, and try to distribute your weight evenly."
Jesus, what had Quinn signed up for? No, what had Beth signed Quinn up for?
Quinn just went along with this. She wasn't going to be thinking about evenly distributing body weight when she was hurtling down this fucking cliff on a flimsy piece of plastic with her baby and the girl she liked.
Her goal right now had temporarily switched to survival without injury.
At the top of the hill, Quinn set the sled down in the line of bundled up kids, plus some of her ridiculous friends, and her even more ridiculous parents. Rachel got on in the middle of the sled with her legs stretched out forward and Beth settled between them. Quinn crouched down at the back, vibrating with anticipation.
Or fear for her life.
"Go!" The mayor yelled from behind her.
Quinn pushed the sled forward so it gained some momentum, then hopped on behind Rachel as they tipped over the edge down the hill. She wrapped her arms around Rachel and Beth, and found brunette hair in her mouth as Rachel's skull nearly knocked her teeth out.
God, lean fucking back. She told you, Quinn.
Quinn glanced around as they picked up speed. Holy shit, this hill was massive. Was it growing?
She watched her parents' sled hit the only tree in a ten mile radius, sending them toppling and laughing hysterically into the snow.
Santana seemed to be trying to steer her and Brittany's sled so that they could ram Finn. They ended up tipping it over and rolling another twenty feet down the hill as Finn shot by them, laughing his ass off.
He was the competition.
The sled reached what must be about a hundred miles per hour and Rachel started screaming like she was on fire. Quinn figured she'd lost all control and forgotten about the plans she'd made, only leaning back into Quinn because of sheer momentum now.
Like they were in a spaceship.
Quinn clutched tighter. She hoped Rachel had a good grip on her daughter. Rachel didn't seem to have a good grip on anything at the moment.
"RACHEL, LEAN FORWARD!" Quinn yelled into her ear. "WE NEED MORE SPEED! FINN'S GAINING ON US!"
Rachel stopped her screaming and leaned her body forward a little, and Quinn pressed into her back. They were so close. They would either propel themselves headfirst into the snow, or win.
Quinn was thinking of how you're supposed to loosen your muscles when you're in a car wreck, so that you don't break anything. Basically, what drunk people do. Quinn sort of wished she was drunk right now. Did the "go limp and roll" philosophy apply to out-of-control sled races?
The sled shot past the finish line at the bottom of the hill, in first place of course, and up a bump that jolted its occupants violently. Quinn was airborne when she realized Rachel's hair smelled like marshmallows. And when she realized she'd need to see a dentist or something because holy shit Rachel's skull was hard and she was pretty sure she could taste blood.
Rachel was screaming her fucking head off. You'd think they were being chased by murderers. Or barreling along at a hundred miles an hour on a sled built for people eight and under.
They finally made contact with the ground again, and then went skidding along the ice in the parking lot. Who the fuck planned this race? How were children supposed to deal with this?
Then again, nobody else seemed to be having these problems. They were just lacking a winning attitude, a go-getter mentality. Pssht, suckers. Coming to a halt slowly and happily at the bottom of the hill. Not risking their lives for this.
Quinn's sled was going fucking sideways on the ice now. That was dedication.
Quinn used all her strength to keep Rachel upright, and not spinning out into the middle of the parking lot. The same Rachel who was nearly becoming one with Beth, she was holding her so tightly. They were melding into one fluffy body.
And then a curb. Quinn braced herself, which basically involved squeezing Rachel and Beth, screaming her ass off, and shutting her eyes. Yeah, they were prepared for impact.
The sled hit the curb and halted abruptly.
Its occupants did not.
Quinn found herself about twenty feet away after she stopped fucking rolling. Rachel was next to her, with Beth still wrapped safely in her arms.
Quinn sat up hurriedly when she realized someone was making a noise. Like crying. And it was Rachel. She crawled over to her, realizing that she'd split her lip against Rachel's head sometime during that death-defying stunt, and sighed in relief when she saw that Rachel was laughing.
Beth seemed to be in shock. She had a smile frozen on her face, and was just staring at Rachel with wide eyes.
"Rachel." Quinn said with a smile, grabbing Rachel's shoulder and helping her sit up. "Are you okay?"
Rachel slowed her laughing and looked at Quinn with bright eyes. "We won!" she exclaimed. Then she reached out and brushed the crazy blonde hair out of Beth's eyes. "We won, baby!"
Beth kept grinning, but didn't say anything. She was probably unable to process things right now. Quinn knew she was having issues with it. Rachel's eyes suddenly zeroed in on her lip, and the excited smile was replaced with a worried frown.
"Oh my God, Quinn! You're bleeding! How did you do that?"
My face slammed into your head. Barreling down Everest with no control whatsoever.
"I think I bit it." Quinn replied, carefully running her tongue over her lip. Rachel watched transfixed.
Beth seemed to regain her senses all at once. "Rachel," she tugged on Rachel's jacket sleeve, but kept her eyes fixed on Quinn."
"Help mommy." She implored. Well aww, she cared. Quinn smiled at her reassuringly, but stopped when Beth looked horrified. She realized her teeth were probably coated in blood.
Mommy was a zombie.
Rachel started to stand up. "Don't worry baby, I'll help mommy." She said to Beth, holding her hand, and extending the other one for Quinn.
A small crowd of people was heading towards them, probably to give them a trophy and see if they were alright. Quinn could see her parents at the back pointing at her and laughing. She rolled her eyes and gestured at the community center building, where Rachel had started dragging her. They gave her thumbs up.
Yeah. You got this. Go fix that busted lip.
Once they were in the bathroom, Rachel filled up a plastic cup with water from the sink, and handed it to Quinn.
"Swish and spit." She said seriously.
"Swish and spit, mommy." Beth repeated, kicking her legs which dangled off the counter.
Quinn did as they said, because God, what would happen if she refused? She watched Rachel approach with a wet paper towel, and reach up for her lips. This was not in any fucking plan. Rachel Berry was about to touch her mouth. Quinn turned herself into a statue.
"Hold still." Rachel said, even though Quinn wasn't planning on moving an inch anytime soon.
"Hold still, mommy." Beth demanded.
Quinn blinked when Rachel touched the cut in her lip, but held her head totally still. God, look at those eyes. So big and brown and caring and…lovable. They just go on forever. Like huge pools of sunshine and smiles and-oh God they're looking.
Quinn flushed when Rachel smiled at her, letting her knuckles brush against Quinn's cheek. Yeah, Quinn was pretty sure she'd cleaned all the blood off her lip. Now Rachel was just torturing her or something. That, or Quinn was very close to fulfilling and exceeding a specific goal.
"Rachel," Beth started, massive grin on her chubby toddler face, "mommy needs you to kiss it better."
Wait. Wait, oh God. Oh my God.
Rachel's hand dropped at that, and she took a step back, turning crimson.
"You should kiss it better for mommy, baby." Rachel said shakily, picking Beth up so she was at Quinn's level, but not meeting Quinn's eyes. Quinn watched her, and absently stuck out her split lip for Beth to kiss. This was sort of disappointing.
Not the slobbery kiss from her baby girl. That was wonderful.
"Thank you, baby." Quinn said to her daughter with a warm smile. She glanced at Rachel. Yep. Why did she look like she was about to catch fire? Not even catch fire, just burst into flames.
Rachel didn't say anything as they left the bathroom, but she grabbed Quinn's arm as soon as they stepped outside and spun her around.
Right into the fucking graveyard of snowmen. Quinn tore her focus off the five-sphere snowman her parents had built, and looked into Rachel's nervous eyes.
Uh-oh. What's this? What's happening? Where the hell had her damn plan gone?
Rachel took a step closer and played with a button on Quinn's coat. Quinn tried not to fall over like one of these disastrous snowmen.
"Maybe I should kiss it better." Rachel said, staring at Quinn's lip. Quinn didn't say anything. She seemed to have lost her vocal abilities, so she just let her mouth drop open slightly.
Beth sat on the ground eating the snow and watching them with a happy grin. She looked satisfied. Mission accomplished, man. Baby's work is done.
Rachel took a step closer, and kept her eyes on Quinn's lip, until she leaned up and kissed her. Slowly. So slowly. And carefully, so she didn't cause any pain.
Quinn was about to pass out. She focused on breathing deeply, and wrapping one arm around Rachel's waist, and threading the other hand through her hair. She pulled back when Rachel's tongue hit the split in her lip, making it sting.
They both winced, but really, Quinn did not care at all. She could not care about anything less in that moment than the split in her lip. Rachel fucking Berry just kissed her.
Plans be damned. Rachel Berry just kissed her.
"Are you-are you doing anything tomorrow night?" Rachel asked softly, staring up into Quinn's eyes. Oh my God, what was happening? Quinn tried to make her face look less foolish and psychotic.
She probably wasn't successful, and Rachel just kept staring. God, she couldn't control her face.
Did she have plans tomorrow night? She really couldn't think straight. But whatever, you know, if she did…fuck that shit. Rachel Berry might be asking her out right now.
Quinn forced her body to shake her head haltingly. Rachel bit her lip and took one of Quinn's mittens in her hands, playing with the flaps shyly.
"Do you-do you want to come over? I was planning on having an end-of-2011 movie marathon…I mean most of them might suck, but…"
Quinn couldn't nod fast enough. Geez, don't snap your neck, woman. Really, Rachel Berry in a warm living room, with stupid movies and cocoa, blankets and cuddles. No question. Beth was nodding vigorously at her mommy as she funneled snow into her little mouth.
"I-yeah, sure, I would love to." Quinn said, biting her lip before realizing it caused fucking unbearable pain. Rachel's delighted smile turned into a wince, and she ran her fingers lightly just under Quinn's bottom lip.
Quinn stood stock still, and realized a small crowd was approaching with that fucking trophy. Wow, they really wanted to get rid of it didn't they.
Pssht, Quinn already had her trophy. Totally in the bag. Signed, sealed, delivered. No, she had not fulfilled her goal for the day. Rachel had usurped it, made it her own, and emerged victorious as always. With a sweet smile and shining brown eyes that were staring into Quinn's soul.
"I know you got your daughter to knock over Sam's snowman for me." Rachel said with a smirk. "And thank you for that." She leaned down and scooped Beth up into her arms, hugging her tightly. Quinn flushed. She had known Rachel knew. She knew it!
Somebody was speaking to her, but Quinn's mind was blocking them out, unable to process anything except Rachel, and, by extension, the little girl in Rachel's arms. She bit her lips again. God, fuck, stop doing that.
"Rachel, um, I think- I think I need you to kiss it better again." Jesus, seriously. That's the best you have?
Rachel grinned like she was about to start laughing, but leaned up anyway and kissed Quinn softly on the lips. It really did make the pain go away. It was probably all psychological. Quinn's brain just couldn't process pain when she was kissing Rachel Berry.
Quinn also didn't process the whooping coming from her parents, or the slew of swears spewing from Santana's mouth, or Brittany's hollering, or Finn's screaming like an excited girl, or the mayor setting the trophy at her feet and backing slowly away.
Don't interrupt the mating animals.
Quinn would call this a successful day. Definitely. Sometimes you just have to toss out your goals and let Rachel Berry take you by storm. There's no stopping it. No stopping what your body or your mind decides to do in response. Quinn had been lost for a while now.
Rachel's tongue swiped across the split in her lip again.
This was a wonderful Christmas.