Lucius Malloy, I Err Mean Malfoy. Crack Fic

"Get out the way, bitch!"

Lucius growled, pushing a small first year out of his way using his 'walking stick'.

"Draco, don't just stand there like your balls are tied, get the fuck behind me and copy my swag!" He said, pointing his cane in his son's direction.

"Yes, father." Came the short reply.

Lucius began to strut once more, hearing the quick beat of his son's steps not far behind him. His hair swished in the air, causing all the young, beautiful witches- and Ginny- to stop in their tracks and stare.

"Lucius, Lucius Malloy?"

Lucius stopped and turned like in the ballet to be knocked over by his own kid.

"Draco, you little shit!"

"Sir, you shoudn't talk down to your son like that... Draco is quite an excellent finder." Came a familiar voice.

"DRACO, YOU ARE NOT A JIGGLYPUFF!"

"Y-yes father..." This time his son sounded on the verge of tears.

Lucius looked up to see Slughorn standing directly infront of him.

"Oh... its you..." Lucius did not try to hide his displeasure.

"Yes! Mr. Malloy, it has been an awfully long while, right?"

"Malfoy. Meh names Malfoy. Get it right, bitch, I'm a motherfucking pimp now." Lucius spat through clenched teeth.

"Ah, yes, yes... I always knew you had it in you."

Lucius didn't even want to respond; he knew his ex-teacher was just trying to butter up his jellied biscuts.

"Father?"

Lucius turned once more to see his son standing back up and wiping his now dusty pants off with his palms.

"Where is mother?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know? You horny little fucker." Lucius smiled a smile that showed everyone he was being serious yet playful.

"I don't understand your theory, sir. I just know that she doesn't fancy being home alone..."

Lucius's smile turned upside down.

"Draco! Do not bring your mother into the conversation again!"

"B-But father I don't understand... Mother-"

"What the fuck did I just say! " Lucius yelled, raising his hand above his head. He saw that Draco knew he was going to smack him, so instead he made a loud, high pitched "Ooooowwaaaahhh!" and ninja kicked him in the gut after hissing like a snake.

"Umpf!" Draco moaned as he hit the floor.

"Lucius, wha..? What are you doing?"

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... He knew that voice better than he knew how many chipped teeth Bellatrix had.

"Cissa... I... was just showing our slave- I mean my dear, lovely prince how to defend against rabid Hufflepuffs that glitter in the sun!" He didn't know whether she would believe him or not... although he was quite the good story teller.

"EW! Those are the worst. I swear one of them keeps watching me sleep..."

He watched his wife kneel down next to Draco and help him up.

"Come dear, I'm having Dobby prepare us dinner for four tonight."

"Four? Why on earth four? I told you when you were pregnant it was okay to eat more... But face it, you're letting yourself go a bit dear..." He said, nodding as if completely sure he was right.

"Not for me! Bella is joining us tonight, and you better be on your best behaivor!"

He heard the threat in her voice and knew... she was legit.

This shit is legitly betaed. lol

~Moony